Shadowrun Returns (PC, iOS, Android)

Introduction

It’s 2054 and magic on Earth has woken up. Corporations have grown and acquired enough wealth to literally make them small countries. Cities sprawl into uncontrollably large steel blights, the barrens of which are rife and rampant with crime and gangs. Some humans have changed into elves, dwarves, orks, and trolls, reinvigorating racism in a whole new way. Most people are wage slaves who work for a corporation and make enough money to survive. Some people choose to be crack mercenaries who have taken to the shadows. These people are shadowrunners and you play one in Shadowrun Returns. Assemble your team, hone your skills, maybe get some cyberwear, and try to make some nuyen –the currency of the age– or die trying. Remember what they say, “Watch your back, shoot straight, conserve ammo, and never, EVER cut a deal with a dragon.”

History

Shadowrun Returns was designed by Harebrained Schemes, a team lead by Jordan Weisman, the creator of the original table-top system. Weisman was trying to return Shadowrun to its roots after Microsoft made an appalling first person shooter based on the universe. The game was funded by a Kickstarter campaign in 2012 gathering 1.8 million dollars in pledges. It could only actually had to be funded in this way because of a weird problem with its license where it couldn’t get publisher backing — copyrights are weird, man.

Shadowrun Returns was released on July 25th, 2013. It’s competition was Dota 2 (PC), Civilization V: Brave New World (PC), and Zeno Clash II (XBLA).

Experiences

At what point is it satisfying to “call something”? When is it clever to call something early and when is disappointing? I was super excited when I called the ending of Dead Man’s Trigger campaign even though it was minutes before the conclusion. I’m not sure if it was smugness for figuring it out, assuredness because the decisions I made panned out, or a little foolish because it was so obvious.

Gameplay

Shadowrun Returns is basically an investigative point and click adventure that suddenly breaks into tactical, cover-based, turn-based combat when shit gets real. The base campaign, “Dead Man’s Switch,” depicts you as a shadowrunner who’s old running mate seems to have been killed by an up and coming Seattle serial killer with 100,000 nuyen in it if you can capture the murderer.

The character creation is very robust. You can choose your meta-type (race as in human, dwarf, ork, etc.) and can choose an archetype (Shaman, Street Samurai, or Decker– which is slick cyberpunk lingo for a hacker who goes into the internet) or you can allocate your stat points manually to make some sort of weird hybrid. There are also a lot of character portraits for meta-types and the ability to upload your own character portrait. Character appearance customizations options are a little limited but I found a body and head that matched what I wanted my character to look like.

I’d say that it’s a pity they don’t let you play ghouls but there’s probably a mod for that.

The Gush

The music sounds like the best of the Genesis and Super Nintendo incarnations’ soundtracks and that’s a good thing — you might even make out a few dittys from the originals. The tunes match the fantasy post-cyberpunk atmosphere. Harebrained Schemes actually went as far to find the composers for those games and employ them to make the soundtrack for Shadowrun Returns.

Dead Man’s Trigger draws from the classic games and the expanded mythos. If you’ve played them or read some of the books then you might see some familiar faces. If you’re don’t know about any of that then don’t worry because all the characters are awesome even if you’re not in on the joke.

This game has got an absolutely wiz campaign creator mode. It’s got tons and tons of customization options for dialogue and decorations. There are so many campaigns out there and they’re pretty easy to install. Check them out, there’s certainly a mod out there for you.

This building would have been fine but all this stuff on it really adds flare.

The Kvetch

The save systems in this game is incredibly frustrating. You can only save in between runs. Even if you’re not in combat if you’re in a run then you’ve gotta finish it or leave the game on. I imagine a lot of people saying, “But Mom/significant other, I just gotta finish this before we can go.”

Each of the archetypes is pretty well balanced although Technomancers are not represented. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. But adepts are kind of all weaknesses. They’ve got magical passive abilities that just don’t stack up to the cyberwear of a Street Samurai. I brought an adept on a run and never made that mistake again. If you’re going to play an adept get ready for hard mode, or maybe I just don’t get them.

There were certain abilities that were clearly not useful. I gave my Troll Street Samurai –named Brutal because he certainly was– some charisma for laughs and this scored him some etiquettes which unlocked additional dialogue options. I took the Shadowrunner and Socialite etiquettes and I can’t tell you how many times it paid to be privy to shadowrunner social code. On the other hand I can’t tell you a single time it paid to be a socialite.

It seems like accuracy is oddly skewed. Every attack has a percentage chance of hitting and sometimes it seems like high percentages hit often, low percentages hit often, and middling percentages rarely hit. I’ve missed five times consecutively with an 87% chance of hitting and it was the most frustrating thing.

Verdict

The base campaign for Shadowrun Returns certainly justifies its 15 dollar price tag. It offers a fun and competent campaign in Dead Man’s Trigger despite its annoying aspects. I can totally recommend this game to anyone who likes a little cyberpunk in their life– oh man, now I’m just imagining this little cyborg with a mohawk and a leather jacket who lives on my shoulder or something and gives me advice that always leads me to fighting the power. What a little scamp.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is The Worst Racing Game I’ve Ever Played

I went into this game expecting a pulse-pounding, high speed, throbbing, innovative, foot race simulation game. The live action trailer depicted people running away from a dragon so I thought that’s what it was all about. What I got was a broken mess that didn’t support endurance marathons, short sprints, or racing of any kind.

The opening does a great job at cementing your roll as a runner who has room for improvement. You’re a border jumper from another province to Skyrim but you got caught. I think this shows well that you’re good at what you do but not good enough to outrun the long arm of the law… yet!

There’s all this pointless dialogue about Stormcloaks, the Empire, and other politics. I think a stronger opening scene would have been depicting your character during the border run but this is serviceable. I guess it’s necessary to talk about it in order explain why you’re going to be executed instead of imprisoned for the crime of jumping the border. You got caught up in this political conflict and it’s just safer for the Empire to kill you.

You’re taken to the execution grounds and it’s at this point you get to design your racer. You can choose from a bunch of different races but there isn’t a lot of differentiation. They’ve got very slightly different speeds but they all have the same braking and handling. Redguards are clearly the best though because they have an ability called Adrenaline Rush which increases their stamina regeneration immensely which allows them to run more. I appreciate it but there’s no reason not to play a Redguard.

With such customizable and different looking characters it’s a shame that Redguards are so immensely OP.

You’re taken to an execution block and it seems like things are over before they’ve begun but a dragon attack interrupts the headsman. You’re released from your bonds and can do what you do best, run. On your way out you can accept assistance from the Imperials or the Stormcloaks. I thought the Imperial armor was lighter and looked cooler so I went with them. You escape the burning village by running through some underground tunnels and when you emerge the world of Skyrim is your oyster.

Skyrim is such a pretty place that I do love just walking around in it.

It’s really difficult to race in this game though. There’s no interface supporting it. There’s no multiplayer and most NPCs don’t want to run with you. It’s also really strange that you initiate races with people by punching them in the face. Give them a slap and they’ll chase you to the ends of the earth.

Racers can use their weapons and even environmental monsters and hazards to slow you down or kill you. This makes armor a viable trade off. Take less damage but move more slowly. But this interesting trade is destroyed by another piece of design, the Steed Stone, which makes it so armor doesn’t slow you down.

If you want to play with your friends then you’ve got to find an accurate starting position, ending position, and then trust that they time things appropriately, aren’t using a horse, and don’t fast travel to the location. Mod support, like the dragonrider mod, also make it difficult to verify who actually won the race.

It makes a great spectacle but a terrible racing game. Dragon riding races sound interesting but there’s just no challenge to flying over all the mountains effortlessly.

 

The game also has a glitch that makes even Adrenaline Rush pointless. If you take out a torch and, start sprinting, then let go of the sprint button you’ll keep running even and will keep running even when you run out of stamina. It’s also a likely glitch to find because I imagine a lot of people would try to make the Olympic torch runner joke.

Horses never run out of stamina so they also trivialize the foot running concept, armored or otherwise they’re too fast.

Every step this game takes forward it takes two steps backward. Everything that’s interesting in this game is destroyed by another piece of design. I don’t know what Bethesda was trying to do but it certainly wasn’t to make a satisfying foot racing simulator. I can’t recommend this game to anyone because it utterly fails its mission.

 

 

FTL: Faster Than Light (PC and iOS)

Introduction

You are the captain of a ship in the Federation of Planets. The Federation is embroiled in a bitter war against a Rebel fleet that’s turned half the sector against the Federation. The Rebels have been able to best the Federation because it’s constantly able to harass its ships with drone ships that are cheap to produce and don’t require a crew. Your vessel is doing deep reconnaissance near the Rebels and intercept a data packet describing how the ships of the Rebel Fleet are dependent on its Flagship to function. Your goal is to outrun the Rebels and get this information to the Federation Headquarters. Unfortunately the Rebels are hot on your heels. Fly through asteroid fields, solar flaring suns, sensor-blocking nebulae, and many ships of various designs and ability that all want to turn your ship into scrap.

Well, it’s actually a strategy game but it’s the most sweat inducing strategy rogue-like that I’ve ever played.

History

FTL was developed by Subset games with Justin Ma and Mathew Davis leading design — and when I say leading I think I mean that they are Subset games. Inspired by board games like the Battlestar Galactica board game and others where the players have to tactically manage power. They wanted to create an experience where, “the player feel like they were Captain Picard yelling at engineers to get the shields back online.”

The game was primarily funded by a 200,000$ Kickstarter campaign. By that point Subset had created the bones of the game but it didn’t have music, the best writing, or run very well. This Kickstarter money ensured that it would have all of those things. It was one of the first Kickstarter funded games and helped start the trend that videogames could be crowdfunded and succeed.

Years later Subset released a free, toggle-able, expansion pack called the Advance Edition. The Advanced Edition introduced a new race and several new systems to ships, making things more complex than ever.

Fun Fact: The Crystal race was a prize for one contributor to the Kickstarter campaign who donated a large sum of money.

FTL: Faster Than Light was released on September 14, 2012 and it’s Advanced Edition was released in 2014. It’s competition was Borderlands 2 (PC, XBox 360, PS3), World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria (PC, Max), and Castle Crashers (PC).

Experiences

I end up getting really attached to my crew. I usually don’t remember their names but I do remember That Mantis who killed three intruders or That Engi who’s kept my ship together through the worst that space can subject to it. I panic and pause when someone is near death, trying to figure out how to save them in time. That Engi is manning the shields and trying to keep them up while we’re under heavy fire. He’s been hit a few times by laser fire but he was able to get the shields up and running. I can see the missile pass through the shields, it’s heading for him. I pause and order him to the medical bay. He dashes for the door to avoid the blast but it’s too late. The explosion turns him into nano-particle paste and my chief engineer is dead. I pause again, shout, and wonder how I’ll manage without him.

I know we will somehow. (Art by tink29)

Gameplay

You play as a Federation ship seemingly sitting in space — it’s doing evasive maneuvers it would just be difficult to express that on a 2-D plane– as it jumps between FTL beacons trying to reach the exit to every system. The Rebel fleet is hot on your heels and will overtake beacons as it flies across the star map — and these aren’t the chump scout ships these are the professional flotilla cruisers– it’s best to avoid them.

For the most part you’ll be fighting enemy ships and you do this by allocating power to your systems, aiming your weapons, and firing them. Your systems will be targeted by enemy ships and you can target an enemy ships’ systems like their shield or weapons –actually, I almost always aim at their shields and weapons. Your ships’ hull can take a beating but it can only be repaired at stores so minimizing the damage you take is important.

Fire, hull breaches, and system damage can all cripple your ships in a number of ways. You’ll have to find ways to counter each of these mishaps.

When you salvage blown up ships or as rewards for helping people you’ll get scrap. Scrap is used to upgrade your ship’s systems and you can trade it at stores if you can find one. You expend fuel when your ship jumps, missiles when you fire them, and drone parts when you activate drones from your drone bay.

So, you’ve been upgrading your ship. You’ve probably bought a few new weapons. You’ve got a fine crew who’ve stood by you since the beginning. When you get to the end you’ve got to face the Rebel Flagship in a three round all out space brawl. Good luck, you’ll need it.

The Gush

This game has got so many mods. There’s mods for music, weapon design, that add more types of planets to background images, that ignore the rebel fleet plot, and all sorts of crazy things.

There are mods that turn ships into Starcraft ships! There’s a mod for everything.

There are a lot of cross system quests that I thought were really fun. A few of them tickled my mystery gland very well. Certain actions can unlock additional ships with all sorts of weird strategies. I’m a sucker for unlockables and this game will give me a lolly if I can put crew members of 6 different races on my ship at once.

Speaking of unlockables and races. Stats of your ship and what crew members you have will allow you to unlock certain, sometimes secret, options for events. Dealing with food riots? Send in your rock man, their sticks and stones can’t hurt him. Negotiating with a dodgy captain? Have your slug read his emotions to figure out whether he’s on the level. Someone teleport onto your ship and hold someone hostage? Your mantis’ enhanced adrenaline and sharp incisors will ensure the hostage is safe.

Aw man, I loves seeing that blue text.

 

The Kvetch

When you were jumping to a beacon it was impossible to tell which beacons that one could reach, sometimes I would jump to a dead end and get utterly destroyed by the rebel fleet. Thankfully this was fixed in the Advanced Edition but it was so frustrating I wanted to talk about it anyway — What a quibble.

I fucking hate asteroid fields. Asteroids constantly bombard your ship and the enemy ship if there is one. It turns the combat into a DPS race but if the enemy gets some lucky shots on your systems while your shields are down then the incoming asteroids will ensure that you can’t get back on your feet.. The Stealth Cruiser doesn’t have shields to begin with so if it wanders into an asteroid field it’s gonna get pummeled and there’s little it can do about it.

If the engines get hit or the pilot gets hit then you can’t even jump away from the field.

The Verdict

FTL: Faster Than Light is a damn fine game. It’s punishing and brutal but I never felt like I hadn’t learned anything between playthroughs. I was able to use this applied knowledge to get further and further each time until I eventually beat it. As a rogue-like it’s susceptible to RNG screw but things are usually manageable. This game gets an enthusiastic recommendation.

Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number (PC and Playstation 3,4, and Vita)

As the sequel to Hotline Miami this game has upped the ante when it comes to brutality and violence. Last review I warned that this game might not be for the squeemish and it goes double for this review. This game depicts sexual violence as well as regular violence so viewer discretion is advised again.

Introduction

The events of the previous game end with a lot of Russian mobsters getting killed and the protagonist of the first game, a gentleman known only as Jacket,  getting arrested. His actions have created a ripple effect across Miami. There are those who seek to understand him and those who seek to emulate him. You play as these disparate Miami dwellers, learning their stories, and figuring out whether you truly enjoy hurting other people. You’ll also take a little trip to the past to figure out a bit about Jacket’s bearded friend, everyone’s favorite snake, and everyone’s favorite rat. If you play get ready for the stunning conclusion to the Hotline Miami series.

But is it really the end? Yes… it is. Dennaton games have publicly stated that this image was put into the game as a joke and considering the ending, I don’t know where they’d go with the series.

History

As before, Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number is developed by Dennaton games which is comprised of developer, Jonatan Soderstrom and artist, Dennis Wedin. This time instead of just using Game Maker they tweaked the Game Maker 7 program to make their own unique engine.  They wanted to make a game that focused more on story and characters, each character having their own goals and motivations.

Things changed a lot in development. Earlier builds of the game had characters with abilities they don’t possess now– Corey the Zebra, in particular, had the ability to enter buildings through windows instead of going through doors. It was also intended that Ash, the gun-toting swan, would be killable alongside his sister, Alex. As it stands, Ash is invulnerable to harm — something that I totally wouldn’t use to my advantage… nope.

Fun Fact: The Hotline Miami twitter released a phone number weeks before release that revealed the release date when called. A copy of the call can be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlnrQHoWCvo

Hotline Miami was released on March 10th, 2015. It’s competition was DMC: Definitive Edition (PS4 and XBOX One.), Assassin’s Creed Rogue (PC), and Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 (PC).

Experiences

There’s a character you play half-way through the game who’s someone we’ve met before. It’s revealed that he’s a real character who can’t get a job because he’s too busy taking care of his sickly mother. There’s a point where she asks him to help her take a bath because she’s cold and too sick to do it herself. I felt so bad because I had to go out and kill russian mobsters– he comes up with an excuse of course– but she was super supportive of his endeavors to go out and make friends or get a job. I felt guilty. I came back home from the murder party and she was lying in the bathroom unconscious. I felt so bad. She was alright though, he tucks her into bed and all is well.

Breaks my heart, every goddam time.

His final level involves him breaking out of prison. I was super pumped because prison breaks are always fun in games but then I had a thought. I asked myself how long this guy had been in prison, how long had his mother been alone? I started crying, I’ll admit it. I just kept thinking, “I’m gonna get you back to her man, I’m gonna get you back.”

Gameplay

The game plays very similarly to its predecessor but there are some seemingly minor changes that shake thins up a lot. You’re still going to different locales, ridding them of life, and then getting back into your sweet ride — just remember that everyone, including you, dies in one hit. This time though more thugs have random patterns and there are more windows. This leads to more pre-planning, use of the look function, and getting killed out of seemingly nowhere. This might lead the twitch reflexes you developed in the first game to rust a little. You’re also more likely to survive a single gunshot, something that happened randomly in the first game.

But can you argue with the results? Yes, yes you can.

The plot up to this point is that Jacket has eliminated most of the Russian Mafia in Miami. He’s been arrested but his actions had far reaching consequences. There’s a new film coming out, Midnight Animal, that dramatizes his actions. He’s inspired a group of disgruntled citizens to take the fight to criminals on the streets, killing them by the houseful. Writer and former Russo-American war correspondent — did I mention this is an Alternate Universe where the cold war got hot… apparently?– Evan Wright is even writing a book, trying to make sense of the whole situation. There’s more where they came from and it’s a little tricky tying them all together but I find it really fun. Each of these characters has a different playstyle that really mixes the gameplay up.

You usually get to pick from a pool of options per level. Try them all, some are better suited for some levels than others.

In case you thought the first game was too easy and the second game got too easy as well, there’s now a hard mode. Hard mode disables enemy locking, add stronger enemies, and flips most maps — good-bye muscle memory.

The Gush

Although there are fewer masks there are more characters. These characters are more fleshed out and there’s a stronger plot in general.  It gets around to explaining some mysteries that were present in the first game. You’ll have to do some digging though. News articles, answering machines, and challenges will grant you intrigue and understanding so keep your eyes open.

It shows in dialogue like this that characters have traits now. This bear is so upbeat and outgoing about murder.

Whadaya know, the world of Hotline Miami exists in an alternate timeline where the cold war got pretty hot. I thought it was an interesting explanation for the rampant anti-Russian sentiment and the rise of Russian based crime. What’s a Russo-American to do when they see a “no Russian need apply,” sign?

The new abilities are really fun to play with. My favorite is probably the gameplay of Alex and Ash, the swan twins. Alex leads the way with a chainsaw and Ash follows with whatever gun he can find. Ash’s pathing is a little bad but the gameplay style is unique and interesting. It allows Ash to fire off his weapon and lure enemies to Alex, or for Alex to finish off downed opponents while Ash keeps her safe.

As usual, the soundtrack in this game is top notch. It features a greater intensity than the first, with each level having it’s own unique track. You’ll replay levels just to hear these sweet techno tunes.

The Kvetch

I can’t tell you how you many times you’ll walk down a hallway and get blasted by someone who’s off screen. You can use shift to look further ahead but sometimes that’s not enough distance to avoid getting shot. This sort of thing prevents you from getting big combos you were used to in the first game.

The maps are bigger this time around and that means getting wasted near the end means losing more progress than ever. It also means there’s an even larger list of things to worry about. I constantly found myself wondering if I had taken care of thugs that were guarding windows or in certain areas because I’d gone on a different path and couldn’t keep things straight.

That whole area in the middle is just a giant kill zone. It just shouts, “Don’t walk here. This space does not enhance the gameplay, it’s a trap.”

There are so many score bonuses that it’s difficult to determine how well you’re actually doing until the end of the level. Hotline 1 seemed to express these score increases during gameplay so it was more readily apparent what your score would be. It sucks to go for an A+ ranking and not realize that you’ve actually been doing awful because your boldness score wasn’t high enough.

The Verdict

It’s inevitable that comparisons get drawn between a game and its sequel and Hotline Miami 2 is a different beast from Hotline Miami 1 altogether. If you like the first then there’s no guarantee that you’ll like this one, the tweaks to the gameplay have really changed it. That being said, if you didn’t like Hotline 1 then you might like Hotline 2. I personally enjoyed both, so it’s not a mutually exclusive thing. If you wanted your Hotline Miami to have more plot then this game will be your jam.

Next Week: FTL: Faster Than Light.

Twisted Metal Black (PS2)

 

Introduction

The Blackfield Asylum holds the worst of Midtown’s worst. It’s a place rife with the strong and the mad. One day it gets taken over by a guy by the name of Calypso. He says if the choice inmates enter his contest and kill each other then he’ll grant them a wish, anything they want. They all have a vehicle –stashed somewhere, I guess– that Calypso supes of for them. They’re dropped into the middle of Midtown to wreak havoc on it and the other drivers. Drive, fight for your life, get power ups, and see your darkest desires come true.

Pictured: Calypso. With a face like this, what’s not to trust? Pay no attention to the eye with evil tendrils coming out of it.

History

The Twisted Metal series is developed by Incognito Entertainment. Blackt was designed and directed by series veteran David Jaffe and produced by Scott Campbell. Jaffe had worked on the first and second installments but was taken off just in time for things to take a downturn in the third game in the series, which continued into the fourth. The series needed a change, it needed a new breath of life, so they brought Jaffe back to bring the series back to its roots — well maybe not its roots, I mean Twisted Metal 1 is a pile of camp and silly.

One of these is Twisted Metal 2 and the other is Twisted Metal 3 and I don’t think either of them looks better than the other and that’s a problem.

Then again, we’ve come a long way since the full motion video cinematics that were cut from the first game. Pictured: A demon named Black.

Twisted Metal Black was released on June 18th, 2001. It’s competition was Baldur’s Gate II: Throne of Baal (PC), Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast), and Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis (PC).

Experiences

I might have played this game when I was younger than I should have been. My father had seen me play Twisted Metal 3 and how kiddy is was. I loved it –because I was 14 and didn’t know any better– so I was hot on the sequel’s heels when it came out –or as hot as a 20 dollar a season game budget can be. I played it to completion and saw all of the vignettes, learning the stories of the deranged characters. I then related these experiences to my relatives who didn’t exactly understand how videogames worked. Much to my surprise they were shocked and appalled about its content and the effect it would have on my young mind. Long story short, don’t introduce someone to the industry with this game.

Gameplay

Twisted Metal belongs firmly in the niche car combat genre — and when I say “belongs” I mean, “Is the best and only part of.”  In which you choose a vehicle from a variety, each with their own stats like top speed, handling, and armor. You then ride them around in arenas picking up powerups, shooting at other vehicles from the roster, and trying not to die. Powerups include missiles, canister bombs, and other special items that are level specific. They’re hidden everywhere in this game, they’re across gaps, tethered behind helicopters –blow them up and deny your enemies their prize–, and hidden in destructible terrain.

Each driver has an attack that only they can use. These special attacks are very powerful and are automatically recharged after a certain amount of time that’s different for every driver. Each vehicle also has certain abilities that they all share like launching attacks backwards, dropping land mines, engaging a cloaking field, or shooting a freeze ray. They’re performed by inputting a button combination on the controls and use up an energy meter so they’re a little unwieldy to use in the middle of some fancy driving. If you’re out of all of that then you’ll have to settle with some machine guns which are decent considering how piddly they’ve been in previous games.

When I say powerful, I mean turning your car into a mech that shoots missiles levels of powerful.

The Gush

Inbetween every match we get a little snippet of what the driver is thinking. I think it was a great way to give the player something to do during the loading screens and give us some insight into the character.

The AI controlled drivers do a good job of fighting each other when they’re not fighting you. It seemed like in other car combat games that the AI characters would just gang up on you. When I was younger I thought they had their own unique AI or personality but that doesn’t seem like it’s the case.

The two previous games were filled with disappointing endings where no characters had their wishes fulfilled. A curse of the Monkey’s Paw is interesting every once in awhile but it loses tension when it’s constant. Black set a good balance between wishes going well and wishes going poorly.

There are 5 unlockable vehicles and most of them have interesting methods to unlocking them. Most levels have something particularly destructible that hides the vehicle so you’ll have to unlock them in the middle of combat.

Spoilers, the Junkyard object is the plane. Shooting it out of the sky is pretty tricky but doable. I always though I could lead another driver into the blast and destroy them but I never pulled it off.

The Kvetch

The maps in this game are pretty forgettable. Some of the hidden areas are sort of cool but for the most part it’s all dingy and drab. I know the world is supposed to be depressing but there’s only so much brown I can take.

The game has local multiplayer deathmatch and campaign but it suffers from having to be splitscreen. I know that it was a limitation of the time but…

… this is just not enough screen to play on unless you’re television is huge.

The gameplay also gets sort of dull. I figured out I was only playing for the story after I played through everyone’s campaign and then never played the game again. It’s been collecting dust on my shelf as a monument to my teenage angst ever since.

The Verdict

If you’re invested in the past of the Twisted Metal series and need some more stories about deranged people blowing up cars — or you’re like, 16– then this would be a game worth picking up. If you don’t give a damn about any of that then just pass on this one. It might be worth a laugh to force your friends to play a deathmatch with you but those’re the only uses I can think for this game.

Next Week: Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number.

Hotline Miami II Theory: Beard Doesn’t Exist in Hotline Miami

Alright all you crazy cats out there. Hotline Miami II will release very soon now. As a promotion for the game, the developers have been releasing comics discussing the upcoming factions the game will have. One of them shows Jacket’s post-murder rampage companion, Beard, fighting Russians in some sort of armed conflict. One of his comrades looks suspiciously like Jacket’s in-comic character and his face is never revealed, just like Jacket’s hasn’t. Beard’s final line in the comic is, “Then I’ll go back home, and act as if this was just a bad job that I quit. Maybe I’ll open my own shop… a bar, a video store, a grocery… whatever… I won’t have to think about this shit anymore. And that’s what really matters.”

If Jacket took this to heart then he might find something resembling sanity and solace in Beard’s ideal for what sanity was. He calms down after every engagement by going into his mind and having a chat with his deceased, or at least not present, war buddy who gives him a gift for being such a good friend. Beard’s first words in Hotline Miami I are used to console Jacket after his girlfriend broke up with him, something that commonly occurs when someone goes off to war.

Just to emphasize my point.

 

Eventually the violence is too much for Jacket those he’s murdered begin showing up in his safe places. Mangled mobsters begin frequenting his favorite joints until Beard is killed by Richter in every location, the man who actually attempts to murder Jacket. Wherever Richter goes he tells Jacket that he’s not welcome there any more. I imagine this to be Jacket’s realization that he’s being followed by someone he distinctly doesn’t trust. And he shouldn’t, it’s Richter who gets the closest to killing him.

It’s just a theory and it might not pan out but let this post show that if it is true, I called it.

 

Killer 7 (PS2 and Gamecube)

Introduction

It’s the near future and the world has had it up to here with terrorism’s shit. In order to combat terrorism the world has united, eliminated air travel by creating trans-oceanic roadways, and eliminaed free access to the internet. A group of terrorists, known as Heaven Smiles, are able to infiltrate a diplomatic meeting at the UN and detonate an explosive. The trick being, they are the explosives. The United States and Japan are now embroiled in a battle to acquire the Yakumo Cabinet Policy, a document which is said to hold the secrets of a perfect government. Not that it matters to the Killer 7, they’re just assassins hired by the US to cripple the Japanese effort. Play as a multiple personality cornucopia where the changes in personality also change the physical body. Plunge into the depths of utter insanity in Suda 51s break out hit, Killer 7.

These are the heaven smile in their natural form. Would you really call that a smile?

History

Killer 7 was written, designed, and directed by Goichi Suda, better known as Suda 51. It was part of the Capcom 5 project which was a Capcom’s plan to release 5 games for the Gamecube — alhtough this one would get ported to the Playstation 2. Overseeing all this was none other than Shinji Mikami of Resident Evil fame. Capcom wanted to make a new intellectual property because they thought the market was getting stale — and taking a look at 2005 the only new IP I saw was Psychonauts.

Unlike most games that were released on both the Gamecube and the Playstation 2 the Gamecube version is graphically superior. Textures are sharper and animations have more detail, especially the reload animations.

Fun Fact: Suda was very interested in professional wrestling, film noir, and multiple personalities so he put all of those topics into a blender and hit puree.

Killer 7 was released on July 7th, 2005. It’s competition was Dungeon Siege II (PC), Destroy all Humans (PS2 and XBox), and Battlefield 2 (PC).

Experiences

I was drawn into the game originally by a fascination with multiple personality syndrom — partially inspired by Stephen King’s The Drawing of the Three. I wanted to see how the personas interacted with each other, or what their attitudes toward each other were. Unfortunately, although there is some character development, the game is heavily plot driven. I was sort of disappointed but it just made me more determined to find character traits wherever I could and that I might be able to glean more from the characters by studying the plot.

Gameplay

Killer 7 is an on-rails shooter, this means that all movement is strictly controlled. The player can go forward and backward, changing directions, or taking turns are certain junctions but has no free movement — hence being on rails like a roller coaster. Then the player can shoot enemies by entering first person mode — because shooter.

You’ve got seven killers — hence the name– to choose from at any given time. Most of them play differently except for Coyote and Dan — I guess that’s supposed to represent their rivalry. Some of them are locked at the beginning of each level and are unlocked by killing Heaven Smile or hitting a Micro Smile enemy. You can change them on the fly by using the pause menu. And don’t worry if they die, Garcian can collect their body bag and return them to life — but if Garcian dies then it’s game over.

It’s really a matter of which you prefer although they’re all necessary to beat the game.

Most of the game is gated by puzzles — to Zoe’s disappointment, there will be no Latin to translate. Most puzzles are just, “go here, pick up this thing, take it over here,” or, “Use the thief to pick the lock,” but every once and awhile the game gets clever. These puzzles and enemies safeguard Soul Shells which the Smiths need to reach the boss of the level.

The Gush

There are characters in the game who are like ghosts who exist to help the Smiths. One of them is an unassuming little ghost of Harman’s first kill. This guy talks straight– or at least straighter than any of the others– and does his best to be helpful without prejudice. He’s got no hard feelings about the whole killing him thing.

The weirdest thing about him though is that his shirt says something different whenever you see him.

The enemy design is actually quite clever. Some Smiles can only be killed by their weak point, some Smiles are giant rolling balls with faces that are their weak points. You never know what the game is going to throw at you next.

I really like the cell shaded and simple colored style of the games art. It gives the game this sort of otherworldly feeling, like it’s just off.

The way the wall is wall papered creates a stark contrast to me in the totally black non-textured wall.

If you like black humor then you’ll probably get a laugh out of this game. I’m looking at you Russian Roulette scene.

Just… the absolute stoic look on his face.

The soundtrack swaps a lot from moody ambience to high intensity techno. Either way it raises the tension of the scene, making me jump at shadows, wondering when an enemy is going to attack.

The dialogue of non-living characters is some sort of garbled noise with subtitles. Sometimes I could swear I heard a word from the subtitles in the conversation. I was always trying to figure out what the original lines were. I really liked it but it’s generally not a popular opinion.

The Kvetch

This game has got a fascination with blood. Killing a Heaven Smile without shootings its weak point causes a line of text with a blood pun to appear in the upper right hand corner of the screen. Thin blood is collected by shooting limbs off of or hitting the weak points of Heaven Smile. It’s used to heal the Smiths or use their abilities. Thick blood is acquired the same way and used to level up Smith abilities. You can only earn so much Thick blood in each level so it’s important to get as much as you can to keep the Smiths up to snuff as the game goes on. Farming Thick blood is the most boring and dull part of the game and I don’t know why it’s even there.

I mean, this game really likes its blood.

The plot is kind of interesting but super hard to follow. Some of that’s from the wonky translation but most of it is just not mentioned.

The Verdict

If you’re in the mood for immersing yourself in a mythos then this is a mythos worth immersing yourself in. The game is decently fun on its own but if you want the full story then you’re going to have to dig a little deeper online or play through it again with the subtitles on. There’s a book explaining the more nuanced parts of the plot called Hands in the Killer 7 and that explains everything really well.

 Next Week: Twisted Metal Black

The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age

Introduction

 There have been a few Lord of the rings games, from the disastrous Super Nintendo title –which should have been called Hobbits in Caves: The Game– to the Playstation 2 series of hack and slash games. It was time for The Lord of the Rings to be more than a game where you kill orcs one after another in real time. It was time for The Lord of the Rings to be a game where you killed orcs one after another with TURN BASED COMBAT. You play as a group of adventurers who totally aren’t the fellowship of the Ring — I mean, you don’t have a hobbit character so it’s totally not the same– and you must go… find Boromir for some reason. And then go do other things too… it’s… weird.

This is Berethor, the main character. Now that I look at this guy I don’t think he ever smiles. He’s actually got that scowl bolted to his face.

History

This game was made by Electronic Arts — put the torches and pitch forks down, you can go commit mob violence after this is done. They got Steve Gray on board, this guy worked on Final Fantasy VII and Parasite Eve, and he had wanted to make a Lord of the Rings RPG since the 90s so there was legitimate passion in this project.

EA owned the license to make games based on the movies and this created some weird snags in what they could depict. This meant that they could only use things that had been in the movies or WERE NOT in the books — this will important later.

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age was released on November 2nd 2004. It’s competition was Half-Life 2 (PC), Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines (PC), and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (PS2).

Experiences

Gray said that he wanted this game to sort of dance around important events in the series, “You travel on a sort of “S” curve that weaves in and out of the path of the Fellowship through the story of the trilogy.” This meant that in moments that you’re closest to them you’d want to be doing the coolest things, right? That’s what I thought when I was 17. I wanted to fight the Balrog with Gandalf, defend Helm’s Deep, fight the Witch King of Angmar — which are all things you get to do in the game. But looking back on it, it seems so silly and so dumb.

It might be awesome to fight the Balrog but it’s established that Gandalf was the only one who held a candle to the being of fire and shadow– he’s really the only one in the in-game fight who can do any damage anyway. The Witch King was totally Eowyn’s fight, she had that guy’s number, and for some auburn haired dude with a sword and a shield to finish The Witch King off is just sort of insulting. I don’t know how it could have been done any other way but I think it might have been best not done at all.

So none-canon that it hurts.

Gameplay

The game is an RPG with turn based combat so there’s not much to talk about when it comes to the gameplay department. Each character has hit points and Action Points –mana points, basically– which they expend to use special abilities. Each of the characters follows Final Fantasy class design pretty closely. We got a warrior, red mage, blue mage, knight, thief, and… whatever Eaoden is — seriously he’s hard to encapsulate, it’s like the designers just gave him all the leftover abilities and called it good. You can have four party members out at any given time and can even switch them out in the middle of battles too.

That series of portraits in the upper right hand corner show what order the turns will be in.

Items are extremely valuable in this game. Although some are dropped by enemies you’ll mostly be relying on what you find in chests throughout the game. This game might not have given me potion paralysis — the reluctance to use items unless they’re truly needed– but it certainly didn’t help it either. Each character has unique equipment that actually alters their appearance.

What makes an RPG really shine is the story and the characters, in this department The Third Age is lacking hard. I struggle to remember any distinct traits about any of the characters and have a hard time remembering why their adventure was important for any reason other than that Fellowship thing being mighty important.

The Gush

Evil mode is the most original and incredible idea this game introduces. After you beat a chapter you can play through that chapter again in Evil Mode. Evil Mode is a series of fights where you play as the monsters fighting the heroes. Beating the good guys unlocks new equipment that just sort of teleports into your character’s inventory but the only thing that’s more awesome — even if it is dumb — than fighting the Balrog is being the Balrog.

“Pardon me, I think I’ll just pass if you don’t mind.”

Each character plays really differently, especially Eaoden — I mean, he’s got attacks that raise your opponents stats but do more damage. It’s really easy to make a team that matches your playstyle from the given characters.

The divergences between this game and the established series are actually pretty good. Helping the elves kill some orcs while they leave their homes is pretty cool. Killing Grima Wormtongue at a random Rohan town was sort of weird but not totally bad. You also take alternate routes through places Moria and other locations.

The Kvetch

Any dialogue voiced by a member of the Fellowship is either reused clips from the movie or was impersonated poorly. They got them into sound booths for the other games, I don’t know why they couldn’t do it for this one.

Attack animations are fluid and quick but spell animations take forever. I think an hour of gameplay was just waiting for Idrial or orcs to throw spells around. I would eventually stop using her spells just because their animations just took so damn long.

If I have to watch this troll beat his drum one more time…

When a character isn’t in combat they don’t get experience points. If you pick a team you’d best be ready to commit because those other shmucks are gonna get left in the experience point related dust. Character’s join at roughly the same level so they all get a fair shot but if you didn’t keep Elegost around then you can be sure that when you need his bow to fight someone then you won’t be having it.

I don’t know if it’s explained in the game, I didn’t catch it when I played through, but I had no idea what any of the stats did. Strength, Spirit, Constitution, Speed, and Dexterity aren’t exactly a good representation of what they do. I understand what Constitution and Strength do but what’s the difference between Speed and Dexterity and what does Spirit do at all?

The final boss is the fucking Eye of Sauron. There’s no real build up. You fight the Witch King and after he dies it’s just *bloop* fight this asshole. He’s big, got a lot of health, and is a total pushover. When he’s dead, cut to credits. It’s the dumbest thing in any Lord of the Rings game ever.

The Verdict

What it comes down to is that if fighting the Balrog alongside Gandalf doesn’t sound like the stupidest, canon breakingest, over the top thing that you’ve ever considered doing in a game then you’ll find this game palatable. Or at the very least, if you can look past doing stuff like that then there’s a solid RPG underneath.

Next Week: Killer 7

Kirby Superstar (SNES)

Introduction

When it says “8 games in one” they’re not kidding. Kirby’s got to save the world from Dedede– twice–, a giant bird, Meta-Night, and no Kirby game would be complete if he didn’t have to save the world from a being from another world, planet, or reality. Kirby’s got new copy abilities and new, more sophisticated, buddies to summon — Gooey, you knew you were on thin ice. Join gaming’s favorite pink puffball as he faces his most dangerous foes yet.

Where to start?

History

There seems to be a running trend now that Kirby games don’t have any development information. What I can say is that this game was released a year before Kirby’s Dream Land 3. I won’t say it looks better but it’s a much more complex and interesting game. It’s got six main campaigns and three minigames in contrast to Dreamland’s thirty levels. The art styles match the games very well but I feel like Superstar’s just looks better. Drop a comment if you’ve played them both and have a preference.

Kirby Superstar came out on September 20th, 1996. It’s competition was Tetris Attack (SNES), Phatasmagoria: Puzzle of the Flesh (PC), and The Elder Scrolls: Daggerfall (PC).

Experiences

Despite the injection of plot I’ll admit that this game’s campaigns have some pretty weak and cookie cutter stories. Revenge of Meta Knight had the only story that really held my attention. Meta Knight and Kirby have been rivals for a long time but they’ve been known to team up every so often. I wanted to know what Meta Knight was swearing revenge for and it’s not really explained in the gameplay. Resting on the introduction screen shows  how the Halberd got created and why Meta Knight is attacking Dreamland — Why they don’t mention this in the game is a mystery to me.  As it turns out Meta Knight is conquering Dreamland because he disapproves of their “lazy lifestyle.”

Hey man, Kirby and Dedede ran a three part marathon in this game alone. Are they really that lazy?

The weirdest thing is that I really sympathized with Meta Knight on this one. I don’t agree with his methods but Dreamland should probably get its act together and do something with its existence. Dedede is the king, maybe he should do something besides trying to hoard all the food — which he does in every game for some reason.

Gameplay

Very similar to other Kirby games, Kirby eats enemies and copies their abilities. His goal in every campaign is to fight enemies and beat up some meany head who’s being a jerk. Unlike other Kirby games this game has a sense of progression. Certain campaigns are only unlocked by beating other campaigns.

Gooey can’t help or hurt you in this game because he hasn’t been invented yet. Instead of summoning Gooey Kirby can turn his copied power into a buddy. Kirby can only have one buddy at a time and this buddy will do everything in his power to beat up Kirby’s enemies — to greater or lesser degrees. The second player can also take control of this buddy. If you’re annoyed with your friends or the buddy in general you can press the buddy button again to turn the buddy into an object that confers the copied ability when consumed.

They’ve also all got… names. Hey, player 2, do you wanna play as Bonkers the ape man with a hammer? Why are you walking away?

The Gush

I hate banging on about the music all the time but the music in these games are really good. Games with bad music feel more drawn out and boring. Games with good music feel compressed, like all the bad or listless parts are forgotten because at least I had some sweet tunes to jam out to. And sweet tunes this game has.

I think this is the only game with an Earthbound reference in it. One of the treasures that you can find in the great Cave Offensive is a Mr. Saturn, of which there is a whole tribe in Earthbound — I love those big nosed guys.

Each of the different campaigns has a unique mechanic. The Great Cave Offensive has its treasure hunt — though it’s not necessary to find everything (We all know it is). Meta Knightmare introduces a time limit for each level — I guess Meta Knight disaproves of Kirby’s lazy pace. And in Milky Way Wishes Kirby unlocks his powers instead of getting them by inhaling his enemies — but… isn’t Kirby from space? Why would space creatures nullify his copy abilities? And why would other planets be filled with all of the same creatures as Popstar but with different color schemes?

They also have different HUDs. Check out the Great Cave Offensive’s treasure map.

The Copy ability is an ability that allows Kirby to copy enemies. I bet you’re probably thinking, “Doesn’t he already do that by inhaling them?” Yes, this is true. But the point is that Kirby can turn this Copy ability into a buddy, allowing the second player to copy enemies like Kirby himself. This is a glorious godsend, a rare treat for the second player to play as a sort of mini-Kirby with.

The Kvush

The backgrounds are really hit or miss. The fight against Dedede features a crowd filled with enemies cheering– even Super Mario is hiding in the corner. The fight against Dyna Blade on the other hand has a plain purple background — I bet it has to do with her defeat animation but it still doesn’t look good. Check out the differences.

Oh snap… a cloud….

It’s even got an arena marquis!

 

The Kvetch

Six different campaigns, two minigames, and a boss rush. That’s a lot of things to do in a little SNES cartridge. You might be wondering what the game rewards the player with in return for doing all of these things — I mean, I am. Perhaps they grace us with a version of the credits that’s really silly or a unique little scene that sheds some light on characters. Nope… you get a sound test — do people even know what a sound test is anymore?

This game has got a lives system for seemingly no reason. Losing a life makes you restart the level. Running out of lives forces you to continue or quit. Continuing… also makes you start at the beginning of the level — I guess it’s supposed you make you feel bad or something. It shows that this silly mechanic was losing relevance even at this time.

Some of the tutorials are unskippable and unnecessary. It might be difficult to figure out that consuming an enemy copies their ability but the player can still spit enemies out to attack. It’s intuitive to think that a character who can inhale enemies can eat them. Eating an enemy that has no ability informs the player that that enemy didn’t have an ability. That hints the player that some enemies do things when they’re eaten. The game deprives the player of that sense of discovery — It’s also annoying as fuck to watch the same tutorial whenever I play the game.

The Verdict

This is the best Kirby game that I’ve ever played. I love it that much. If you like platforming and using crazy abilities then you’ll probably like this game. Bring a friend, turn him into a Waddle Dee with an umbrella, laugh at him, stop laughing as he starts knocking dudes out. It’s just a great time.

This game has got a remake for the Nintendo DS called Kirby Superstar Ultra. It makes the best even better. Pick it up if you’d rather be a pink puff ball on the go.

Next Week: Lord of the Rings: The Third Age.

Kirby’s Dreamland III (SNES)

Introduction

 It’s a Kirby game and any fan of the series knows that a monster from another time, space, or reality is on its way to Pop-Star to do something awful to it — having read that, all the new comers know now too. Kirby’s more than ready to spring into action though — I mean, he can absorb the powers of whatever he eats so if the bad guys are ready then he is as well. With the help of his pal Gooey and his animal buddies he’ll kick the dark spawned creature back into the cold unforgiving cosmos from which it came.

I assume that this team’s ability to save the world is in direct proportion to how FUCKING CUTE it is.

History

Sorry, no words about the development here. The only interesting tidbits of information that I could find was that this game was the last first-party game Nintendo released for the Super Nintendo. That and this game didn’t get released in Europe and Australia due to some sort of technical issue. It wouldn’t see these parts of the world until 2009 — better late than never I guess.

Kirby’s Dreamland 3 was released on November 27th, 1997. It’s competition was Curse of Monkey Island (PC), Diddy Kong Racing (Nintendo 64), and Croc: Legend of the Gobbos (PS1).

Experiences

 I watched the demo of this game when I was a kid and saw that I could summon a little buddy to help me fight through the game. This buddy’s name was Gooey and I was certain that we’d be the best of friends. Things with Gooey started off great. He was running around faster than me and eating dudes and spitting them out at breakneck speed. Then I started trying to finish certain bonus goals and he kept eating all the enemies that gave me the powers I needed or any abilities in general. Soon, I had to dismiss this faithful companion.

No evil spirit, eh? Is gluttony not a deadly sin? Screw it, he’s too cute to stay mad at. Oh yeah, player 2 can control him.

Gameplay

This game is the standardest fare when it comes to Kirby games. This means that Kirby jumps and floats around eating enemies and gaining the powers of enemies that look like they have powers. Eating a spider doesn’t give you a power, there is no spider power — although certain New York webslingers would disagree — but eating an enemy with a sword will give Kirby the Sword power or a broom gives him the Cleaning power — I’m not joking, Clean is one of the most useful abilities in the game.

In addition to having sweet powers this game features 6 animal buddies: Rick the Hamster, Kine the Fish, Coo the owl, Chuchu the… blob thing — the wiki says she’s an octopus but she’s looks more like an alien parasite– , Pitch the bird, and Nago the cat. These guys alter how Kirby’s copied abilities work, have their own methods for grabbing enemies, and have different movement abilities. For example, Nago has a triple jump but can’t float like Kirby can, Kine can swim against strong underwater currents, and Chuchu can grab onto ceilings but can barely float at all. Sometimes their unique copy abilities are needed to overcome certain obstacles as well so get ready to use your imagination.

Every level showcases a character who needs Kirby’s help. Sometimes it’s a janitor that needs help cleaning rooms –I told you clean was useful– or a deconstructed robot that wants to get put back together.

And sometimes it’s Samus freaking Aran who needs a hand capturing some renegade Metroids.

Completing each task gives Kirby a weird sort of heart-star morphing thing. I’m certain there’s no secret goal, boss fight, or ending that is only unlocked by finding all of these things — Nope, certainly not one of those around these parts.

The Gush

Gooey can be a pain in the ass but he’s got locked away in him the secret to eternal life. Summoning Gooey reduces Kirby’s health by one box. Dismissing Gooey will return the lost box of health… no matter how low Kirby’s health is. If he’s been reduced to a half of a health box then summoning Gooey won’t cost him any health and dismissing him will give him another box back. The game’s already pretty easy but if you’re in a pinch then just remember this neat trick.

The music in this game has a sort of kid friendly tone to it. Sometimes the instrumentation gets a little grating but it’s more than made up for by super catchy melodies. Every once in awhile I’ll hum a few bars of one of the ridiculously fast paced songs.

The art has this sort of gentle wonder to it that I really liked. When it was good it was great.

Lookit this! Just lookit this! The fuzzy shading makes everything look like it was drawn by a five year old — Yoshi’s Island style.

The bosses in this game are super cool. My favorite boss in this game is Ado. She’s an artist from another planet who’s come to Popstar to improve her art skills. I don’t think she needs much more practice though because her drawings are so life-like that they come to life when they’re finished. Her fight is more like three bosses in one. Not content to send her creations to fight you, when you’ve defeated her minions she comes out swinging with her brush.

Dammit! Even the bosses in this game are adorable.

 

The Kvush

As far as a game for kids is concerned, the tone of the music and content can sometimes be radically dissonant. The final boss is some straight up nightmare fuel. The gentle music sometimes goes absolutely berserk. But that’s the nature of an adventure, I suppose. It doesn’t really matter how scary the final boss was to me when I was eight because I beat it. I vanquished that evil and its creepiness only went to show how twisted and dark it was.

The Kvetch

Some of the environments are a little bland. Only a few levels really stood out to me at all. Kirby Superstar had places like Green Greens, Bubbly Clouds, Mt. Dedede, and a giant freaking airship called the Halberd — you can bet I looked that word up.

Oh… it’s a sandy canyon called… Sand Canyon… greeeaaat.

I really like the optional goal mechanic, don’t get me wrong, but some of the objectives are just impossible to figure out. The guy with the umbrella coming out of his head was tricky but the shy dude was impossible. So impossible that I’ma bout to spoil it all up. He’s really shy so he wants a hug. Chuchu’s “inhale” is her reaching out to grab the enemy. The game considers a vicious blobby grab to be equivalent to a hug when the game requires it to be. So bring Chuchu to this guy and show him some love.

Tiny quibble over here but I really dislike how there’s no way to fight a boss after you’ve defeated it. If you want to fight the boss again then you’ve got to start the whole game over.

The Verdict

Nostalgia is having a really hard time saving this one. I feel like such a kid playing this game and I think that’s a good thing. I may have just played it to death though. I can’t recommend this one to an adult when there are so many other portable Kirby games on the market that do this one’s job better. But if there’s a kid in your life with the Wii virtual console then I’d say grabbing this game for them would be a good investment.

Next Week: Kirby Superstar