Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age: Inquisition

Dragon Age: Inquisition is a single-player 3rd person RPG that exists to expand the world of Thedas in a way players have never seen before, redeem the franchise after the up and down ride of Dragon Age 2, and make straight white boys really angry (apparently.)

History and Development

Dragon Age III had a lot of buzz for a long time before it was ever announced.  Even around the time that Dragon Age II was coming out, people were finishing it and going “where’s the next one?”  Unlike Dragon Age: Origins, everyone knew there was going to be another one.  There’s this whole thing that goes down in Dragon Age II (look, accept that this review will have spoilers in it, you have been warned) and that, coupled with the framing mechanism and final scene of the game made it clear that there was something more coming.  So players had been waiting for this game for years.

The game was announced in 2011 but didn’t come out until November of 2014.  It was suppose to come out a month earlier but production was delayed.  The stated goal was basically to take all the good shit from Dragon Age: Origins and Dragon Age II and just squish it all together in a prettier container.  And basically that’s what they did.  They introduced another new PC, instead of continuing the Warden or Hawke from previous games, took the streamlined mechanics of Dragon Age II and the more open world of Dragon Age: Origins, and made this really quite lovely game that doesn’t feel at all like the Frankenstien’s monster it kind of is.

I do actually have a fun story for this.  My friend bought me this game because at the time I was broke, unemployed, and living with my mother.  Also, I had no internet access.  It was a rough time.  He apparently decided that I really needed Dragon Age: Inquisition because I am a huge Dragon Age fangirl and I think he wanted someone to talk to about the game as he played it.

I of course was very excited.  Shout out to my favorite physicist video game sugar daddy (I cannot believe I just typed that phrase.)

But then it took me two weeks to download it at the library and my computer hates it so the loading screens freeze for like sometimes an hour and a half and it’s hilarious.  If I hadn’t been raised in a time when computers were still glitchy as frak as a rule, I would be super upset about it, but I’ve got infinite computer patience.  I get a lot of reading done while playing.

Character Creation

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HUMAN!

I know that was way too excited about that, but you have no idea how much I dislike being a human in games.  It’s just a weird personal thing because I generally get super tired of it.  I honestly do not care.  If I can avoid it, I will.  And Dragon Age: Inquisition doesn’t make you.  It lets you be one of four races.  Yes, that’s right, one of four.  The three of Dragon Age: Origins (Human, Elf, or Dwarf) and a new one, Qunari, who are basically seven foot tall grey skinned horned giants.  I love them.  I love being a video game giant at the best of times (see: Guild Wars 2 Norn) but the Qunari are fascinating and I’m all about it.

There’s less in the way of customizable origin story but I can’t fault the designers for that.  This game is huge.

But what it may lack in story customization, the character creator more than makes up for in physical customization.  Like, the amount of stuff you can do with your character’s face is insane.  There are sliders for everything.  There’s a color wheel for eyelashes, for god’s sake.  You can do so much with it.

Frakkin’ EARLOBE SIZE.  I don’t know about you, but that’s not even something I notice on people.

My complaints are the same as everyone else’s really.  Qunari lady hair is weak and every artist I’ve ever seen draw their female Qunari character creates a different hairstyle for her, me included.  But I guess I can accept that when it comes down to it because it’s just so much fun.

Story

Dragon Age: Inquisition has, I think, the most straightforward story of all the Dragon Age games.  Dragon Age: Origins had a pretty linear one but there were all sorts of little finicky bits that pulled you around and off course – each area had a choice and specific things to do regarding that choice.  Dragon Age: Inquisition is a little more traditional.  A thing happens.  A bad guy did it.  Collect some friends.  Solve the mystery.  Kill the bad guy.

This isn’t in any way a dis to this game.  Sometimes it’s nice to have something that’s pretty solid and linear.  I think that BioWare took a lot of risks with Dragon Age II in terms of story structure and found that they didn’t pay off quite the way they’d hoped.  Once bitten, twice shy, they fell back on what they knew, which was good old fashioned sword-and-sorcery tropes.

Here’s the basics.  You play someone present at a disastrous attack on the Church Chantry, the only survivor.  You have a weird glowing thing on your hand.  A hot battle-scared Prussian woman “recruits” (read: yells at) you to help figure out what happened and also close a big glowing green hole in the sky.

As usual, these games live and die by the NPCs and this game is no slouch on them.  They’re great.  It notably includes: the smoothest dwarf known to man, Sid Vicious if Sid Vicious was an elf chick, a crotchety old egg with pointed ears, the physical incarnation of Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk” and a confused five-year-old.

Also there are more romances than I can count.  This game allowed me to send one of the greatest texts in history: “In the new Dragon Age game you can engage in a mostly healthy BDSM relationship with Buffy Summers’ husband.”

And his pillowy man bosoms.

Gameplay

In the development, someone on the team looked at Dragon Age II and went “You know what we did really well here?  Combat.”

There are some minor tweeks in combat from the second game, like the fact that instead of an auto-attack you have to hold down a mouse button (I hate this because I’m a wussy baby), but for the most part it’s the same kind of thing.  Skills are done via trees and mages can hit dudes.

There are two big changes.  The first is healing, because there is no healing skill.  That’s right friends, no longer can mages cast healing spells and save your failing butt when you’re trying to kill a dragon.  You’re stuck with potions (you only get a certain number of them at a time but can refill that number as much as you want…if you don’t mind going back to camp) and man are you going to feel that later.  By later I mean dragons.  Because fighting dragons can be hard as frak, let me tell you.  They are big and they hate you and they will try to kill you and they will inevitably succeed about sixty times because you have no healing skill.  Good luck, friends.

The other change is crafting.  This is a change I like a lot because it means you’re not relying entirely on loot or shops or quest rewards to keep your party armored and spiky.  Also I have a real soft spot for easy armor crafting (again see: Guild Wars 2) and this one is really simple.  They didn’t try to go too crazy.  It’s really basic and that’s the kind of thing that I’m all about.  Just let me make some pretty armor for my pretty ladies and go about my business without having to look anything up.

Also they allow you to avoid things like this. Or I guess create it if you’re mad at a companion.

Oh and you can hide helmets which makes things way less embarrassing for everyone around.  They need a better hat designer at that company.

The Good

Honestly, most of it.  It’s a solid game.  It feels traditional, sure, but it’s kind of like coming home if you’re a fan of this genre.  The environments are absolutely glorious and really make the game feel huge.  There’s a lot to do.  It’s a well thought out story line.  You see old friend from previous games, and while in this one your choices don’t feel as monumental as they did in Dragon Age: Origins, it still feels comfortably compelling.

I don’t have a whole lot of gushing to go here.  I like this game a lot.  It’s great.  But I don’t feel the need to drool over any specific aspect the way I have with other games.  The whole thing just feels complete.

The Bad

I…disagree, let’s say, with some design choices made.  Not big ones, just like…Skyhold pajamas.

This is exactly what I would wear to judge war crimes, clearly.

There are some other little nitpicky things.  I don’t like some of the hair options.  I don’t like certain companions, or at least I don’t feel as connected to and compelled by them as I do others (there are none that I hate or anything).  I would have liked a little more explanation on the big bad because he really just seems B-movie mustache-twirling evil.  But nothing is major.

The Ugly

Let’s talk about fans for a second.

See, there’s nothing I can really think of about this game that I hate.  But you know what I do hate?  People’s reaction to this game.  Oh, not the majority of players, but a certain small contingent of (probably) straight white dudes, the same ones who hated Merrill and Isabela in Dragon Age II, who are so upset that they don’t have some pretty little blonde white girl to romance in this game.

The only blonde white girl in this game is only into other women.  The straight woman is tough and has a big facial scar (and is amazing).  The bisexual woman is not white.

And then there’s Vivienne.  People HATE Vivienne.  Some for character reasons, which I’ll let pass, but a lot because of how she looks.

Which is beautiful, by the way.

I’m not even going to point out their “concerns”.  You can guess.  I just want to say that I’m really tired of hearing this out of people especially about BioWare games.  It’s really stupid.  I need everyone to maybe not do this ever.  If you have a friend who does this, slap them.  If you do this, slap yourself.  Just…this vocal minority needs to stifle themselves.

From here…?

Okay, Dragon Age: Inquisition is still very expensive and they’re coming out with DLC which is also pricey and it’s just generally still in “New Game Pricing” which I get is super hard.  I mean, I didn’t pay for this game, certainly.  But if you get a chance, if you’ve got the money sitting around, if it’s on sale, go for it.  It’s huge.  It’ll keep you occupied for a while.  It’s fun.  It’s beautiful.  It’s very, very long.  Have fun.  That’s what Dragon Age games are for.  Fun.  And also hitting on elves.

Next Month: The Exiled Realm of Arborea, more commonly known as Tera.  Ooooooh, this one is gonna be good.  The worst of boobplate, uncomfortable sexualization, and pedophelia!  And I guess we’ll also talk about the mechanics.

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Game Dev Tycoon (PC)

I don’t know who you were before all this happened but that doesn’t matter now. The future is in shambles, brought upon by bad videogames. You’ve gone back in time using your trusty Delorian –you could use it to kill Hitler or something but… videogames, dude– to use the knowledge you have now to make a videogame development company that will stand the test of time.

Who’s garage is this? WHO’S GARAGE DID YOU STEAL!?

 

History

Game Dev Tycoon was made by Greenheart Games, a team of five people. Patrick Klug directed the project, inspired by a game called Game Dev Story. He and his team wanted a game like Game Dev Story but one that was based more on player decision and less on chance.

The game is probably most well known for it’s response to piracy. Green Heart released a version of the game on the Pirate Bay after it’s release that had a fatal error in it. After the player made a few games pirates would start taking a majority of the game’s profits prompting players with the message “Boss, it seems that while many players play our new game, they steal it by downloading a cracked version rather than buying it legally. If players don’t buy the games they like, we will sooner or later go bankrupt.” Eventually making the player go bankrupt.

Game Dev Tycoon was released on December 10th, 2012– and re-released on Steam in 2013. It’s competition was Baldur’s Gate: The Enhanced Edition (PC and iOS), Knytt Underground (PS3), and Street Fighter X Megaman (PC).

Gameplay

The game is pretty simple. You start out in a garage working alone, developing for the Govadore 64 and the PC. Each game needs a topic and genre pair — not all combinations are created equal however– and then a console to release it on –once again, some consoles are suited to different topics and genres. You can unlock research to market games, cater to a type of audience, or release it on multiple platforms. As well as researching new topics, better sound, graphics, and other features. The game then goes through a cycle of development which is expressed by a series of sliders. The more focused on one the more neglected the others become so it’s important to spend your developer’s time wisely — i.e. an FPS game needs good AI and Level Design but it’s Story doesn’t necessarily have to be great.

Eventually you get out of the garage and move on to an office, at which point you can hire additional employees — who can even be real people from the industry if you scout at the right times. More people means making better games but spending more money so it’s all a big gamble — one that you can control by making good games by considering what decisions will make them good.

Things eventually get crazy when your company opens up a Research and Development section or a Hardware lab. Then you can start making consoles or a version of Steam itself called The Grid and all sorts of other high end things.

I really like what a silly caricature this R&D lab is. My personal favorite is the guy in the purple scarf. It’s possible for him to end up in there alone if you cut the budget, spending his days talking to the open air.

Experiences

This game is like a pile of legos. It’s only limited by the player’s imagination and how many pieces they’ve got. I’ve known players to make silly challenges for themselves like trying to naming all of their games with dinosaur puns. I like to imagine what the game I’ve made would be like based on its title and such.

This game’s a surprisingly fun party game. Me and my friends have rules where one person is head director and every other person is on the board of trustees. They can make suggestions and instruct the director. They become the director if the game tanks and they offered the most helpful advice. So it, behooves them to offer bad info to make the game tank but enough good info to take over.

I also like naming games obvious parodies of pre-existing titles.

The Gush

I really like how obviously spoofy all the consoles and companies are. Mirconoft and Ninvento will always tickle my funny bone. It’s also interesting to hear the retelling of gaming history and why certain events occurred as they did.

The game has a bunch of silly and interesting easter eggs. It certainly doesn’t take itself too seriously. With such events including a secret agent named Blowfish who can wreak havoc on competing companies or give you technical support. Or Dave Johnson asking if you can put some exploding red barrels into a game.

The Kvetch

The musak in this game is definitely musak. It might change from stage to stage but it sounds samey and it’s just not very catchy or good. I muted the music and played just about anything else in the background.

The Verdict

I really like this game. It offers a satisfying power fantasy with relevant and educational information about the history of the game’s industry. That being said, there’s not much game here. The fun I have is based on silly challenges and thinking about stuff that the game doesn’t show like what the game would actually look like or what it would be about. If the concept of an imagination fueled adventure through making silly or awesome games interests you then I suggest you give this game a shot. It’s also cheap to boot with a ten dollar price tag.

The Yawhg (PC)

 

In a world of sword, sorcery, sorrow, and song, there is a city. The city is beset every great while by a disaster known as the Yawhg. You live in this city, ready to buckle down and really get your life in order– or perhaps to spend every week getting blackout drunk, it’s up to you. You’re all unaware that the Yawhg will come again in six weeks. Do what you will with the these weeks but the Yawhg will reduce the city to rubble…But perhaps you can rebuild and start over.

It’s text like this that puts me on edge in the best way.

 

Development

I said it didn’t get more indie than Studio Pixel’s one member but the Yawhg’s development team was pushing it with four people. The game was designed by Damian Sommer, a man who’s been making games since he was ten years old. He made the game based on an older and less robust title called Dungeon of Fayte. Emily Carroll made the art, co-designed, and c0-wrote it. She’s most well known for her horror themed comics and her marvelous art style. They made it during the Independent Games Festival and it made it to the finals although it didn’t win.

The Yawhg was released on May 30th, 2013. It’s competition was Fez (PC), Dust: An Elysian Tale (PC), and Monaco: What’s Yours is Mine (XBox Live Arcade).

Experiences

Because I’m a giant dork who doesn’t like large groups of people I occasionally host tea parties. Little get-togethers where I can see all of my friends in one day, they can all see each other, and everyone can have a little snack. We all chat and sometimes we sit around the computer and play some games. The Yawhg has become one of the most popular titles during these gatherings. There usually aren’t more than four people so it all works out perfectly.

And with exquisite characters like these there’s never anyone that someone doesn’t want to play.

Gameplay

The Yawhg plays like a choose-your-own adventure. Each character starts with a five in all of the main statistics, like physique or charm, except wealth which always starts at zero. The city has locations like the arena, hospital, and gardens that the player can visit and each location has two activities the character can perform there. After the player chooses an activity they’re beset by a random encounter and the player can choose how they react. Do they have wealth to spare for the fortune teller? Do they drink the potion that’s about to explode? Well, it depends on their stats whether they succeed– although a panty-waist might not want to drink that exploding potion, just saying, but you do you man.

Also, just look at this beautiful fucking city.

After the Yawhg hits it’s up to the players to use their abilities to help rebuild the town– or descend into drunkenness or looting. If the players use their talents effectively then the town will be able to rebuild. If the leader is dumber than a rock or the builder isn’t physically fit then things could get problematic.

The Gush

There are only seven tracks to the soundtrack but it’s all very well employed. The game is short so it’s also more than enough music to go around. The music is mostly acoustic guitar and keyboard so it’s pretty simple. The epilogue music gets me a little choked up every time though.

The game provides a simple but wonderful setting to roleplay in. I found it a good opportunity to introduce people to RPing to see if they liked it.

The art provided by Carroll is marvelous and I feel like the characters are so animated. Each of the characters looks so good that I like playing them all.

Although, Mr. Aurum is definitely my favorite.

The scenarios are often absurd and silly but that just adds to the fun and contrasts with the darker scenes and epilogues. It’s interesting to think of a character who once found the King’s secret wine cellar then drinking to forget the horrors of The Yawhg.

The Kvetch

There are over 50 unique endings for completing the game but sometimes there will be stretches where I swear I’ve done different things but I see the same epilogues again and again. I much prefer the more unique endings.

The Verdict

It’s a fun little party game that’s got a fair bit of replay value, especially considering the cost. But it is little, although Sommer has added content here and there. It’s worth a few playthroughs at least and I think it’s definitely worth the cost but the game has as much enjoyment as effort you put into it. It’s all about creating a character and thinking of what they would do and why. As soon as it gets reduced to stats and that sort of dominant strategy it loses its luster. It’s also super fun the more friends that join in.

Next Week: Game Dev Tycoon.

Shadow of the Colossus (PS2, PS3 [Japan Only])

This game is scarce on plot but what we know is that a young man, named Wander, beseeches a dark god, named Dormin, to bring a young woman, named Mono, back to life. To this end Wander must destroy sixteen great beasts across the Forbidden Land. And when I say “great” I mean freakin’ huge, like houses huge. Accompanied solely by his horse, Agro, and armed only with a sword and bow Wander must slay these mountains.

Development

Shadow of the Colossus was designed by Fumito Ueda, produced by Kenji Kaido, and developed by team Ico, a team of only 35 people.  Ueda was an admitted perfectionist who pushed his team to the brink of their abilities and turned away 498 out of every 500 artists who proposed to work on the game. Kaido also pushed the team by having them accurately depict what a being the size of a Colossus would do by moving to the world around it. When Colossi walk the screen shakes and leave deep divots in the earth that can send Wander tumbling. On top of this he urged them to design the Colossi as living terrain in the physics engine. When their limbs are horizontal Wander can walk across them instead of climbing them for instance.

Shadow of the Colossus was released on October 18th, 2005. It’s competition was Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth (PC, XBox), Call of Duty 2 (PC), and Resident Evil 4 (PS2).

It’s also visually stunning to boot.

Gameplay

There are only sixteen enemies in this game. The colossi are the only things that will actively try to harm Wander, and for the most part they’re more interested in aimlessly ambling about than actually hurting the player — although they can be incited to rage by pelting their eyes with arrows. Considering they’re all quite large, the smallest are roughly the size of four horses put together, Wander will have to put his climbing and parkour skills to the test. Wander is actually pretty good at climbing and controlling on colossi limbs is more responsive then I’d expect a shaking goliath would allow. Agro is a little less responsive however. Ueda wanted Agro to be so much like a real horse that he wouldn’t always obey commands– it only happens very rarely or when Agro is under extreme duress but that’s a really interesting detail.

The enemies in the game are more like puzzles than they are actual fights. Fighting a Colossus head to head, or head to ankle, wouldn’t be much of a fight. As such Wander must climb on their bodies in order to reveal weak points that his blade can inflict serious, black-blood spurting, wounds upon. Climbing on them is not so easy however, some have stone armor that is unclimbable while others fly or have similar defenses. Some of them have devilishly hidden weak points which can be revealed by focusing light on Wander’s sword and pointing it at where the beams of light focus– this method is also used to locate the Colossi’s stomping grounds.

Yar, light marks the spot.

Experiences

I’m really not good at puzzle games. I get frustrated easily and when I first laid eyes on a Colossus I thought there was no way I could kill it– I thought the game was a twenty dollar sick joke played on gamers. I put the game down for a few months after I died more times than my little nerves could take. I came back to it though and figured out its secrets. After I beat the first one I was hooked. Knowing that I had destroyed one let me know that I could destroy them all– or at least that the game wasn’t a cruel joke played on gamers around the world.

The Gush

This game’s story tells a lot while saying very little. The body language isn’t incredible but it’s interesting to see the looks on Wander’s face or the tone in Dormin’s voices. It leaves a lot for interpretation but it’s super fun.

If you just want to explore then you efforts will be well worth it. The entirety of the world was populated with shrines, geological peculiarities, flora, and all sorts of stuff that has no bearing on you ability to find giants and serves merely to be seen. If the sheer beauty of the world doesn’t dazzle you you can go hunting for fruits, which increase you maximum health — although most Colossi can kill you in one hit anyway–, and lizard tails which increase your maximum stamina — yeah, that’s more like it.

I dunno, a view like this is reward in itself.

The music is great. It’s full of orchestral pieces that constantly put me on edge in the best way. I don’t think I’m going to be attacked but I constantly feel like something is out of place or that this Forbidden Land is forbidden for a reason. Even the blaring trumpets of the triumphant moments when the Colossi are open to attack struck me as hollow in some way.

If you can’t get enough Wander on Colossus action then you can play hard mode. Which ups the Colossi’s response times and speeds. You can also play through time trials that unlock special items like a map to find those lizards, a mask that increases your damage, or exploding arrows for the ultimate silliness.

The Kvetch

Some of the Colossi are a giant pain in the ass. There’s one that breaths poisonous gas and I seriously don’t know how to beat that guy. I gave the controller to my cousin, I think, and let him handle the damn thing. The final Colossi shouldn’t be a push-over but the only reason I knew how to beat him was because I chatted with an uncle at a wedding reception and he mentioned that it took him forever to figure out how to beat this guy.I eventually caved and asked him for the low-down and it was still hard as hell.

Sometimes it seems like the only penalty for failure is time. Falling off a colossus is sometimes necessary to get to a new weak point on it or to avoid taking tons of damage or drowning. Once you figured out the trick though there’s no real challenge. It just takes more time to get back to where you were.

The Verdict

This game changed me. It taught me things about stories, intentions, endings, and the concept of adage. I laughed, I cheered, I cried, I stamped my feet and refused, and was sent to my room without supper. I bested foes 50 times my size and knew that I did it by the seed of my own wit  — with a few exceptions. I love this game and I urge you to give it a shot.

Yeah, this game makes you feel something like this. (Image courtesy of iwilding at http://iwilding.deviantart.com)

Next Week: The Yawhg

Hotline Miami 2: The Dangers of Escapism and the Importance of Embracing Reality

Spoiler Alert! This article contains major spoilers for the finale and events of Hotline Miami 2. Please do not read if you don’t want to be spoiled or if the content of the game is too graphic.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Hotline Miami series interacts with reality in weird ways. The psychedelic unreliably narrated games are steeped in a drug induced haze that most of the characters are unable to escape from or unwilling to leave. The characters from the second game in particular are split in camps between those who escape too much from reality and those who do not. These camps are also divide by who is able to prevent 50 Blessings cult from instigating World War Three and those who have too many obligations to be running off half-cocked.

The game splits characters into realists and escapists. They’re also split between characters who kill because they can and characters who kill because they must. Jake, The Mob Boss, The Actor, and The Henchman, The Fans, and Manny Pardo (I’m not going too in depth with the Henchman or the Actor as they only have three levels between the two of them, one of these levels being the tutorial.) are firmly in the escapist camp whereas Evan Wright, Richter Berg, and the Soldier are realists.

Now that we’re all here, let’s begin.

Hotline Miami 2 takes place in an alternate history in which the Cold War got very hot in 1983-85 and Hawaii was the battleground. The US loses and The Soldier and Jacket, the protagonist from the first game, barely escape from the bitter conflict with their lives. In 1986 The Soldier goes on to own a convenience store in California and he’s killed in a nuclear blast before he and Jacket can resolve their feelings about the war. Needless to say, tensions between Russia and the US are still strained in 1991, the current day for the game’s setting, and things are driven further to the brink by a group calling themselves 50 Blessings. 50 Blessings employs agents known as operators, threatening them under pain of death or other coercion, to kill Russian mobsters in an effort to force an international incident.

Jacket and Jake are operators for 50 Blessings in 1989. Jacket’s obviously motivated by his interactions with the Soldier but it’s unclear his emotional state i.e. is he doing it for revenge or as a way to misguidedly cope with loss (He never speaks so it’s difficult to tell). Jake on the other hand is an eager ultranationalist who thinks the US can do no wrong and Russia can do no right —  this is the kind of guy who treats ‘Russian’ as the most grievous insult he can inflict. 50 Blessings refuses his desire for transparency and any sane person would see that they’re dangerous. If the player plays their cards right Jake will even be invited to a 50 Blessings recruitment center that’s disguised as a organization that peacefully resists the Russians. One of the recruiters tracks him down for knowing too much and even when Jake’s got a gun in his face he trusts these men implicitly. Jake even mentions that a lot of the people involved have a military history and could put up a damn good fight against the Russians again. If he weren’t so blinded by his fanatical devotion he might consider turning these military against his tormentors but this thought never occurs to him.

I mean, as peaceful as an organization can be who has an American flag patterned rug –it hurts my eyes.

Fast-forwarding –literally, that’s how the game does time skips– into 1991, 50 Blessings has completed its goal of eliminating the Russia mafia and does not send out any more calls. A detective, Manny Pardo, is investigating a line of grisly murders. The catch is that he’s the killer. He uses his knowledge of police protocol to leave no useful evidence behind. The kicker is that he kills only for attention. He wants to be famous, during a scene where he talks with the CSI he imagines a camera crew nearby, filming the scene. Before the first level he comments to the waitress at a diner that she wouldn’t believe what the station has him doing i.e. investigating his own killings.

His levels consist of him thwarting untold numbers of criminals all by himself. These criminals are generally the people who are the most prominent threat at the time. His opponents are generic criminal thugs, then the Colombians (who have taken over the crime scene since the Russian Mob got wiped out), and then the police force who he believes have found him out. The Police station level is revealed to be a dream which casts this light on the other levels. Pardo dies in the nuclear blasts that herald World War 3 after he barricades himself in his home for an unknown period of time waiting for a manhunt that never occurs. If he had been doing his job he might be investigating these weird symbols that are at the buildings with dead Russian mobsters in them.

It’s not too much of a stretch for his levels to all be dreams. They’re generally the most absurdly difficult (Because he wants to be a bigger hero) and break canon with other events.

Then there are the Fans, who Pardo despises for stealing his spotlight. They share 50 Blessings anti-Russian sentiment and see Jacket as a hero but 50 Blessings isn’t sending out calls any more. They want to be noticed by the organization so they kill criminal thugs. They dress up like 50 Blessings members, with animal masks –which makes them literally in murderous cosplay– and hit the streets in their absurd death van. These guys are so far from the truth and they never bother to examine 50 Blessings for what it was. They see people killing Russian mobsters and they want in. There’s very little examination in them. They just want to play hero and kill criminals. They don’t even notice when their fantasy falls to pieces. They try to “rescue” a girl from some thugs but are shocked when she’s apprehensive about leaving with them.

Fun Fact: If the player moves forward she will shoot them and it forces them to restart the level.

The Fans are killed by the Mob Boss who systematically kills them as they clear the floors of the last remaining Russian controlled building in the city. Speaking of the Mob Boss, although Jacket killed his father and 50 Blessings destroyed his organization he has no desire to get back at them. He “follows his father’s footsteps” as Richard puts it and continues to mindlessly amass wealth and power. His escapism = death and pain metaphor isn’t a metaphor though. He munches four handfuls of pills and trips himself to death. He kills the Fans in the drug haze.

And then fucking walks off a building because he thinks there’s a rainbow bridge.

Back to the beginning of things and onto the realists, the Soldier is a member of an elite unit called the Ghost Wolves. The Ghost Wolves perform operations that others can’t even though there are only four of them. They’re coordinated by a Colonel who is only known by his rank. Before their most dangerous mission yet The Colonel approaches them with a panther hide draped across his body. He begins expounding how “They don’t even know why they’re fighting,” and that, “They enjoy it.” The Ghost Wolves, despite their mythic penchant for violence, do not agree. They ask if he’s feeling and don’t follow up on The Colonel’s words. As if to punctuate this the hide slides off and The Colonel mumbles something about drinking too much. The Soldier and his crew are unwilling to listen to this rhetoric.

In any other situation The Colonel would be put away. If someone acted like that outside the context of a commanding officer in war time then The Solder, given his generally caring personality, would have gotten him some professional help at the very least. The circumstances make him unable to do so. This Colonel goes on to lead 50 Blessings and the march begins. The Soldier’s death is quick and the only thing he lacked was a copy of the war photograph he gave to Jacket although he does say that he doesn’t care when Jacket gets it to him.

Richter Berg is a lonely man with an ailing mother who probably joined 50 Blessing for the opportunity to make a friend or quite possibly just socialize with someone. To this end he was told to leave messages on people’s phones and tag areas Russian Mobsters frequented with the 50 Blessings symbol. When he was ordered to start killing instead of painting targets he refused. He was willing to stand against 50 Blessings, that is until they threatened the life of his mother.

He submits to their demands and does not fight against them. He’s able to break out of prison however and with the help of The Writer, Evan Wright, he’s able to reunite with his mother in Hawaii. Richard reveals that they’ve been having a good time but Richter agrees that good times never last. He and his mother are destroyed in a nuclear blast. Speaking of The Writer, he’s the closest of all the main characters to realizing the 50 Blessings conspiracy.

He was a correspondent during the war and he’s been trying to find a profitable occupation or to write a popular book ever since. His family’s not exactly suffering but they’re certainly not on the fast track to success. Jacket’s actions, and the popularity surrounding them, inspire him to write a comprehensive text on Jacket and his crimes. He could write about the Russo-American conflict but that just won’t sell in this environment. He could plunge himself deep into the world of 50 Blessings to figure out all there is to know about it but he has a family to care for.

He’s also the kind of guy who asks for an ambulance for someone who threatened to kill him.

There’s too much in the way between him and the truth. It’s perfectly reasonable that he stick by his wife and two children, a wife who leaves him only to return if Evan chooses the family over his career. They’re all eliminated in a nuclear blast. Evan, Richter, and The Soldier all experience quick merciful deaths and despite the hardships in their lives they find meaning and a degree of happiness, happiness in a way that The Mob Boss, The Fans, Jake, and Pardo do not. None of them were able to prevent 50 Blessings’ mad march but the game recognizes that the realists at least had good reasons not to.

As if this were not enough, the game, represented by the character Richard, sneers at characters who use their escapism like a crutch, and these characters are punished with grisly and painful deaths or desperately empty lives. He is much more civil with the realists and is even conversational with The Soldier. He tries to explain things to Evan but can only say, “I’m the opposite of why you’re writing your book.” When Richter apologizes for his actions Richard commends him for this but that it’s too little too late.

The game is trying to warn against excessive escapism. All of the escapists are extreme in their fantasies and their divorce from reality. As if to show this even further they find articles about the mounting tensions but are only able to read a few lines before they move on to something else. They don’t keep up with current events, they don’t look at the world in a larger picture, they’re just in it for their own close-minded goals. And because they’re all so wretchedly selfish the events of the game go off, seemingly, without a hitch.

So, was Jacket a realist or an escapist?

Road of the Dead (IT’S A FLASH GAME)

Road of the Dead is a kind of driving game– I mean, you don’t actually turn, you just shift along the road– where the city is being overrun by zombies — how original– and you have to escape them –actually, a little more original than killing them all. It’s a game that I love but I’m not sure if it’s actually good.

History

Road of the Dead was made by Jim Kidwell under the name SickDeathFiend –is this guy sixteen? He’s been steadily making games and animations since 2003 — where he may well have been sixteen (well played internet, well played). These animations include Zombie Panic, Don’t Feed the Zombie, and Lab of the Dead so I think it’s safe to say that Kidwell enjoys zombies — there’s also a game called Segway of the Dead so Kidwell’s definitely got a sense of humor.

Road of the Dead was released on October 13th, 2010. It’s competition was The Room: The game also on Newgrounds, Loved, and Robot Unicorn Attack.

Experiences

This game spread like wildfire when my friends and I played it. It started with one of us  at our college campus’ computer club and it spread like a zombie virus itself. We were all shouting about how cool we thought it was and laughing about the crazy things that were happening to us. But it was a short game so it was only king for a day and then we moved back to playing TF2.

Gameplay

You play as an automotive mechanic using your suped up sports car to try to escape a city that’s experiencing a zombie outbreak. You never figure out why it’s happening but it’s largely irrelevant to your desire to get the fuck out. The road is littered with abandoned cars, good old fashioned oil slicks, zombies, people, and the goddam military. You don’t have to drive the whole highway in one go though, the game’s got checkpoints to make things a little easier.

You can upgrade your vehicle by spending Road Points — which I think is a hilarious name. You get road points by reaching distance milestones, hitting military people who are trying to stop you, and hitting zombies. You lose points by the bucket-full for hitting civilians. You can get civilians out of the way by honking the horn but that will attract zombies and soldiers to you. You can spend road points on body armor, a minimap that shows you where the hazards are, better tires, a fire-arm to get those pesky zombies off your dashboard — which is the most stressful thing ever, by the way.

Boom! You got it, you can upgrade it.

Gush

The game has more robust design than I was expecting it to have. My windshield got all smashed up because it had been shot and I had rammed into some things. I could barely see through it and I figured I’d have to ram into more things in order to break it which would deal damage to the vehicle as well. I took a quick look at the controls and hit F at which point the driver smashed the windshield. It also has functioning windshield wipers for getting the blood off.

The voice acting is better than I expected it to be. It’s not great but for some people with theoretically zero dollars worth of budget I found myself reasonably immersed. I also love how incredibly cheesy some of the lines are. There’s nothing like The Driver facing down a military chopper while he shouts, “I’m not stopping. I’M NOT STOPPING!” Like the thing can actually hear him!

I love how things escalate in this game. You’re one car on the road and eventually the military throws choppers, land mines, explosive charges, spike strips, and over a hundred infantrymen to deal with you. It’s just one guy! Let him go! It’s so ridiculous and I love it.

The Kvetch

Hitting a zombie dead-on can cause it to explode in gory chunks and I’m cool with that, it’s a zombie, it’s fragile. The same thing can happen when the car hits a soldier hits dead-on and there are alternate animations it could have used, people slide over the hood or under the car all the time. I know it’s a silly game and it’s not realistic but that stretched my disbelief a little too thin.

Sometimes there are stretches of road that are so covered in vehicles that I have no idea how to pass through them without taking damage. It was like the game was saying, “You got this far without getting hit so now we’re gonna lower your health anyway.”

Why are female zombies usually dressed in their underwear or other skimpy clothing while dudes are dressed in business suits and such. I mean, it’s not just this game, it’s in nearly all zombie media. In short I think they could have done with a few more zombie models for variety’s sake.

And every female zombie has a tube top and a torn skirt.

The Verdict

I went back to it and I didn’t play it all the way through but I had a fun hour of it. It’s not a long game but it packs a fun experience into a small package. In short, if you’re in the mood for some zombie based shenanigans then you could do worse than check this game out.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age II

Dragon Age II is a single-player 3rd person RPG with a terrible title and some weirdass placement within the Dragon Age franchise that really seems to interest people because of whiny male love interests and I am going to offed people about.

History and Development

So after Dragon Age: Origins, there’s honestly no reason for another Dragon Age title.  I’m not using this to now bitch about how there shouldn’t be another one because I’m really glad there is one.  What I am saying is that Origins wraps up the story of the Warden PC really well and by the end you’re like “Okay, there we are, great, solid work team, go me.”

And then Dragon Age II came out.

But they did exactly the right thing.  They didn’t try to drag you through another game as the Warden.  Instead, they took their world and they made a whole new game with a whole new protagonist where the choices you made in Origins affect little details (who rules the kingdom of Fereldan, some toss off lines about who the Warden was, and like, I dunno, there’s some other stuff) but not the overall story.

Apparently during this game, though, the lead Bioware designer who’d worked there for ten years bailed and said some weird angsty things about it – why do people say anything when that happens, I will never understand that – which kind of put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths.  Later he took it back but he did so badly so it was sort of just uncomfortable all around.  And actually that’s a really good metaphor for Dragon Age II.

I don’t have a cool story for this one.  I played it because I played the first one.  I do have a great memory of starting it at my friend’s workplace while he was working and repeatedly looking up at him at the desk and whispering “Oh my god” in reverent tones.  The beginning of this game is super boss.

Though it admittedly goes…a little downhill.  But we’ll get to that.

Character Creation

Okay literally there is the coolest character creation system in this game and I’m all about it.  At the opening of your game, after you’ve imported your save from Dragon Age: Origins, all you chose is the class you want to play.  It’s the same mage/rogue/warrior from the first game, with no race choice because the PC of Dragon Age II, known as Hawke, is human and that is unchanging.

You play through the whole tutorial as the default character model.  This has to do with the way the story is structured (more on that later) and the suddenly after the tutorial the whole thing is questioned and then you’re allowed into the character creation screen.  Then you basically restart the game as a crummy, bad at your job level one player character and go through it all again, but this time the “right” way.

The physical aspects are pretty solid.  There’s not like, a lot of interesting, exciting things happening in it in terms of creation, but they got way better at skin tones sometime between this game and the first game.  So like, being brown is way better and more human looking.  But you know, not that brown.

This is basically the darkest skin tone there is and that’s…unfortunate.

Story

The story of this game is totally cool and awesome and fantastic and mindblowingly interesting, and also fucking terrible.  I’ll explain.

The reason that the tutorial is questioned and character creation is done the way it is is because Dragon Age II is told as a story within a story.  The game’s “present” is actually a dwarven companion of Hawke’s – an NPC in your party – named Varric telling the story of Hawke to Cassandra, a woman from the church.  The meat of the game takes place in the past.  Varric is probably lying about most of it.  Often, the game will stop and redo something because Varric just goes totally off the rails and Cassandra calls him on it.  It’s one of the coolest framing devices I’ve ever seen.  Varric as an unreliable narrator makes it far more interesting than if he was just telling the truth as it happened.  So yeah, no one knows if anything in Dragon Age II is actually real.  But we buy it, because Varric’s a great storyteller.

The problem, though, is the story he’s telling.  It’s about Hawke, a refugee from Ferelden who leaves during the events of the first game and goes north to the city of Kirkwall.  The story spans a whole decade.  In that ten years, Hawke solves all sorts of problems in Kirkwall.  It’s a three act story that’s sort of  tied together by a conflict between the mages and Templars.

I work in theater.  Recently, I got a text from another theater friend that just read “I hate three act plays”.  And it’s mostly true.  Quite apart from the horrible idea that is anything with two intermissions, there’s always one act that just feels totally pointless in any three act play.  It works in movies – screenwriters will tell you that most work on a three act system – because in a film everything is highly structured and tells a continuous story.  Also, and this is super important, the end of act two is a TOTAL DOWNER.  My screenwriter friend calls it the “all is lost” moment, where everything is taken from the hero, the villian is clearly going to win, and basically everything’s just crap.

But the second act of Dragon Age II doesn’t have that.  Every act is a small game in of itself so every act ends with a boss fight.  Which you clearly win.  So it doesn’t work because then you’re standing in the metaphorical lobby with your bake sale cookie and your badly mixed Cape Cod and the lights start flickering and you just don’t want to go back in.  You’re just like, “Oh my god, there’s more, I don’t want to, I’m tired and I want to go home and what else can even happen in this game?  Do I care?  I’m trying really hard to care but it’s not working.”

Gameplay

The redemption of this game’s crummy story, though, is its fantastic combat system.  While the Dragon Age: Origins combat can be slow and clunky and jerky, the Dragon Age II combat is smooth, fluid, dynamic, and a damn good time.  You just feel like the biggest goddamn badass playing this game because it doesn’t matter what class you have, what weapon you use, it feels like you are so goddamn cool.  They gave mages a big knife on the ends of their staves which is awesome.  In Dragon Age: Origins, mages would be like, shooting magic bolts at people hitting them with swords and it looked really dumb.  In Dragon Age II, mages apparently went “Hold on a second, I have a big fucking chunk of wood in my hands.  Let me beat you in the face with it.”

Say hello to my little friend.

The skills have been streamlined into trees which is nice because often you can avoid skills you don’t want.  Also they cut probably a third to a half of the spells which makes it way easier to find your way through leveling up.  Way more understandable.  And easy.  I’m a big fan of streamlined skills and shit because I’ve played  too many games where I’m like “WHERE AM I, WHAT AM I PLAYING, I AM HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.”

It’s just a nice, easy, simple style and that’s really the saving grace of this game.  If it was a crap story and complex mechanics, I would not be happy, but it really is a joy to play.  Like, I rarely enjoy combat in games (weird, I know) but it’s a lot of fun in this one.

The Good

Let’s talk about girls for a minute.  Because the women of Dragon Age II make this game.  There’s Avaline, a square jawed, broad shouldered police officer (basically) who’s bad at flirting.  Then there’s Merril, a tiny, big eyed elf girl who engages in blood magic  but who is basically made of sunshine and rainbows regardless (and is also voiced by Eve Myles of Torchwood).  And then there is Isabella, sarcastic, sexy pirate captain, one of Dragon Age’s few women of color, and also queen of my heart.  She is amazing and I adore her.  They are all amazing.  And well written.  And make this game so much better.

Girl power.

The dialogue in this game is also really good.  They have an actually voiced protagonist for this game which lends an extra element to enjoy, though sometimes your character says things that you didn’t quite  mean.  But the writing here is fantastic.  I mean, “I like big boats and I cannot lie” is an actual line in this game.  They wrote it and somehow no one cut it and I can’t figure out how that happened.

As stated above, the combat is good, solid, and a lot of fun.  It doesn’t exactly feel realistic, but this is a video game where magic exists.  If I wanted realism, I’d go outside and actually hit people with a stick.  I’d rather be able to leap across a room to punch a horned giant in the mouth.

Oh yeah and also rivalry romance is a thing and wow is that a ton of fun, but that’s personal.

The Bad

Let’s talk about boys because wow….

Sorry, millions of (mostly female) fans who are going to disagree with me, but the boys are not great.  There’s a lot of love for both Fenris, the broody elf, and Anders, the broody mage, but I’m not really feeling it?  Both of them are romance options and it’s a lot of “fixing men” BS happening in there.  Like, yeah, tragic pasts and whatever, but like, as someone really deep into video game feminism, I’m uncomfortable with it.  They’re fun and whatever, but I like doing this on the rivalry romance end of things rather than the friendship one so instead of going “Oh, you poor baby, I’m sorry you’re so broken, let me fix you” you get to go “Yeah, cry me a fucking river, woman up, we’ve got shit to do, let’s make out.”

“Oh pity me, pity me, I am going to make SUCH BAD FUCKING CHOICES.”  Thanks Anders.  You twat.

Oh, except Varric.  Varric is fine.  We like Varric.  We’ll keep him.

The Ugly

Oh, story, why must you disappoint me like this?  So much potential, but such weak execution.  I believed in you, and you let me down.

I mean, not enough for me not to play it like, eight times.  The game is only like twenty hours long, it’s not a big deal.

From here…?

You know, for all I feel like this review heaped a lot of criticism on this game, I really enjoy it?  I mean, I love to hate things I love, so maybe that’s part of it, but I honestly enjoy Dragon Age 2 a ton.  It’s fun, it’s fast, it’s got good dialogue and good characters.  Regardless of the problems I have with the boys, giving Fenris shit and then kissing him on the mouth was way fun.  I’m going to play it a million more times, I just know it.  It’s been likened to an intermission, and it is.  Its structure is a little weak, but it’s still a fun game.  Just don’t expect too much.

It’s also pretty cheap.  Pick it up, give it a play.  It’s short too, so it won’t suck up your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age: Inquisition.  Ahahahaha, it’s so pretty and also like wow what is even happening?

Shadowrun Returns (PC, iOS, Android)

Introduction

It’s 2054 and magic on Earth has woken up. Corporations have grown and acquired enough wealth to literally make them small countries. Cities sprawl into uncontrollably large steel blights, the barrens of which are rife and rampant with crime and gangs. Some humans have changed into elves, dwarves, orks, and trolls, reinvigorating racism in a whole new way. Most people are wage slaves who work for a corporation and make enough money to survive. Some people choose to be crack mercenaries who have taken to the shadows. These people are shadowrunners and you play one in Shadowrun Returns. Assemble your team, hone your skills, maybe get some cyberwear, and try to make some nuyen –the currency of the age– or die trying. Remember what they say, “Watch your back, shoot straight, conserve ammo, and never, EVER cut a deal with a dragon.”

History

Shadowrun Returns was designed by Harebrained Schemes, a team lead by Jordan Weisman, the creator of the original table-top system. Weisman was trying to return Shadowrun to its roots after Microsoft made an appalling first person shooter based on the universe. The game was funded by a Kickstarter campaign in 2012 gathering 1.8 million dollars in pledges. It could only actually had to be funded in this way because of a weird problem with its license where it couldn’t get publisher backing — copyrights are weird, man.

Shadowrun Returns was released on July 25th, 2013. It’s competition was Dota 2 (PC), Civilization V: Brave New World (PC), and Zeno Clash II (XBLA).

Experiences

At what point is it satisfying to “call something”? When is it clever to call something early and when is disappointing? I was super excited when I called the ending of Dead Man’s Trigger campaign even though it was minutes before the conclusion. I’m not sure if it was smugness for figuring it out, assuredness because the decisions I made panned out, or a little foolish because it was so obvious.

Gameplay

Shadowrun Returns is basically an investigative point and click adventure that suddenly breaks into tactical, cover-based, turn-based combat when shit gets real. The base campaign, “Dead Man’s Switch,” depicts you as a shadowrunner who’s old running mate seems to have been killed by an up and coming Seattle serial killer with 100,000 nuyen in it if you can capture the murderer.

The character creation is very robust. You can choose your meta-type (race as in human, dwarf, ork, etc.) and can choose an archetype (Shaman, Street Samurai, or Decker– which is slick cyberpunk lingo for a hacker who goes into the internet) or you can allocate your stat points manually to make some sort of weird hybrid. There are also a lot of character portraits for meta-types and the ability to upload your own character portrait. Character appearance customizations options are a little limited but I found a body and head that matched what I wanted my character to look like.

I’d say that it’s a pity they don’t let you play ghouls but there’s probably a mod for that.

The Gush

The music sounds like the best of the Genesis and Super Nintendo incarnations’ soundtracks and that’s a good thing — you might even make out a few dittys from the originals. The tunes match the fantasy post-cyberpunk atmosphere. Harebrained Schemes actually went as far to find the composers for those games and employ them to make the soundtrack for Shadowrun Returns.

Dead Man’s Trigger draws from the classic games and the expanded mythos. If you’ve played them or read some of the books then you might see some familiar faces. If you’re don’t know about any of that then don’t worry because all the characters are awesome even if you’re not in on the joke.

This game has got an absolutely wiz campaign creator mode. It’s got tons and tons of customization options for dialogue and decorations. There are so many campaigns out there and they’re pretty easy to install. Check them out, there’s certainly a mod out there for you.

This building would have been fine but all this stuff on it really adds flare.

The Kvetch

The save systems in this game is incredibly frustrating. You can only save in between runs. Even if you’re not in combat if you’re in a run then you’ve gotta finish it or leave the game on. I imagine a lot of people saying, “But Mom/significant other, I just gotta finish this before we can go.”

Each of the archetypes is pretty well balanced although Technomancers are not represented. They all have their strengths and weaknesses. But adepts are kind of all weaknesses. They’ve got magical passive abilities that just don’t stack up to the cyberwear of a Street Samurai. I brought an adept on a run and never made that mistake again. If you’re going to play an adept get ready for hard mode, or maybe I just don’t get them.

There were certain abilities that were clearly not useful. I gave my Troll Street Samurai –named Brutal because he certainly was– some charisma for laughs and this scored him some etiquettes which unlocked additional dialogue options. I took the Shadowrunner and Socialite etiquettes and I can’t tell you how many times it paid to be privy to shadowrunner social code. On the other hand I can’t tell you a single time it paid to be a socialite.

It seems like accuracy is oddly skewed. Every attack has a percentage chance of hitting and sometimes it seems like high percentages hit often, low percentages hit often, and middling percentages rarely hit. I’ve missed five times consecutively with an 87% chance of hitting and it was the most frustrating thing.

Verdict

The base campaign for Shadowrun Returns certainly justifies its 15 dollar price tag. It offers a fun and competent campaign in Dead Man’s Trigger despite its annoying aspects. I can totally recommend this game to anyone who likes a little cyberpunk in their life– oh man, now I’m just imagining this little cyborg with a mohawk and a leather jacket who lives on my shoulder or something and gives me advice that always leads me to fighting the power. What a little scamp.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim is The Worst Racing Game I’ve Ever Played

I went into this game expecting a pulse-pounding, high speed, throbbing, innovative, foot race simulation game. The live action trailer depicted people running away from a dragon so I thought that’s what it was all about. What I got was a broken mess that didn’t support endurance marathons, short sprints, or racing of any kind.

The opening does a great job at cementing your roll as a runner who has room for improvement. You’re a border jumper from another province to Skyrim but you got caught. I think this shows well that you’re good at what you do but not good enough to outrun the long arm of the law… yet!

There’s all this pointless dialogue about Stormcloaks, the Empire, and other politics. I think a stronger opening scene would have been depicting your character during the border run but this is serviceable. I guess it’s necessary to talk about it in order explain why you’re going to be executed instead of imprisoned for the crime of jumping the border. You got caught up in this political conflict and it’s just safer for the Empire to kill you.

You’re taken to the execution grounds and it’s at this point you get to design your racer. You can choose from a bunch of different races but there isn’t a lot of differentiation. They’ve got very slightly different speeds but they all have the same braking and handling. Redguards are clearly the best though because they have an ability called Adrenaline Rush which increases their stamina regeneration immensely which allows them to run more. I appreciate it but there’s no reason not to play a Redguard.

With such customizable and different looking characters it’s a shame that Redguards are so immensely OP.

You’re taken to an execution block and it seems like things are over before they’ve begun but a dragon attack interrupts the headsman. You’re released from your bonds and can do what you do best, run. On your way out you can accept assistance from the Imperials or the Stormcloaks. I thought the Imperial armor was lighter and looked cooler so I went with them. You escape the burning village by running through some underground tunnels and when you emerge the world of Skyrim is your oyster.

Skyrim is such a pretty place that I do love just walking around in it.

It’s really difficult to race in this game though. There’s no interface supporting it. There’s no multiplayer and most NPCs don’t want to run with you. It’s also really strange that you initiate races with people by punching them in the face. Give them a slap and they’ll chase you to the ends of the earth.

Racers can use their weapons and even environmental monsters and hazards to slow you down or kill you. This makes armor a viable trade off. Take less damage but move more slowly. But this interesting trade is destroyed by another piece of design, the Steed Stone, which makes it so armor doesn’t slow you down.

If you want to play with your friends then you’ve got to find an accurate starting position, ending position, and then trust that they time things appropriately, aren’t using a horse, and don’t fast travel to the location. Mod support, like the dragonrider mod, also make it difficult to verify who actually won the race.

It makes a great spectacle but a terrible racing game. Dragon riding races sound interesting but there’s just no challenge to flying over all the mountains effortlessly.

 

The game also has a glitch that makes even Adrenaline Rush pointless. If you take out a torch and, start sprinting, then let go of the sprint button you’ll keep running even and will keep running even when you run out of stamina. It’s also a likely glitch to find because I imagine a lot of people would try to make the Olympic torch runner joke.

Horses never run out of stamina so they also trivialize the foot running concept, armored or otherwise they’re too fast.

Every step this game takes forward it takes two steps backward. Everything that’s interesting in this game is destroyed by another piece of design. I don’t know what Bethesda was trying to do but it certainly wasn’t to make a satisfying foot racing simulator. I can’t recommend this game to anyone because it utterly fails its mission.

 

 

FTL: Faster Than Light (PC and iOS)

Introduction

You are the captain of a ship in the Federation of Planets. The Federation is embroiled in a bitter war against a Rebel fleet that’s turned half the sector against the Federation. The Rebels have been able to best the Federation because it’s constantly able to harass its ships with drone ships that are cheap to produce and don’t require a crew. Your vessel is doing deep reconnaissance near the Rebels and intercept a data packet describing how the ships of the Rebel Fleet are dependent on its Flagship to function. Your goal is to outrun the Rebels and get this information to the Federation Headquarters. Unfortunately the Rebels are hot on your heels. Fly through asteroid fields, solar flaring suns, sensor-blocking nebulae, and many ships of various designs and ability that all want to turn your ship into scrap.

Well, it’s actually a strategy game but it’s the most sweat inducing strategy rogue-like that I’ve ever played.

History

FTL was developed by Subset games with Justin Ma and Mathew Davis leading design — and when I say leading I think I mean that they are Subset games. Inspired by board games like the Battlestar Galactica board game and others where the players have to tactically manage power. They wanted to create an experience where, “the player feel like they were Captain Picard yelling at engineers to get the shields back online.”

The game was primarily funded by a 200,000$ Kickstarter campaign. By that point Subset had created the bones of the game but it didn’t have music, the best writing, or run very well. This Kickstarter money ensured that it would have all of those things. It was one of the first Kickstarter funded games and helped start the trend that videogames could be crowdfunded and succeed.

Years later Subset released a free, toggle-able, expansion pack called the Advance Edition. The Advanced Edition introduced a new race and several new systems to ships, making things more complex than ever.

Fun Fact: The Crystal race was a prize for one contributor to the Kickstarter campaign who donated a large sum of money.

FTL: Faster Than Light was released on September 14, 2012 and it’s Advanced Edition was released in 2014. It’s competition was Borderlands 2 (PC, XBox 360, PS3), World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria (PC, Max), and Castle Crashers (PC).

Experiences

I end up getting really attached to my crew. I usually don’t remember their names but I do remember That Mantis who killed three intruders or That Engi who’s kept my ship together through the worst that space can subject to it. I panic and pause when someone is near death, trying to figure out how to save them in time. That Engi is manning the shields and trying to keep them up while we’re under heavy fire. He’s been hit a few times by laser fire but he was able to get the shields up and running. I can see the missile pass through the shields, it’s heading for him. I pause and order him to the medical bay. He dashes for the door to avoid the blast but it’s too late. The explosion turns him into nano-particle paste and my chief engineer is dead. I pause again, shout, and wonder how I’ll manage without him.

I know we will somehow. (Art by tink29)

Gameplay

You play as a Federation ship seemingly sitting in space — it’s doing evasive maneuvers it would just be difficult to express that on a 2-D plane– as it jumps between FTL beacons trying to reach the exit to every system. The Rebel fleet is hot on your heels and will overtake beacons as it flies across the star map — and these aren’t the chump scout ships these are the professional flotilla cruisers– it’s best to avoid them.

For the most part you’ll be fighting enemy ships and you do this by allocating power to your systems, aiming your weapons, and firing them. Your systems will be targeted by enemy ships and you can target an enemy ships’ systems like their shield or weapons –actually, I almost always aim at their shields and weapons. Your ships’ hull can take a beating but it can only be repaired at stores so minimizing the damage you take is important.

Fire, hull breaches, and system damage can all cripple your ships in a number of ways. You’ll have to find ways to counter each of these mishaps.

When you salvage blown up ships or as rewards for helping people you’ll get scrap. Scrap is used to upgrade your ship’s systems and you can trade it at stores if you can find one. You expend fuel when your ship jumps, missiles when you fire them, and drone parts when you activate drones from your drone bay.

So, you’ve been upgrading your ship. You’ve probably bought a few new weapons. You’ve got a fine crew who’ve stood by you since the beginning. When you get to the end you’ve got to face the Rebel Flagship in a three round all out space brawl. Good luck, you’ll need it.

The Gush

This game has got so many mods. There’s mods for music, weapon design, that add more types of planets to background images, that ignore the rebel fleet plot, and all sorts of crazy things.

There are mods that turn ships into Starcraft ships! There’s a mod for everything.

There are a lot of cross system quests that I thought were really fun. A few of them tickled my mystery gland very well. Certain actions can unlock additional ships with all sorts of weird strategies. I’m a sucker for unlockables and this game will give me a lolly if I can put crew members of 6 different races on my ship at once.

Speaking of unlockables and races. Stats of your ship and what crew members you have will allow you to unlock certain, sometimes secret, options for events. Dealing with food riots? Send in your rock man, their sticks and stones can’t hurt him. Negotiating with a dodgy captain? Have your slug read his emotions to figure out whether he’s on the level. Someone teleport onto your ship and hold someone hostage? Your mantis’ enhanced adrenaline and sharp incisors will ensure the hostage is safe.

Aw man, I loves seeing that blue text.

 

The Kvetch

When you were jumping to a beacon it was impossible to tell which beacons that one could reach, sometimes I would jump to a dead end and get utterly destroyed by the rebel fleet. Thankfully this was fixed in the Advanced Edition but it was so frustrating I wanted to talk about it anyway — What a quibble.

I fucking hate asteroid fields. Asteroids constantly bombard your ship and the enemy ship if there is one. It turns the combat into a DPS race but if the enemy gets some lucky shots on your systems while your shields are down then the incoming asteroids will ensure that you can’t get back on your feet.. The Stealth Cruiser doesn’t have shields to begin with so if it wanders into an asteroid field it’s gonna get pummeled and there’s little it can do about it.

If the engines get hit or the pilot gets hit then you can’t even jump away from the field.

The Verdict

FTL: Faster Than Light is a damn fine game. It’s punishing and brutal but I never felt like I hadn’t learned anything between playthroughs. I was able to use this applied knowledge to get further and further each time until I eventually beat it. As a rogue-like it’s susceptible to RNG screw but things are usually manageable. This game gets an enthusiastic recommendation.