All of Our Friends Are Dead (PC)

 

Introduction

I’m not even gonna pretend like I know what’s going on in this game. You play as some sort of soldier in a post-apocalyptic world. I don’t even know if the character is human or not– I do know that by the head banging he does he must be listening to some bitchin’ tunes. Run, Jump, Shoot, Explore and try to figure out what the hell is going on in this shooter platformer.

What’s that? A group of nuns bleeding form their faces while looking down? That’s just what I needed.

History

All of Our Friends Are Dead was developed by Benjamin Braden under the pseudonym Amon 26. Braden suffers from chronic nightmares and uses the things that he sees to create the frightening imagery in the game. The game is just that, an opportunity for him to shoot and kill these nightmarish creatures.

Fun Fact: He’s been doing the music for Anna Anthropy after she “took him under her wing”.

All of Our Friends Are Dead was released on March 24, 2009. It was super Indie, released for pay what you want, and was comparatively unknown BUT it’s competition was Freaky Creatures (PC), The Last Remnant (PC), and Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Adventures (PC).

Nostalgia

Whenever I get into a spooky mood and have someone around who’s also down for the spook who likes spectating games I pull out this one. It’s short, bitter, and is filled with all sorts of bizarre images and sounds. It’s a compact package. A bullet of insanity that strikes at my heart. I remember playing it at my cousin’s and keeping us both rapt until the wee hours of the morning marveling at the strange sights.

A giant betentacled fetus isn’t normal, but in your nightmares it is.

Gameplay

The gameplay is really simple in this game. You can run and shoot. Anything that moves and looks like Cthulhu would call it kin is probably an enemy.

The platforming is pretty solid and comfortably smooth. There are jump pads that allow the player to jump and reach areas that would normally be inaccessible.

You die in one hit but the game has a quick save and quick load function using the F5 and F6 keys. They’re a little out of the way but I think that prevents players from spamming them.

It’s not game that’s about its controls, mechanics, or story. It’s a little mysterious but it’s really about taking in the spectacle. It also might come as a bit of a challenge, the enemies don’t make this one easy on you.

Gush

The player death sprite is satisfyingly gory. Also, that… thing is terrifying.

The backgrounds for this game are minimalist but very satisfying. White dots falling turn to a rain of ash and red static becomes bizarre chaos through the lens of imagination.

Sometimes there are signs or just floating text.

The sound design for this game is shockingly impressive. There isn’t really any music but there is atmospheric noise that fills my heart with dread and confusion.

This… just… all of this. The sheer strangeness of the sentence structure here is wonderful.

I love the poem that ends this game. It’s nearly nihilistic nonsense but it’s rhyme and cadence are wonderful nevertheless.

The Kvetch

If I had one complaint its that the game isn’t very long. I beat it in an hour and I explored all the nooks and died a lot. But for the low cost of a dollar or free it’s impossible to complain.

The Verdict

In the dead of night, in the right mindset this game can deliver some serious scares in a short amount of time. But as it stands, the game is very simple and serves as a stepping stone toward Au-Sable (It’s spiritual sequel) and the talent of its creator.

Next Thursday: Machinarium

Audiosurf (PC)

Introduction

A jet bike flying through three lanes of traffic, hitting colored blocks and dodging the boring grey blocks. I don’t know why this jet bike needs to get to a space portal at the end, how the blocks help it, or why the world has all these trippy shapes in the background– who cares? It’s fun.

Look at the colors maaaan.

History

The game was basically made by one guy, Dylan Fitterer. He was a big fan of the game REZ (A game I should review sometime) and a music visualizer. He wondered what else could be done with music in three dimensional space.

Audiosurf was released on August 15th, 2008. It’s competition was Stalker: Clear Sky (PC), Too Human (XBox 360), and Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty (PS3).

Nostalgia

I found a weird glitch when I was playing this with a friend. When a Steam friend is playing the same song that you’re playing it’ll show where they are in the song. We saw the display for the song and that someone was already playing it, it was us. We were apparently already playing the song which didn’t make sense. We tried to make our selections quickly to try and “catch up” with ourselves but we never did.

Medals give you a general indication of how well you’ve been doing, but it’s all about he fun.

Gameplay

There are a bunch of different game modes but they all boil down to the same thing. Your bike will go down the road and you need to pick up colored blocks and avoid the grey blocks. After a little bit the colored blocks that are connected will disperse and you’ll get points, the more blocks you connect the more points you get. The colors shift with the intensity of the music. There are general increases in difficulty but it doesn’t really matter, just have fun.

Songs have very active leader boards. It seems like people get dropped of the leader boards for a little while but it’s good to be king for a day. On the flip side, that guy who’s been at #1 forever might not be forever. It feels really rewarding to get in the top 10.

There are also a series of bonuses that will increase your score if you perform certain tasks.

The game can be controlled with either the keys or the mouse. The mouse control but the keys are more precise. I’ve been in a lane when I thought I wasn’t because I was half way into it. Using the keys moves you to the center of the chosen lane so there’s no ambiguity but it’s hard to hit the keys as fast as you can flick the mouse.

The Gush

I really like how the complexity of the map isn’t based on the intensity of the music but the complexity of the music. A guitar solo doesn’t make the field intense but a 12 piece orchestra or static makes the game go berzerk.

The rings represent moments of intensity.

I love the capacity for this game to help people have fun sharing music. Sharing music is already cool but it feels so passive, this game eliminates this passivity and turns it into a crazy time.

It’s really interesting to see that other people have been listening to the crazy stuff you have. I’ve found active rankings for crazy songs that I thought no one else had heard of.

I don’t know what causes it but sometimes the track does loopety-loops and it’s the most awesome thing.

The game works on a variety of older machines. My compaq from 1999 was able to play it at the lowest settings.

Sharing music has never been more fun than playing Double-Vision mode.

The Kvetch

Some of the game modes are a level of crazy that I can’t even begin to comprehend. Apparently Pointman and Pusher allow huge scores but I have NO idea how they work. Maybe you’ll like them.

The Verdict

I highly recommend this game as one that utilizes your music. The only other game that comes as close to the coolness of Audiosurf’s use of music would be Vib Ribbon. It’s silly fun and a great way to do something else while you listen to your music.

Because I missed posting last week there will be another post on Monday. This Monday I review All of Our Friends are Dead.

Atom Zombie Smasher (PC)

Introduction

The country of Nuevos Aires is suffering a zombie invasion. Having lost your arm in an accident, but still wanting to serve the military effort, it lies to you to command the military. El Presidente would do it himself but there’s been an attempt on his life and it’s left him incapacitated. You don’t really see any of this during the game, except in little comics. You just deploy mercenaries and try to stop purple dots from touching yellow dots.

I said purple zombies and I meant it.

History

Atom Zombie Smasher is developed by Blendo Games which consists of Brendon Chung. He developed the game in eight months with the desire to create a game where the player had to make sacrificial choices. To this end the player must choose which humans to save, the lone scientist or the teeming hoard of frightened non-scientists. Possibly having to decide whether it’s okay to launch an artillery barrage at their own men to secure victory.

Fun Fact: There’s a short development journal in the game itself. Describing exactly how many versions he created and why he had to keep revising.

Atom Zombie Smasher was released on January 22nd, 2011. It’s competition was Dead Space 2 (PC, PS3, Xbox 260), Mass Effect 2 (PS3), and Magicka (PC)  –tough crowd.

Nostalgia

My college roommate had this game and when I saw him playing it I had to ask him what was going on. When he told me it was called Atom Zombie Smasher I knew that I had to play it. After I played it I knew that even if I beat it and only played it for a couple of hours I had to give this guy some money and buy it. It’s so uniquely goofy that I couldn’t say no.

Gameplay

The game starts off simple. You control a helicopter that will land, blast it’s airhorn, and attract humans to it. Humans will board the helicopter in a bid to escape from the zombies rushing in from off the map. The helicopter can only hold so many survivors before it’s got to take them away and then return. It creates a neat desperate impatient dynamic when it comes to deploying the helicopter. If zombies approach the landing zone the helicopter can’t land. If you rescue enough people then you win the day! If all the humans are infected before that… then I’ve got some bad news. When night falls all the streets have zeds pouring in making it much more difficult to help people.

Behold, nighttime and zeds everywhere.

The first seven missions you complete award you mercenaries as rewards. There’s the infantry merc who’ll walk around through the streets and shoot zombies or the zed bait mercenary who will attract nearby zombies toward his location.

The mercenaries also gain experience and upgrades as the game goes on. They also have ridiculous names

Infected territories are rated from one to four. Each level increases the number of attacking zed streets. At level four there are no humans and it’s your goal to kill all the zeds before nightfall.

When a territory reaches threat level 4 it infects all nearby territories except dead or reclaimed territories.

Eventually you’ll discover scientists researching the zed threat. They appear as blue on the map and have priority helicopter access. These scientist’s research can be used to purchase upgrades. The higher the infection level, the more the scientists so… choose wisely.

Losing one mission isn’t the end of the world but you can retry it if you want. The goal is to reach a certain number of victory points. Every zombie gives their faction a victory point and every human you rescue gives you a victory point. There are certain milestones that unlock more upgrades for each faction.

The Gush

There are only five music tracks but they’re some of the most memorable surf rock tracks I’ve ever heard. If you like grooving electric guitars then you’ll like this soundtrack.

Every so many missions the game will treat you to a short vignette which reveals the goings on of certain people during and leading up to the outbreak. They verge on non-sequiturs within themselves but I find them hilarious.

This dialogue is simply brilliant. They just get better and better.

The game has got oodles and oodles of mods so there’s a lot of replay-ability, insofar that no two playthroughs will feel the same.

This game is absolutely silly. It’s got Lamma Bombs, Catbird Cannons, and Elephantbird Orbital Launchers. The sheer ridiculousness is fun.

The Kvetch

The game is only good for short bursts. You might play a few rounds to begin but eventually I slowed down to only playing it once every couple of months.

The Verdict

That all being said, I do still keep coming back to it. It’s individual vignettes re difficult to remember but that just makes it fresh when they pop back up. The gameplay is solid and actually requires a lot of strategy. This game is definitely worth the $9.99 price tag. I’m pretty nostalgic for it even though it’s only 3 years old.

Next Week: Audiosurf

Cave Story (PC, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, Wii)

Introduction

Cave Story is one of those games with a title that tells the player everything they need to know. There’s a cave and a story going on in it. By the nature of this story it’s got so many spoilers that it’s difficult to say anything about it. Let’s just say that you’re a “soldier from the surface” and that you’re going to be thrown into some turmoil. I hope you like Megaman because you’re gonna jump, shoot, and find a whole bunch of cool weapons to fight some bad guys.

No weapon, 3 health, and a save point, let’s get started.

History

Save story is a game that was made by one man, Daisuke Amaya. He programmed, wrote, developed, designed, and composed the whole project. It may have taken him five years to do it and when he was done he gave it away. This game is the definition of indie. It’s design is simple in all ways, characters, music, plot, gameplay but from that simple design complexity rises from the sheer number of factors that are thrown at the player. Amaya began working on Cave Story in 1999 when he was in university and continued working on it until 2004 while he was a software programmer.

It’s pretty easy to find a photo of the development team because this guy did it all.

It’s free distribution and eventual translation into English lead to a release Wii virtual console in 2010, on the Steam distribution platform in 2011 as Cave Story +, and as a fully remastered version called Cave Story 3D. Cave Story + is a paltry 9.99 so, although you can download it for free, I urge you to pay for it if you can no matter what platform you prefer. Cave Story + even has some cool stuff in it that’s not in the original like a boss rush, and Hard Mode– A mode that leaves the player at 3 HP through the whole game.

Cave story was released on December 20th 2004. It’s competition was World of Warcraft (PC), Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (Playstation 2), and The Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth (PC)

Nostalgia

If you’ve been playing videogames for a long time you’ll probably run out of fingers and toes counting the number of times that characters get or have amnesia in games. It’s a really popular trope in RPGs to create some dramatic irony or create some sort of prophecy. I can think of Final Fantasy games in which  multiple characters have MULTIPLE BOUTS of amnesia. Do writers know how extremely rare that amnesia is? Our dear hero in this game is also suffering amnesia and I won’t say why for spoilery reasons but lemme just say it makes perfect sense. It’s not about a blow to the head, brainwashing by a vague yet menacing organization, or something that happened when he was too young to remember it.

Gameplay

The game is pretty simple. Our soldier from the surface can jump, shoot, and move and that’s about it. He also has the rare ability among run and gun protagonists to aim up and down. You’ll encounter enemies and obstacles aplenty, almost no two of which are alike.

I hope you’re ready for the sheer quantity of dudes this game is gonna send at you.

A unique aspect of the game is that weapons upgrade system. Weapons have levels from 1 to 3. Enemies drops chips when they die which contribute what basically amount to experience points for weapons. Weapons get substantially better as they level up, get useful abilities (like shooting through walls), and they do more damage– with one exception. The trick is that weapons lose these level up points when you take damage. If you keep getting hit then you’re gonna have to change your weapons or scramble to find more upgrade chips. It’s a really interesting system that encourages exploring the weapon space.

Switching weapons in the middle of combat can be a little tricky but once you get ahold of it you’ll be switching from your busted machine gun to your missile launcher in no time.

Weapons are also the form of currency in the game. Some weapons are discovered through exploration while others can be traded away for different– not strictly better weapons.  The weapons each offer something to someone’s playstyle. Unfortunately each trade is non-refundable so you’ll have to have fun with your saves if you want to experiment.

The game is all about exploration. It’s loosely based on Metroid and it shows. There are secret passages and all sorts of strange places to find and explore. It’s the player’s responsibility to find important, but non-vital items, like the map or the Bubbler gun.

Gush

This game has got a bunch of endings and they’re all about how far you push the story. You can give up and just try to survive. Or you can go all out, save the day, and find out the answer to the mystery of the caverns. It’s up to you.

There’s a weapon in this game called the Nemesis. Unlike the other weapons in the game it gets worse the more you upgrade it. At level 1 it fires giant lightning bolts that deal intense damage. At level 3 it shoots ducks– like rubber ducks. It’s satisfying to get knocked around by a boss for a bit and then take out the Nemesis and get some payback.

The bosses in this game are phenomenal. They start off insanely simple but eventually the screen is being saturated with enemies and attacks and you’ve got to keep on to your wits just to survive. Experimenting with different weapons can also make some boss fights much easier to handle.

Is that a smiling rock ball, surrounded by other rock balls, rolling around the room and trying to crush you? Yes it is!

The music in this game is incredible. Amaya didn’t really know how to compose music so he made a program to compose music for him. He would take the raw output, tune it a little, and find the right area for it. The music fits these places incredibly, I’m taken in by it every time I play– My favorite song is Labyrinth Fight.

The characters are pretty simple in this game but there are so many that stand out to me. Their simple designs express a lot about their character.

One of the characters is a giant walking toaster named Balrog. He bashes through ceilings and shouts “Huzzah!” It’s hilarious.

The plot is simple and delightful. It’s a battle against greed, violence, and a battle for identity.

This title screen is the whole backstory for the game. In this image is what misdeeds have been done. Play the game and figure it out.

Kvetch

The path to the secret true ending is a motherfucker. Some of the things that you’re expected to do are totally illogical based on the circumstances– One of the steps you have to take is to abandon someone so that they can survive. You heard that right, you abandon the guy and he lives, if you help him out then he dies. Some steps require immensely precise actions, if you miss any of them then you’d better hope you didn’t save or you have to start the whole game over.

Verdict

Cave Story brings some of the most pathos evoking moments in any 2-D shooter that I’ve ever played. I laughed, I cried, I kicked some serious butt, saved the day, and solve a cosmic mystery. I can’t say that about most games that I bought for ten dollars.

Next Week: Atom Zombie Smasher (PC)

Gex: Enter the Gecko (Playstation 1, Nintendo 64, PC, and Gameboy Color)

 

Gex is a three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko. Why is there are three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko running  around? “Shut up! Go save the fabric of television!” is the game’s response– it’s bizarre how the mascoting got in the nineties.

Welcome to the media dimension. The place where all television exists– in the waves… I guess.

History

Gex started his existence as one of those weird nineties animal platform game mascots. His original game was a simple 2 dimensional affair complete with Gex posing on the front of the box with sunglasses on– The story of the original game is that Rez, the self-styled lord of the media dimension, kidnaps him to make him a mascot… even the game knows.

 Strangely enough, this game runs off the engine from Tomb Raider 1. Eidos,  are you recycling game engines again?  It was written by Dana Gould, a writer for the Simpsons. He would also design costumes that Gex would wear in different levels and perform 700 one-liners as Gex’s voice actor.

Fun Fact: Gex if voiced by Leslie Phillips in the European release.

Gex: Enter the Gecko was released on January 31st, 1998. It’s competition was Resident Evil 2 (PS1), Skullmonkeys (PS1), Panzer Dragoon Saga (Sega Saturn).

The voice behind Gex ladies and gents.

Nostalgia

Gex: Enter the Gecko was on of the first games that I got for the Playstation 1. I didn’t even know it was a sequel to anything, I just saw a 3D platformer and I was in. In fact, if I had thought it was a sequel I would have found the first in the series to play them in order. Which would have been a disastrous turn of events because I’ve played Gex and I didn’t really like it, which would have probably prompted me to not give this game a chance. It was also one of the first games that I needed a memory card to play. I remember writing down incredibly long passwords or starting the game over whenever I wanted to play. Was it a good investment, well let’s go on to the gameplay section.

I was such a scaredy cat, I would avoid the horror levels because they scared me so much.

Gameplay

The controls and design of Gex are pretty simple. Gex can jump, karate kick which doubles as a long jump, tail whip to take on close attacks, and jump on his tail like a spring to get a lot of height and destroy enemies below. If he takes 4 hits, he’ll go down. Gex can also walk on certain types of walls, they’re pretty easy to spot because of their discoloration. Keep an eye out for them though because they usually mark hidden areas.

The karate kick isn’t a very useful move but you’ve got to admit it looks pretty badass.

Every level has a theme, there’s Toon TV, Scream TV, Kung-Fu Theatre, and just about any other genre you can think of. How do you control the media dimension? With remotes of course. Each level has red and silver remotes. The red remotes are acquired by doing certain task specific to the level or reaching a certain point. Silver remotes are acquired by collecting enough things or finding the hidden silver remote in the level. You get gold remotes by killing bosses. These remotes unlock more channles and more sections of the media dimension.

Different levels have different themed obstacles and different themes within the levels. The Rocket Channel levels usually take place in space so a bad jump will send you hurtling to a bottomless space pit– how is there gravity in space? SHUT UP! And there are air stations, run out of air and Gex is dead. The Pre-History channel has tough enemies in it and so on.

Gex’s costume changes a lot in levels. Unfortunately the lightsaber is just for show.

Gush

Every channel has different enemies so it’s not the same old hat dispatching monsters all the time.

You wanna fight spoopy Pumpkins? Do it.

The music is usually very evocative of the style of each channel. The music matches the channel’s theme perfectly.

I love hunting for secrets and this game has got many secrets aplenty to go hunting for. There’s more hidden in this game than silver remotes, keep your eyes peeled.

The level design, even in the same channel, is unique. No two levels really feel alike. Different levels have different pieces doing different things. Then like any good game, they start putting them together.

The design and music reach a new level if you can find Rezopolis.

Gex’s one-liners are usually really good but sometimes he’ll just keep repeating the same phrase again and again.

Kvetch

The bosses in this game are really underwhelming. I remember that Mushu Pork and Mecharez exist but I don’t remember peril or really what fighting them was like.

Although if I had taken the time to enter over the shoulder mode with the camera I would never have been able to unsee Mushu’s screwed up eyes.

Some levels of this game have a lot of death pits. Most of the space levels are 99% percent pits and, looking back at platformers, pits are sort of a boring obstacle.

Verdict

This game is still pretty solid. It might be a little tough to track down but if you see it in a bargain bin somewhere and feeling like jumping around then I would recommend picking it up. I do warn that my nostalgic feelings for the game are pretty strong.

Next Week: Cave Story

Civilization II (PC and Playstation)

 

Introduction

In Civilization the player does not take the role of a gallant knight, a guy who’s girlfriend was kidnapped by thugs, or a hero. Civilization puts the role of the player into that of a leader, with no skills to fight enemies but a leader doesn’t need to fight, he’s got people for that. Choose your civilization, or make your own– although it’s purely aesthetic– and see how long you can go without inventing the wheel.

History

The irony is not lost on me that I can’t find information on this game’s development. Sorry ya’ll. I can say that it’s abandonware so it’s A-okay to download.

Civilization II was released on February 29th, 1996. It’s competition was Super Mario RPG (Super Nintendo), Duke Nukem 3D (PC), and Zork: Nemesis (PC).

Nostalgia

I know you whippersnappers out there are used to your Waifai and your internet multiplayer lobbies but if I wanted to play a multiplayer game then we had to play hot seat. A hot seat game is a game where each player plays on the same computer and has to switch seats on each other’s turns. So my cousin and I would declare each other as allies for life and take on the world and kick them in the teeth, not watching what each other was doing in the interim. But with this age of rapid internet access the hot seat has grown cold.

Gameplay

Civilization is a game about resource management and diplomacy. Cities produce buildings, units, and settlers and settlers build more cities– build more cities to get more settlers, to get more settlers to get more cities.

The three resources that fuel every city in this game are food, production, and trade. These resources are gained from the terrain around a city by citizens and a city gets more citizens by getting enough food. Settlers can also improve terrain around a city, like improving the production of a mountain by adding a mine or the food yield of some grasslands by irrigating it.. Production helps the city build buildings and units more quickly. Trade contributes to science, money, and luxuries. The effect that trade has on these things is altered by the type of government your civilization is in. Certain governments have additional effects like Fundamentalist Utopias have no unhappy citizens but gain technology half as quickly as others or how the UN or congress can prevent an action in a Democracy. If you want to change your government then you have to send your civilization into anarchy for awhile, nothing useful can be accomplished in anarchy.

You can also view your city. It’s especially ridiculous when there are multiple wonders in one city. Do you remember the time when America built the Colossus, the Pyramids, and Big Ben?

Diplomacy is actually really simplistic. You can exchange technologies, declare war, arrange peace, make alliances, and that’s about it. You can also make these requests at the behest of other civilizations to try and gain their trust.

If the production of your city gets too high then it’ll start producing pollution. Pollution can be cleaned up by settlers or engineers but while its there the improvements of the tile are negated.

And if there’s enough of it on the map it’ll trigger global warming which is bad… m’kay.

There is also a civilization that has no cities and no territory, they’re barbarians. Barbarians will show up randomly and attack your cities, if you can destroy their leader you’ll get a little bonus. Barbarians keep up with you in technology at all times and love to destroy the improvements you’ve made to your land. If barbarians aren’t your style then you can turn them off.

Barbarians always take the color red and can pose a serious threat. And if they capture your cities then they can produce units for themselves!

You win the game after you’ve laid waste to every other civilization or built a spaceship capable of sending your civilization to Alpha Centauri. War has other advantages too, after you capture a city you can learn a technological advance that they’ve learned. Why bother learning anything if you can just clobber them for it?

The Gush

This game runs smooth on whatever computer I’ve played it on. It’s also available for download all over the web because it’s 18 years old. Free sounds like a good price to me.

The music is really good. There are over 20 tracks ranging from atmospheric tracks, to classical organ music.

You can have a throne room! You improve it one piece at a time and can keep improving the same piece have have a president’s desk in a dusty cave if you want.

Or be boring and keep things consistent.

This game has got a great map editor so you can have fun with your friends in all sorts of custom made maps.

The wonders in this game are large structures that present an advantage that lasts for most if not all of the game. But someone else can complete it before you and send all that production to waste. I think it’s a really interesting piece of risk vs. reward design.

The Test of Time expansion to this game makes significant improvements to the automated settler AI. Automated AI, because 20 settlers are just too many to manage manually.

Test of Time also brings improved graphics and interface.

The Kvetch

Games are made of choices and there’s no mechanical and nearly no aesthetic difference between each civilization. Whether it’s Zulus or Vikings, they start off and develop with the same odds as everyone else. Sometimes my civilization starts with additional technologies but it seems random.

There are some scenarios in the Test of Time expansion that seem bugged. I tried the future expansion but eventually I couldn’t develop more technology. I tried the magical world but I couldn’t transfer between worlds and couldn’t figure out how to win.

Wonders are great but if a civilization is close to getting one it warns the other players. These players can then use money to finish their wonder and then the game chooses randomly who constructs it. Even if that doesn’t work that player can shift that production to another wonder. I just wish there was a better system.

The Verdict.

This game is incredible and for the low cost of free I don’t see much reason not to give it a whirl. Whether you’re a fan of the series looking at the earlier versions or new to the genre entirely it’s super fun.

Next week: Gex: Enter the Gecko

Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance (Playstation 2, Xbox, Gamecube, Gameboy Advance.)

Introduction

If there’s a bustling metropolis in a fantasy setting it’s going to get messed up by everyone that knows about it, Baldur’s Gate is no exception and this day is like any other. Conspiracies, ancient prophecies, gelatinous cubes all await our weary adventurers in the city of destiny on the Sword Coast, Baldur’s Gate. It is kind of bizarre though that a level 1 adventurer is able to topple a multi organization wide conspiracy in a matter of a day or so–whatever, destiny or something.

It’s the standard fare really, gruff dwarf, buxom elf… generic human.

History

Dark Alliance started when the console users at the time clamored for a Baldur’s Gate game they could play on their consoles because the previous installments were for PC only. This game would be developed by Snowblind Studios instead of Bioware and the emphasis away from interesting moral choices is evident. The game turned into something more akin to Gauntlet than the DnD adventure Baldur’s Gate fans would probably have been accustomed to.

This game required it’s own engine, cleverly named the Dark Alliance Engine, in order to function. It was a great improvement over other engines of the time because it didn’t have the same aliasing problems, blurring basically, that other engines had.

Fun Fact: The Bards Tale, and Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel both use the Dark Alliance engine.

Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance was released on December second, 2001. It’s competition was, Devil May Cry (Playstation 2), Pikmin (Gamecube), Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube), and Final Fantasy X (Playstation 2).

Nostalgia

I used to play this game all the time with my cousin back in High School. We would just hack and slash our way through scores of monsters and talk about stuff, just things. I couldn’t tell you what the conversations were about, very much like this game’s events, they just seemed to float away with time.

“Whoa! Meteor swarm was worth the wait. But as I was saying, geometry blows…”

Gameplay

The Gameplay is pretty simple actually. You hit monsters with swords. That’s not even much of an exaggeration. The player explores a series of oddly angular tunnels and rooms filled with critters ranging from kobolds to giants and then they hit them with weapons, usually swords, in order to dispatch them. Each character has a different set of special skills and abilities they can unlock by allocating skill points. Skill points are acquired whenever the character levels up, which is accomplished by hitting enemies with swords– it’s a vicious cycle really, emphasis on vicious.

You go to different locations but the gameplay never changes. Whether you’re on a misty mountain top, wandering through the Marsh of Chelimber, or the onyx tower itself it’s all about the monster hitting.

Oh man, look at all these dudes, time to hit ’em.

Oh, and if you’re still hungry for hitting things with swords then you can start a new game plus. The game has 4 difficulty levels: Easy, normal, hard, and extreme. You can only actually play Extreme with a character who has played through the game once already on any other difficulty– trust me, you’ll need it. Normally in a new game plus you keep your weapons, armor, other items, and skill but in an Extreme playthrough you’ll only have you skills to keep you safe from the hoards of KILLER rats in the basement.

The Gush

The plot is right out of a good Dungeons and Dragons module. It’s got monsters galore and a villainous plot that comes right out of the Lord of the Rings. Not moral ambiguity, they’re the bad guys and you’re the good guys– thank goodness life’s not that simple. The art design also looks really good, there are all sorts of rugs and tapestries and things to check out.

…From buxom elven bartenders…

… To vicious beholders. This game has got everything.

The game is really forgiving about death in a multiplayer mode. If one player gets to a save point then the other returns to life in flash of light.

The Kvetch

The music is really hard to hear and doesn’t really build much atmosphere.

The character’s don’t have much character. Their dialogue occasionally differs but it’s really just there to push the plot.

Insert generic dialogue that works for all characters, regardless of class, race, or sex.

Gold isn’t shared or transferable between players. If my buddy hogs all the money then I might not be able to buy what I need and if he wants to give me some to buy something I really NEED then he can’t. His best option is to buy some stuff, drop it, let me pick it up, then I sell them back at half price. It’s a really bad system.

Lemme tell you about arrows. Fuck arrows. The human is an arcane archer so using the bow is kind of his thing and bows need arrows. Arrows are needlessly heavy and expensive, running out of them is common because aiming is so difficult. It’s easy to run out of arrows, run into a fight that you can’t win otherwise, and have to start the game over in order to stand a chance.

The Verdict

I looked back on this game with fond memories and it got great reviews at the time but I don’t think it aged very well. The story was fun to play through the first time but there’s no real distinction between one playthrough or another except the myriad of ways you can kill goblins. This game was sort of a place holder for doing something else, like fishing, it’s a great way to shoot the breeze but there’s probably something better to do. Or at least a more engaging interactive experience to share with a friend.

Next week: Sid Meier’s Civilization II

Theo’s Waste Basket: Sonic R (Saturn, PC, Playstation 2, Gamecube)

Theo’s Waste Basket will be an ongoing addition to my normal posts. My friend Thelonious finds old games that are commonly considered to be bad and gives them another look.

Introduction

If there’s one thing I know about video game franchises, it’s that outside of the core series, everyone likes to race. Mario and the gang have 8 games, Rare’s Diddy Kong Racing ganged up all its cute anthropomorphic pals and put together a unique racing game that had some semblance of a plot if you played it right, and in the last few years, Sega released their “all-star” kart racer. I guess driving is a lot of fun when you don’t have to save the world. But we’re not driving.

Why the hell would sonic need a car?

 

History

Sonic CD was the second game developed by Travelers Tales. It’s a familiar name. If you’ve played anything with “Lego” before the name of a movie series, they developed it. But back in the far-off land of 1996, Sonic Team began talking with the company about making a second Sonic game, the first being 3D Blast, which was a monument to the mega-drive’s processing capabilities. Like Sonic 3D Blast was for the Mega-drive and Genesis. Sonic R was meant to show the processing power and ability the Sega Saturn was capable of. On Halloween, Sonic R was released in North America.

A lot of VERY good games were released in 1997, so let’s look at just the big titles released around the same time. These games were: PaRappa the Rapper (PS1), Curse of Monkey Island (PC) and Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back (PS1) with Diddy Kong Racing not far behind, released November 24th. The PC version I played was released the following year.

Nostalgia

I barely even remember when I played Sonic R the first time. It certainly wasn’t on its original console. I was obsessed with Sonic, though. I don’t even remember where it came from but my youth was spent playing Sonic, Sonic 2 and Sonic 3 on the Genesis because damn did I love going fast and the color blue. I don’t have much memory of when I first played it though. I just borrowed a CD from a friend, and played it on our first computer, back in…shit, the early 2000’s?

At least it came with MYST.

 

The first time I played it, I was so excited. Sonic! Racing! I could play it! Unlike Myst with its prerendered, 3d pictures, I could run around a bunch of colorful, detailed courses. After a few races, I spent a lot of time in time attack exploring the maps.There was Flicky Island, which I remember from the comics, a Casino Night Zone/City streets area, A robotic stronghold, ancient ruins and a shining gemstone track in space you unlocked by coming in first on the four other tracks. Five maps isn’t all that impressive, even for 1997. I was a bit disappointed then, but I loved Sonic and I would take what I could get, dammit.

 

Gameplay

Like most early sonic games, the control scheme was simple, just brought into 3d. the up arrow went forward, left and right turned, but back let you crouch and instead of jumping when you pressed the spacebar you’d charge up a spindash and speed ahead. Mercifully, the left and right arrow keys were bound to drift, and not turn, making cornering possible.Turning normally I found out, playing with a friend on the Gamecube’s Mega Collection, is bogus and awful.  I found drifting mapped to the shoulder buttons on the controler and smoked him every race. Even on the gamecube though, the movement felt floaty. turns, even when i was drifting were very wide and sapped your speed immensely. Collision with walls and other characters was fine, but you would bounce and ricochet off of other racers like they were balloons making the beginning of races very chaotic and left me in last until i caught up.

There were also weather controls where different weather caused different track conditions. Rain made tracks slick, snow froze water that you could then walk on. It was a thing. There was a pretty big cast list, each racer had an unlockable alternate if you collected the 5 coins hidden on a stage and beat them in a head to head race. If you collected all the emeralds hidden across the first four stages, you could even be Super Sonic! All the characters have their own traits too; Tails flies, Knuckles glides, Sonic is faster, Amy drives? (sure why not) and Robotnik has the Egg-1 which fires a missile. I guess there was also back-story somewhere, but no one told me about it and it’s not ever brought up in the game. Pick a map, race, I guess Robotnik is there. Ho-hum.

Tails doll is a meme now, I presume everyone else faded into alcoholism.

 

The Salvage

You are wrong. I know what you’re going to say and you are wrong. The music is well produced and in ANY non-video game setting, a CD perhaps, it would have had its fans. I still listen to the credit music sometimes. Music aside…

 

The Scrap

It has not aged well. At all. The characters are low low polygon, with very minimal detail, the maps have even less polygons. The ruins, fortress and city stages are pretty graphically detailed, but every map but the last feels very short. Control issues are there, even on drifting, I found myself hitting walls on tight turns. Collecting emeralds and coins can be a nightmare. You had to get all 5 coins AND come in first to even have a chance of unlocking the new racer. The same goes for emeralds. Come in first, or get nothing. You can collect rings for a speed booster that for a price will accelerate you for a bit but it’s nearly useless. You’re better off using the rings to open up a ring gate that provides a better shortcut or opens up an emerald to collect on your next pass. Some gates are literally just a gate without anything else. It just sits to the side so you can open it later and have an emerald just out in the open. It’s weird and feels unfinished. There are a lot of characters, sure, but the unlockables are only better versions of their non-robot selves and Amy’s car is slow, sounds like someone giving you a constant raspberry and the boost you get in place of being able to jump didn’t last long enough to make her a viable racer in any circumstance (I still won with her). Speaking of slow, after you unlock Super Sonic, there’s no chance of you winning as anyone else. None of the maps are very well designed and the final map is just rainbow road. They didn’t even try to hide it. Is there more? Probably…

 

The Decision

I downloaded a .rar trying to get some nostalgia and it happened to have the entire soundtrack. If you want some 90’s R&B, find a download of that. I can’t get the .iso file to play so I’m gonna delete it.

 

The Misadventures of Tron Bonne (Playstation 1)

 Introduction

How did the Bonnes pay for that giant flying machine of theirs? Well, how does anyone finance a large investment? They got a loan of course– right this way are you looking for a car, a house, or a fully armed flying armada? Unfortunately their loan shark is the vicious Lex Loath and he wants his money and exorbitant interest on top of it. Play as Tron Bonne leading Servbots into battle while controlling Tron’s latest fighting machine.

Her latest creation is called the Gustaff and it’s a really solid fighting machine.

 

History

 Sorry guys, I couldn’t find hide nor hair about the development or history of this game. It came with a demo for Legends 2 and that’s pretty cool.

Fun Fact: The voice actor for Bon Bonne is the same woman who voices Pikachu. She’s in Legends 1 and 2 but not in this game for some reason.

The Misadventures of Tron Bonne was released on April 30th, 1999. It’s competition was Team Fortress Classic (PC), Pokemon Snap (Nintendo 64), and Baldur’s Gate: Tales of the Sword Coast (PC).

Nostalgia

Back in the day we didn’t have none a’ that fancy internet. I learned about games from friends and advertisements until my uncle subscribed me to Playstation Magazine. It’s a little obsolete considering how much free advertising there is nowadays but back then it was invaluable. It was filled with exclusive looks at titles, cheats, walkthroughs for the most popular games, I wouldn’t have completed Kingdom Hearts without it. I wouldn’t have known about this game without my subscription. I remember thinking, “I get to play as Tron Bonne? Sign me the fuck up!”

Gameplay

This game is unlike the standard Megaman affair in a few ways. The Gustaff is not as agile as Megaman and Tron has an army of Servbots to do her bidding. That being said the Gustaff can take WAY more punishment than the blue bomber, I upgraded the heck outta my health and I was never at risk for dying. You’ll have to make up for your lack of agility by sending your Servbots to do your bidding. The Gustaff can fire a “beacon bomb” to mark enemies and useful targets for the Servbots to investigate.

The cutest robbery.

Lex Loath kidnaps Teisel and Bon and is holding them ransom for the one million zenny debt you owe him. So, you’ve got to get your pirate hat on and steal whatever you can find in order to get the money. You’ll be searching ancient ruins for treasure, stealing animals, robbing banks, and looting harbors in order to foot the bill. You’ll be solving block puzzles, running around in the Gustaff and dealing damage, or using a more tactical mindset controlling the Finkle, a small flying camera with a mean charge. There are enough missions to match your playstyle to get the money you need no matter how things go down so just have fun.

That’s Lex on the right. Sleazy…. as…. fuck.

Servbots add a whole bunch of different angles to missions, they’re indestructible, loyal, but a little incompetent. They’ll be fixing their mistakes a lot, with Miss Tron’s expert guidance of course. Occasionally a Servbot will get lazy and that means it’s a trip to the TORTURE ROOM for them– that’s right, the Gessellschaft has a Servbot torture room to keep them all on their toes. Servbots also have special skills. These skills can get unlocked by raising their stats or giving them a special item to inspire them. Most of these skills are really useful, some of them aren’t– in combat anyway. If you want to change the music or alter the Gustaff’s appearance then these “useless” skills will come in handy for you.

 

The Gush

Holy Servbots Batman. There are 40 Servbots in all and they’re all on the ship somwhere, they all have a unique personality and a short bio– I love reading about these guys and seeing them in action.

You upgrade the Gustaff by spending money at Research and Development and I thought that was really interesting. Do you spend your money on upgrades or save it up to pay Loath? I mean, who know’s what he’s doing to Teisel in the meantime.

Denise Marmalade is a police lady who always shows up to try and stop Tron. If you’re doing your job right then she won’t succeed but dammit does she try. She’s just got this down on her luck attitude that makes you feel sorry for ruining her day.

If you thought Sabin from Final Fantasy 6 was tough, this mild mannered police lady can actually JUDO THROW the Gustaff. That’s metal.

It’s super fun to be able to see the inside of the Gessellschaft. It’s got a bunch of room with all sorts of stuff in them.

You’ll spend most of your time on the bridge…

… But there’s nothing stopping you from taking a little visit to Teisel’s study.

BTW, did I mention that you’re playing the villains? I know the Bonnes are pretty benign as far as villains go but I’m always up for playing the bad guys.

Like all Legends games the music is top notch.

 

The Kvetch

I know that Tiesel has been kidnapped so he can’t appear but he’s my favorite Bonne. I know he’s more hands off and Tron is usually behind the controls but I would have liked to hear that maniacal laugh of his a little more.

I love Servbots, they’re awesome. But the training minigames you play for them are tedious as hell and not fun at all. I usually skipped them altogether and hoped my shooting and dodging skills would make up for it.

There are only three weapons in this game. I know it’s not technically a Megaman game but three weapons is kind of a let down. The Gustaff could be outfitted with a gun that shoots snakes or something but sadly that’s not meant to be.

The Verdict

 If you like any of the Legends games then I recommend this game. I love it, no nostalgia here. It’s a unique Megaman experience, playing as the bad guys.

Next Week: Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance.

Megaman Legends 2 (PS1)

Introduction

Professor Barrell, Megaman and Roll’s grandfather, and his old colleague Von Bluecher are making another attempt at landing on Forbidden Island– I know it’s dangerous but with a name like ‘Forbidden Island’ it’s just asking for people to explore it. A place where the Mother Load is said to be. Roll’s parents attempted this expedition and were never seen again. Barrell and Bluecher’s last expedition nearly cost them their lives. Megaman and Roll watch the proceeds on television, Roll’s dreams of finding the Mother Load are basically shattered. But, a woman who looks like Roll’s mother and a strange Reaverbot damage the engines on Bluecher’s ship. Sending it slowly into Forbidden Island anyway. Megaman and Roll have to use Roll’s father’s designs for a drop ship to get to Forbidden Island and save gramps– and all the other people on the ship, them too! Run, jump, and shoot in this stunning sequel.

I’m not sure which is more striking, Roll’s adorable pajamas or seeing Megaman in an apron.

History

There’s not much to say about the development of Legends 2 that wasn’t already said about Legends 1. That being said there was supposed to be a Legends 3. When asked about it after this game’s release Inafune said he wanted to do it but couldn’t at the time. Cut to 7 years after his games release, on September 29, 2010, all of the Legends fans rejoice at the announcement of Megaman Legends 3. Legends 3 is put on hold so that Capcom can test the waters by selling something called Megaman Legends 3: Prototype Version, stating that if Prototype Version sold well enough that they would release Legends 3.

On July 18, 2011 it was announced that the whole project was scrapped because, “it was not felt that the Mega Man Legends 3 project met the required criteria”. What does that even mean? Did the game fail to complete on time on its budget? Did it fail to meet some sort of weird requirement? Did you think it wouldn’t sell? I dunno, what I do know is that it’s a low blow to ask a game’s fans to buy another game to get the game they want to be finished or released. It’s just a manipulative tactic that’s not cool to use.

Pictured here was the fanbase’s reaction to Megaman Legends 3 getting cancelled.

Megaman Legends 2 was released on August 3rd, 2001. It’s competition was Max Payne (PC), Final Fantasy X (PS2), Silent Hill 2 (PS2), and Ico (PS2)

Nostalgia

Manuals, I love them. Nothing like getting all this background information that might not show up in the game but is cool to read about anyway, amirite? Well, the Legends 2 manual took a detour somewhere in translation hell. Character’s names are mistranslated all over the place so it’s hard to keep track of who’s who. I had wondered if perhaps there was something wrong with my manual and I was the estranged owner of a misprint manual but that’s not the case, they were all messed up. I’m curious why though, how a translation error like this happens. I guess I’m just glad that the game doesn’t suffer from translation problems, it’s engrish-free.

Gameplay

Like its predecessor this game is all about the jumping and shooting. Unlike its predecessor this game has other islands to explore. It’s basically the first game but with more. More about reaverbot mysteries, more pirates to fight, more ruins to explore, better animation, better load times, better mechanics. It also provides a satisfactory explanation for why Megaman doesn’t have all the gear he had in the first game, Roll pawned it all so she could fix the Flutter so well that it would never break down again. It’s sort of lame for there to be no bonus for owning the previous game, but true to her word the Flutter doesn’t suffer any sort of malfunctions.

And considering how far that ship’ll have to fly, I’m pretty grateful.

The Bonnes have teamed up with Glyde of the Loathe gang and two veteran pirates named Bola and Claymore. Without the Gesselschaft the Bonnes have had to rely on a fleet of smaller flying machines to get around. They’re still as crafty as ever. Glyde has superior firepower and stronger foot soldiers in his Bird-bots. But his birdbots are far more lazy than Tron’s Servbots. Bola and Claymore flex their veteran muscles by fighting Megaman in one on one fights, typically when the Blue Bomber is running on fumes. They present a much greater and varied threat than the Bonnes alone could.

There are 5 islands and another spoilery area to explore in this game. Ranging from frigid climates of Calinca to the deserts of Saul Kada from the jungle of Manda to the refurbished reaverbot ruin of Nino. Each area presents a totally different atmosphere and setting. It’s also really interesting to see more of this world covered in endless water. That being said, the map has kind of a lot of land for a world covered in endless water. It’s time to solve they mystery of the Mother Load.

SNOW! Also, characters sport new accessories. Behold, Roll’s winter coat and Megaman’s uselessly small but infinitely large backpack.

The Gush

The Bosses in this game are really fun to fight. Between fighting giant robots that barely fit in their rooms or fighting the whole pirate gang in a weaponized train– with an infinitely long track apparently.

Oh… uh… hey Punch Man. This guy is also more agile than you’d expect.

I love Bola and Claymore. Maybe it’s because I just wanted them to get a little more screen time, maybe it was because I was interested in how they amassed their fortunes, maybe it’s because I wanted to know what they looked like under their armor, maybe it’s because their theme music is just so catchy. I was just taken in by Bola’s cool demeanor and Claymore’s near indestructibility– defeated only because he throws his back out.

Just look at these guys! The only thing that could have made them better is if there was a fight against both of them at the same time.

Everything about this game is improved over the last one. The game is overall smoother. Megaman can move while he’s locked on now, loading screens are shorter, menu surfing is smoother. It’s the way a sequel should be.

Although the dungeons aren’t all interconnected they’re much more inventive. Between water physics and all the cool stuff that brings and the new and improved reaverbots Megaman’ll tackle it’s overall really cool.

The mega buster has better parts and the special weapons have become a little more niche. It’s difficult to express but special weapons aren’t just boss killers anymore, they’ll be helpful in beating the tougher normal enemies.

The Kvetch

These are Appo and Dah.

And they’re annoying as hell. They run around, need to be escorted, and shout all the goddam time. Not a second goes by with this guys around that they’re not shouting, “Over here!” or “This way!” at the top of their lungs.

I dunno what happened to Gramps between this game and the last one. In Legends 1 he was an uproariously proud and boisterous digger who was too old to put on the armor and go into the field. He was always full of life and energy. In this game it sounds like age caught up with him really fast. He speaks in a low grumbling tone. It’s still warm and kind, but that energy is gone and it was something that I looked forward to in the character.

The test to get the Class S digger license is a load of bull-honkey. It’s hard as hell and locks off a really cool water dungeon with lots of valuable loot inside. When I say hard as hell, I mean that it demands a nearly perfect run from the player to complete properly. What exacerbates the problem is that Megaman’s upgrades and special weapons are limited to what the exam gives him so the player can’t rely on their more impressive equipment.

Manda island sports a pretty good school for a jungle village. Megaman can take quizzes at the school to earn items. They’re 10 questions long and include topics ranging from brain teasers, to obscure music trivia. Doing the three base quizzes reveals a 100 questions quiz. This quiz sucks, they’re all pretty frustrating. What got my goat is that each quiz has a limited question pool so I’d see a question I had answered correctly before but couldn’t remember the answer to now.

Oh man, only 47 questions left.

Megaman got a new voice actor that kind of makes him sound like a girl. I know that he’s a 14 year old boy in this incarnation, so having a female voice actor isn’t unfeasible. I mean, Bart Simpson has a female voice actor and he sounds like a young boy. Megaman’s voice from the first game seemed to sound like a young boy more. Maybe I just hate change, maybe I’m just crazy. Drop a comment if you agree or you think I’m crazy.

This game is more transparent with its karma system than the last game. If Megaman does good things the his armor turns a brighter shade of blue, if he performs cruel deeds like kicking rabbits then his armor turns a darker shade of blue. This seems like a sort of silly thing but there are some merchants that will only sell to Megaman if he’s good or if he’s evil. How are you supposed to figure this out? I have NO CLUE! But some of these merchants sell incredibly useful items, from which special weapons can’t be crafted without.

So… there’s no Megaman Legends 3 and… at the end of the game SPOILERS Megaman ends up on the artificially created moon. So… Megaman is trapped on the moon. And until there’s a sequel he’s stuck there. That’s kind of a bummer.

The Verdict

I know the Gush section was much shorter than the Kvetch in this case but it’s just easier to condemn something than it is to laud its praises. And because this game still does all the things that he first game did right. I like this game a lot more than the previous game because it keeps things fresh by making them quicker. If you like the first then definitely play the second.

Next Week: The Misadventures  of Tron Bonne (Because completion)