Zoe’s (MMO)RPG Corner: Echo of Soul

Echo of Soul (EoS) is a free-to-play fantasy MMORPG I like to call “less shitty Tera” because it’s basically the same thing except with a gender lock on classes, less sexualization of girl children (which is not to say none) and not as many little doodles that made it into the final product, so that’s nice I guess?

History and Development

Echo of Soul is from Korea. It was developed by Nvius and published by Aeria Games in the US (who also brought us such magical titles as Scarlet Blade, unarguably the worst piece of shit I have ever played in my entire life, which I will not be reviewing because it just shut down, ding dong, the witch is dead). So like, we immediately know not to trust this game.

I can’t really find much more on the development of this game. I’m pretty sure that it’s another one made to make money, but hey, I guess most games are.

What I do know is that I picked this one up for the blog, and also because I really am in the process of finding a new MMO to blow some time on. This one seemed interesting because of the buzz it was getting on the internet (that buzz being “It exists!”) Sometimes I just search “popular MMOs” and see what’s going on out there.

This one I liked purely because it seemed less muddled than a lot of them and because the graphics were pleasent.

You know, someday I’m going to get to write another long, labor of love saga here, but I’m pretty sure EoS isn’t one of those.

Character Creation

So the first thing I should note is the gender lock.

This is one of those things that might be a deal breaker for a lot of people, and it almost was for me as well. See, there are six classes. Warriors, Rogues, and Warlocks and locked to male. I love playing warriors, and I’m pretty insistent on playing ladytypes, so for me this was almost a reason not to play this game, but I was willing to give it a try.

Mostly because Guardians looked cool.

Except for their wacky unnecessary boob physics.

The other two female classes, Sorceresses and Archers, were a little less interesting to me, and more traditionally “femme” classes, as both are long range.

The character creator, however, is pretty great. One thing that gets me about a lot of MMOs is how many little sliders there are. I know I’ve mentioned in a couple of reviews that I don’t like too many details, and EoS has just the right amount. Also you can be blue. So that’s epic.

Story

So here’s what’s going down. There was a big war between the gods and the giants. The gods won, but the blood of the giants fucked shit up and corrupted the land. The PCs job is to stop the shitty corrupted souls from…I dunno, be more corrupting?

Giants are scary. All you really need to know.

Also there are larger souls with abstract concept names that need to get snagged from baddies.

Most of this I did admittedly learn from the opening cinematic because there’s a lot of writing in the story here, but some of it I did actually figure out as I played. I don’t know why games feel the need to include 150-300 words of exposition for each quest, but I wish they’d stop. If they were more concise, maybe I’d actually understand the story better.

But there are specifically marked main quests that guide you through the story, so at least you can grab some more information as you go. Not that it’s particularly interesting. The above information on story still holds true, basically throughout the game, but the main themes seem to be about purifying the land and returning it to pre-gross-giant-blood conditions.

Game Play

These are basic MMO controls. You have abilities, and you get more as you level up. It’s a TAB target system, you hit a button, you hit some other buttons, and then you kill things.

One of the more interesting parts of the game play is the soul system. This is what allows you a little customization when it comes to how to play the game. After you kill an enemy, you get a soul (or sometimes you get them from quests) which you can then purify and make into one of four types (it’s random, though, so you just get a bunch). Then you can use them for different buffs in battle, like a health increase or upping your attack speed. The cool down is long, but it’s a nice little detail.

Yes, there’s some customization in terms of play style built into class (each one has two specialties) but I found that I just stuck with one that fit me and didn’t try out the other very much. Actually, that kind of was how the whole thing went. I didn’t want to try other classes because, like many MMOs, it was really repetitive. I got through the tutorial with every class but then just stopped because god, who wants to kill four wolves again?

But again, that might just be a play style issue. I’m not sure.

Like story, I don’t have a lot to say here, because the game play is pretty basic. It’s not stellar. It’s not terrible. It does what it’s supposed to do and then just fades into the background. It happens to you, is the best way to put it. Not that that’s a bad thing, but the game play certainly isn’t something to write home about.

The Good

Even though I just said the game play was just there, I’m going on record that the combat is solid. Because it is. It’s kind of fun and it lets you do a lot with a little without really pushing anything on you. It’s intuitive, certainly–if you’ve played a video game before, you can play this one.

The designs aren’t bad–most of the time–and the maps are smaller and broken up so you’re not going to spend a lot of time getting lost on your way to a quest. This is something in this game’s favor to me. I don’t mind open world but I do tend to like linear games if it’s something this mindless. This is no Dragon Age: Inquisition where you want to see everything and something new and exciting awaits around every corner. This is just a slashfest and at least it knows it enough not to pretend it’s anything else.

But really, the designs could have been way more over the top and I like the simplicity.

Also, dungeons. I didn’t get a chance to talk about this earlier, but there are these dungeons that are solo which is great for someone like me who actually doesn’t want to make online friends. The dungeons come at different skill levels and you can go back later. They also sometimes include puzzles, and the fights are way more interesting than they are in the open world. And they can be kind of hard! But I had a good time doing them and found them to be well designed and entertaining.

The Bad

The gender lock I guess, but really, I wasn’t that upset about it. I mean, someday I want to see a gender lock that’s got lady warriors and dude healers, but I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. At least I got one femme DPS character, even though she was almost a little AoE support.

The Ugly

After playing this game, I’m going to take a long break from anything that wants me to read long paragraphs during games (which pretty much means all MMO’s, especially those produced in Asia). I don’t like the quests. It wears on me that everything was just like 500 words of “story” and then boiled down to “Kill ten bad guys”. I don’t care why I have to go commit snake woman genocide. I wish I did, but if you’re going to slow me down and make me read all that shit, my interest level is going to wane. A lot.

I mean, honestly.

I know this is a weird thing to say, because I’m both a professional writer and a voracious reader, but I’m not expecting to spend my video game time reading. It’s just not what I want to do. It’s a visual medium and I expect you to find a better, visual (or aural) way to explain quests to me. I don’t mind cut scenes and I’m fine with spoken mission briefings, but I’m not squinting at my computer screen to figure out why it’s so important that I bring you a bunch of rocks.

Oh, and I guess armor’s not great. Too many titties. But it certainly could be worse.

From here…?

…Eh. This one I’d honestly say to give a miss. I would tell you to try it, but if you’ve tried one free, online MMO (with a few notable exceptions, looking at you here, DCUO) you’ve kind of tried them all. If you want one that’s decent, I’d give this a shot. I had a good time bingeing it for a few weeks, but then I stopped playing it and I’m not planning on ever going back. It’s a nice break from other games, but it’s nothing special.

But it’s maybe better than other stuff running around out there in the same catagory. So I’ll give it a solid “Meh.”

Next Month: Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn! Cat girls! Way too much cuteness! Nostalgic music! We get to talk about Final Fantasy AND character creation!

Zoe’s (MMO)RPG Corner: DC Universe Online

DC Universe Online (DCUO) is a free-to-play superhero MMORPG that’s about superheroes where you work with established DC superheroes and fly around and are a superhero and is it obvious that I really love superheroes?

History and Development

 

DCUO was developed by Daybreak Games, which also produced Ever Quest and H1Z1, neither of which I’ve ever played. Maybe they’re good? Who knows. Not me. Point is, they do have games that I’ve heard of and the Ever Quest developers were involved in the creation of DCUO as well.

Developers said they wanted to make a “different kind of MMO” which is basically what everyone says. A lot of their inspiration came from The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, a game from 2005, in terms of game play. Which is funny because the Hulk is Marvel. I honestly don’t know what to think of the relationship between Marvel and DC; they’re like best friends who also hate each other.

The game was originally pay-to-play, but went free-to-play only a couple months after its first beta in 2010-11. It uses microtransations to fuel its economy.

Why did I pick up this game? Because it’s about superheroes. And I frakking love superheroes. I didn’t want a game that made me play as an established one (like most of the Marvel games) so DCUO seemed like the obvious choice. Yes, please allow me to make my own superhero. It was everything I wanted.

For a long time, I’ve been really into superheroes. I love the DC universe because, when done right, it’s really all about teamwork and hero interaction, while the Marvel universe is often more about the stories of individuals. Getting a game where the characters I loved were part of the actual game play was just a lot of fun, and getting to see/be part of that teamwork aspect gave me the warm fuzzies.

This show WASN’T my childhood…I watched it in my twenties and it was awesome.

Additionally, I’d heard positive reviews on the game. In college, I knew a few people who played and meant to get into it, but never managed it. It’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve been playing.

Character Creation

 

I actually don’t like the character creator very much. It’s cumbersome and isn’t particularly intuitive. The options are nice and there are all sorts of cool things to chose from, but it’s a badly designed interface and it’s tricky to get through. Also whoever designed some of the hair styles should have gotten off the Dragon Ball Z.

There are some cool choices. You get to chose your superpower (which includes combat role, sorta), your weapon, and your movement method. Also your costume, though there are tons of other options later so that will probably change.

Also you can chose to either play a hero or a villain which is a ton of fun.

The creation process is pretty simple though. There’s not a whole heck of a lot of physical options but those that are there are kind of wild (snake skin and wings, that kind of stuff). It’s fun, or it would be if the interface wasn’t so finicky. They use a lot of scrolling menus that are way over-sensitive.

Too much scrolling! Too much!

I guess it does what it needs to do, but it could do that a lot better.

 Story

Here’s some serious superhero shit:

Alternate Universe Lex Luthor comes to the DC universe and releases a lot of little nanobytes with superpowers into the air, because Braniac is coming and we’re basically all gonna be fucked up, so we need more superheroes.

That’s the story. How comic book bullshit is that?

As a comic fan, I just kind of rolled with it because honestly, that sounds about right. Comics are weird. Not like, Anime Logic weird, but really, really weird. Besides, it’s actually not a bad way to explain why there are so many new superheroes.

The rest of the story is given to you via either Oracle or Calculator, and through your mentor (Batman, Superman, or my girl Wonder Woman if your a good guy, Lex, Circe, or the Joker if you’re a bad guy). They just sort of pop up when you’re the right level and begin filling you in. It’s nice because it’s all voiced, which allows you to absorb the story without having to go looking for quests and also you can keep walking while you do.

The story also introduces you to a lot o established heroes so, if you’re like me, you can fangirl your pretty face off about Huntress and Zatana and stuff.

The writing is really solid too. Sometimes it’s a little goofy, but that’s always been okay with me, and honestly it’s better than games that try to take themselves seriously al the time. If one is working with characters like the Joker and Oracle, one has to have something of a sense of humor.

 

Gameplay

Game play is where this game really shines. They use something a lot more like a fighting game style for combat. You have abilities, but you mostly just punch and kick and flame and ice and combo your way through stuff. It’s really fun and bouncy and intuitive, actually. Also, while the graphics aren’t something I’d write home about, the movement is really natural and awesome. It gives you your own fighting style that can feel totally unique to your character.

Also I mean, who doesn’t wanna punch Batman sometimes?

I’m playing a character with brawling as a fighting style/weapon and fire as a superpower. It’s a really interesting, fun time because not only can I punch people, I can also set them on fire. But then if you wanted to play someone with a ranged weapon, like a gun or a bow, but also have a fire superpower, your fighting style would be very different.

As mentioned before, questing is really easy, and they release new issues with little stories every once in a while to continue the game.

Movement is also a lot of fun because you can climb/fly up buildings and stuff. Also, zero fall damage. Really, the game play contributes to making this game actually feel the way superhero movies, shows, and comics look. It makes you feel invincible…which isn’t the same thing as being easy. I die all the time. But I feel cool right before I do it.

 

The Good

Game play. Top notch stuff. Really fun and bouncy and intuitive combat,lots of powers to chose from to create your own play style.

Also you’re a superhero. Did I mention that part?

But in all seriousness, that actually is part of the cool part of this game. Unlike a lot of the superhero bullshit people (mostly Zack Snyder) shit out these days, this game doesn’t take itself even a little bit seriously. The joker clowns are just as stupid and ridiculous as you expect them to be. The superheroes make stupid jokes, as superheroes should.

Right                                                       Wrong

Because they’re supposed to be fun. The problem with making superheroes gritty is you’ll never get away from the fact that Batman responded to trauma by dressing as a bat and fighting crime. You’re stuck with that. And that’s totally stupid. DCUO is aware of that stupidity. It doesn’t ask you to ignore it. It asks you to embrace it.

The Bad

The level scaling always seemed a little funny to me. Things that are supposed to be on my level kick my ass every time. The story quests seem to run a little ahead of where they shoud and yeah, maybe that’s part of the challenge, but it gets frustrating after you die for the third time doing a quest that’s supposed to be a level or two below you.

The Ugly

Inventory. How hard is it to get a decent inventory up in this place? Honesty, though, the interface of this entire time game is messed up. As soon as you start fighting and instead want to buy something or change your stupid boots, it gets really complicated. The designers really had a hard-on for scroll menus which I dislike on principal,and it makes it really frustrating to get anything done.

Also my inventory is a mess. Whoever invented “Inventory Sorting” should be crowned as the supreme ruler of the world because every time I play a game that doesn’t have it, I get really angry.

From here…?

Get this game. Especially if you like superheroes, but even if you just like well designed, fun games. It’s a lot of fun in a sort of dorky way. Also you can slam your fist into the ground and shoot fire out of it. I mean, who doesn’t love that shit? I don’t want to know people who don’t.

If you’re a fan of the DC universe, I really urge you to give this a try. It’s a fun look at some famous superheroes. The writing for Oracle as a quest giver is especially good and it’s always wonderful to see my girl Barbara getting some love. So yeah, if you have any knowledge of the DC universe, or you want to know about it, this game is a decent place to start.

Next Month: Echo of Soul. TERA Part Two But Not As Awful? A long discussion of gender locks and quest grinding. Korea, why do you produce so many MMOs?

Zoe’s (MMO)RPG Corner: World of Warcraft

Hi guys! After my unexpected hiatus, I am back to bitch about bad armor! And what a better place to start than here?

World of Warcraft is a pay-to-play third person fantasy MMORPG and is probably the most popular in a long line of Warcraft games about like, orcs and shit. And everyone has really strong feelings about this game so prepare to be deeply offended by me, I assume.

History and Development

World of Warcraft (WoW) is the really large and sceam-y baby of Blizzard Entertainment, which has also contributed basically every designer for every other MMO featured by me on this blog. It honestly seems like kind of a shit place to work because everyone leaves angry.

Blizzard created the first three games of the Warcraft series, all of which were real-time strategy (RTS) games. Basically there was a lot of plot in those games which I don’t 100% feel like going into but here are the basics as I managed to understand them:

• Orcs and Humans hate each other.
• If you’re an elf, you’re probably sort of an asshole.
• Honestly, they should all go to a non-governmental model because basically every monarch becomes evil or goes crazy or something.
• For some reason, trolls are Jamaican and I bet there’s some weird racism going on there.
• Serious damsel in distress syndrome despite having a “matriarchal race” that isn’t “evil”.

There, now we’re all caught up enough to move on to the rest of this review. Blizzard announced World of Warcraft in 2001 and it came out in 2004. Despite being heralded still as the be-all-end-all archetype for every MMO ever, it kind of was just a game (and also not the first MMO, so everyone calm down about that). The world was designed to be open so players could sort of wander off wherever they wanted to go instead of being stuck in a linear progression.

I never played WoW until last spring. I picked it up because here I am writing a blog about MMO’s and I’d never played what is admittedly the best selling MMORPG in the world. According to Wikipedia, WoW has 7.1 MILLION subscribers as of May of 2015, which is a massive number. Me not playing it was kind of becoming a problem, no matter how cool I looked when I said that I played Warcraft III instead.

So I picked it up. I mean, character creation, vaguely interesting designs, tons of options? Kind of seemed like something I would actually enjoy. And to be perfectly frank, I’d been looking for a reason to try it out. I mean, it’s the kind of game that people are going to judge you for playing AND for not playing so like, it’s hard to decide if you want to start playing just based on poling.

Character Creation

Let’s talk about sexual dimorphism!

This is a biological term that refers to males and females of the same species that look vastly different. IN  real life nature, there are a few of these, though often it’s based purely on coloration rather than body type. In humans and most members of the animal kingdom, this is completely untrue. Human bodies have some sex based differences, but not that much. And I don’t mean sexual organs here. I mean major physical traits like shoulder width.

You know who does have sexual dimorphism? Most of the races in World of Warcraft!

One of these is a troll. The other is a blue human lady with tusks.

I don’t really need to wax poetic about how messed up this is because other people have done it for me, but I do want to just point it out because it makes me super mad.

Moving swiftly forward, the character creator itself isn’t too bad. Races are faction locked and some classes are race locked (and honestly there are a lot of both so I don’t feel like listing all of them) but it’s not too bad. You get enough character slots that you can really kind of go for it in terms of playing different things. I like that.

The creator itself is basic, but that’s not a problem either. I play so many games that are like “Do you want to adjust the size of this character’s nose bridge?” and honestly I really don’t. I don’t really care about a lot of that, unless there are gonna be a ton of cutscenes. Even then, it’s kind of whatever.

But I did get to make myself a blue-skinned ginger troll lady and that was kind of bitchin’, I will not lie to you. Except I still really wish she got more tusks.

Story

I dunno.

If I had a dollar for every time I wrote “I don’t know what the story of this MMO is”, I would be filthy rich.

Now, it’s important to note I refused to pay for WoW and so played it only in the “free until level 20” way. But if one damn person says, “Well the game doesn’t really start until X level,” I will destroy you. If a game doesn’t start until you’re that far into it, or it doesn’t start until max level, or anything like that, it’s a badly designed game. Sticking to my guns on that one.

Here’s what I got for the story:

1. The Alliance and the Horde hate each other for reasons.

Yup. That’s it. There is no 2. That’s really the entire plot line by level 20. If this game starts at level 50, well…too bad.

Sidenote: Wikipedia tells me that the story of WoW is apparently about a disappearing king and some disguised dragon lady, but I have seen none of that. It looks convoluted anyway.

Gameplay

Point. Click. Murder.

Combat is basic. It’s actually hard to talk about the mechanics of this game seeing as it’s kind of the mechanics of A LOT OF GAMES. Here I am actually going to give WoW props for coming up with a lot of things that I look at in other games and go, “It’s stock.” WoW is certainly the Lord of the Rings of MMOs so I’m not going to be pissy bout the controls being boring.

That being said, the controls are boring.

Pretty much the best part of this game for me was being a druid and getting to turn into a cat. I’m pretty sure I was that more than I was anything even vaguely humanoid. That’s a solid mechanic.

I call it “Fluffy”.

The Good

WoW is a solid, basic MMO. It runs on most computers, unless you have something chiseled out of rock (this is huge; my computer is a hunk of overheating junk). They do what they do well, and you gotta give them props on that.

There’s a really solid amount of customization. I like having a lot of classes and races so it’s fun for me to try out new things, and boy oh boy does WoW have that. There’s something for all styles.

Wanna be a giant healing cow? Got you covered. 

The Bad

Now I understand that part of what was going on here was that they were trying to make an open world sandbox-y MMO where you could just go anywhere and do anything, but like, if all a game is is “kill ten wolves” and “get me a shiny stone” and there’s no storyline, I’m not going to be massively invested in it. Not that what they have isn’t good. I do like mindless MMO side quests sometimes, because I get to listen to radio and murder things, but if that’s all it is, I’m not going to be on board.

I just honestly wanted this to have more storyline than it did. If your story starts at max level, I’m not going to hang around for all the hours of grinding to get there.

The Ugly

Tits. On. Skeletons.

Mmm, yeah, lookit them undead boobies.

Also a shitty community, let’s be real. I muted them all on day one and was perfectly happy afterwards, but that sort of saddened me a little. I don’t wanna hide from other gamers.

From here…?

I can’t recommend this game. But I can’t recommend against this game. I’ll be keeping it on my computer (unlike Tera, which I deleted the day my review for it came out). I might even update it and play it sometimes. It’s fun. It’s just not interesting.

I think what I’d tell people to do would be to download the free trial and give it a shot. It deserves a shot at least. It’s not a bad game and I can see why so many people like it. Give it a try. Don’t let people decide for you.

Next Month: DC Universe Online. We’re gonna talk about SUPERHEROES! I LOVE SUPERHEROES!

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Mass Effect

The Mass Effect series is a single player science fantasy RPG which, by and large, dudes seem to think is about shooting aliens and girls seem to think is about boinking aliens.  I’m sure there’s a good amount of crossover, but if you’ve never played it, just be aware that those seem to be the general ideas.

Before we go any further, please press play on the following video in order to get the correct atmosphere:

Credit here to the wonderful Miracle of Sound and everything power metal video game thing he does.

History and Development

Because the series is (so far) one long story, I’ve chosen to write a single review on all three Mass Effect games.  Mass Effect One was announced by BioWare (our old friend) in 2005 as part of a trilogy so it’s not like people were ever confused about it being one big thing. You play the same character through all three games – a character who gets more and more fed up with everyone’s bullshit – and NPCs have their own development and story lines throughout the trilogy.

The point of this game was to be an RPG, never a shooter.  There have been other games where the main point is killing dudes but Mass Effect was never one of those games.  The whole point was to immerse the player in the world and really get the story across.  The developers wanted them to connect to the characters, to really feel like they had a stock in their well being.  They wanted the universe they made to be important to the player. This is an RPG in the truest of senses because really you are supposed to take on the role of Commander Shepard, the PC.

Which like, isn’t hard, because Shep is a BADASS

Of course they also were making a shooter so they did a ton of development with that.  In the second game they apparently spent the first three months of development just reworking that part of the system, which is admittedly weak in the first game.  But as new technology and graphics and ideas became available, as they got feedback from their players, the games got better in that aspect.

Mass Effect is the kind of game where you play one and you gotta play them all.  That’s what happened to me.  I played the first one under duress and ended up getting totally into it.  They really do immerse you into the world.  The characters are really endearing  – people disagree with me on some of this but they are wrong – and the game itself is really fantastic.  Well, the games.  The first one has some…gameplay shit that gets me down.

There are some other things too but we’ll get to that.

Character Creation

The PC in this game is Commander Shepard, hero of the human space army (that’s what it is).  Commonly known as “Shep” by fans, Shepard is customization in gender, appearance, class, and the specifics of their history.

I think the first game explains classes the best.  There are three “categories”: tech, biotics (it’s the force, guys, but they gave it a different name), and combat.  Three classes are purely one of those and three classes mix them.  You have a lot of range on what kind of character you want to play even with only that.  There aren’t a lot of abilities either so it doesn’t get hugely confusing.  Really you have a gun and you shoot people and sometimes magic comes out of your hands. If that’s what you’re into.

To the surprise of absolutely zero people, I play a vanguard which is basically like the Mass Effect version of the Incredible Hulk.

HULK SMASH!

I’ve also played as a sniper which I totally frakking suck at so that is, I’m sure, entertaining to watch. My gamer bro keeps asking me why I am meleeing someone with a sniper riffle.  I have no good answer for him.

Physically, I’m going to start this by saying that character creation gets better.  In the first game it’s a little rough. I mean, graphically the whole thing gets better so that’s a big part of it, but the first game does seriously feel like it could have used some more love in the character creation front.  It has the same problem that the earlier Dragon Age games do with darker skin tones, though it does seem to try a little harder to make them available and natural looking.  I think the main problem here is that NO ONE looks natural in the character creation

By the third game, the bugs in character creation have run their course and it’s pretty streamlined.  It’s a solid system and it does what needs to be done and I can’t really ask any more of it.

Story

Bad things are happening in the galaxy.  Commander Shepard and their crew of lovable misfits are sent to stop the bad things from happening.  It turns out that the bad things are [SPOILERS] giant robot space bugs bent on galactic genocide for some mostly unexplained reason.  No one believes Shepard about this for like, two games and then even then it’s a little iffy.  It’s like that scene in “A Very Potter Musical” where the Minister of Magic refuses to believe Voldemort is back even when he’s standing right in front of him.

I’m reduced to using basically reaction gifs in blog posts to explain myself. A sad day.

The story is solid mostly.  There’s a lot of side stuff because obviously when giant robot space bugs are attacking is exactly the time to help all of your friends deal with their personal demons.  So yeah, also you deal with this hilarious bunch of assholes all the time who want shit from you constantly and make you do quests.  Which honestly is a lot of fun because they are crazy people who do crazy things and make terrible decisions.

Yeah, ya’ll stand there and look heroic, I know what you really did.

There’s a thing about the end of this game that a lot of people don’t like but I’m actually not going to discuss that much.  I’m a professional writer and I know that no matter how much people say your choices are going to matter in a video game, they probably won’t.  So when people get up in arms about the end of Mass Effect 3, I just shrug and move on because it wasn’t surprising to me and it wasn’t a bad ending all things considered for a video game. I think people were looking for something that was literally impossible in regards to programming and writing so they can pretty much just shut up in my opinion. I’m not saying the ending was stellar or anything (because it wasn’t and it didn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense) but I found it satisfying.

Also BioWare should maybe have not pushed how great it was going to be and how all your choices were going to matter because…yeah, that didn’t help.

Gameplay

This part I will break up into three sections.

Mass Effect 1: Solid combat but uninspired.  A lot of focus on just shooting people which I am really bad at.  There wasn’t really much to say about the combat in this game because it was sort of just…there.  It did what needed to be done and didn’t do anything else for me at all.

The maps were a little large and sprawling and sometimes it was easy to get lost, especially on the citadel.  I know our normal blog runner stopped playing Mass Effect 1 for a long long time because he once got lost and was unable to get unlost and got frustrated and quit (sorry to out you, bro, but like, not that sorry.  He also quit Dragon Age: Origins because he thought he missed an item on the first big boss, which is HILARIOUS if you really think about it.)

ALSO WOW THE MAKO WAS A THING. Let’s give you a car that handles like total shit but can drive straight up a mountain.  Have fun.

I think my morality system was sort of weirdly broken on Mass Effect 1 because I kept getting “good” (paragon) points when I did horrible shit like shooting people in the face.  It was pretty awesome though.  I laughed.

Mass Effect 2:  They cleaned up combat a lot for this game and really went in to tweak abilities.  It’s pretty smooth for the most part though I definitely still sucked at shooting things.  They also went from a weapon overheat system in the first game to an ammo system in the second which I was less about because I can’t hit a target the first time ever and I ran out of bullets all the time. Hence why I was meleeing people with a sniper riffle (ha take that).

Things got way more linear which I don’t mind too much. Some open world games are great but Mass Effect 1 was kind of a wreck about it so I’m glad they scrapped that part.  Travel is a lot easier and you don’t have to drive your shitty lemon of a space car around to find resources.  You can just scan planets.  Which is time consuming and kind of a total pain but it is at least kind of calming and meditative.

They introduced conversation interrupts in this game which are totally hilarious. What that means is you can pistol whip dudes in the face in the middle of cut scenes and it’s hilarious.  Take the renegade interrupts.  I promise you will (almost never) regret it.

Mass Effect 3:  HAHAHAHA THE COMBAT IN THIS GAME IS GLORIOUS.  I think playing a vanguard I fired my weapon probably twice.  The rest of the time I spent running across the map at an enemy and punching the shit out of them.  Heavy Melee was introduced in this game which meant you got to literally punch space aliens in the head and kill them.  I loved every second of this because I am a bloodthirsty monster.

Also some NPC would be like “DON’T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THAT BRUTE!” and I’d take one look at this huge hulking enemy with three layers of armor and go “I’m gonna punch it.”

The Good

Companions! So much fun! Such a punch of assholes and I love them all even the ones other people hate (mostly those, I will not lie to you).

Later game combat! Great system, well thought out.

Most of the plot! Good plot.  Well done.

The Bad

Maps in the first game.  Lack of cohesion of plot in the third. The Mako.  The fucking Mako.  I am never ever going to be over how crap that thing handled.

The Ugly

Sniper riffles and shooting people because I am terrible at it and also because the first game makes me worse at it.

Also like, there is some weird character design shit going on.  I love most of it but then there’s like, Jack and Miranda and Samara in the second game which just like…they were so close to them being great and then like, somehow they fucked it up.  At least Jack later gets a shirt so that part helped but it’s just like…wear something more then a band of leather across your nipples please.

Samara, well…it’s like they did well and then were like “BUT IT NEEDS TO BE SEXIER.”

Also did I mention THE FUCKING MAKO???

From here…?

Oh my god, buy these games.  I got all of them on sale for like twenty bucks a few months back.  They’re pretty cheap, they’re really good, and they’re a classic.  If you haven’t played these games, you’re missing out on a real pillar of contemporary gaming.  Buy this to be able to tell your children you were part of the Mass Effect generation.  I believe people will be talking about this series for that long.

Next Month: World of Warcraft! A fucking classic in gaming that honestly I had never played before I needed to for this blog!

Zoe’s (MMO)RPG Corner: TERA: Rising

TERA, which stands for “The Exiled Realm of Arboria”, is a free to play third-person fantasy MMORPG set in the magical world of – okay, who am I kidding, this entire blog post is just going to be a rant about horrible, terrible armor design and if you don’t want to deal with this, just stop reading now.

History and Development

I’m going to pretend that I’m a professional and that I want to talk about other things so I’m going to go through all the sections here.  TERA was developed by Bluehole Studio out of South Korea. There’s not a whole lot of info on the development process – Wikipedia is really failing me today – but I’m honestly just going to assume that it’s like all those other Korean MMOs and it just sort of happened for money.

Further research tells me that TERA uses the “Unreal Engine 3” which apparently allowed developers a lot of freedom in the creation of the game and stopped some issues they were having in 2007 development about productivity.  They were using an early, slightly buggy version of the engine so they struggled with that side of game development.  At the time of its release in 2011, the graphics were considered to be spectacular and they still hold up pretty okay.  The quality of the graphics are not my complaint with this game visually.

Conceptual work on the game came from high fantasy (World of Warcraft and Lord of the Rings were mentioned by name) and also from Greek and Roman mythology.  Actually, now that I think about it, the Greco-Roman thing is really clear which is kind of cool to see that woven into the story.

You see it, right?

I was pretty…reticent to play this game.  This actually marks the first game I picked up specifically to play for this blog and I did so because this game is massive.  Everyone  knows TERA, whether they like it or not.  I’d never played it. A few years ago when I was looking for a new game, I glanced at it in sort of an “Oh, maybe that’d be nice” way but research showed me that I would honestly just be kind of ticked off about it.

But then here I was two years later downloading TERA.

It’s not an exciting story. It’s a mostly ticked off story.

Character Creation

Oh Lady Jesus on her throne, character creation.

Okay, so you have a lot of customization in TERA.  There are seven races including: demons, more demons, giant round metallic dudes, elves, humans, fat dogs, and bunny girls. Insert a deep sigh of pain from the gamer feminist at this point because the Elins, the animal girls, cause me deep physical pain.

Can anyone guess why? It starts with “P” and ends with “edophelia”.

Then you have your eight to nine classes: Archer, Berserker, Lancer, Mystic, Priest, Slayer, Sorcerer, and Warrior, plus Reaper if you play an Elin and have a high level character already, and I guess they just added a Gunner class but I haven’t researched that.  Your class determines the type of armor you wear (your race/gender determines how it looks) and what weapon you use.  Each class has one type of weapon.

Physically it’s not bad.  It’s a little basic and there are some sliders I would rather do without (like the “how much does my character hold their mouth slightly open like a porn star” slider, I’m not a fan of that one) and the faces pretty much stay close to the generic no matter how much you drag them around.  It’s fun though.  I had some fun making characters like “Tilda Swinton Elf” and “Ticked Off Five-Year-Old” so that was kind of a good time.

Story

I honestly don’t know.

Okay, I sort of know.  I haven’t looked it up specifically because I want to write my impressions.  What I have is: there is a big god and he is an asshole and trying to frak shit up so stop him. There’s a lot of back story on the Gods and the world before the start of the game.  There was a big war between the good guys and the bad guys and some of the bad guys joined the good guys and now there are seven good races and I guess a bunch of assholes.  There’s a big government organization that keeps everyone sort of in line and also just spews quests at you.

The reason I have trouble figuring out the story line is that it’s all done through this really large blocks of text and sometimes it’s a little hard to follow what’s going on all the time. I will admit to just casually clicking through a lot of it because I coudn’t be bothered to care about why they were sending me off to kill ten tree monsters or lizards or whatever. I tried to read the main quest more but when every quest is introduced with “Oh my gosh, here’s a big write-up on my problem” but boils down to “kill some shit” I stop caring.

Gameplay

TERA is the most stereotypical MMO ever. Like, it’s more MMO than World of Warcraft is.  It’s everything you think of when someone says “MMO”. There are like, three gameplay things that are interesting, but lets go through the ones that are not first.

Quests. Kill X number of Y creature and come back for a reward.  That’s like, literally all it is. Over and over again.  Kill, XP, get more quests.  At least you don’t run out of quests so that’s nice.  Very little unsupervised level grinding, and I’ve never had a time with no story quest, even if I wasn’t high enough level to do it yet.

Combat’s not half bad, but it’s a little stale. There’s this cool dodging mechanic that can actually be a lot of fun if you do it right, but I am apparently bad at it.  Like, sometimes enemies telegraph their attacks but sometimes they don’t and it can be a little frustrating to be like “Are you gonna hit me or nah?” and then have a monster punch you right in the mouth.

Get wrecked.

Because I chose to play murder town characters (tanks, mostly, but at least heavy armor) I chose the Beserker which fits my play style pretty well.  She’s slow as shit, don’t get me wrong, but when she hits, she hits hard.  Sometimes it’s a pain to get my defenses up in time and I do get my ass handed to me on occasion, but it’s honestly kind of fun.  I tried sorcerer too and I’m…not as good at that.  But that’s always been my personal curse with mages so I’m not going to say it reflects on the game.

The Good

Combat and mechanics aren’t bad, though they’re a little unremarkable.  Most of the good is a little unremarkable.  There’s a lot of solid shit, sure, but on the other hand, there’s nothing I want to write home about. When I talk about TERA, I’m certainly not going to be talking about mediocre story and uninspired gameplay.

The design has a lot of potential.  It’s got a unique style and gorgeous vistas that strech out over the whole game. It feels big.  The vast majority of the monster designs are great (maybe a little cluttered for my taste, but it’s got something going on).

I mean, look how much detail they put into this guy here.

It’s a real pity they squander this later.

The Bad

Story mostly.  I mean, I want to care about the story, I really do.  I tried and I can sort of keep up with it, but it’s iffy.  It really does boil down to “kill some evil cultist dudes, go to the next town, kill some more dudes.”  There are a couple of places where it clearly tries to break away from it and there’s some interesting betrayal stuff, but it really does just boil down to the same basic thing over and over again.

Some of the animation is a little weird.  Some of the races run funny and you’re just like “Can we talk about your form here? I feel like you’d cover more ground if you didn’t flap your arms around like that all the time.”

The Ugly

LET’S TALK ARMOR.

This is what I really wanted to get to.  TERA has what I am going to call literally the worst female armor design of any game I have ever seen.  Like, individual sets from other games might be bad (lookin’ at you here Guild Wars 2) but every single goddamn piece of armor I pick up in TERA is absolutely terrible. I feel like the rest of this review should just be pictures of female armor interspersed with pictures of the Daily Show’s John Stewart making horrible faces but I’ll try to be a little more in depth about the horror here.

Not one to do things by halves, I chose to play a Castanic, a race of demon people with an aversion to clothing in general.  And no, do not tell me I can “just play something else”, their lore and appearance is cool and I should never judge something on how good it can be but always on its low points.

Here are some examples of armor my Castanic Beserker (that’s a heavy armor class, mind you) has picked up.

Why?

Who did this?

I hope they’ve been fired.

Okay, if you don’t understand what’s wrong here, I can’t help you.

These are terrible and I honestly have nothing more to say than “Who allowed this to happen?”  Like, why do we live in a world where this is a thing? (That question is rhetorical, I am a 23-year-old feminist, I know why) It’s so hard to focus on the game when I’m into this utter nonsense.   I don’t buy the argument “but the men don’t wear much either” because like, at least they get pants.  I clearly don’t get pants.  I don’t think my character has had pants once since character creation.  She has an axe that’s bigger than she is, but no, she doesn’t need any goddamn pants to go with it, apparently. It’s almost worse with the Elin who look like little girls and wear very little clothing as well or like, cutesie but sexy clothing. Very gross.

From here…?

Here’s the weird thing. I kind of enjoy this game. Oh, not like, it’s good.  It’s the potato chip of the gaming world. You just do it.  It’s mindless and I don’t really give a shit about any of it, but then I look back and I’m level 20 or whatever. Like, don’t play this game. I’m not going to ever encourage anyone to play this game. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just boring as hell.  There are better ones out there that do the same thing and keep your interest and don’t sexualize little girls.

 

Honestly, it reminds me most of WildStar, which is going free-to-play in the fall of 2015 so like…play that instead.

Next Month: Mass Effect! You can fight like a Krogan and run like a leopard but you’ll never be better than Commander Shepard.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age: Inquisition

Dragon Age: Inquisition is a single-player 3rd person RPG that exists to expand the world of Thedas in a way players have never seen before, redeem the franchise after the up and down ride of Dragon Age 2, and make straight white boys really angry (apparently.)

History and Development

Dragon Age III had a lot of buzz for a long time before it was ever announced.  Even around the time that Dragon Age II was coming out, people were finishing it and going “where’s the next one?”  Unlike Dragon Age: Origins, everyone knew there was going to be another one.  There’s this whole thing that goes down in Dragon Age II (look, accept that this review will have spoilers in it, you have been warned) and that, coupled with the framing mechanism and final scene of the game made it clear that there was something more coming.  So players had been waiting for this game for years.

The game was announced in 2011 but didn’t come out until November of 2014.  It was suppose to come out a month earlier but production was delayed.  The stated goal was basically to take all the good shit from Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age II and just squish it all together in a prettier container.  And basically that’s what they did.  They introduced another new PC, instead of continuing the Warden or Hawke from previous games, took the streamlined mechanics of Dragon Age II and the more open world of Dragon Age: Origins, and made this really quite lovely game that doesn’t feel at all like the Frankenstien’s monster it kind of is.

I do actually have a fun story for this.  My friend bought me this game because at the time I was broke, unemployed, and living with my mother.  Also, I had no internet access.  It was a rough time.  He apparently decided that I really needed Dragon Age: Inquisition because I am a huge Dragon Age fangirl and I think he wanted someone to talk to about the game as he played it.

I of course was very excited.  Shout out to my favorite physicist video game sugar daddy (I cannot believe I just typed that phrase.)

But then it took me two weeks to download it at the library and my computer hates it so the loading screens freeze for like sometimes an hour and a half and it’s hilarious.  If I hadn’t been raised in a time when computers were still glitchy as frak as a rule, I would be super upset about it, but I’ve got infinite computer patience.  I get a lot of reading done while playing.

Character Creation

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HUMAN!

I know that was way too excited about that, but you have no idea how much I dislike being a human in games.  It’s just a weird personal thing because I generally get super tired of it.  I honestly do not care.  If I can avoid it, I will.  And Dragon Age: Inquisition doesn’t make you.  It lets you be one of four races.  Yes, that’s right, one of four.  The three of Dragon Age: Origins (Human, Elf, or Dwarf) and a new one, Qunari, who are basically seven foot tall grey skinned horned giants.  I love them.  I love being a video game giant at the best of times (see: Guild Wars 2 Norn) but the Qunari are fascinating and I’m all about it.

There’s less in the way of customizable origin story but I can’t fault the designers for that.  This game is huge.

But what it may lack in story customization, the character creator more than makes up for in physical customization.  Like, the amount of stuff you can do with your character’s face is insane.  There are sliders for everything.  There’s a color wheel for eyelashes, for god’s sake.  You can do so much with it.

Frakkin’ EARLOBE SIZE.  I don’t know about you, but that’s not even something I notice on people.

My complaints are the same as everyone else’s really.  Qunari lady hair is weak and every artist I’ve ever seen draw their female Qunari character creates a different hairstyle for her, me included.  But I guess I can accept that when it comes down to it because it’s just so much fun.

Story

Dragon Age: Inquisition has, I think, the most straightforward story of all the Dragon Age games.  Dragon Age: Origins had a pretty linear one but there were all sorts of little finicky bits that pulled you around and off course – each area had a choice and specific things to do regarding that choice.  Dragon Age: Inquisition is a little more traditional.  A thing happens.  A bad guy did it.  Collect some friends.  Solve the mystery.  Kill the bad guy.

This isn’t in any way a dis to this game.  Sometimes it’s nice to have something that’s pretty solid and linear.  I think that BioWare took a lot of risks with Dragon Age II in terms of story structure and found that they didn’t pay off quite the way they’d hoped.  Once bitten, twice shy, they fell back on what they knew, which was good old fashioned sword-and-sorcery tropes.

Here’s the basics.  You play someone present at a disastrous attack on the Church Chantry, the only survivor.  You have a weird glowing thing on your hand.  A hot battle-scared Prussian woman “recruits” (read: yells at) you to help figure out what happened and also close a big glowing green hole in the sky.

As usual, these games live and die by the NPCs and this game is no slouch on them.  They’re great.  It notably includes: the smoothest dwarf known to man, Sid Vicious if Sid Vicious was an elf chick, a crotchety old egg with pointed ears, the physical incarnation of Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk” and a confused five-year-old.

Also there are more romances than I can count.  This game allowed me to send one of the greatest texts in history: “In the new Dragon Age game you can engage in a mostly healthy BDSM relationship with Buffy Summers’ husband.”

And his pillowy man bosoms.

Gameplay

In the development, someone on the team looked at Dragon Age II and went “You know what we did really well here?  Combat.”

There are some minor tweeks in combat from the second game, like the fact that instead of an auto-attack you have to hold down a mouse button (I hate this because I’m a wussy baby), but for the most part it’s the same kind of thing.  Skills are done via trees and mages can hit dudes.

There are two big changes.  The first is healing, because there is no healing skill.  That’s right friends, no longer can mages cast healing spells and save your failing butt when you’re trying to kill a dragon.  You’re stuck with potions (you only get a certain number of them at a time but can refill that number as much as you want…if you don’t mind going back to camp) and man are you going to feel that later.  By later I mean dragons.  Because fighting dragons can be hard as frak, let me tell you.  They are big and they hate you and they will try to kill you and they will inevitably succeed about sixty times because you have no healing skill.  Good luck, friends.

The other change is crafting.  This is a change I like a lot because it means you’re not relying entirely on loot or shops or quest rewards to keep your party armored and spiky.  Also I have a real soft spot for easy armor crafting (again see: Guild Wars 2) and this one is really simple.  They didn’t try to go too crazy.  It’s really basic and that’s the kind of thing that I’m all about.  Just let me make some pretty armor for my pretty ladies and go about my business without having to look anything up.

Also they allow you to avoid things like this. Or I guess create it if you’re mad at a companion.

Oh and you can hide helmets which makes things way less embarrassing for everyone around.  They need a better hat designer at that company.

The Good

Honestly, most of it.  It’s a solid game.  It feels traditional, sure, but it’s kind of like coming home if you’re a fan of this genre.  The environments are absolutely glorious and really make the game feel huge.  There’s a lot to do.  It’s a well thought out story line.  You see old friend from previous games, and while in this one your choices don’t feel as monumental as they did in Dragon Age: Origins, it still feels comfortably compelling.

I don’t have a whole lot of gushing to go here.  I like this game a lot.  It’s great.  But I don’t feel the need to drool over any specific aspect the way I have with other games.  The whole thing just feels complete.

The Bad

I…disagree, let’s say, with some design choices made.  Not big ones, just like…Skyhold pajamas.

This is exactly what I would wear to judge war crimes, clearly.

There are some other little nitpicky things.  I don’t like some of the hair options.  I don’t like certain companions, or at least I don’t feel as connected to and compelled by them as I do others (there are none that I hate or anything).  I would have liked a little more explanation on the big bad because he really just seems B-movie mustache-twirling evil.  But nothing is major.

The Ugly

Let’s talk about fans for a second.

See, there’s nothing I can really think of about this game that I hate.  But you know what I do hate?  People’s reaction to this game.  Oh, not the majority of players, but a certain small contingent of (probably) straight white dudes, the same ones who hated Merrill and Isabela in Dragon Age II, who are so upset that they don’t have some pretty little blonde white girl to romance in this game.

The only blonde white girl in this game is only into other women.  The straight woman is tough and has a big facial scar (and is amazing).  The bisexual woman is not white.

And then there’s Vivienne.  People HATE Vivienne.  Some for character reasons, which I’ll let pass, but a lot because of how she looks.

Which is beautiful, by the way.

I’m not even going to point out their “concerns”.  You can guess.  I just want to say that I’m really tired of hearing this out of people especially about BioWare games.  It’s really stupid.  I need everyone to maybe not do this ever.  If you have a friend who does this, slap them.  If you do this, slap yourself.  Just…this vocal minority needs to stifle themselves.

From here…?

Okay, Dragon Age: Inquisition is still very expensive and they’re coming out with DLC which is also pricey and it’s just generally still in “New Game Pricing” which I get is super hard.  I mean, I didn’t pay for this game, certainly.  But if you get a chance, if you’ve got the money sitting around, if it’s on sale, go for it.  It’s huge.  It’ll keep you occupied for a while.  It’s fun.  It’s beautiful.  It’s very, very long.  Have fun.  That’s what Dragon Age games are for.  Fun.  And also hitting on elves.

Next Month: The Exiled Realm of Arborea, more commonly known as Tera.  Ooooooh, this one is gonna be good.  The worst of boobplate, uncomfortable sexualization, and pedophelia!  And I guess we’ll also talk about the mechanics.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age II

Dragon Age II is a single-player 3rd person RPG with a terrible title and some weirdass placement within the Dragon Age franchise that really seems to interest people because of whiny male love interests and I am going to offed people about.

History and Development

So after Dragon Age: Origins, there’s honestly no reason for another Dragon Age title.  I’m not using this to now bitch about how there shouldn’t be another one because I’m really glad there is one.  What I am saying is that Origins wraps up the story of the Warden PC really well and by the end you’re like “Okay, there we are, great, solid work team, go me.”

And then Dragon Age II came out.

But they did exactly the right thing.  They didn’t try to drag you through another game as the Warden.  Instead, they took their world and they made a whole new game with a whole new protagonist where the choices you made in Origins affect little details (who rules the kingdom of Fereldan, some toss off lines about who the Warden was, and like, I dunno, there’s some other stuff) but not the overall story.

Apparently during this game, though, the lead Bioware designer who’d worked there for ten years bailed and said some weird angsty things about it – why do people say anything when that happens, I will never understand that – which kind of put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths.  Later he took it back but he did so badly so it was sort of just uncomfortable all around.  And actually that’s a really good metaphor for Dragon Age II.

I don’t have a cool story for this one.  I played it because I played the first one.  I do have a great memory of starting it at my friend’s workplace while he was working and repeatedly looking up at him at the desk and whispering “Oh my god” in reverent tones.  The beginning of this game is super boss.

Though it admittedly goes…a little downhill.  But we’ll get to that.

Character Creation

Okay literally there is the coolest character creation system in this game and I’m all about it.  At the opening of your game, after you’ve imported your save from Dragon Age: Origins, all you chose is the class you want to play.  It’s the same mage/rogue/warrior from the first game, with no race choice because the PC of Dragon Age II, known as Hawke, is human and that is unchanging.

You play through the whole tutorial as the default character model.  This has to do with the way the story is structured (more on that later) and the suddenly after the tutorial the whole thing is questioned and then you’re allowed into the character creation screen.  Then you basically restart the game as a crummy, bad at your job level one player character and go through it all again, but this time the “right” way.

The physical aspects are pretty solid.  There’s not like, a lot of interesting, exciting things happening in it in terms of creation, but they got way better at skin tones sometime between this game and the first game.  So like, being brown is way better and more human looking.  But you know, not that brown.

This is basically the darkest skin tone there is and that’s…unfortunate.

Story

The story of this game is totally cool and awesome and fantastic and mindblowingly interesting, and also fucking terrible.  I’ll explain.

The reason that the tutorial is questioned and character creation is done the way it is is because Dragon Age II is told as a story within a story.  The game’s “present” is actually a dwarven companion of Hawke’s – an NPC in your party – named Varric telling the story of Hawke to Cassandra, a woman from the church.  The meat of the game takes place in the past.  Varric is probably lying about most of it.  Often, the game will stop and redo something because Varric just goes totally off the rails and Cassandra calls him on it.  It’s one of the coolest framing devices I’ve ever seen.  Varric as an unreliable narrator makes it far more interesting than if he was just telling the truth as it happened.  So yeah, no one knows if anything in Dragon Age II is actually real.  But we buy it, because Varric’s a great storyteller.

The problem, though, is the story he’s telling.  It’s about Hawke, a refugee from Ferelden who leaves during the events of the first game and goes north to the city of Kirkwall.  The story spans a whole decade.  In that ten years, Hawke solves all sorts of problems in Kirkwall.  It’s a three act story that’s sort of  tied together by a conflict between the mages and Templars.

I work in theater.  Recently, I got a text from another theater friend that just read “I hate three act plays”.  And it’s mostly true.  Quite apart from the horrible idea that is anything with two intermissions, there’s always one act that just feels totally pointless in any three act play.  It works in movies – screenwriters will tell you that most work on a three act system – because in a film everything is highly structured and tells a continuous story.  Also, and this is super important, the end of act two is a TOTAL DOWNER.  My screenwriter friend calls it the “all is lost” moment, where everything is taken from the hero, the villian is clearly going to win, and basically everything’s just crap.

But the second act of Dragon Age II doesn’t have that.  Every act is a small game in of itself so every act ends with a boss fight.  Which you clearly win.  So it doesn’t work because then you’re standing in the metaphorical lobby with your bake sale cookie and your badly mixed Cape Cod and the lights start flickering and you just don’t want to go back in.  You’re just like, “Oh my god, there’s more, I don’t want to, I’m tired and I want to go home and what else can even happen in this game?  Do I care?  I’m trying really hard to care but it’s not working.”

Gameplay

The redemption of this game’s crummy story, though, is its fantastic combat system.  While the Dragon Age: Origins combat can be slow and clunky and jerky, the Dragon Age II combat is smooth, fluid, dynamic, and a damn good time.  You just feel like the biggest goddamn badass playing this game because it doesn’t matter what class you have, what weapon you use, it feels like you are so goddamn cool.  They gave mages a big knife on the ends of their staves which is awesome.  In Dragon Age: Origins, mages would be like, shooting magic bolts at people hitting them with swords and it looked really dumb.  In Dragon Age II, mages apparently went “Hold on a second, I have a big fucking chunk of wood in my hands.  Let me beat you in the face with it.”

Say hello to my little friend.

The skills have been streamlined into trees which is nice because often you can avoid skills you don’t want.  Also they cut probably a third to a half of the spells which makes it way easier to find your way through leveling up.  Way more understandable.  And easy.  I’m a big fan of streamlined skills and shit because I’ve played  too many games where I’m like “WHERE AM I, WHAT AM I PLAYING, I AM HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.”

It’s just a nice, easy, simple style and that’s really the saving grace of this game.  If it was a crap story and complex mechanics, I would not be happy, but it really is a joy to play.  Like, I rarely enjoy combat in games (weird, I know) but it’s a lot of fun in this one.

The Good

Let’s talk about girls for a minute.  Because the women of Dragon Age II make this game.  There’s Avaline, a square jawed, broad shouldered police officer (basically) who’s bad at flirting.  Then there’s Merril, a tiny, big eyed elf girl who engages in blood magic  but who is basically made of sunshine and rainbows regardless (and is also voiced by Eve Myles of Torchwood).  And then there is Isabella, sarcastic, sexy pirate captain, one of Dragon Age’s few women of color, and also queen of my heart.  She is amazing and I adore her.  They are all amazing.  And well written.  And make this game so much better.

Girl power.

The dialogue in this game is also really good.  They have an actually voiced protagonist for this game which lends an extra element to enjoy, though sometimes your character says things that you didn’t quite  mean.  But the writing here is fantastic.  I mean, “I like big boats and I cannot lie” is an actual line in this game.  They wrote it and somehow no one cut it and I can’t figure out how that happened.

As stated above, the combat is good, solid, and a lot of fun.  It doesn’t exactly feel realistic, but this is a video game where magic exists.  If I wanted realism, I’d go outside and actually hit people with a stick.  I’d rather be able to leap across a room to punch a horned giant in the mouth.

Oh yeah and also rivalry romance is a thing and wow is that a ton of fun, but that’s personal.

The Bad

Let’s talk about boys because wow….

Sorry, millions of (mostly female) fans who are going to disagree with me, but the boys are not great.  There’s a lot of love for both Fenris, the broody elf, and Anders, the broody mage, but I’m not really feeling it?  Both of them are romance options and it’s a lot of “fixing men” BS happening in there.  Like, yeah, tragic pasts and whatever, but like, as someone really deep into video game feminism, I’m uncomfortable with it.  They’re fun and whatever, but I like doing this on the rivalry romance end of things rather than the friendship one so instead of going “Oh, you poor baby, I’m sorry you’re so broken, let me fix you” you get to go “Yeah, cry me a fucking river, woman up, we’ve got shit to do, let’s make out.”

“Oh pity me, pity me, I am going to make SUCH BAD FUCKING CHOICES.”  Thanks Anders.  You twat.

Oh, except Varric.  Varric is fine.  We like Varric.  We’ll keep him.

The Ugly

Oh, story, why must you disappoint me like this?  So much potential, but such weak execution.  I believed in you, and you let me down.

I mean, not enough for me not to play it like, eight times.  The game is only like twenty hours long, it’s not a big deal.

From here…?

You know, for all I feel like this review heaped a lot of criticism on this game, I really enjoy it?  I mean, I love to hate things I love, so maybe that’s part of it, but I honestly enjoy Dragon Age 2 a ton.  It’s fun, it’s fast, it’s got good dialogue and good characters.  Regardless of the problems I have with the boys, giving Fenris shit and then kissing him on the mouth was way fun.  I’m going to play it a million more times, I just know it.  It’s been likened to an intermission, and it is.  Its structure is a little weak, but it’s still a fun game.  Just don’t expect too much.

It’s also pretty cheap.  Pick it up, give it a play.  It’s short too, so it won’t suck up your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age: Inquisition.  Ahahahaha, it’s so pretty and also like wow what is even happening?

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age: Origins

Dragon Age: Origins, and its expansion, Awakening, are a 3rd-person single-player RPG set in the medieval magical land of Thedas where a bunch of orcs darkspawn are trying to fuck shit up with a big Eye of Sauron dragon and even though I am going to mock how much this game is like Lord of the Rings, it is also great, I promise.

History and Development

Then called simply “Dragon Age”, Dragon Age: Origins was anounced by our old friend BioWare in 2004.  The developers cited things like George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” and other “low fantasy” works.  Honestly though, that’s one of those fiction witer terms and I honestly dislike it because like, ASoIaF is shockingly high language but apparently if you mention things like visceral death, rape, and other things that were rampant in the middle ages, then you’re low.  And honestly I’m not sure I would even call Dragon Age (the franchise, not just this game) low fantasy.  I’d say it has some of both but it’s more high fantasy than low.

Except of course the famed BioWare Homicide Streak.

The game came out in 2009 and has basically been held up as the standard to which all story-based RPGs are held ever since.  Critics gave it high marks in terms of story, graphics, replayability, mechanics, everything.  One review even named it “RPG of the Decade”.  It’s a game that people still, five years later, have trouble catching in terms of all around goodness.

Except (personal opinion) apparently there’s a song by Thirty Seconds to Mars on the official soundtrack and like excuse me, what?  Not that I have really anything against Thirty Seconds to Mars exactly, but I was not expecting that.

As I mentioned earlier, though, Dragon Age is a franchise.  Three games and their various DLCs, a series of novels, a tabletop RPG that I really gotta check out, comics, a web series staring Felicia Day, and wait a second, there’s a fucking Dragon Age anime, that sounds terrible, I need it.  I own the first three novels but haven’t read all of them, just started the first one.  It’s…okay.  David Gaider, lead writer of the game series, writes them and they read just like I would expect a video game writer to write; solid dialogue, a lot of plot, but just lacking a certain amount of what we writers refer to as “showing” because he probably gets to write things like “He looked as though he didn’t care” instead of what novelists have to do which is write what he did that made him look that way.  Really, the books are for people who love Dragon Age and want to know more about the world, not for people who like high fantasy novels.

I was forced to play this game the first time.  Didn’t own it for my first play-through.  My friend made me play it, and Mass Effect, because she has fantastic tastes and knew what I wanted.  She was right.  It hit all the right buttons for me.  The NPCs in your party are phenomenal and the dialogue is snappy and snarky and very human.  The plot and the decisions are really interesting and they know what they’re doing in their world creation, mostly.

Also they let you play dwarves and I have a real thing for dwarves so that was a big thing in favor of the game in my eyes.  Very, very concerned upset looking dwarves.

Who the hell are you?

What the hell do you want?

Why the hell would you do this?

I bought the whole thing.  I’m on my third play through now, which isn’t a lot but there are a lot of games out there and also you know I graduated from college during that period too.  But I still think this game is great enough that I have mapped out what I’m doing for the next, oh, eight or nine times I play it and I have zero shame about that.

The story of DA:O continues in Dragon Age: Awakenings, the expansion, which feels like a whole new campaign and is super long with new companions, but still continues to be super good and doesn’t get as much love as I wish it did.

Character Creation

The reason it’s called Dragon Age: Origins is because you get to pick from one of six origin stories which you play through as a sort of tutorial before the main shit starts.  The origin stories are as follows: Human Noble, City Elf, Dalish (forest) Elf, Dwarf Noble, Dwarf Commoner, and Mage, of either the human or elf variety – in the world of Dragon Age, dwarves can’t do magic.  The three classes are mage, rogue, and warrior.  It’s a very simple creation system which I personally really like because it doesn’t bog you down in choices.  It’s gonna be a long game though, so settle in.

The physical creation mechanics are solid and very much a standard of newer BioWare games.  It’s intense.  You can adjust everything.  The one major MAJOR problem of the character creator is that if you want your character’s skin to be darker than “looked at the sun once” it’s gonna look weird.  For some reason, they did something terrible to the texturing and they don’t have any options for being darker than slightly brown so like, not only is your character gonna look pale as hell, they’re gonna look weirdly patchy.

Other than that, though, it’s pretty solid.

Story

Dragon Age: Origins is the story of the Fifth Blight of Thedas.  Every once in a while, the darkspawn, an underground dwelling “race” of corrupted beings that were once normal humans, elves, and dwarves – I mean did they even try not to make orcs? – get together under the rule of an archdemon and try to kill everyone.  You play a Grey Warden, a member of an organization that exists specifically to murder the hell out of darkspawn and eventually the archdemon, by drinking darkspawn blood because that seems like a great idea.

Along the way it becomes your job to deal with all sorts of bullshit because you’re the goddamn hero of Fereldan.  Apparently that makes you the fucking expert in who should be in charge of countries and stuff.

Additionally, Dragon Age: Origins relies really heavily on its NPCs.  They’re a varied bunch – including a man who trained to be a church knight, a drunken dwarf, a grandmotherly healer, a sexually explicit elven assassin, and a witch – and they all want shit from you.  So a lot of the story is about getting to know your companions and doing the quests for them.  And I mean also sometimes boinking them.  Because romance is just what we’re all thinking about when the fucking world is ending.

Gameplay

H’okay though.

So I have no real proof for this, but part of me feels like Dragon Age: Origins is still based on that old BioWare turn based engine because combat is still SLOW AS BALLS.  Like, I get what they’re doing, I do, but it still feels like shit takes forever.  So like, I honestly believe that I spent most of my time doing combat in this game because every fucking fight was like a marathon. Mages attack super mega slow.  So do warriors with two handed weapons (never control one during a battle, it is a snore-fest, go be Morrigan instead).  It just feels like it takes a long time.

Also there are a ton of skills.  Like a ton.  Like a mega-ton.  A lot.  It can be really overwhelming if you’re not careful.

But apart from that, it’s pretty solid.  It’s not like intense dynamic combat or anything, but it does what it’s suppose to do.  Besides, Dragon Age: Origins is a game about talking to people, not fighting them.  It really is.  I mean, there’s a lot of bloody horrible murder too, but also you have to talk about it, and the writing is still really good so that cuts down on a lot of the combat problems, I guess.

But hey, mages have super cool spells.

Like a boss.

The Good

The writing.  It’s really fantastic.  Some of the best video game dialogue known to man and I will defend that statement with my life.  They know their shit in this game, know how to get it to hit you in gut and make you laugh all at the same time.  The voice acting for it is great too, staring such wonderful individuals as Steve Valentine of Crossing Jordan, Claudia Black of Stargate SG-1 and Kate Mulgrew of Star Trek: Voyager, so basically hitting all of my childhood loves.  Oh yeah and Steve Blum as “crotchety drunk guy” because in no way is he type cast.

Of course the great writing makes for great characters.  I think among the creative side of video game fans, Dragon Age: Origins gets the most artistic and fanfictional love, followed probably by Dragon Age 2 and Dragon Age: Inquisition.  This game knows how to tug your heatstrings.  It also knows how to make you love characters.  Or hate them.  There is no more hate for any character ever I think than there is for Morrigan of this game, mostly from women who are mad about A Thing that happens.  Which I’m not about because Morrigan is the fucking bomb.

There should be no hate for this beautiful sneaky witch thief.

The story is good too.  They do the choices really well and it does feel like you’re really shaping the destiny of a nation.  Basically they do everything in the writing and plot side of things 99.9% right.  I even like the fade section, which puts me in the minority of players.

The Bad

Combat.  The pacing makes it really difficult to keep interest when it comes to the hacky and the slashy.  It’s a big game so sometimes you’re just like “Ugh I have to fight my way through this whole forest/underground tomb/ancient ruin and it’s gonna suck.”  And then it totally sucks.

The Ugly

Nothing is terrible in the way that I usually have here.  Like, the slow combat is annoying but it’s not enough to put me off this game for even a second.  I dunno, maybe…

Oh.

Wait.

The sex scenes.

It’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen.  Ever.

I think it has something to do with the underwear and the fact that the sex scenes make the models look like snake people and I do not like that.

From here…?

Just buy the game.

Do I need to say anything more?  If you have the game, play it at least six thousand more times.  You will not be disappointed except maybe by the sex scenes but like, if you’re relying on not actually naked video game sex to get your rocks off, we need to talk about your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age 2! The one in the middle! With that guy who fucked everything up!  Oh it’s gonna be great.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Neverwinter Nights

Neverwinter Nights is a 3rd-person single-player RPG from BioWare based on the mechanics of Dungeons & Dragons and the lore of Forgotten Realms and basically teaches us all that BioWare was no-holds-bared about killing characters from the beginning.

History and Development

Once, in the distant past of 2002 (wow, that was nowhere near as long ago as I thought it was, good news, I am not as old as I was worried – no, wait that was thirteen years, holy shit when did the early 2000’s become a middle school student ago?) BioWare decided to make a game based on Dungeons and Dragons.

There’s not a lot out there on the development of this game, but on the surface, this seems like a stellar plan.  And it kind of was a stellar plan.  There was, apparently, a Neverwinter Nights MMORPG from 1991-97 (it’s my age and if that’s not terrifying, I don’t know what is) that was mostly text based but does hold the record of first MMO ever so that’s pretty cool.  The designers at BioWare took a look at it and wanted to recreate that with like, graphics and stuff.  They took out most of the multiplayer ideas and instead made a single-player RPG.  I mean, you can host games and whatever, but we’re gonna be looking at the single-player aspect because I honestly do not give a flying fuck about the multiplayer.

I bought this game at the age of 12 or so (around 2003 so this was fairly new).  It was my first big game, my first RPG.  I did not know anything about D&D at the time so I had no clue what was going on with the mechanics.  I didn’t know anything about video games either because I was raised by hippies and books and had never touched a gaming console in my life.  But Neverwinter spoke to me in a certain way that no other game had.  And part of that way was fireballs.

To this day, Neverwinter is the only game where I prefer to play a mage rather than a warrior.

In my later days of college, I picked it up again.  It was pretty much just as much fun as an adult, except I had the added benefit of now knowing how D&D worked so I was like, suddenly the master of Neverwinter Nights.  And I’m playing along one day in my friend’s room when she comes over and looks down at my computer screen and goes, “Whatchu playin’?”

“Neverwinter Nights.”

“Wow, that game holds up pretty well graphically.”

“Oh, no, wait for it.”  I zoom in as close as I can get.

“Oh my god, the polygons.”

“Yeah, bro.  It’s rough.”  I zoom out again.  “Looks great from back here though.”

Zoom out! For god’s sake, zoom out!

Character Creation

Literally, it’s D&D 3.5.  Like, straight up.  Same races, same classes. Same abilities based on each.  Same tired elf druid and halfling rogue clichés.  Same min/maxing, power gaming bullshit.

I shouldn’t be so hard on it.  I only say that now as someone who has played too much D&D and found every little thing about that system that pisses me off.  It’s not bad.  It’s really not.  But if you know how to make a D&D character, you know how to make a Neverwinter Nights character.  Fighters in this game are the most boring crap out there.  Just like D&D.

The two expansions for Neverwinter Nights, Shadows of Undrentide and Hordes of the Underdark, add in some other classes, specializations, that kind of thing, but the basics stand.  I’m not going to list everything you need, just look up D&D if you have no idea what I’m talking about (there are too many classes for me to happily list).

As for the physical aspect?  Like, seriously, I am concerned about how boob-y the armor is when you are like basically a trapezoid with a head.  I didn’t realize this as a child, but it’s clear as an adult.  Those are not sexy boobs.  Those are like early Tomb Raider Lara Croft boobs.  Which I guess people who are into girls think are sexy?  Mmmm, yeah, gimmie that single triangular prism attached to your chest.

On the other hand, it’s one of the few games to this day that has an option to not be totally skinny.

Also the portraits are beautiful.

Focus on these and ignore the polygons.

Story

You play a recruit at like, Neverwinter Adventurer School during a giant plague.  A hot elf paladin chick named Aribeth, whom you will grow to love dearly and be generally upset about as the game goes on, tells you to find some critters that have escaped into the city in order to use their hair and hearts and shit to cure everyone.  When you do this, a douchey cultist turns out to be the dick you always thought he was, a different elf is totally given the short end of the stick, and you have to go find a cult.

That’s part one.  Of four.

Yeah, Dragon Age: Origins is making a lot more sense right about now, huh.

The game is long.  Very long.  Continuously good, but there are like, four parts and each one has like, four-ish large areas to do a lot of stuff in, plus a million side quests.  This game is the king of side quests.  The second part is about finding a cult and then you go to another city and I don’t actually remember all of this because I was twelve the last time I finished this game, but there was something about time traveling lizards and yeah it’s just generally massive.

Gameplay

So remember that whole D&D thing?  Yeah, this is where it doesn’t shine.

See, D&D makes sense in a tabletop setting.  You can’t have people screaming stuff at each other all at the same time.  You can’t have your DM getting totally overwhelmed.  There need to be rules and structures.  The dice need to stand in for actually being able to hit each other.  There are reasons for things in D&D because it takes place in the real physical world.

In a video game, that’s a real problem.  Neverwinter is slow as balls.  Because it IS  turn based, but not like Final Fantasy is turn based, where you chose each action, like your basic attacks are turn based.  It just takes forever to get anything done.  Like, fights happen and you just SIT there and wait to win.  There’s not a lot of strategy and it can get tiring after a while.  It’s like that John Rhys Davis quote about his fighting style in LotR: “You will come at me, and I will hit you, and then you will come at me, and I will hit you…”

The level up process and the “character sheet” that goes with it are great though.  It’s confusing at first but even 12-year-old me picked it up pretty quickly.  It’s well explained and open to a lot of customization.  It talks you through all the stuff that confuses someone the first time they play D&D and so when I did start playing, it made a lot of sense to me.

Also if you play a sorcerer, get a panther because panthers can sneak attack.  From the front.  Sneak Attack Panther too OP.

So sneaky

The Good

The plot.  BioWare is famous for their plot, their character, and their storytelling, and they don’t let anyone down on this one.  In general, they’re a company that know that no RPG can stand on its murder factor alone.  Okay, so some gamers think that I’m sure, but they’re wrong.  That’s what first person shooters and the like are for.  RPGs are for story and boy does BioWare get the story right here.  Sure, it’s a little convoluted and it just keeps going, but that’s a good video game story, honestly.  Do you want everything handed to you in a game?  Well, you might, but I know I sure don’t.

The characters and henchmen are great too.  Every henchman has a story and a quest for each section of the game so you get a real feel for them and usually people seem to keep the same one for the whole game even though you can switch it up.  Aribeth, the elf who kind of leads you through the game, is really well done and has some seriously tragic shit going on, which she will tell you about if you ask the right way.  They know how to write people.  You have to do a lot of reading in this game, but it’s really worth it because they’re damn good at dialgoue.

Also ARIBETH.  The armor is stupid, but she was one of my first badass video game ladies.

The Bad

Character creation.  It’s hard the first time because there are a damn lot of numbers, but you can push through it and get along pretty okay.  It can get a little grind-y after a while and you have to remember never to resurrect because it costs you XP.  There’s not a whole heck of a lot to hate on here.  Oh and also there are a ton of quests that are like “Bring me the head of Steve the ogre” or “Bring me the heart of that lady over there” and so if you don’t like having a lot of body parts in your inventory, this is not the game for you.

The Ugly

It’s so slow.  Sometimes I play with a book just so I can read during the fight scenes.  Or like, I wish I could, but it’s not that kind of slow, it’s just…god, hit the stupid zombie already.

From here…?

Okay, this is a good game.  A solid game.  You have to look past graphics and just generally the age of the game – it ages well, but still – but let’s be real, you’re looking at this blog and the usual writer on this blog writes about the oldest games known to man.  So like, I think you’ll all be able to handle it.  It’s a solid game, good writing, good play.  If you like Forgotten Realms, I think it’s a really good one for people just because it’s got some characters and things you’ll recognize.  If you like D&D, give it a try just to see how it works.

Besides, don’t you want those sexy polygons?

Next Month: Dragon Age: Origins, a game close to my heart and the continuation of what is looking like a major BioWare binge cycle, which I make zero apologies for.

Zoe’s MMO Corner: WildStar

WildStar is a pay-to-play (with some in game options) space western RPG with a charming cartoonish flair, some living vegetables, and space zombies – because everyone needs more space zombies – about the settlement of a lost planet and it’s kind of a good time.

History and Development

WildStar was created by Carbine Studios, which was basically just a bunch of guys from Blizzard who got pissed off about Blizzard being Blizzard – you know, in doing game research for this blog, I’ve realized that happens a lot more than it probably should, Blizzard, maybe stop creating your own competition, mkay? – and took off to make their own game.  Which they were quoted as saying they wanted to be “anything but World of Warcraft”.  Guess those dudes are not getting references from their former employers.  But it is pretty funny.

Apparently in the creation of WildStar they couldn’t find a game engine they liked enough to base their whole game on so they made their own.  And the mechanics for WildStar are pretty entertaining.  Basic, nothing hugely fancy, but like, that’s not important.  They work, they’re smooth, great.  In 2011, the game was announced, and went live in June of 2014.

After I finished playing through what was then the available content for the Secret World, sometime in early 2013, my gamer pal and I went looking for our next big MMO.  And we found WildStar, then still in development.  It looked fucking awesome.  Like, the cartoonish graphics, the bright colors, the plot which basically read as a ripoff of the television show Firefly but with aliens (this was not at all a bad thing), and, at least for me, the space zombies which I was immediately obsessed with and would answer any question for the next six months about “cool new games” by yelling “SPACE ZOMBIES” and frothing at the mouth a little.  It’s really a wonder I have friends.

But for real SPACE ZOMBIES

Now a quick heads up, when this DID release I was just starting this crazy job I had for a while where I worked 13 hour days so I haven’t played as much of WildStar as I should.  I also had some issue with my account and with subscriptions but that’s not really something I want to get into right now.  Just suffice to say that I haven’t played all the way through WildStar the way I have with other games.  Not because I didn’t want to, but because it’s hard to play a game when you spend most of your day hanging from the ceiling and playing with electricity and tape.

But I really wanna get back into it, if that makes it any better.

Character Creation

Here’s a story.  I have a baby sister.  Okay, she’s not a baby – like, she’d be really mad if she knew I called her that – but she’s six.  Which is pretty much a baby when you’re over twenty.  Anyway, the point is, I may or may not have taught her to use the character creator for WildStar (she can also use the one for Guild Wars 2 which she refers to as “make a girl” and keeps making crazy pink Sylvari).  So like, there wasn’t much of a point to that except it’s adorable because oh yeah, the WildStar characters ARE FUCKING CRAZY LOOKING.

She likes the space zombies too.

Here’s the boring part where I list a bunch of stuff, hang with me for a second.  So your choice starts with whether you wanna be in Dominion or Exiles (and by that I mean the Empire and the Rebels because this is kind of Star Wars and by that I mean totally Star Wars).  Each side has three different races to chose from but the classes and paths (I’ll explain) are all the same, mostly.  Dominion snotty humans, robots, demons, and killer mice while the Exiles have normal humans, animal people, space zombies and golems.

Classes are your abilities; chose from Warrior, Esper (psychics), Spellslinger, Engineer, Stalker (rogue), and Medic.  Each class has a couple of roles and the WildStar website does a much better job of explaining them than I was, so check that shit out if you want more info.  Your path is what kinds of quests you get, your interests basically: Solider, Explorer, Settler, Scientist (I tired really hard to make a Tinker Tailor Solider Spy joke there but it wouldn’t work and honestly how many of you are old enough to get that?  I shouldn’t be old enough to get that.)

As for cosmetic character creation stuff, it’s actually a lot of fun.  The graphics are very bright and cartoonish so it’s in no way trying to be serious.  Your character can be neon pink from top to toe if that’s what pops your toast.

The critique that’s been leveled against the character design is that woman look kind of unrealistic.  I mean, yes, it’s true, everyone, male or female, has like a three inch waist, but I’m not going to defend this one because of that.  I’m actually not going to defend this one at all.  Yes, the cartoonishness could have been done better for women and allow them to be less sexy cartoony.  It can get kind of boobular and I’m not about that.  I mean, mostly you can avoid it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I mean really guys, do we need that much boob happening there?

Story

Like I said, it’s not like I’ve played a huge amount of this game, but it’s not massively story heavy, at least so far.  The basic plot is that the Exiles and Dominion both find this planet called Nexus where once lived an ancient race of elves beautiful ancient technologically advance being called the Eldan and basically you’re there to steal their shit.

Since it’s an MMO, it makes it feel like everyone else is doing that to which honestly works.  Basically think of it like an intergalactic gold rush going on.  Plus Dominion and the Exiles are fighting each other all the time so that’s sort of throwing a wrench in everyone trying to steal everyone else’s shit.

Also you’re trying to figure out ancient tech.

But really the story is kind of weak.  Like, other things are great, like the atmosphere and the combat (getting to that) but the story is just kind of there.  It’s fun and mindless, which is sometimes pretty okay, but it’s certainly not the best out there.  It’s just a means to deliver that game and I like my games as a means to deliver a story.

Gameplay

But on the other hand, combat is pretty boss.  Like, it’s smooth and easy to master and fun and dynamic.  Enemies telegraph abilities in these big red circles on the ground – this isn’t the only game to do this, so don’t think I’m saying that, but WildStar does do it particularly well/often – so combat isn’t something you can take as casual.  It’s a lot of attempts to dodge and weave and run away and run back and it can be kind of frustrating but it’s kind of fun too.  Also the attacks all have fun little animations so it really does feel like you’re bouncing around enough rather than just hitting someone with a sword over and over again.

Also it’s shiny.  Really most everything in this game is shiny.

The quests are interesting enough.  Well, I mean, most of them are like “Kill 12 giant bees” or whatever, but depending on your path, you get certain types of quests that feed into that and give you a different experience.  Settlers claim resources and stuff, soldiers murder, you know, pretty standard stuff but it’s a decent idea that really does make the game feel like you get more freedom to chose what sort of character you want to play.

Level and class is pretty standard.  You find better equipment.  There’s a crafting system I think but I honestly haven’t gotten around to that because I’m terrible at most crafting systems in most games (Guild Wars 2 and Dragon Age: Inquisition aside).  Also you get a house which is kind of fun to play with.  I mean, I’m not totally huge on that, but it’s kind of a good time to play with and keep all your shit.

But honestly the draw of this game is the open world combined with the graphics.  You get to wander around and it’s just so cool looking.  There’s a whole quest about riding geysers into the sky and it’s just really pretty in sort of this fun, almost childish way.  Things are brightly colored and even in the 3D graphics, it really hangs on to that cartoon look.  I like that.  I like that it has a style to it and isn’t trying to look normal (by that I mean that most games really seem to want to look realistic and WildStar is like one of the few games out there that’s really trying NOT to look realistic).  It’s bright and shiny and goofy and happy.  The writing isn’t like stellar or anything but it fits the style of the game and it’s enough to make me laugh.  I think that does a lot for it.  In this age of “dark and gritty games”, it’s just so god damn happy.

The Good

Style, style, style.  WildStar has fucking style coming out of its goddamn ears.  Like, it’s just so much fun and so swish and shiny and exciting and pretty in a really different way.  I can look at most new games and say “Oh, it’s pretty” but this game is pretty the way a little six year old girl would think of pretty and by that I mean bright and colorful and you can have aqua hair (clearly “aqua” as a color is a big thing for my sister and she was really happy about her pink and aqua cat girl).

Style though.

Combat is solid.  Writing isn’t terrible.  The concept of the story is actually really solid and works with the space western thing really well.  I think it really captures that idea of the spaghetti western in tone and writing, but with aliens and giant bees and shit.  It’s a good time and a good look and I’ll forgive some of the story issues because of that.  I guess that goes back to the idea of style, though this is tone rather than visual.  They just have this really solid thing going on.

The Bad

Story.  It’s not great.  I mean, tone aside, it’s just not really there when you dig for it.  It’s actually pretty frustrating because like, I want it to really be as good as I feel it could be, but I worry that it’s lacking there to a certain extent and that’s frustrating.  It can grindy because of that and like, yeah, you do need to just kill things for XP which is really not my thing.  I think that WildStar would be great with a friend, but as of yet I haven’t had time to really play with pals – I have a friend who will play this with me but time, you understand – so maybe I’ll change my opinion when I get to do that.

The Ugly

Usually in this section I’m pretty solid at pinpointing “a thing” that is terrible.  Or not.  But this one is more of a feeling and that feeling is that fifteen levels into this game, I’m still not sure how I feel about it.  I want a game to try to take over my life.  I really want that.  I know it sounds weird, but that’s what I’m going for.  And this just doesn’t do that, at least not yet.  I was so excited about it coming out but that waned really quickly.  I’m actually patching the game as we speak – on my incredibly slow internet, it will be HOURS – so I’m going to try it again, but I just don’t think it has a great hook.

From here…?

I don’t know.  I can’t say go buy it.  I can’t be that enthusiastic.  But I do think people shouldn’t write this game off quite yet.  I think it has a lot of potential and I’m hoping it’ll grow into it.  I’m also hoping the subscription will go away because fuck those.  It’s still pretty new so it’s still a little pricy so maybe wait on it for that, but I am happy to say that the price is dropping.  Like, I don’t think it would kill anyone to wait for this game.  But I do want it to be really good so keep that in mind.  Even if it’s not, I really want it to be.  So I’ll be giving it another chance.

Next Month: Due to my own internet related issues, Zoe’s MMO Corner will now become Zoe’s RPG corner (covering any RPG with character customization beyond class and gender) which means that next month we’ll be doing Neverwinter Nights! Kickin’ it old school with my first love of gaming with lots of discussion of DnD and some of the origins of the famed Bioware murder spree.