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Hotline Miami 2: The Dangers of Escapism and the Importance of Embracing Reality

Spoiler Alert! This article contains major spoilers for the finale and events of Hotline Miami 2. Please do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled or if the content of the game is too graphic.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Hotline Miami series interacts with reality in weird ways. The psychedelic unreliably narrated games are steeped in a drug induced haze that most of the characters are unable to escape from or unwilling to leave. The characters from the second game in particular are split in camps between those who escape too much from reality and those who do not. These camps are also divide by who is able to prevent 50 Blessings cult from instigating World War Three and those who have too many obligations to be running off half-cocked.

The game splits characters into realists and escapists. They’re also split between characters who kill because they can and characters who kill because they must. Jake, The Mob Boss, The Actor, and The Henchman, The Fans, and Manny Pardo (I’m not going too in depth with the Henchman or the Actor as they only have three levels between the two of them, one of these levels being the tutorial.) are firmly in the escapist camp whereas Evan Wright, Richter Berg, and the Soldier are realists.

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Now that we’re all here, let’s begin.

Hotline Miami 2 takes place in an alternate history in which the Cold War got very hot in 1983-85 and Hawaii was the battleground. The US loses and The Soldier and Jacket, the protagonist from the first game, barely escape from the bitter conflict with their lives. In 1986 The Soldier goes on to own a convenience store in California and he’s killed in a nuclear blast before he and Jacket can resolve their feelings about the war. Needless to say, tensions between Russia and the US are still strained in 1991, the current day for the game’s setting, and things are driven further to the brink by a group calling themselves 50 Blessings. 50 Blessings employs agents known as operators, threatening them under pain of death or other coercion, to kill Russian mobsters in an effort to force an international incident.

Jacket and Jake are operators for 50 Blessings in 1989. Jacket’s obviously motivated by his interactions with the Soldier but it’s unclear his emotional state i.e. is he doing it for revenge or as a way to misguidedly cope with loss (He never speaks so it’s difficult to tell). Jake on the other hand is an eager ultranationalist who thinks the US can do no wrong and Russia can do no right —  this is the kind of guy who treats ‘Russian’ as the most grievous insult he can inflict. 50 Blessings refuses his desire for transparency and any sane person would see that they’re dangerous. If the player plays their cards right Jake will even be invited to a 50 Blessings recruitment center that’s disguised as a organization that peacefully resists the Russians. One of the recruiters tracks him down for knowing too much and even when Jake’s got a gun in his face he trusts these men implicitly. Jake even mentions that a lot of the people involved have a military history and could put up a damn good fight against the Russians again. If he weren’t so blinded by his fanatical devotion he might consider turning these military against his tormentors but this thought never occurs to him.

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I mean, as peaceful as an organization can be who has an American flag patterned rug –it hurts my eyes.

Fast-forwarding –literally, that’s how the game does time skips– into 1991, 50 Blessings has completed its goal of eliminating the Russia mafia and does not send out any more calls. A detective, Manny Pardo, is investigating a line of grisly murders. The catch is that he’s the killer. He uses his knowledge of police protocol to leave no useful evidence behind. The kicker is that he kills only for attention. He wants to be famous, during a scene where he talks with the CSI he imagines a camera crew nearby, filming the scene. Before the first level he comments to the waitress at a diner that she wouldn’t believe what the station has him doing i.e. investigating his own killings.

His levels consist of him thwarting untold numbers of criminals all by himself. These criminals are generally the people who are the most prominent threat at the time. His opponents are generic criminal thugs, then the Colombians (who have taken over the crime scene since the Russian Mob got wiped out), and then the police force who he believes have found him out. The Police station level is revealed to be a dream which casts this light on the other levels. Pardo dies in the nuclear blasts that herald World War 3 after he barricades himself in his home for an unknown period of time waiting for a manhunt that never occurs. If he had been doing his job he might be investigating these weird symbols that are at the buildings with dead Russian mobsters in them.

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It’s not too much of a stretch for his levels to all be dreams. They’re generally the most absurdly difficult (Because he wants to be a bigger hero) and break canon with other events.

Then there are the Fans, who Pardo despises for stealing his spotlight. They share 50 Blessings anti-Russian sentiment and see Jacket as a hero but 50 Blessings isn’t sending out calls any more. They want to be noticed by the organization so they kill criminal thugs. They dress up like 50 Blessings members, with animal masks –which makes them literally in murderous cosplay– and hit the streets in their absurd death van. These guys are so far from the truth and they never bother to examine 50 Blessings for what it was. They see people killing Russian mobsters and they want in. There’s very little examination in them. They just want to play hero and kill criminals. They don’t even notice when their fantasy falls to pieces. They try to “rescue” a girl from some thugs but are shocked when she’s apprehensive about leaving with them.

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Fun Fact: If the player moves forward she will shoot them and it forces them to restart the level.

The Fans are killed by the Mob Boss who systematically kills them as they clear the floors of the last remaining Russian controlled building in the city. Speaking of the Mob Boss, although Jacket killed his father and 50 Blessings destroyed his organization he has no desire to get back at them. He “follows his father’s footsteps” as Richard puts it and continues to mindlessly amass wealth and power. His escapism = death and pain metaphor isn’t a metaphor though. He munches four handfuls of pills and trips himself to death. He kills the Fans in the drug haze.

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And then fucking walks off a building because he thinks there’s a rainbow bridge.

Back to the beginning of things and onto the realists, the Soldier is a member of an elite unit called the Ghost Wolves. The Ghost Wolves perform operations that others can’t even though there are only four of them. They’re coordinated by a Colonel who is only known by his rank. Before their most dangerous mission yet The Colonel approaches them with a panther hide draped across his body. He begins expounding how “They don’t even know why they’re fighting,” and that, “They enjoy it.” The Ghost Wolves, despite their mythic penchant for violence, do not agree. They ask if he’s feeling and don’t follow up on The Colonel’s words. As if to punctuate this the hide slides off and The Colonel mumbles something about drinking too much. The Soldier and his crew are unwilling to listen to this rhetoric.

2015-04-23_00008 In any other situation The Colonel would be put away. If someone acted like that outside the context of a commanding officer in war time then The Solder, given his generally caring personality, would have gotten him some professional help at the very least. The circumstances make him unable to do so. This Colonel goes on to lead 50 Blessings and the march begins. The Soldier’s death is quick and the only thing he lacked was a copy of the war photograph he gave to Jacket although he does say that he doesn’t care when Jacket gets it to him.

Richter Berg is a lonely man with an ailing mother who probably joined 50 Blessing for the opportunity to make a friend or quite possibly just socialize with someone. To this end he was told to leave messages on people’s phones and tag areas Russian Mobsters frequented with the 50 Blessings symbol. When he was ordered to start killing instead of painting targets he refused. He was willing to stand against 50 Blessings, that is until they threatened the life of his mother.

2015-04-23_00016 He submits to their demands and does not fight against them. He’s able to break out of prison however and with the help of The Writer, Evan Wright, he’s able to reunite with his mother in Hawaii. Richard reveals that they’ve been having a good time but Richter agrees that good times never last. He and his mother are destroyed in a nuclear blast. Speaking of The Writer, he’s the closest of all the main characters to realizing the 50 Blessings conspiracy.

He was a correspondent during the war and he’s been trying to find a profitable occupation or to write a popular book ever since. His family’s not exactly suffering but they’re certainly not on the fast track to success. Jacket’s actions, and the popularity surrounding them, inspire him to write a comprehensive text on Jacket and his crimes. He could write about the Russo-American conflict but that just won’t sell in this environment. He could plunge himself deep into the world of 50 Blessings to figure out all there is to know about it but he has a family to care for.

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He’s also the kind of guy who asks for an ambulance for someone who threatened to kill him.

There’s too much in the way between him and the truth. It’s perfectly reasonable that he stick by his wife and two children, a wife who leaves him only to return if Evan chooses the family over his career. They’re all eliminated in a nuclear blast. Evan, Richter, and The Soldier all experience quick merciful deaths and despite the hardships in their lives they find meaning and a degree of happiness, happiness in a way that The Mob Boss, The Fans, Jake, and Pardo do not. None of them were able to prevent 50 Blessings’ mad march but the game recognizes that the realists at least had good reasons not to.

As if this were not enough, the game, represented by the character Richard, sneers at characters who use their escapism like a crutch, and these characters are punished with grisly and painful deaths or desperately empty lives. He is much more civil with the realists and is even conversational with The Soldier. He tries to explain things to Evan but can only say, “I’m the opposite of why you’re writing your book.” When Richter apologizes for his actions Richard commends him for this but that it’s too little too late.

The game is trying to warn against excessive escapism. All of the escapists are extreme in their fantasies and their divorce from reality. As if to show this even further they find articles about the mounting tensions but are only able to read a few lines before they move on to something else. They don’t keep up with current events, they don’t look at the world in a larger picture, they’re just in it for their own close-minded goals. And because they’re all so wretchedly selfish the events of the game go off, seemingly, without a hitch.

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So, was Jacket a realist or an escapist?

Road of the Dead (IT’S A FLASH GAME)

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Road of the Dead is a kind of driving game– I mean, you don’t actually turn, you just shift along the road– where the city is being overrun by zombies — how original– and you have to escape them –actually, a little more original than killing them all. It’s a game that I love but I’m not sure if it’s actually good.

History

Road of the Dead was made by Jim Kidwell under the name SickDeathFiend –is this guy sixteen? He’s been steadily making games and animations since 2003 — where he may well have been sixteen (well played internet, well played). These animations include Zombie Panic, Don’t Feed the Zombie, and Lab of the Dead so I think it’s safe to say that Kidwell enjoys zombies — there’s also a game called Segway of the Dead so Kidwell’s definitely got a sense of humor.

Road of the Dead was released on October 13th, 2010. It’s competition was The Room: The game also on Newgrounds, Loved, and Robot Unicorn Attack.

Experiences

This game spread like wildfire when my friends and I played it. It started with one of us  at our college campus’ computer club and it spread like a zombie virus itself. We were all shouting about how cool we thought it was and laughing about the crazy things that were happening to us. But it was a short game so it was only king for a day and then we moved back to playing TF2.

Gameplay

You play as an automotive mechanic using your suped up sports car to try to escape a city that’s experiencing a zombie outbreak. You never figure out why it’s happening but it’s largely irrelevant to your desire to get the fuck out. The road is littered with abandoned cars, good old fashioned oil slicks, zombies, people, and the goddam military. You don’t have to drive the whole highway in one go though, the game’s got checkpoints to make things a little easier.

You can upgrade your vehicle by spending Road Points — which I think is a hilarious name. You get road points by reaching distance milestones, hitting military people who are trying to stop you, and hitting zombies. You lose points by the bucket-full for hitting civilians. You can get civilians out of the way by honking the horn but that will attract zombies and soldiers to you. You can spend road points on body armor, a minimap that shows you where the hazards are, better tires, a fire-arm to get those pesky zombies off your dashboard — which is the most stressful thing ever, by the way.

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Boom! You got it, you can upgrade it.

Gush

The game has more robust design than I was expecting it to have. My windshield got all smashed up because it had been shot and I had rammed into some things. I could barely see through it and I figured I’d have to ram into more things in order to break it which would deal damage to the vehicle as well. I took a quick look at the controls and hit F at which point the driver smashed the windshield. It also has functioning windshield wipers for getting the blood off.

The voice acting is better than I expected it to be. It’s not great but for some people with theoretically zero dollars worth of budget I found myself reasonably immersed. I also love how incredibly cheesy some of the lines are. There’s nothing like The Driver facing down a military chopper while he shouts, “I’m not stopping. I’M NOT STOPPING!” Like the thing can actually hear him!

I love how things escalate in this game. You’re one car on the road and eventually the military throws choppers, land mines, explosive charges, spike strips, and over a hundred infantrymen to deal with you. It’s just one guy! Let him go! It’s so ridiculous and I love it.

The Kvetch

Hitting a zombie dead-on can cause it to explode in gory chunks and I’m cool with that, it’s a zombie, it’s fragile. The same thing can happen when the car hits a soldier hits dead-on and there are alternate animations it could have used, people slide over the hood or under the car all the time. I know it’s a silly game and it’s not realistic but that stretched my disbelief a little too thin.

Sometimes there are stretches of road that are so covered in vehicles that I have no idea how to pass through them without taking damage. It was like the game was saying, “You got this far without getting hit so now we’re gonna lower your health anyway.”

Why are female zombies usually dressed in their underwear or other skimpy clothing while dudes are dressed in business suits and such. I mean, it’s not just this game, it’s in nearly all zombie media. In short I think they could have done with a few more zombie models for variety’s sake.

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And every female zombie has a tube top and a torn skirt.

The Verdict

I went back to it and I didn’t play it all the way through but I had a fun hour of it. It’s not a long game but it packs a fun experience into a small package. In short, if you’re in the mood for some zombie based shenanigans then you could do worse than check this game out.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age II

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Dragon Age II is a single-player 3rd person RPG with a terrible title and some weirdass placement within the Dragon Age franchise that really seems to interest people because of whiny male love interests and I am going to offed people about.

History and Development

So after Dragon Age: Origins, there’s honestly no reason for another Dragon Age title.  I’m not using this to now bitch about how there shouldn’t be another one because I’m really glad there is one.  What I am saying is that Origins wraps up the story of the Warden PC really well and by the end you’re like “Okay, there we are, great, solid work team, go me.”

And then Dragon Age II came out.

But they did exactly the right thing.  They didn’t try to drag you through another game as the Warden.  Instead, they took their world and they made a whole new game with a whole new protagonist where the choices you made in Origins affect little details (who rules the kingdom of Fereldan, some toss off lines about who the Warden was, and like, I dunno, there’s some other stuff) but not the overall story.

Apparently during this game, though, the lead Bioware designer who’d worked there for ten years bailed and said some weird angsty things about it – why do people say anything when that happens, I will never understand that – which kind of put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths.  Later he took it back but he did so badly so it was sort of just uncomfortable all around.  And actually that’s a really good metaphor for Dragon Age II.

I don’t have a cool story for this one.  I played it because I played the first one.  I do have a great memory of starting it at my friend’s workplace while he was working and repeatedly looking up at him at the desk and whispering “Oh my god” in reverent tones.  The beginning of this game is super boss.

Though it admittedly goes…a little downhill.  But we’ll get to that.

Character Creation

Okay literally there is the coolest character creation system in this game and I’m all about it.  At the opening of your game, after you’ve imported your save from Dragon Age: Origins, all you chose is the class you want to play.  It’s the same mage/rogue/warrior from the first game, with no race choice because the PC of Dragon Age II, known as Hawke, is human and that is unchanging.

You play through the whole tutorial as the default character model.  This has to do with the way the story is structured (more on that later) and the suddenly after the tutorial the whole thing is questioned and then you’re allowed into the character creation screen.  Then you basically restart the game as a crummy, bad at your job level one player character and go through it all again, but this time the “right” way.

The physical aspects are pretty solid.  There’s not like, a lot of interesting, exciting things happening in it in terms of creation, but they got way better at skin tones sometime between this game and the first game.  So like, being brown is way better and more human looking.  But you know, not that brown.

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This is basically the darkest skin tone there is and that’s…unfortunate.

Story

The story of this game is totally cool and awesome and fantastic and mindblowingly interesting, and also fucking terrible.  I’ll explain.

The reason that the tutorial is questioned and character creation is done the way it is is because Dragon Age II is told as a story within a story.  The game’s “present” is actually a dwarven companion of Hawke’s – an NPC in your party – named Varric telling the story of Hawke to Cassandra, a woman from the church.  The meat of the game takes place in the past.  Varric is probably lying about most of it.  Often, the game will stop and redo something because Varric just goes totally off the rails and Cassandra calls him on it.  It’s one of the coolest framing devices I’ve ever seen.  Varric as an unreliable narrator makes it far more interesting than if he was just telling the truth as it happened.  So yeah, no one knows if anything in Dragon Age II is actually real.  But we buy it, because Varric’s a great storyteller.

The problem, though, is the story he’s telling.  It’s about Hawke, a refugee from Ferelden who leaves during the events of the first game and goes north to the city of Kirkwall.  The story spans a whole decade.  In that ten years, Hawke solves all sorts of problems in Kirkwall.  It’s a three act story that’s sort of  tied together by a conflict between the mages and Templars.

I work in theater.  Recently, I got a text from another theater friend that just read “I hate three act plays”.  And it’s mostly true.  Quite apart from the horrible idea that is anything with two intermissions, there’s always one act that just feels totally pointless in any three act play.  It works in movies – screenwriters will tell you that most work on a three act system – because in a film everything is highly structured and tells a continuous story.  Also, and this is super important, the end of act two is a TOTAL DOWNER.  My screenwriter friend calls it the “all is lost” moment, where everything is taken from the hero, the villian is clearly going to win, and basically everything’s just crap.

But the second act of Dragon Age II doesn’t have that.  Every act is a small game in of itself so every act ends with a boss fight.  Which you clearly win.  So it doesn’t work because then you’re standing in the metaphorical lobby with your bake sale cookie and your badly mixed Cape Cod and the lights start flickering and you just don’t want to go back in.  You’re just like, “Oh my god, there’s more, I don’t want to, I’m tired and I want to go home and what else can even happen in this game?  Do I care?  I’m trying really hard to care but it’s not working.”

Gameplay

The redemption of this game’s crummy story, though, is its fantastic combat system.  While the Dragon Age: Origins combat can be slow and clunky and jerky, the Dragon Age II combat is smooth, fluid, dynamic, and a damn good time.  You just feel like the biggest goddamn badass playing this game because it doesn’t matter what class you have, what weapon you use, it feels like you are so goddamn cool.  They gave mages a big knife on the ends of their staves which is awesome.  In Dragon Age: Origins, mages would be like, shooting magic bolts at people hitting them with swords and it looked really dumb.  In Dragon Age II, mages apparently went “Hold on a second, I have a big fucking chunk of wood in my hands.  Let me beat you in the face with it.”

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Say hello to my little friend.

The skills have been streamlined into trees which is nice because often you can avoid skills you don’t want.  Also they cut probably a third to a half of the spells which makes it way easier to find your way through leveling up.  Way more understandable.  And easy.  I’m a big fan of streamlined skills and shit because I’ve played  too many games where I’m like “WHERE AM I, WHAT AM I PLAYING, I AM HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.”

It’s just a nice, easy, simple style and that’s really the saving grace of this game.  If it was a crap story and complex mechanics, I would not be happy, but it really is a joy to play.  Like, I rarely enjoy combat in games (weird, I know) but it’s a lot of fun in this one.

The Good

Let’s talk about girls for a minute.  Because the women of Dragon Age II make this game.  There’s Avaline, a square jawed, broad shouldered police officer (basically) who’s bad at flirting.  Then there’s Merril, a tiny, big eyed elf girl who engages in blood magic  but who is basically made of sunshine and rainbows regardless (and is also voiced by Eve Myles of Torchwood).  And then there is Isabella, sarcastic, sexy pirate captain, one of Dragon Age’s few women of color, and also queen of my heart.  She is amazing and I adore her.  They are all amazing.  And well written.  And make this game so much better.

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Girl power.

The dialogue in this game is also really good.  They have an actually voiced protagonist for this game which lends an extra element to enjoy, though sometimes your character says things that you didn’t quite  mean.  But the writing here is fantastic.  I mean, “I like big boats and I cannot lie” is an actual line in this game.  They wrote it and somehow no one cut it and I can’t figure out how that happened.

As stated above, the combat is good, solid, and a lot of fun.  It doesn’t exactly feel realistic, but this is a video game where magic exists.  If I wanted realism, I’d go outside and actually hit people with a stick.  I’d rather be able to leap across a room to punch a horned giant in the mouth.

Oh yeah and also rivalry romance is a thing and wow is that a ton of fun, but that’s personal.

The Bad

Let’s talk about boys because wow….

Sorry, millions of (mostly female) fans who are going to disagree with me, but the boys are not great.  There’s a lot of love for both Fenris, the broody elf, and Anders, the broody mage, but I’m not really feeling it?  Both of them are romance options and it’s a lot of “fixing men” BS happening in there.  Like, yeah, tragic pasts and whatever, but like, as someone really deep into video game feminism, I’m uncomfortable with it.  They’re fun and whatever, but I like doing this on the rivalry romance end of things rather than the friendship one so instead of going “Oh, you poor baby, I’m sorry you’re so broken, let me fix you” you get to go “Yeah, cry me a fucking river, woman up, we’ve got shit to do, let’s make out.”

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“Oh pity me, pity me, I am going to make SUCH BAD FUCKING CHOICES.”  Thanks Anders.  You twat.

Oh, except Varric.  Varric is fine.  We like Varric.  We’ll keep him.

The Ugly

Oh, story, why must you disappoint me like this?  So much potential, but such weak execution.  I believed in you, and you let me down.

I mean, not enough for me not to play it like, eight times.  The game is only like twenty hours long, it’s not a big deal.

From here…?

You know, for all I feel like this review heaped a lot of criticism on this game, I really enjoy it?  I mean, I love to hate things I love, so maybe that’s part of it, but I honestly enjoy Dragon Age 2 a ton.  It’s fun, it’s fast, it’s got good dialogue and good characters.  Regardless of the problems I have with the boys, giving Fenris shit and then kissing him on the mouth was way fun.  I’m going to play it a million more times, I just know it.  It’s been likened to an intermission, and it is.  Its structure is a little weak, but it’s still a fun game.  Just don’t expect too much.

It’s also pretty cheap.  Pick it up, give it a play.  It’s short too, so it won’t suck up your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age: Inquisition.  Ahahahaha, it’s so pretty and also like wow what is even happening?

Shadowrun Returns (PC, iOS, Android)

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Introduction

It’s 2054 and magic on Earth has woken up. Corporations have grown and acquired enough wealth to literally make them small countries. Cities sprawl into uncontrollably large steel blights, the barrens of which are rife and rampant with crime and gangs. Some humans have changed into elves, dwarves, orks, and trolls, reinvigorating racism in a whole new way. Most people are wage slaves who work for a corporation and make enough money to survive. Some people choose to be crack mercenaries who have taken to the shadows. These people are shadowrunners and you play one in Shadowrun Returns. Assemble your team, hone your skills, maybe get some cyberwear, and try to make some nuyen –the currency of the age– or die trying. Remember what they say, “Watch your back, shoot straight, conserve ammo, and never, EVER cut a deal with a dragon.”

History

Shadowrun Returns was designed by Harebrained Schemes, a team lead by Jordan Weisman, the creator of the original table-top system. Weisman was trying to return Shadowrun to its roots after Microsoft made an appalling first person shooter based on the universe. The game was funded by a Kickstarter campaign in 2012 gathering 1.8 million dollars in pledges. It could only actually had to be funded in this way because of a weird problem with its license where it couldn’t get publisher backing — copyrights are weird, man.

Shadowrun Returns was released on July 25th, 2013. It’s competition was Dota 2 (PC), Civilization V: Brave New World (PC), and Zeno Clash II (XBLA).

Experiences

At what point is it satisfying to “call something”? When is it clever to call something early and when is disappointing? I was super excited when I called the ending of Dead Man’s Trigger campaign even though it was minutes before the conclusion. I’m not sure if it was smugness for figuring it out, assuredness because the decisions I made panned out, or a little foolish because it was so obvious.

Gameplay

Shadowrun Returns is basically an investigative point and click adventure that suddenly breaks into tactical, cover-based, turn-based combat when shit gets real. The base campaign, “Dead Man’s Switch,” depicts you as a shadowrunner who’s old running mate seems to have been killed by an up and coming Seattle serial killer with 100,000 nuyen in it if you can capture the murderer.

The character creation is very robust. You can choose your meta-type (race as in human, dwarf, ork, etc.) and can choose an archetype (Shaman, Street Samurai, or Decker– which is slick cyberpunk lingo for a hacker who goes into the internet) or you can allocate your stat points manually to make some sort of weird hybrid. There are also a lot of character portraits for meta-types and the ability to upload your own character portrait. Character appearance customizations options are a little limited but I found a body and head that matched what I wanted my character to look like.

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I’d say that it’s a pity they don’t let you play ghouls but there’s probably a mod for that.

The Gush

The music sounds like the best of the Genesis and Super Nintendo incarnations’ soundtracks and that’s a good thing — you might even make out a few dittys from the originals. The tunes match the fantasy post-cyberpunk atmosphere. Harebrained Schemes actually went as far to find the composers for those games and employ them to make the soundtrack for Shadowrun Returns.

Dead Man’s Trigger draws from the classic games and the expanded mythos. If you’ve played them or read some of the books then you might see some familiar faces. If you’re don’t know about any of that then don’t worry because all the characters are awesome even if you’re not in on the joke.

This game has got an absolutely wiz campaign creator mode. It’s got tons and tons of customization options for dialogue and decorations. There are so many campaigns out there and they’re pretty easy to install. Check them out, there’s certainly a mod out there for you.

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This building would have been fine but all this stuff on it really adds flare.

The Kvetch

The save systems in this game is incredibly frustrating. You can only save in between runs. Even if you’re not in combat if you’re in a run then you’ve gotta finish it or leave the game on. I imagine a lot of people saying, “But Mom/significant other, I just gotta finish this before we can go.”

Each of the archetypes is pretty well balanced although Technomancers are not represented. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. But adepts are kind of all weaknesses. They’ve got magical passive abilities that just don’t stack up to the cyberwear of a Street Samurai. I brought an adept on a run and never made that mistake again. If you’re going to play an adept get ready for hard mode, or maybe I just don’t get them.

There were certain abilities that were clearly not useful. I gave my Troll Street Samurai –named Brutal because he certainly was– some charisma for laughs and this scored him some etiquettes which unlocked additional dialogue options. I took the Shadowrunner and Socialite etiquettes and I can’t tell you how many times it paid to be privy to shadowrunner social code. On the other hand I can’t tell you a single time it paid to be a socialite.

It seems like accuracy is oddly skewed. Every attack has a percentage chance of hitting and sometimes it seems like high percentages hit often, low percentages hit often, and middling percentages rarely hit. I’ve missed five times consecutively with an 87% chance of hitting and it was the most frustrating thing.

Verdict

The base campaign for Shadowrun Returns certainly justifies its 15 dollar price tag. It offers a fun and competent campaign in Dead Man’s Trigger despite its annoying aspects. I can totally recommend this game to anyone who likes a little cyberpunk in their life– oh man, now I’m just imagining this little cyborg with a mohawk and a leather jacket who lives on my shoulder or something and gives me advice that always leads me to fighting the power. What a little scamp.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is The Worst Racing Game I’ve Ever Played

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I went into this game expecting a pulse-pounding, high speed, throbbing, innovative, foot race simulation game. The live action trailer depicted people running away from a dragon so I thought that’s what it was all about. What I got was a broken mess that didn’t support endurance marathons, short sprints, or racing of any kind.

The opening does a great job at cementing your roll as a runner who has room for improvement. You’re a border jumper from another province to Skyrim but you got caught. I think this shows well that you’re good at what you do but not good enough to outrun the long arm of the law… yet!

There’s all this pointless dialogue about Stormcloaks, the Empire, and other politics. I think a stronger opening scene would have been depicting your character during the border run but this is serviceable. I guess it’s necessary to talk about it in order explain why you’re going to be executed instead of imprisoned for the crime of jumping the border. You got caught up in this political conflict and it’s just safer for the Empire to kill you.

You’re taken to the execution grounds and it’s at this point you get to design your racer. You can choose from a bunch of different races but there isn’t a lot of differentiation. They’ve got very slightly different speeds but they all have the same braking and handling. Redguards are clearly the best though because they have an ability called Adrenaline Rush which increases their stamina regeneration immensely which allows them to run more. I appreciate it but there’s no reason not to play a Redguard.

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With such customizable and different looking characters it’s a shame that Redguards are so immensely OP.

You’re taken to an execution block and it seems like things are over before they’ve begun but a dragon attack interrupts the headsman. You’re released from your bonds and can do what you do best, run. On your way out you can accept assistance from the Imperials or the Stormcloaks. I thought the Imperial armor was lighter and looked cooler so I went with them. You escape the burning village by running through some underground tunnels and when you emerge the world of Skyrim is your oyster.

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Skyrim is such a pretty place that I do love just walking around in it.

It’s really difficult to race in this game though. There’s no interface supporting it. There’s no multiplayer and most NPCs don’t want to run with you. It’s also really strange that you initiate races with people by punching them in the face. Give them a slap and they’ll chase you to the ends of the earth.

Racers can use their weapons and even environmental monsters and hazards to slow you down or kill you. This makes armor a viable trade off. Take less damage but move more slowly. But this interesting trade is destroyed by another piece of design, the Steed Stone, which makes it so armor doesn’t slow you down.

If you want to play with your friends then you’ve got to find an accurate starting position, ending position, and then trust that they time things appropriately, aren’t using a horse, and don’t fast travel to the location. Mod support, like the dragonrider mod, also make it difficult to verify who actually won the race.

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It makes a great spectacle but a terrible racing game. Dragon riding races sound interesting but there’s just no challenge to flying over all the mountains effortlessly.

 

The game also has a glitch that makes even Adrenaline Rush pointless. If you take out a torch and, start sprinting, then let go of the sprint button you’ll keep running even and will keep running even when you run out of stamina. It’s also a likely glitch to find because I imagine a lot of people would try to make the Olympic torch runner joke.

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Horses never run out of stamina so they also trivialize the foot running concept, armored or otherwise they’re too fast.

Every step this game takes forward it takes two steps backward. Everything that’s interesting in this game is destroyed by another piece of design. I don’t know what Bethesda was trying to do but it certainly wasn’t to make a satisfying foot racing simulator. I can’t recommend this game to anyone because it utterly fails its mission.

 

 

FTL: Faster Than Light (PC and iOS)

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Introduction

You are the captain of a ship in the Federation of Planets. The Federation is embroiled in a bitter war against a Rebel fleet that’s turned half the sector against the Federation. The Rebels have been able to best the Federation because it’s constantly able to harass its ships with drone ships that are cheap to produce and don’t require a crew. Your vessel is doing deep reconnaissance near the Rebels and intercept a data packet describing how the ships of the Rebel Fleet are dependent on its Flagship to function. Your goal is to outrun the Rebels and get this information to the Federation Headquarters. Unfortunately the Rebels are hot on your heels. Fly through asteroid fields, solar flaring suns, sensor-blocking nebulae, and many ships of various designs and ability that all want to turn your ship into scrap.

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Well, it’s actually a strategy game but it’s the most sweat inducing strategy rogue-like that I’ve ever played.

History

FTL was developed by Subset games with Justin Ma and Mathew Davis leading design — and when I say leading I think I mean that they are Subset games. Inspired by board games like the Battlestar Galactica board game and others where the players have to tactically manage power. They wanted to create an experience where, “the player feel like they were Captain Picard yelling at engineers to get the shields back online.”

The game was primarily funded by a 200,000$ Kickstarter campaign. By that point Subset had created the bones of the game but it didn’t have music, the best writing, or run very well. This Kickstarter money ensured that it would have all of those things. It was one of the first Kickstarter funded games and helped start the trend that videogames could be crowdfunded and succeed.

Years later Subset released a free, toggle-able, expansion pack called the Advance Edition. The Advanced Edition introduced a new race and several new systems to ships, making things more complex than ever.

Fun Fact: The Crystal race was a prize for one contributor to the Kickstarter campaign who donated a large sum of money.

FTL: Faster Than Light was released on September 14, 2012 and it’s Advanced Edition was released in 2014. It’s competition was Borderlands 2 (PC, XBox 360, PS3), World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria (PC, Max), and Castle Crashers (PC).

Experiences

I end up getting really attached to my crew. I usually don’t remember their names but I do remember That Mantis who killed three intruders or That Engi who’s kept my ship together through the worst that space can subject to it. I panic and pause when someone is near death, trying to figure out how to save them in time. That Engi is manning the shields and trying to keep them up while we’re under heavy fire. He’s been hit a few times by laser fire but he was able to get the shields up and running. I can see the missile pass through the shields, it’s heading for him. I pause and order him to the medical bay. He dashes for the door to avoid the blast but it’s too late. The explosion turns him into nano-particle paste and my chief engineer is dead. I pause again, shout, and wonder how I’ll manage without him.

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I know we will somehow. (Art by tink29)

Gameplay

You play as a Federation ship seemingly sitting in space — it’s doing evasive maneuvers it would just be difficult to express that on a 2-D plane– as it jumps between FTL beacons trying to reach the exit to every system. The Rebel fleet is hot on your heels and will overtake beacons as it flies across the star map — and these aren’t the chump scout ships these are the professional flotilla cruisers– it’s best to avoid them.

For the most part you’ll be fighting enemy ships and you do this by allocating power to your systems, aiming your weapons, and firing them. Your systems will be targeted by enemy ships and you can target an enemy ships’ systems like their shield or weapons –actually, I almost always aim at their shields and weapons. Your ships’ hull can take a beating but it can only be repaired at stores so minimizing the damage you take is important.

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Fire, hull breaches, and system damage can all cripple your ships in a number of ways. You’ll have to find ways to counter each of these mishaps.

When you salvage blown up ships or as rewards for helping people you’ll get scrap. Scrap is used to upgrade your ship’s systems and you can trade it at stores if you can find one. You expend fuel when your ship jumps, missiles when you fire them, and drone parts when you activate drones from your drone bay.

So, you’ve been upgrading your ship. You’ve probably bought a few new weapons. You’ve got a fine crew who’ve stood by you since the beginning. When you get to the end you’ve got to face the Rebel Flagship in a three round all out space brawl. Good luck, you’ll need it.

The Gush

This game has got so many mods. There’s mods for music, weapon design, that add more types of planets to background images, that ignore the rebel fleet plot, and all sorts of crazy things.

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There are mods that turn ships into Starcraft ships! There’s a mod for everything.

There are a lot of cross system quests that I thought were really fun. A few of them tickled my mystery gland very well. Certain actions can unlock additional ships with all sorts of weird strategies. I’m a sucker for unlockables and this game will give me a lolly if I can put crew members of 6 different races on my ship at once.

Speaking of unlockables and races. Stats of your ship and what crew members you have will allow you to unlock certain, sometimes secret, options for events. Dealing with food riots? Send in your rock man, their sticks and stones can’t hurt him. Negotiating with a dodgy captain? Have your slug read his emotions to figure out whether he’s on the level. Someone teleport onto your ship and hold someone hostage? Your mantis’ enhanced adrenaline and sharp incisors will ensure the hostage is safe.

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Aw man, I loves seeing that blue text.

 

The Kvetch

When you were jumping to a beacon it was impossible to tell which beacons that one could reach, sometimes I would jump to a dead end and get utterly destroyed by the rebel fleet. Thankfully this was fixed in the Advanced Edition but it was so frustrating I wanted to talk about it anyway — What a quibble.

I fucking hate asteroid fields. Asteroids constantly bombard your ship and the enemy ship if there is one. It turns the combat into a DPS race but if the enemy gets some lucky shots on your systems while your shields are down then the incoming asteroids will ensure that you can’t get back on your feet.. The Stealth Cruiser doesn’t have shields to begin with so if it wanders into an asteroid field it’s gonna get pummeled and there’s little it can do about it.

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If the engines get hit or the pilot gets hit then you can’t even jump away from the field.

The Verdict

FTL: Faster Than Light is a damn fine game. It’s punishing and brutal but I never felt like I hadn’t learned anything between playthroughs. I was able to use this applied knowledge to get further and further each time until I eventually beat it. As a rogue-like it’s susceptible to RNG screw but things are usually manageable. This game gets an enthusiastic recommendation.

Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number (PC and Playstation 3,4, and Vita)

As the sequel to Hotline Miami this game has upped the ante when it comes to brutality and violence. Last review I warned that this game might not be for the squeemish and it goes double for this review. This game depicts sexual violence as well as regular violence so viewer discretion is advised again.

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Introduction

The events of the previous game end with a lot of Russian mobsters getting killed and the protagonist of the first game, a gentleman known only as Jacket,  getting arrested. His actions have created a ripple effect across Miami. There are those who seek to understand him and those who seek to emulate him. You play as these disparate Miami dwellers, learning their stories, and figuring out whether you truly enjoy hurting other people. You’ll also take a little trip to the past to figure out a bit about Jacket’s bearded friend, everyone’s favorite snake, and everyone’s favorite rat. If you play get ready for the stunning conclusion to the Hotline Miami series.

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But is it really the end? Yes… it is. Dennaton games have publicly stated that this image was put into the game as a joke and considering the ending, I don’t know where they’d go with the series.

History

As before, Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number is developed by Dennaton games which is comprised of developer, Jonatan Soderstrom and artist, Dennis Wedin. This time instead of just using Game Maker they tweaked the Game Maker 7 program to make their own unique engine.  They wanted to make a game that focused more on story and characters, each character having their own goals and motivations.

Things changed a lot in development. Earlier builds of the game had characters with abilities they don’t possess now– Corey the Zebra, in particular, had the ability to enter buildings through windows instead of going through doors. It was also intended that Ash, the gun-toting swan, would be killable alongside his sister, Alex. As it stands, Ash is invulnerable to harm — something that I totally wouldn’t use to my advantage… nope.

Fun Fact: The Hotline Miami twitter released a phone number weeks before release that revealed the release date when called. A copy of the call can be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlnrQHoWCvo

Hotline Miami was released on March 10th, 2015. It’s competition was DMC: Definitive Edition (PS4 and XBOX One.), Assassin’s Creed Rogue (PC), and Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 (PC).

Experiences

There’s a character you play half-way through the game who’s someone we’ve met before. It’s revealed that he’s a real character who can’t get a job because he’s too busy taking care of his sickly mother. There’s a point where she asks him to help her take a bath because she’s cold and too sick to do it herself. I felt so bad because I had to go out and kill russian mobsters– he comes up with an excuse of course– but she was super supportive of his endeavors to go out and make friends or get a job. I felt guilty. I came back home from the murder party and she was lying in the bathroom unconscious. I felt so bad. She was alright though, he tucks her into bed and all is well.

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Breaks my heart, every goddam time.

His final level involves him breaking out of prison. I was super pumped because prison breaks are always fun in games but then I had a thought. I asked myself how long this guy had been in prison, how long had his mother been alone? I started crying, I’ll admit it. I just kept thinking, “I’m gonna get you back to her man, I’m gonna get you back.”

Gameplay

The game plays very similarly to its predecessor but there are some seemingly minor changes that shake thins up a lot. You’re still going to different locales, ridding them of life, and then getting back into your sweet ride — just remember that everyone, including you, dies in one hit. This time though more thugs have random patterns and there are more windows. This leads to more pre-planning, use of the look function, and getting killed out of seemingly nowhere. This might lead the twitch reflexes you developed in the first game to rust a little. You’re also more likely to survive a single gunshot, something that happened randomly in the first game.

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But can you argue with the results? Yes, yes you can.

The plot up to this point is that Jacket has eliminated most of the Russian Mafia in Miami. He’s been arrested but his actions had far reaching consequences. There’s a new film coming out, Midnight Animal, that dramatizes his actions. He’s inspired a group of disgruntled citizens to take the fight to criminals on the streets, killing them by the houseful. Writer and former Russo-American war correspondent — did I mention this is an Alternate Universe where the cold war got hot… apparently?– Evan Wright is even writing a book, trying to make sense of the whole situation. There’s more where they came from and it’s a little tricky tying them all together but I find it really fun. Each of these characters has a different playstyle that really mixes the gameplay up.

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You usually get to pick from a pool of options per level. Try them all, some are better suited for some levels than others.

In case you thought the first game was too easy and the second game got too easy as well, there’s now a hard mode. Hard mode disables enemy locking, add stronger enemies, and flips most maps — good-bye muscle memory.

The Gush

Although there are fewer masks there are more characters. These characters are more fleshed out and there’s a stronger plot in general.  It gets around to explaining some mysteries that were present in the first game. You’ll have to do some digging though. News articles, answering machines, and challenges will grant you intrigue and understanding so keep your eyes open.

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It shows in dialogue like this that characters have traits now. This bear is so upbeat and outgoing about murder.

Whadaya know, the world of Hotline Miami exists in an alternate timeline where the cold war got pretty hot. I thought it was an interesting explanation for the rampant anti-Russian sentiment and the rise of Russian based crime. What’s a Russo-American to do when they see a “no Russian need apply,” sign?

The new abilities are really fun to play with. My favorite is probably the gameplay of Alex and Ash, the swan twins. Alex leads the way with a chainsaw and Ash follows with whatever gun he can find. Ash’s pathing is a little bad but the gameplay style is unique and interesting. It allows Ash to fire off his weapon and lure enemies to Alex, or for Alex to finish off downed opponents while Ash keeps her safe.

As usual, the soundtrack in this game is top notch. It features a greater intensity than the first, with each level having it’s own unique track. You’ll replay levels just to hear these sweet techno tunes.

The Kvetch

I can’t tell you how you many times you’ll walk down a hallway and get blasted by someone who’s off screen. You can use shift to look further ahead but sometimes that’s not enough distance to avoid getting shot. This sort of thing prevents you from getting big combos you were used to in the first game.

The maps are bigger this time around and that means getting wasted near the end means losing more progress than ever. It also means there’s an even larger list of things to worry about. I constantly found myself wondering if I had taken care of thugs that were guarding windows or in certain areas because I’d gone on a different path and couldn’t keep things straight.

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That whole area in the middle is just a giant kill zone. It just shouts, “Don’t walk here. This space does not enhance the gameplay, it’s a trap.”

There are so many score bonuses that it’s difficult to determine how well you’re actually doing until the end of the level. Hotline 1 seemed to express these score increases during gameplay so it was more readily apparent what your score would be. It sucks to go for an A+ ranking and not realize that you’ve actually been doing awful because your boldness score wasn’t high enough.

The Verdict

It’s inevitable that comparisons get drawn between a game and its sequel and Hotline Miami 2 is a different beast from Hotline Miami 1 altogether. If you like the first then there’s no guarantee that you’ll like this one, the tweaks to the gameplay have really changed it. That being said, if you didn’t like Hotline 1 then you might like Hotline 2. I personally enjoyed both, so it’s not a mutually exclusive thing. If you wanted your Hotline Miami to have more plot then this game will be your jam.

Next Week: FTL: Faster Than Light.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age: Origins

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Dragon Age: Origins, and its expansion, Awakening, are a 3rd-person single-player RPG set in the medieval magical land of Thedas where a bunch of orcs darkspawn are trying to fuck shit up with a big Eye of Sauron dragon and even though I am going to mock how much this game is like Lord of the Rings, it is also great, I promise.

History and Development

Then called simply “Dragon Age”, Dragon Age: Origins was anounced by our old friend BioWare in 2004.  The developers cited things like George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” and other “low fantasy” works.  Honestly though, that’s one of those fiction witer terms and I honestly dislike it because like, ASoIaF is shockingly high language but apparently if you mention things like visceral death, rape, and other things that were rampant in the middle ages, then you’re low.  And honestly I’m not sure I would even call Dragon Age (the franchise, not just this game) low fantasy.  I’d say it has some of both but it’s more high fantasy than low.

Except of course the famed BioWare Homicide Streak.

The game came out in 2009 and has basically been held up as the standard to which all story-based RPGs are held ever since.  Critics gave it high marks in terms of story, graphics, replayability, mechanics, everything.  One review even named it “RPG of the Decade”.  It’s a game that people still, five years later, have trouble catching in terms of all around goodness.

Except (personal opinion) apparently there’s a song by Thirty Seconds to Mars on the official soundtrack and like excuse me, what?  Not that I have really anything against Thirty Seconds to Mars exactly, but I was not expecting that.

As I mentioned earlier, though, Dragon Age is a franchise.  Three games and their various DLCs, a series of novels, a tabletop RPG that I really gotta check out, comics, a web series staring Felicia Day, and wait a second, there’s a fucking Dragon Age anime, that sounds terrible, I need it.  I own the first three novels but haven’t read all of them, just started the first one.  It’s…okay.  David Gaider, lead writer of the game series, writes them and they read just like I would expect a video game writer to write; solid dialogue, a lot of plot, but just lacking a certain amount of what we writers refer to as “showing” because he probably gets to write things like “He looked as though he didn’t care” instead of what novelists have to do which is write what he did that made him look that way.  Really, the books are for people who love Dragon Age and want to know more about the world, not for people who like high fantasy novels.

I was forced to play this game the first time.  Didn’t own it for my first play-through.  My friend made me play it, and Mass Effect, because she has fantastic tastes and knew what I wanted.  She was right.  It hit all the right buttons for me.  The NPCs in your party are phenomenal and the dialogue is snappy and snarky and very human.  The plot and the decisions are really interesting and they know what they’re doing in their world creation, mostly.

Also they let you play dwarves and I have a real thing for dwarves so that was a big thing in favor of the game in my eyes.  Very, very concerned upset looking dwarves.

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Who the hell are you?

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What the hell do you want?

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Why the hell would you do this?

I bought the whole thing.  I’m on my third play through now, which isn’t a lot but there are a lot of games out there and also you know I graduated from college during that period too.  But I still think this game is great enough that I have mapped out what I’m doing for the next, oh, eight or nine times I play it and I have zero shame about that.

The story of DA:O continues in Dragon Age: Awakenings, the expansion, which feels like a whole new campaign and is super long with new companions, but still continues to be super good and doesn’t get as much love as I wish it did.

Character Creation

The reason it’s called Dragon Age: Origins is because you get to pick from one of six origin stories which you play through as a sort of tutorial before the main shit starts.  The origin stories are as follows: Human Noble, City Elf, Dalish (forest) Elf, Dwarf Noble, Dwarf Commoner, and Mage, of either the human or elf variety – in the world of Dragon Age, dwarves can’t do magic.  The three classes are mage, rogue, and warrior.  It’s a very simple creation system which I personally really like because it doesn’t bog you down in choices.  It’s gonna be a long game though, so settle in.

The physical creation mechanics are solid and very much a standard of newer BioWare games.  It’s intense.  You can adjust everything.  The one major MAJOR problem of the character creator is that if you want your character’s skin to be darker than “looked at the sun once” it’s gonna look weird.  For some reason, they did something terrible to the texturing and they don’t have any options for being darker than slightly brown so like, not only is your character gonna look pale as hell, they’re gonna look weirdly patchy.

Other than that, though, it’s pretty solid.

Story

Dragon Age: Origins is the story of the Fifth Blight of Thedas.  Every once in a while, the darkspawn, an underground dwelling “race” of corrupted beings that were once normal humans, elves, and dwarves – I mean did they even try not to make orcs? – get together under the rule of an archdemon and try to kill everyone.  You play a Grey Warden, a member of an organization that exists specifically to murder the hell out of darkspawn and eventually the archdemon, by drinking darkspawn blood because that seems like a great idea.

Along the way it becomes your job to deal with all sorts of bullshit because you’re the goddamn hero of Fereldan.  Apparently that makes you the fucking expert in who should be in charge of countries and stuff.

Additionally, Dragon Age: Origins relies really heavily on its NPCs.  They’re a varied bunch – including a man who trained to be a church knight, a drunken dwarf, a grandmotherly healer, a sexually explicit elven assassin, and a witch – and they all want shit from you.  So a lot of the story is about getting to know your companions and doing the quests for them.  And I mean also sometimes boinking them.  Because romance is just what we’re all thinking about when the fucking world is ending.

Gameplay

H’okay though.

So I have no real proof for this, but part of me feels like Dragon Age: Origins is still based on that old BioWare turn based engine because combat is still SLOW AS BALLS.  Like, I get what they’re doing, I do, but it still feels like shit takes forever.  So like, I honestly believe that I spent most of my time doing combat in this game because every fucking fight was like a marathon. Mages attack super mega slow.  So do warriors with two handed weapons (never control one during a battle, it is a snore-fest, go be Morrigan instead).  It just feels like it takes a long time.

Also there are a ton of skills.  Like a ton.  Like a mega-ton.  A lot.  It can be really overwhelming if you’re not careful.

But apart from that, it’s pretty solid.  It’s not like intense dynamic combat or anything, but it does what it’s suppose to do.  Besides, Dragon Age: Origins is a game about talking to people, not fighting them.  It really is.  I mean, there’s a lot of bloody horrible murder too, but also you have to talk about it, and the writing is still really good so that cuts down on a lot of the combat problems, I guess.

But hey, mages have super cool spells.

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Like a boss.

The Good

The writing.  It’s really fantastic.  Some of the best video game dialogue known to man and I will defend that statement with my life.  They know their shit in this game, know how to get it to hit you in gut and make you laugh all at the same time.  The voice acting for it is great too, staring such wonderful individuals as Steve Valentine of Crossing Jordan, Claudia Black of Stargate SG-1 and Kate Mulgrew of Star Trek: Voyager, so basically hitting all of my childhood loves.  Oh yeah and Steve Blum as “crotchety drunk guy” because in no way is he type cast.

Of course the great writing makes for great characters.  I think among the creative side of video game fans, Dragon Age: Origins gets the most artistic and fanfictional love, followed probably by Dragon Age 2 and Dragon Age: Inquisition.  This game knows how to tug your heatstrings.  It also knows how to make you love characters.  Or hate them.  There is no more hate for any character ever I think than there is for Morrigan of this game, mostly from women who are mad about A Thing that happens.  Which I’m not about because Morrigan is the fucking bomb.

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There should be no hate for this beautiful sneaky witch thief.

The story is good too.  They do the choices really well and it does feel like you’re really shaping the destiny of a nation.  Basically they do everything in the writing and plot side of things 99.9% right.  I even like the fade section, which puts me in the minority of players.

The Bad

Combat.  The pacing makes it really difficult to keep interest when it comes to the hacky and the slashy.  It’s a big game so sometimes you’re just like “Ugh I have to fight my way through this whole forest/underground tomb/ancient ruin and it’s gonna suck.”  And then it totally sucks.

The Ugly

Nothing is terrible in the way that I usually have here.  Like, the slow combat is annoying but it’s not enough to put me off this game for even a second.  I dunno, maybe…

Oh.

Wait.

The sex scenes.

It’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen.  Ever.

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I think it has something to do with the underwear and the fact that the sex scenes make the models look like snake people and I do not like that.

From here…?

Just buy the game.

Do I need to say anything more?  If you have the game, play it at least six thousand more times.  You will not be disappointed except maybe by the sex scenes but like, if you’re relying on not actually naked video game sex to get your rocks off, we need to talk about your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age 2! The one in the middle! With that guy who fucked everything up!  Oh it’s gonna be great.

Twisted Metal Black (PS2)

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Introduction

The Blackfield Asylum holds the worst of Midtown’s worst. It’s a place rife with the strong and the mad. One day it gets taken over by a guy by the name of Calypso. He says if the choice inmates enter his contest and kill each other then he’ll grant them a wish, anything they want. They all have a vehicle –stashed somewhere, I guess– that Calypso supes of for them. They’re dropped into the middle of Midtown to wreak havoc on it and the other drivers. Drive, fight for your life, get power ups, and see your darkest desires come true.

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Pictured: Calypso. With a face like this, what’s not to trust? Pay no attention to the eye with evil tendrils coming out of it.

History

The Twisted Metal series is developed by Incognito Entertainment. Blackt was designed and directed by series veteran David Jaffe and produced by Scott Campbell. Jaffe had worked on the first and second installments but was taken off just in time for things to take a downturn in the third game in the series, which continued into the fourth. The series needed a change, it needed a new breath of life, so they brought Jaffe back to bring the series back to its roots — well maybe not its roots, I mean Twisted Metal 1 is a pile of camp and silly.

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One of these is Twisted Metal 2 and the other is Twisted Metal 3 and I don’t think either of them looks better than the other and that’s a problem.

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Then again, we’ve come a long way since the full motion video cinematics that were cut from the first game. Pictured: A demon named Black.

Twisted Metal Black was released on June 18th, 2001. It’s competition was Baldur’s Gate II: Throne of Baal (PC), Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast), and Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis (PC).

Experiences

I might have played this game when I was younger than I should have been. My father had seen me play Twisted Metal 3 and how kiddy is was. I loved it –because I was 14 and didn’t know any better– so I was hot on the sequel’s heels when it came out –or as hot as a 20 dollar a season game budget can be. I played it to completion and saw all of the vignettes, learning the stories of the deranged characters. I then related these experiences to my relatives who didn’t exactly understand how videogames worked. Much to my surprise they were shocked and appalled about its content and the effect it would have on my young mind. Long story short, don’t introduce someone to the industry with this game.

Gameplay

Twisted Metal belongs firmly in the niche car combat genre — and when I say “belongs” I mean, “Is the best and only part of.”  In which you choose a vehicle from a variety, each with their own stats like top speed, handling, and armor. You then ride them around in arenas picking up powerups, shooting at other vehicles from the roster, and trying not to die. Powerups include missiles, canister bombs, and other special items that are level specific. They’re hidden everywhere in this game, they’re across gaps, tethered behind helicopters –blow them up and deny your enemies their prize–, and hidden in destructible terrain.

Each driver has an attack that only they can use. These special attacks are very powerful and are automatically recharged after a certain amount of time that’s different for every driver. Each vehicle also has certain abilities that they all share like launching attacks backwards, dropping land mines, engaging a cloaking field, or shooting a freeze ray. They’re performed by inputting a button combination on the controls and use up an energy meter so they’re a little unwieldy to use in the middle of some fancy driving. If you’re out of all of that then you’ll have to settle with some machine guns which are decent considering how piddly they’ve been in previous games.

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When I say powerful, I mean turning your car into a mech that shoots missiles levels of powerful.

The Gush

Inbetween every match we get a little snippet of what the driver is thinking. I think it was a great way to give the player something to do during the loading screens and give us some insight into the character.

The AI controlled drivers do a good job of fighting each other when they’re not fighting you. It seemed like in other car combat games that the AI characters would just gang up on you. When I was younger I thought they had their own unique AI or personality but that doesn’t seem like it’s the case.

The two previous games were filled with disappointing endings where no characters had their wishes fulfilled. A curse of the Monkey’s Paw is interesting every once in awhile but it loses tension when it’s constant. Black set a good balance between wishes going well and wishes going poorly.

There are 5 unlockable vehicles and most of them have interesting methods to unlocking them. Most levels have something particularly destructible that hides the vehicle so you’ll have to unlock them in the middle of combat.

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Spoilers, the Junkyard object is the plane. Shooting it out of the sky is pretty tricky but doable. I always though I could lead another driver into the blast and destroy them but I never pulled it off.

The Kvetch

The maps in this game are pretty forgettable. Some of the hidden areas are sort of cool but for the most part it’s all dingy and drab. I know the world is supposed to be depressing but there’s only so much brown I can take.

The game has local multiplayer deathmatch and campaign but it suffers from having to be splitscreen. I know that it was a limitation of the time but…

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… this is just not enough screen to play on unless you’re television is huge.

The gameplay also gets sort of dull. I figured out I was only playing for the story after I played through everyone’s campaign and then never played the game again. It’s been collecting dust on my shelf as a monument to my teenage angst ever since.

The Verdict

If you’re invested in the past of the Twisted Metal series and need some more stories about deranged people blowing up cars — or you’re like, 16– then this would be a game worth picking up. If you don’t give a damn about any of that then just pass on this one. It might be worth a laugh to force your friends to play a deathmatch with you but those’re the only uses I can think for this game.

Next Week: Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number.

Hotline Miami II Theory: Beard Doesn’t Exist in Hotline Miami

Alright all you crazy cats out there. Hotline Miami II will release very soon now. As a promotion for the game, the developers have been releasing comics discussing the upcoming factions the game will have. One of them shows Jacket’s post-murder rampage companion, Beard, fighting Russians in some sort of armed conflict. One of his comrades looks suspiciously like Jacket’s in-comic character and his face is never revealed, just like Jacket’s hasn’t. Beard’s final line in the comic is, “Then I’ll go back home, and act as if this was just a bad job that I quit. Maybe I’ll open my own shop… a bar, a video store, a grocery… whatever… I won’t have to think about this shit anymore. And that’s what really matters.”

If Jacket took this to heart then he might find something resembling sanity and solace in Beard’s ideal for what sanity was. He calms down after every engagement by going into his mind and having a chat with his deceased, or at least not present, war buddy who gives him a gift for being such a good friend. Beard’s first words in Hotline Miami I are used to console Jacket after his girlfriend broke up with him, something that commonly occurs when someone goes off to war.

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Just to emphasize my point.

 

Eventually the violence is too much for Jacket those he’s murdered begin showing up in his safe places. Mangled mobsters begin frequenting his favorite joints until Beard is killed by Richter in every location, the man who actually attempts to murder Jacket. Wherever Richter goes he tells Jacket that he’s not welcome there any more. I imagine this to be Jacket’s realization that he’s being followed by someone he distinctly doesn’t trust. And he shouldn’t, it’s Richter who gets the closest to killing him.

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It’s just a theory and it might not pan out but let this post show that if it is true, I called it.