Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number (PC and Playstation 3,4, and Vita)

As the sequel to Hotline Miami this game has upped the ante when it comes to brutality and violence. Last review I warned that this game might not be for the squeemish and it goes double for this review. This game depicts sexual violence as well as regular violence so viewer discretion is advised again.

Introduction

The events of the previous game end with a lot of Russian mobsters getting killed and the protagonist of the first game, a gentleman known only as Jacket,  getting arrested. His actions have created a ripple effect across Miami. There are those who seek to understand him and those who seek to emulate him. You play as these disparate Miami dwellers, learning their stories, and figuring out whether you truly enjoy hurting other people. You’ll also take a little trip to the past to figure out a bit about Jacket’s bearded friend, everyone’s favorite snake, and everyone’s favorite rat. If you play get ready for the stunning conclusion to the Hotline Miami series.

But is it really the end? Yes… it is. Dennaton games have publicly stated that this image was put into the game as a joke and considering the ending, I don’t know where they’d go with the series.

History

As before, Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number is developed by Dennaton games which is comprised of developer, Jonatan Soderstrom and artist, Dennis Wedin. This time instead of just using Game Maker they tweaked the Game Maker 7 program to make their own unique engine.  They wanted to make a game that focused more on story and characters, each character having their own goals and motivations.

Things changed a lot in development. Earlier builds of the game had characters with abilities they don’t possess now– Corey the Zebra, in particular, had the ability to enter buildings through windows instead of going through doors. It was also intended that Ash, the gun-toting swan, would be killable alongside his sister, Alex. As it stands, Ash is invulnerable to harm — something that I totally wouldn’t use to my advantage… nope.

Fun Fact: The Hotline Miami twitter released a phone number weeks before release that revealed the release date when called. A copy of the call can be found here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlnrQHoWCvo

Hotline Miami was released on March 10th, 2015. It’s competition was DMC: Definitive Edition (PS4 and XBOX One.), Assassin’s Creed Rogue (PC), and Five Nights at Freddy’s 3 (PC).

Experiences

There’s a character you play half-way through the game who’s someone we’ve met before. It’s revealed that he’s a real character who can’t get a job because he’s too busy taking care of his sickly mother. There’s a point where she asks him to help her take a bath because she’s cold and too sick to do it herself. I felt so bad because I had to go out and kill russian mobsters– he comes up with an excuse of course– but she was super supportive of his endeavors to go out and make friends or get a job. I felt guilty. I came back home from the murder party and she was lying in the bathroom unconscious. I felt so bad. She was alright though, he tucks her into bed and all is well.

Breaks my heart, every goddam time.

His final level involves him breaking out of prison. I was super pumped because prison breaks are always fun in games but then I had a thought. I asked myself how long this guy had been in prison, how long had his mother been alone? I started crying, I’ll admit it. I just kept thinking, “I’m gonna get you back to her man, I’m gonna get you back.”

Gameplay

The game plays very similarly to its predecessor but there are some seemingly minor changes that shake thins up a lot. You’re still going to different locales, ridding them of life, and then getting back into your sweet ride — just remember that everyone, including you, dies in one hit. This time though more thugs have random patterns and there are more windows. This leads to more pre-planning, use of the look function, and getting killed out of seemingly nowhere. This might lead the twitch reflexes you developed in the first game to rust a little. You’re also more likely to survive a single gunshot, something that happened randomly in the first game.

But can you argue with the results? Yes, yes you can.

The plot up to this point is that Jacket has eliminated most of the Russian Mafia in Miami. He’s been arrested but his actions had far reaching consequences. There’s a new film coming out, Midnight Animal, that dramatizes his actions. He’s inspired a group of disgruntled citizens to take the fight to criminals on the streets, killing them by the houseful. Writer and former Russo-American war correspondent — did I mention this is an Alternate Universe where the cold war got hot… apparently?– Evan Wright is even writing a book, trying to make sense of the whole situation. There’s more where they came from and it’s a little tricky tying them all together but I find it really fun. Each of these characters has a different playstyle that really mixes the gameplay up.

You usually get to pick from a pool of options per level. Try them all, some are better suited for some levels than others.

In case you thought the first game was too easy and the second game got too easy as well, there’s now a hard mode. Hard mode disables enemy locking, add stronger enemies, and flips most maps — good-bye muscle memory.

The Gush

Although there are fewer masks there are more characters. These characters are more fleshed out and there’s a stronger plot in general.  It gets around to explaining some mysteries that were present in the first game. You’ll have to do some digging though. News articles, answering machines, and challenges will grant you intrigue and understanding so keep your eyes open.

It shows in dialogue like this that characters have traits now. This bear is so upbeat and outgoing about murder.

Whadaya know, the world of Hotline Miami exists in an alternate timeline where the cold war got pretty hot. I thought it was an interesting explanation for the rampant anti-Russian sentiment and the rise of Russian based crime. What’s a Russo-American to do when they see a “no Russian need apply,” sign?

The new abilities are really fun to play with. My favorite is probably the gameplay of Alex and Ash, the swan twins. Alex leads the way with a chainsaw and Ash follows with whatever gun he can find. Ash’s pathing is a little bad but the gameplay style is unique and interesting. It allows Ash to fire off his weapon and lure enemies to Alex, or for Alex to finish off downed opponents while Ash keeps her safe.

As usual, the soundtrack in this game is top notch. It features a greater intensity than the first, with each level having it’s own unique track. You’ll replay levels just to hear these sweet techno tunes.

The Kvetch

I can’t tell you how you many times you’ll walk down a hallway and get blasted by someone who’s off screen. You can use shift to look further ahead but sometimes that’s not enough distance to avoid getting shot. This sort of thing prevents you from getting big combos you were used to in the first game.

The maps are bigger this time around and that means getting wasted near the end means losing more progress than ever. It also means there’s an even larger list of things to worry about. I constantly found myself wondering if I had taken care of thugs that were guarding windows or in certain areas because I’d gone on a different path and couldn’t keep things straight.

That whole area in the middle is just a giant kill zone. It just shouts, “Don’t walk here. This space does not enhance the gameplay, it’s a trap.”

There are so many score bonuses that it’s difficult to determine how well you’re actually doing until the end of the level. Hotline 1 seemed to express these score increases during gameplay so it was more readily apparent what your score would be. It sucks to go for an A+ ranking and not realize that you’ve actually been doing awful because your boldness score wasn’t high enough.

The Verdict

It’s inevitable that comparisons get drawn between a game and its sequel and Hotline Miami 2 is a different beast from Hotline Miami 1 altogether. If you like the first then there’s no guarantee that you’ll like this one, the tweaks to the gameplay have really changed it. That being said, if you didn’t like Hotline 1 then you might like Hotline 2. I personally enjoyed both, so it’s not a mutually exclusive thing. If you wanted your Hotline Miami to have more plot then this game will be your jam.

Next Week: FTL: Faster Than Light.

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Zoe’s RPG Corner: Dragon Age: Origins

Dragon Age: Origins, and its expansion, Awakening, are a 3rd-person single-player RPG set in the medieval magical land of Thedas where a bunch of orcs darkspawn are trying to fuck shit up with a big Eye of Sauron dragon and even though I am going to mock how much this game is like Lord of the Rings, it is also great, I promise.

History and Development

Then called simply “Dragon Age”, Dragon Age: Origins was anounced by our old friend BioWare in 2004.  The developers cited things like George R.R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” and other “low fantasy” works.  Honestly though, that’s one of those fiction witer terms and I honestly dislike it because like, ASoIaF is shockingly high language but apparently if you mention things like visceral death, rape, and other things that were rampant in the middle ages, then you’re low.  And honestly I’m not sure I would even call Dragon Age (the franchise, not just this game) low fantasy.  I’d say it has some of both but it’s more high fantasy than low.

Except of course the famed BioWare Homicide Streak.

The game came out in 2009 and has basically been held up as the standard to which all story-based RPGs are held ever since.  Critics gave it high marks in terms of story, graphics, replayability, mechanics, everything.  One review even named it “RPG of the Decade”.  It’s a game that people still, five years later, have trouble catching in terms of all around goodness.

Except (personal opinion) apparently there’s a song by Thirty Seconds to Mars on the official soundtrack and like excuse me, what?  Not that I have really anything against Thirty Seconds to Mars exactly, but I was not expecting that.

As I mentioned earlier, though, Dragon Age is a franchise.  Three games and their various DLCs, a series of novels, a tabletop RPG that I really gotta check out, comics, a web series staring Felicia Day, and wait a second, there’s a fucking Dragon Age anime, that sounds terrible, I need it.  I own the first three novels but haven’t read all of them, just started the first one.  It’s…okay.  David Gaider, lead writer of the game series, writes them and they read just like I would expect a video game writer to write; solid dialogue, a lot of plot, but just lacking a certain amount of what we writers refer to as “showing” because he probably gets to write things like “He looked as though he didn’t care” instead of what novelists have to do which is write what he did that made him look that way.  Really, the books are for people who love Dragon Age and want to know more about the world, not for people who like high fantasy novels.

I was forced to play this game the first time.  Didn’t own it for my first play-through.  My friend made me play it, and Mass Effect, because she has fantastic tastes and knew what I wanted.  She was right.  It hit all the right buttons for me.  The NPCs in your party are phenomenal and the dialogue is snappy and snarky and very human.  The plot and the decisions are really interesting and they know what they’re doing in their world creation, mostly.

Also they let you play dwarves and I have a real thing for dwarves so that was a big thing in favor of the game in my eyes.  Very, very concerned upset looking dwarves.

Who the hell are you?

What the hell do you want?

Why the hell would you do this?

I bought the whole thing.  I’m on my third play through now, which isn’t a lot but there are a lot of games out there and also you know I graduated from college during that period too.  But I still think this game is great enough that I have mapped out what I’m doing for the next, oh, eight or nine times I play it and I have zero shame about that.

The story of DA:O continues in Dragon Age: Awakenings, the expansion, which feels like a whole new campaign and is super long with new companions, but still continues to be super good and doesn’t get as much love as I wish it did.

Character Creation

The reason it’s called Dragon Age: Origins is because you get to pick from one of six origin stories which you play through as a sort of tutorial before the main shit starts.  The origin stories are as follows: Human Noble, City Elf, Dalish (forest) Elf, Dwarf Noble, Dwarf Commoner, and Mage, of either the human or elf variety – in the world of Dragon Age, dwarves can’t do magic.  The three classes are mage, rogue, and warrior.  It’s a very simple creation system which I personally really like because it doesn’t bog you down in choices.  It’s gonna be a long game though, so settle in.

The physical creation mechanics are solid and very much a standard of newer BioWare games.  It’s intense.  You can adjust everything.  The one major MAJOR problem of the character creator is that if you want your character’s skin to be darker than “looked at the sun once” it’s gonna look weird.  For some reason, they did something terrible to the texturing and they don’t have any options for being darker than slightly brown so like, not only is your character gonna look pale as hell, they’re gonna look weirdly patchy.

Other than that, though, it’s pretty solid.

Story

Dragon Age: Origins is the story of the Fifth Blight of Thedas.  Every once in a while, the darkspawn, an underground dwelling “race” of corrupted beings that were once normal humans, elves, and dwarves – I mean did they even try not to make orcs? – get together under the rule of an archdemon and try to kill everyone.  You play a Grey Warden, a member of an organization that exists specifically to murder the hell out of darkspawn and eventually the archdemon, by drinking darkspawn blood because that seems like a great idea.

Along the way it becomes your job to deal with all sorts of bullshit because you’re the goddamn hero of Fereldan.  Apparently that makes you the fucking expert in who should be in charge of countries and stuff.

Additionally, Dragon Age: Origins relies really heavily on its NPCs.  They’re a varied bunch – including a man who trained to be a church knight, a drunken dwarf, a grandmotherly healer, a sexually explicit elven assassin, and a witch – and they all want shit from you.  So a lot of the story is about getting to know your companions and doing the quests for them.  And I mean also sometimes boinking them.  Because romance is just what we’re all thinking about when the fucking world is ending.

Gameplay

H’okay though.

So I have no real proof for this, but part of me feels like Dragon Age: Origins is still based on that old BioWare turn based engine because combat is still SLOW AS BALLS.  Like, I get what they’re doing, I do, but it still feels like shit takes forever.  So like, I honestly believe that I spent most of my time doing combat in this game because every fucking fight was like a marathon. Mages attack super mega slow.  So do warriors with two handed weapons (never control one during a battle, it is a snore-fest, go be Morrigan instead).  It just feels like it takes a long time.

Also there are a ton of skills.  Like a ton.  Like a mega-ton.  A lot.  It can be really overwhelming if you’re not careful.

But apart from that, it’s pretty solid.  It’s not like intense dynamic combat or anything, but it does what it’s suppose to do.  Besides, Dragon Age: Origins is a game about talking to people, not fighting them.  It really is.  I mean, there’s a lot of bloody horrible murder too, but also you have to talk about it, and the writing is still really good so that cuts down on a lot of the combat problems, I guess.

But hey, mages have super cool spells.

Like a boss.

The Good

The writing.  It’s really fantastic.  Some of the best video game dialogue known to man and I will defend that statement with my life.  They know their shit in this game, know how to get it to hit you in gut and make you laugh all at the same time.  The voice acting for it is great too, staring such wonderful individuals as Steve Valentine of Crossing Jordan, Claudia Black of Stargate SG-1 and Kate Mulgrew of Star Trek: Voyager, so basically hitting all of my childhood loves.  Oh yeah and Steve Blum as “crotchety drunk guy” because in no way is he type cast.

Of course the great writing makes for great characters.  I think among the creative side of video game fans, Dragon Age: Origins gets the most artistic and fanfictional love, followed probably by Dragon Age 2 and Dragon Age: Inquisition.  This game knows how to tug your heatstrings.  It also knows how to make you love characters.  Or hate them.  There is no more hate for any character ever I think than there is for Morrigan of this game, mostly from women who are mad about A Thing that happens.  Which I’m not about because Morrigan is the fucking bomb.

There should be no hate for this beautiful sneaky witch thief.

The story is good too.  They do the choices really well and it does feel like you’re really shaping the destiny of a nation.  Basically they do everything in the writing and plot side of things 99.9% right.  I even like the fade section, which puts me in the minority of players.

The Bad

Combat.  The pacing makes it really difficult to keep interest when it comes to the hacky and the slashy.  It’s a big game so sometimes you’re just like “Ugh I have to fight my way through this whole forest/underground tomb/ancient ruin and it’s gonna suck.”  And then it totally sucks.

The Ugly

Nothing is terrible in the way that I usually have here.  Like, the slow combat is annoying but it’s not enough to put me off this game for even a second.  I dunno, maybe…

Oh.

Wait.

The sex scenes.

It’s the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen.  Ever.

I think it has something to do with the underwear and the fact that the sex scenes make the models look like snake people and I do not like that.

From here…?

Just buy the game.

Do I need to say anything more?  If you have the game, play it at least six thousand more times.  You will not be disappointed except maybe by the sex scenes but like, if you’re relying on not actually naked video game sex to get your rocks off, we need to talk about your life.

Next Month: Dragon Age 2! The one in the middle! With that guy who fucked everything up!  Oh it’s gonna be great.

Twisted Metal Black (PS2)

 

Introduction

The Blackfield Asylum holds the worst of Midtown’s worst. It’s a place rife with the strong and the mad. One day it gets taken over by a guy by the name of Calypso. He says if the choice inmates enter his contest and kill each other then he’ll grant them a wish, anything they want. They all have a vehicle –stashed somewhere, I guess– that Calypso supes of for them. They’re dropped into the middle of Midtown to wreak havoc on it and the other drivers. Drive, fight for your life, get power ups, and see your darkest desires come true.

Pictured: Calypso. With a face like this, what’s not to trust? Pay no attention to the eye with evil tendrils coming out of it.

History

The Twisted Metal series is developed by Incognito Entertainment. Blackt was designed and directed by series veteran David Jaffe and produced by Scott Campbell. Jaffe had worked on the first and second installments but was taken off just in time for things to take a downturn in the third game in the series, which continued into the fourth. The series needed a change, it needed a new breath of life, so they brought Jaffe back to bring the series back to its roots — well maybe not its roots, I mean Twisted Metal 1 is a pile of camp and silly.

One of these is Twisted Metal 2 and the other is Twisted Metal 3 and I don’t think either of them looks better than the other and that’s a problem.

Then again, we’ve come a long way since the full motion video cinematics that were cut from the first game. Pictured: A demon named Black.

Twisted Metal Black was released on June 18th, 2001. It’s competition was Baldur’s Gate II: Throne of Baal (PC), Sonic Adventure 2 (Dreamcast), and Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis (PC).

Experiences

I might have played this game when I was younger than I should have been. My father had seen me play Twisted Metal 3 and how kiddy is was. I loved it –because I was 14 and didn’t know any better– so I was hot on the sequel’s heels when it came out –or as hot as a 20 dollar a season game budget can be. I played it to completion and saw all of the vignettes, learning the stories of the deranged characters. I then related these experiences to my relatives who didn’t exactly understand how videogames worked. Much to my surprise they were shocked and appalled about its content and the effect it would have on my young mind. Long story short, don’t introduce someone to the industry with this game.

Gameplay

Twisted Metal belongs firmly in the niche car combat genre — and when I say “belongs” I mean, “Is the best and only part of.”  In which you choose a vehicle from a variety, each with their own stats like top speed, handling, and armor. You then ride them around in arenas picking up powerups, shooting at other vehicles from the roster, and trying not to die. Powerups include missiles, canister bombs, and other special items that are level specific. They’re hidden everywhere in this game, they’re across gaps, tethered behind helicopters –blow them up and deny your enemies their prize–, and hidden in destructible terrain.

Each driver has an attack that only they can use. These special attacks are very powerful and are automatically recharged after a certain amount of time that’s different for every driver. Each vehicle also has certain abilities that they all share like launching attacks backwards, dropping land mines, engaging a cloaking field, or shooting a freeze ray. They’re performed by inputting a button combination on the controls and use up an energy meter so they’re a little unwieldy to use in the middle of some fancy driving. If you’re out of all of that then you’ll have to settle with some machine guns which are decent considering how piddly they’ve been in previous games.

When I say powerful, I mean turning your car into a mech that shoots missiles levels of powerful.

The Gush

Inbetween every match we get a little snippet of what the driver is thinking. I think it was a great way to give the player something to do during the loading screens and give us some insight into the character.

The AI controlled drivers do a good job of fighting each other when they’re not fighting you. It seemed like in other car combat games that the AI characters would just gang up on you. When I was younger I thought they had their own unique AI or personality but that doesn’t seem like it’s the case.

The two previous games were filled with disappointing endings where no characters had their wishes fulfilled. A curse of the Monkey’s Paw is interesting every once in awhile but it loses tension when it’s constant. Black set a good balance between wishes going well and wishes going poorly.

There are 5 unlockable vehicles and most of them have interesting methods to unlocking them. Most levels have something particularly destructible that hides the vehicle so you’ll have to unlock them in the middle of combat.

Spoilers, the Junkyard object is the plane. Shooting it out of the sky is pretty tricky but doable. I always though I could lead another driver into the blast and destroy them but I never pulled it off.

The Kvetch

The maps in this game are pretty forgettable. Some of the hidden areas are sort of cool but for the most part it’s all dingy and drab. I know the world is supposed to be depressing but there’s only so much brown I can take.

The game has local multiplayer deathmatch and campaign but it suffers from having to be splitscreen. I know that it was a limitation of the time but…

… this is just not enough screen to play on unless you’re television is huge.

The gameplay also gets sort of dull. I figured out I was only playing for the story after I played through everyone’s campaign and then never played the game again. It’s been collecting dust on my shelf as a monument to my teenage angst ever since.

The Verdict

If you’re invested in the past of the Twisted Metal series and need some more stories about deranged people blowing up cars — or you’re like, 16– then this would be a game worth picking up. If you don’t give a damn about any of that then just pass on this one. It might be worth a laugh to force your friends to play a deathmatch with you but those’re the only uses I can think for this game.

Next Week: Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number.

Hotline Miami II Theory: Beard Doesn’t Exist in Hotline Miami

Alright all you crazy cats out there. Hotline Miami II will release very soon now. As a promotion for the game, the developers have been releasing comics discussing the upcoming factions the game will have. One of them shows Jacket’s post-murder rampage companion, Beard, fighting Russians in some sort of armed conflict. One of his comrades looks suspiciously like Jacket’s in-comic character and his face is never revealed, just like Jacket’s hasn’t. Beard’s final line in the comic is, “Then I’ll go back home, and act as if this was just a bad job that I quit. Maybe I’ll open my own shop… a bar, a video store, a grocery… whatever… I won’t have to think about this shit anymore. And that’s what really matters.”

If Jacket took this to heart then he might find something resembling sanity and solace in Beard’s ideal for what sanity was. He calms down after every engagement by going into his mind and having a chat with his deceased, or at least not present, war buddy who gives him a gift for being such a good friend. Beard’s first words in Hotline Miami I are used to console Jacket after his girlfriend broke up with him, something that commonly occurs when someone goes off to war.

Just to emphasize my point.

 

Eventually the violence is too much for Jacket those he’s murdered begin showing up in his safe places. Mangled mobsters begin frequenting his favorite joints until Beard is killed by Richter in every location, the man who actually attempts to murder Jacket. Wherever Richter goes he tells Jacket that he’s not welcome there any more. I imagine this to be Jacket’s realization that he’s being followed by someone he distinctly doesn’t trust. And he shouldn’t, it’s Richter who gets the closest to killing him.

It’s just a theory and it might not pan out but let this post show that if it is true, I called it.

 

Killer 7 (PS2 and Gamecube)

Introduction

It’s the near future and the world has had it up to here with terrorism’s shit. In order to combat terrorism the world has united, eliminated air travel by creating trans-oceanic roadways, and eliminaed free access to the internet. A group of terrorists, known as Heaven Smiles, are able to infiltrate a diplomatic meeting at the UN and detonate an explosive. The trick being, they are the explosives. The United States and Japan are now embroiled in a battle to acquire the Yakumo Cabinet Policy, a document which is said to hold the secrets of a perfect government. Not that it matters to the Killer 7, they’re just assassins hired by the US to cripple the Japanese effort. Play as a multiple personality cornucopia where the changes in personality also change the physical body. Plunge into the depths of utter insanity in Suda 51s break out hit, Killer 7.

These are the heaven smile in their natural form. Would you really call that a smile?

History

Killer 7 was written, designed, and directed by Goichi Suda, better known as Suda 51. It was part of the Capcom 5 project which was a Capcom’s plan to release 5 games for the Gamecube — alhtough this one would get ported to the Playstation 2. Overseeing all this was none other than Shinji Mikami of Resident Evil fame. Capcom wanted to make a new intellectual property because they thought the market was getting stale — and taking a look at 2005 the only new IP I saw was Psychonauts.

Unlike most games that were released on both the Gamecube and the Playstation 2 the Gamecube version is graphically superior. Textures are sharper and animations have more detail, especially the reload animations.

Fun Fact: Suda was very interested in professional wrestling, film noir, and multiple personalities so he put all of those topics into a blender and hit puree.

Killer 7 was released on July 7th, 2005. It’s competition was Dungeon Siege II (PC), Destroy all Humans (PS2 and XBox), and Battlefield 2 (PC).

Experiences

I was drawn into the game originally by a fascination with multiple personality syndrom — partially inspired by Stephen King’s The Drawing of the Three. I wanted to see how the personas interacted with each other, or what their attitudes toward each other were. Unfortunately, although there is some character development, the game is heavily plot driven. I was sort of disappointed but it just made me more determined to find character traits wherever I could and that I might be able to glean more from the characters by studying the plot.

Gameplay

Killer 7 is an on-rails shooter, this means that all movement is strictly controlled. The player can go forward and backward, changing directions, or taking turns are certain junctions but has no free movement — hence being on rails like a roller coaster. Then the player can shoot enemies by entering first person mode — because shooter.

You’ve got seven killers — hence the name– to choose from at any given time. Most of them play differently except for Coyote and Dan — I guess that’s supposed to represent their rivalry. Some of them are locked at the beginning of each level and are unlocked by killing Heaven Smile or hitting a Micro Smile enemy. You can change them on the fly by using the pause menu. And don’t worry if they die, Garcian can collect their body bag and return them to life — but if Garcian dies then it’s game over.

It’s really a matter of which you prefer although they’re all necessary to beat the game.

Most of the game is gated by puzzles — to Zoe’s disappointment, there will be no Latin to translate. Most puzzles are just, “go here, pick up this thing, take it over here,” or, “Use the thief to pick the lock,” but every once and awhile the game gets clever. These puzzles and enemies safeguard Soul Shells which the Smiths need to reach the boss of the level.

The Gush

There are characters in the game who are like ghosts who exist to help the Smiths. One of them is an unassuming little ghost of Harman’s first kill. This guy talks straight– or at least straighter than any of the others– and does his best to be helpful without prejudice. He’s got no hard feelings about the whole killing him thing.

The weirdest thing about him though is that his shirt says something different whenever you see him.

The enemy design is actually quite clever. Some Smiles can only be killed by their weak point, some Smiles are giant rolling balls with faces that are their weak points. You never know what the game is going to throw at you next.

I really like the cell shaded and simple colored style of the games art. It gives the game this sort of otherworldly feeling, like it’s just off.

The way the wall is wall papered creates a stark contrast to me in the totally black non-textured wall.

If you like black humor then you’ll probably get a laugh out of this game. I’m looking at you Russian Roulette scene.

Just… the absolute stoic look on his face.

The soundtrack swaps a lot from moody ambience to high intensity techno. Either way it raises the tension of the scene, making me jump at shadows, wondering when an enemy is going to attack.

The dialogue of non-living characters is some sort of garbled noise with subtitles. Sometimes I could swear I heard a word from the subtitles in the conversation. I was always trying to figure out what the original lines were. I really liked it but it’s generally not a popular opinion.

The Kvetch

This game has got a fascination with blood. Killing a Heaven Smile without shootings its weak point causes a line of text with a blood pun to appear in the upper right hand corner of the screen. Thin blood is collected by shooting limbs off of or hitting the weak points of Heaven Smile. It’s used to heal the Smiths or use their abilities. Thick blood is acquired the same way and used to level up Smith abilities. You can only earn so much Thick blood in each level so it’s important to get as much as you can to keep the Smiths up to snuff as the game goes on. Farming Thick blood is the most boring and dull part of the game and I don’t know why it’s even there.

I mean, this game really likes its blood.

The plot is kind of interesting but super hard to follow. Some of that’s from the wonky translation but most of it is just not mentioned.

The Verdict

If you’re in the mood for immersing yourself in a mythos then this is a mythos worth immersing yourself in. The game is decently fun on its own but if you want the full story then you’re going to have to dig a little deeper online or play through it again with the subtitles on. There’s a book explaining the more nuanced parts of the plot called Hands in the Killer 7 and that explains everything really well.

 Next Week: Twisted Metal Black

The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age

Introduction

 There have been a few Lord of the rings games, from the disastrous Super Nintendo title –which should have been called Hobbits in Caves: The Game– to the Playstation 2 series of hack and slash games. It was time for The Lord of the Rings to be more than a game where you kill orcs one after another in real time. It was time for The Lord of the Rings to be a game where you killed orcs one after another with TURN BASED COMBAT. You play as a group of adventurers who totally aren’t the fellowship of the Ring — I mean, you don’t have a hobbit character so it’s totally not the same– and you must go… find Boromir for some reason. And then go do other things too… it’s… weird.

This is Berethor, the main character. Now that I look at this guy I don’t think he ever smiles. He’s actually got that scowl bolted to his face.

History

This game was made by Electronic Arts — put the torches and pitch forks down, you can go commit mob violence after this is done. They got Steve Gray on board, this guy worked on Final Fantasy VII and Parasite Eve, and he had wanted to make a Lord of the Rings RPG since the 90s so there was legitimate passion in this project.

EA owned the license to make games based on the movies and this created some weird snags in what they could depict. This meant that they could only use things that had been in the movies or WERE NOT in the books — this will important later.

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age was released on November 2nd 2004. It’s competition was Half-Life 2 (PC), Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines (PC), and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (PS2).

Experiences

Gray said that he wanted this game to sort of dance around important events in the series, “You travel on a sort of “S” curve that weaves in and out of the path of the Fellowship through the story of the trilogy.” This meant that in moments that you’re closest to them you’d want to be doing the coolest things, right? That’s what I thought when I was 17. I wanted to fight the Balrog with Gandalf, defend Helm’s Deep, fight the Witch King of Angmar — which are all things you get to do in the game. But looking back on it, it seems so silly and so dumb.

It might be awesome to fight the Balrog but it’s established that Gandalf was the only one who held a candle to the being of fire and shadow– he’s really the only one in the in-game fight who can do any damage anyway. The Witch King was totally Eowyn’s fight, she had that guy’s number, and for some auburn haired dude with a sword and a shield to finish The Witch King off is just sort of insulting. I don’t know how it could have been done any other way but I think it might have been best not done at all.

So none-canon that it hurts.

Gameplay

The game is an RPG with turn based combat so there’s not much to talk about when it comes to the gameplay department. Each character has hit points and Action Points –mana points, basically– which they expend to use special abilities. Each of the characters follows Final Fantasy class design pretty closely. We got a warrior, red mage, blue mage, knight, thief, and… whatever Eaoden is — seriously he’s hard to encapsulate, it’s like the designers just gave him all the leftover abilities and called it good. You can have four party members out at any given time and can even switch them out in the middle of battles too.

That series of portraits in the upper right hand corner show what order the turns will be in.

Items are extremely valuable in this game. Although some are dropped by enemies you’ll mostly be relying on what you find in chests throughout the game. This game might not have given me potion paralysis — the reluctance to use items unless they’re truly needed– but it certainly didn’t help it either. Each character has unique equipment that actually alters their appearance.

What makes an RPG really shine is the story and the characters, in this department The Third Age is lacking hard. I struggle to remember any distinct traits about any of the characters and have a hard time remembering why their adventure was important for any reason other than that Fellowship thing being mighty important.

The Gush

Evil mode is the most original and incredible idea this game introduces. After you beat a chapter you can play through that chapter again in Evil Mode. Evil Mode is a series of fights where you play as the monsters fighting the heroes. Beating the good guys unlocks new equipment that just sort of teleports into your character’s inventory but the only thing that’s more awesome — even if it is dumb — than fighting the Balrog is being the Balrog.

“Pardon me, I think I’ll just pass if you don’t mind.”

Each character plays really differently, especially Eaoden — I mean, he’s got attacks that raise your opponents stats but do more damage. It’s really easy to make a team that matches your playstyle from the given characters.

The divergences between this game and the established series are actually pretty good. Helping the elves kill some orcs while they leave their homes is pretty cool. Killing Grima Wormtongue at a random Rohan town was sort of weird but not totally bad. You also take alternate routes through places Moria and other locations.

The Kvetch

Any dialogue voiced by a member of the Fellowship is either reused clips from the movie or was impersonated poorly. They got them into sound booths for the other games, I don’t know why they couldn’t do it for this one.

Attack animations are fluid and quick but spell animations take forever. I think an hour of gameplay was just waiting for Idrial or orcs to throw spells around. I would eventually stop using her spells just because their animations just took so damn long.

If I have to watch this troll beat his drum one more time…

When a character isn’t in combat they don’t get experience points. If you pick a team you’d best be ready to commit because those other shmucks are gonna get left in the experience point related dust. Character’s join at roughly the same level so they all get a fair shot but if you didn’t keep Elegost around then you can be sure that when you need his bow to fight someone then you won’t be having it.

I don’t know if it’s explained in the game, I didn’t catch it when I played through, but I had no idea what any of the stats did. Strength, Spirit, Constitution, Speed, and Dexterity aren’t exactly a good representation of what they do. I understand what Constitution and Strength do but what’s the difference between Speed and Dexterity and what does Spirit do at all?

The final boss is the fucking Eye of Sauron. There’s no real build up. You fight the Witch King and after he dies it’s just *bloop* fight this asshole. He’s big, got a lot of health, and is a total pushover. When he’s dead, cut to credits. It’s the dumbest thing in any Lord of the Rings game ever.

The Verdict

What it comes down to is that if fighting the Balrog alongside Gandalf doesn’t sound like the stupidest, canon breakingest, over the top thing that you’ve ever considered doing in a game then you’ll find this game palatable. Or at the very least, if you can look past doing stuff like that then there’s a solid RPG underneath.

Next Week: Killer 7

Kirby Superstar (SNES)

Introduction

When it says “8 games in one” they’re not kidding. Kirby’s got to save the world from Dedede– twice–, a giant bird, Meta-Night, and no Kirby game would be complete if he didn’t have to save the world from a being from another world, planet, or reality. Kirby’s got new copy abilities and new, more sophisticated, buddies to summon — Gooey, you knew you were on thin ice. Join gaming’s favorite pink puffball as he faces his most dangerous foes yet.

Where to start?

History

There seems to be a running trend now that Kirby games don’t have any development information. What I can say is that this game was released a year before Kirby’s Dream Land 3. I won’t say it looks better but it’s a much more complex and interesting game. It’s got six main campaigns and three minigames in contrast to Dreamland’s thirty levels. The art styles match the games very well but I feel like Superstar’s just looks better. Drop a comment if you’ve played them both and have a preference.

Kirby Superstar came out on September 20th, 1996. It’s competition was Tetris Attack (SNES), Phatasmagoria: Puzzle of the Flesh (PC), and The Elder Scrolls: Daggerfall (PC).

Experiences

Despite the injection of plot I’ll admit that this game’s campaigns have some pretty weak and cookie cutter stories. Revenge of Meta Knight had the only story that really held my attention. Meta Knight and Kirby have been rivals for a long time but they’ve been known to team up every so often. I wanted to know what Meta Knight was swearing revenge for and it’s not really explained in the gameplay. Resting on the introduction screen shows  how the Halberd got created and why Meta Knight is attacking Dreamland — Why they don’t mention this in the game is a mystery to me.  As it turns out Meta Knight is conquering Dreamland because he disapproves of their “lazy lifestyle.”

Hey man, Kirby and Dedede ran a three part marathon in this game alone. Are they really that lazy?

The weirdest thing is that I really sympathized with Meta Knight on this one. I don’t agree with his methods but Dreamland should probably get its act together and do something with its existence. Dedede is the king, maybe he should do something besides trying to hoard all the food — which he does in every game for some reason.

Gameplay

Very similar to other Kirby games, Kirby eats enemies and copies their abilities. His goal in every campaign is to fight enemies and beat up some meany head who’s being a jerk. Unlike other Kirby games this game has a sense of progression. Certain campaigns are only unlocked by beating other campaigns.

Gooey can’t help or hurt you in this game because he hasn’t been invented yet. Instead of summoning Gooey Kirby can turn his copied power into a buddy. Kirby can only have one buddy at a time and this buddy will do everything in his power to beat up Kirby’s enemies — to greater or lesser degrees. The second player can also take control of this buddy. If you’re annoyed with your friends or the buddy in general you can press the buddy button again to turn the buddy into an object that confers the copied ability when consumed.

They’ve also all got… names. Hey, player 2, do you wanna play as Bonkers the ape man with a hammer? Why are you walking away?

The Gush

I hate banging on about the music all the time but the music in these games are really good. Games with bad music feel more drawn out and boring. Games with good music feel compressed, like all the bad or listless parts are forgotten because at least I had some sweet tunes to jam out to. And sweet tunes this game has.

I think this is the only game with an Earthbound reference in it. One of the treasures that you can find in the great Cave Offensive is a Mr. Saturn, of which there is a whole tribe in Earthbound — I love those big nosed guys.

Each of the different campaigns has a unique mechanic. The Great Cave Offensive has its treasure hunt — though it’s not necessary to find everything (We all know it is). Meta Knightmare introduces a time limit for each level — I guess Meta Knight disaproves of Kirby’s lazy pace. And in Milky Way Wishes Kirby unlocks his powers instead of getting them by inhaling his enemies — but… isn’t Kirby from space? Why would space creatures nullify his copy abilities? And why would other planets be filled with all of the same creatures as Popstar but with different color schemes?

They also have different HUDs. Check out the Great Cave Offensive’s treasure map.

The Copy ability is an ability that allows Kirby to copy enemies. I bet you’re probably thinking, “Doesn’t he already do that by inhaling them?” Yes, this is true. But the point is that Kirby can turn this Copy ability into a buddy, allowing the second player to copy enemies like Kirby himself. This is a glorious godsend, a rare treat for the second player to play as a sort of mini-Kirby with.

The Kvush

The backgrounds are really hit or miss. The fight against Dedede features a crowd filled with enemies cheering– even Super Mario is hiding in the corner. The fight against Dyna Blade on the other hand has a plain purple background — I bet it has to do with her defeat animation but it still doesn’t look good. Check out the differences.

Oh snap… a cloud….

It’s even got an arena marquis!

 

The Kvetch

Six different campaigns, two minigames, and a boss rush. That’s a lot of things to do in a little SNES cartridge. You might be wondering what the game rewards the player with in return for doing all of these things — I mean, I am. Perhaps they grace us with a version of the credits that’s really silly or a unique little scene that sheds some light on characters. Nope… you get a sound test — do people even know what a sound test is anymore?

This game has got a lives system for seemingly no reason. Losing a life makes you restart the level. Running out of lives forces you to continue or quit. Continuing… also makes you start at the beginning of the level — I guess it’s supposed you make you feel bad or something. It shows that this silly mechanic was losing relevance even at this time.

Some of the tutorials are unskippable and unnecessary. It might be difficult to figure out that consuming an enemy copies their ability but the player can still spit enemies out to attack. It’s intuitive to think that a character who can inhale enemies can eat them. Eating an enemy that has no ability informs the player that that enemy didn’t have an ability. That hints the player that some enemies do things when they’re eaten. The game deprives the player of that sense of discovery — It’s also annoying as fuck to watch the same tutorial whenever I play the game.

The Verdict

This is the best Kirby game that I’ve ever played. I love it that much. If you like platforming and using crazy abilities then you’ll probably like this game. Bring a friend, turn him into a Waddle Dee with an umbrella, laugh at him, stop laughing as he starts knocking dudes out. It’s just a great time.

This game has got a remake for the Nintendo DS called Kirby Superstar Ultra. It makes the best even better. Pick it up if you’d rather be a pink puff ball on the go.

Next Week: Lord of the Rings: The Third Age.

Zoe’s RPG Corner: Neverwinter Nights

Neverwinter Nights is a 3rd-person single-player RPG from BioWare based on the mechanics of Dungeons & Dragons and the lore of Forgotten Realms and basically teaches us all that BioWare was no-holds-bared about killing characters from the beginning.

History and Development

Once, in the distant past of 2002 (wow, that was nowhere near as long ago as I thought it was, good news, I am not as old as I was worried – no, wait that was thirteen years, holy shit when did the early 2000’s become a middle school student ago?) BioWare decided to make a game based on Dungeons and Dragons.

There’s not a lot out there on the development of this game, but on the surface, this seems like a stellar plan.  And it kind of was a stellar plan.  There was, apparently, a Neverwinter Nights MMORPG from 1991-97 (it’s my age and if that’s not terrifying, I don’t know what is) that was mostly text based but does hold the record of first MMO ever so that’s pretty cool.  The designers at BioWare took a look at it and wanted to recreate that with like, graphics and stuff.  They took out most of the multiplayer ideas and instead made a single-player RPG.  I mean, you can host games and whatever, but we’re gonna be looking at the single-player aspect because I honestly do not give a flying fuck about the multiplayer.

I bought this game at the age of 12 or so (around 2003 so this was fairly new).  It was my first big game, my first RPG.  I did not know anything about D&D at the time so I had no clue what was going on with the mechanics.  I didn’t know anything about video games either because I was raised by hippies and books and had never touched a gaming console in my life.  But Neverwinter spoke to me in a certain way that no other game had.  And part of that way was fireballs.

To this day, Neverwinter is the only game where I prefer to play a mage rather than a warrior.

In my later days of college, I picked it up again.  It was pretty much just as much fun as an adult, except I had the added benefit of now knowing how D&D worked so I was like, suddenly the master of Neverwinter Nights.  And I’m playing along one day in my friend’s room when she comes over and looks down at my computer screen and goes, “Whatchu playin’?”

“Neverwinter Nights.”

“Wow, that game holds up pretty well graphically.”

“Oh, no, wait for it.”  I zoom in as close as I can get.

“Oh my god, the polygons.”

“Yeah, bro.  It’s rough.”  I zoom out again.  “Looks great from back here though.”

Zoom out! For god’s sake, zoom out!

Character Creation

Literally, it’s D&D 3.5.  Like, straight up.  Same races, same classes. Same abilities based on each.  Same tired elf druid and halfling rogue clichés.  Same min/maxing, power gaming bullshit.

I shouldn’t be so hard on it.  I only say that now as someone who has played too much D&D and found every little thing about that system that pisses me off.  It’s not bad.  It’s really not.  But if you know how to make a D&D character, you know how to make a Neverwinter Nights character.  Fighters in this game are the most boring crap out there.  Just like D&D.

The two expansions for Neverwinter Nights, Shadows of Undrentide and Hordes of the Underdark, add in some other classes, specializations, that kind of thing, but the basics stand.  I’m not going to list everything you need, just look up D&D if you have no idea what I’m talking about (there are too many classes for me to happily list).

As for the physical aspect?  Like, seriously, I am concerned about how boob-y the armor is when you are like basically a trapezoid with a head.  I didn’t realize this as a child, but it’s clear as an adult.  Those are not sexy boobs.  Those are like early Tomb Raider Lara Croft boobs.  Which I guess people who are into girls think are sexy?  Mmmm, yeah, gimmie that single triangular prism attached to your chest.

On the other hand, it’s one of the few games to this day that has an option to not be totally skinny.

Also the portraits are beautiful.

Focus on these and ignore the polygons.

Story

You play a recruit at like, Neverwinter Adventurer School during a giant plague.  A hot elf paladin chick named Aribeth, whom you will grow to love dearly and be generally upset about as the game goes on, tells you to find some critters that have escaped into the city in order to use their hair and hearts and shit to cure everyone.  When you do this, a douchey cultist turns out to be the dick you always thought he was, a different elf is totally given the short end of the stick, and you have to go find a cult.

That’s part one.  Of four.

Yeah, Dragon Age: Origins is making a lot more sense right about now, huh.

The game is long.  Very long.  Continuously good, but there are like, four parts and each one has like, four-ish large areas to do a lot of stuff in, plus a million side quests.  This game is the king of side quests.  The second part is about finding a cult and then you go to another city and I don’t actually remember all of this because I was twelve the last time I finished this game, but there was something about time traveling lizards and yeah it’s just generally massive.

Gameplay

So remember that whole D&D thing?  Yeah, this is where it doesn’t shine.

See, D&D makes sense in a tabletop setting.  You can’t have people screaming stuff at each other all at the same time.  You can’t have your DM getting totally overwhelmed.  There need to be rules and structures.  The dice need to stand in for actually being able to hit each other.  There are reasons for things in D&D because it takes place in the real physical world.

In a video game, that’s a real problem.  Neverwinter is slow as balls.  Because it IS  turn based, but not like Final Fantasy is turn based, where you chose each action, like your basic attacks are turn based.  It just takes forever to get anything done.  Like, fights happen and you just SIT there and wait to win.  There’s not a lot of strategy and it can get tiring after a while.  It’s like that John Rhys Davis quote about his fighting style in LotR: “You will come at me, and I will hit you, and then you will come at me, and I will hit you…”

The level up process and the “character sheet” that goes with it are great though.  It’s confusing at first but even 12-year-old me picked it up pretty quickly.  It’s well explained and open to a lot of customization.  It talks you through all the stuff that confuses someone the first time they play D&D and so when I did start playing, it made a lot of sense to me.

Also if you play a sorcerer, get a panther because panthers can sneak attack.  From the front.  Sneak Attack Panther too OP.

So sneaky

The Good

The plot.  BioWare is famous for their plot, their character, and their storytelling, and they don’t let anyone down on this one.  In general, they’re a company that know that no RPG can stand on its murder factor alone.  Okay, so some gamers think that I’m sure, but they’re wrong.  That’s what first person shooters and the like are for.  RPGs are for story and boy does BioWare get the story right here.  Sure, it’s a little convoluted and it just keeps going, but that’s a good video game story, honestly.  Do you want everything handed to you in a game?  Well, you might, but I know I sure don’t.

The characters and henchmen are great too.  Every henchman has a story and a quest for each section of the game so you get a real feel for them and usually people seem to keep the same one for the whole game even though you can switch it up.  Aribeth, the elf who kind of leads you through the game, is really well done and has some seriously tragic shit going on, which she will tell you about if you ask the right way.  They know how to write people.  You have to do a lot of reading in this game, but it’s really worth it because they’re damn good at dialgoue.

Also ARIBETH.  The armor is stupid, but she was one of my first badass video game ladies.

The Bad

Character creation.  It’s hard the first time because there are a damn lot of numbers, but you can push through it and get along pretty okay.  It can get a little grind-y after a while and you have to remember never to resurrect because it costs you XP.  There’s not a whole heck of a lot to hate on here.  Oh and also there are a ton of quests that are like “Bring me the head of Steve the ogre” or “Bring me the heart of that lady over there” and so if you don’t like having a lot of body parts in your inventory, this is not the game for you.

The Ugly

It’s so slow.  Sometimes I play with a book just so I can read during the fight scenes.  Or like, I wish I could, but it’s not that kind of slow, it’s just…god, hit the stupid zombie already.

From here…?

Okay, this is a good game.  A solid game.  You have to look past graphics and just generally the age of the game – it ages well, but still – but let’s be real, you’re looking at this blog and the usual writer on this blog writes about the oldest games known to man.  So like, I think you’ll all be able to handle it.  It’s a solid game, good writing, good play.  If you like Forgotten Realms, I think it’s a really good one for people just because it’s got some characters and things you’ll recognize.  If you like D&D, give it a try just to see how it works.

Besides, don’t you want those sexy polygons?

Next Month: Dragon Age: Origins, a game close to my heart and the continuation of what is looking like a major BioWare binge cycle, which I make zero apologies for.

Kirby’s Dreamland III (SNES)

Introduction

 It’s a Kirby game and any fan of the series knows that a monster from another time, space, or reality is on its way to Pop-Star to do something awful to it — having read that, all the new comers know now too. Kirby’s more than ready to spring into action though — I mean, he can absorb the powers of whatever he eats so if the bad guys are ready then he is as well. With the help of his pal Gooey and his animal buddies he’ll kick the dark spawned creature back into the cold unforgiving cosmos from which it came.

I assume that this team’s ability to save the world is in direct proportion to how FUCKING CUTE it is.

History

Sorry, no words about the development here. The only interesting tidbits of information that I could find was that this game was the last first-party game Nintendo released for the Super Nintendo. That and this game didn’t get released in Europe and Australia due to some sort of technical issue. It wouldn’t see these parts of the world until 2009 — better late than never I guess.

Kirby’s Dreamland 3 was released on November 27th, 1997. It’s competition was Curse of Monkey Island (PC), Diddy Kong Racing (Nintendo 64), and Croc: Legend of the Gobbos (PS1).

Experiences

 I watched the demo of this game when I was a kid and saw that I could summon a little buddy to help me fight through the game. This buddy’s name was Gooey and I was certain that we’d be the best of friends. Things with Gooey started off great. He was running around faster than me and eating dudes and spitting them out at breakneck speed. Then I started trying to finish certain bonus goals and he kept eating all the enemies that gave me the powers I needed or any abilities in general. Soon, I had to dismiss this faithful companion.

No evil spirit, eh? Is gluttony not a deadly sin? Screw it, he’s too cute to stay mad at. Oh yeah, player 2 can control him.

Gameplay

This game is the standardest fare when it comes to Kirby games. This means that Kirby jumps and floats around eating enemies and gaining the powers of enemies that look like they have powers. Eating a spider doesn’t give you a power, there is no spider power — although certain New York webslingers would disagree — but eating an enemy with a sword will give Kirby the Sword power or a broom gives him the Cleaning power — I’m not joking, Clean is one of the most useful abilities in the game.

In addition to having sweet powers this game features 6 animal buddies: Rick the Hamster, Kine the Fish, Coo the owl, Chuchu the… blob thing — the wiki says she’s an octopus but she’s looks more like an alien parasite– , Pitch the bird, and Nago the cat. These guys alter how Kirby’s copied abilities work, have their own methods for grabbing enemies, and have different movement abilities. For example, Nago has a triple jump but can’t float like Kirby can, Kine can swim against strong underwater currents, and Chuchu can grab onto ceilings but can barely float at all. Sometimes their unique copy abilities are needed to overcome certain obstacles as well so get ready to use your imagination.

Every level showcases a character who needs Kirby’s help. Sometimes it’s a janitor that needs help cleaning rooms –I told you clean was useful– or a deconstructed robot that wants to get put back together.

And sometimes it’s Samus freaking Aran who needs a hand capturing some renegade Metroids.

Completing each task gives Kirby a weird sort of heart-star morphing thing. I’m certain there’s no secret goal, boss fight, or ending that is only unlocked by finding all of these things — Nope, certainly not one of those around these parts.

The Gush

Gooey can be a pain in the ass but he’s got locked away in him the secret to eternal life. Summoning Gooey reduces Kirby’s health by one box. Dismissing Gooey will return the lost box of health… no matter how low Kirby’s health is. If he’s been reduced to a half of a health box then summoning Gooey won’t cost him any health and dismissing him will give him another box back. The game’s already pretty easy but if you’re in a pinch then just remember this neat trick.

The music in this game has a sort of kid friendly tone to it. Sometimes the instrumentation gets a little grating but it’s more than made up for by super catchy melodies. Every once in awhile I’ll hum a few bars of one of the ridiculously fast paced songs.

The art has this sort of gentle wonder to it that I really liked. When it was good it was great.

Lookit this! Just lookit this! The fuzzy shading makes everything look like it was drawn by a five year old — Yoshi’s Island style.

The bosses in this game are super cool. My favorite boss in this game is Ado. She’s an artist from another planet who’s come to Popstar to improve her art skills. I don’t think she needs much more practice though because her drawings are so life-like that they come to life when they’re finished. Her fight is more like three bosses in one. Not content to send her creations to fight you, when you’ve defeated her minions she comes out swinging with her brush.

Dammit! Even the bosses in this game are adorable.

 

The Kvush

As far as a game for kids is concerned, the tone of the music and content can sometimes be radically dissonant. The final boss is some straight up nightmare fuel. The gentle music sometimes goes absolutely berserk. But that’s the nature of an adventure, I suppose. It doesn’t really matter how scary the final boss was to me when I was eight because I beat it. I vanquished that evil and its creepiness only went to show how twisted and dark it was.

The Kvetch

Some of the environments are a little bland. Only a few levels really stood out to me at all. Kirby Superstar had places like Green Greens, Bubbly Clouds, Mt. Dedede, and a giant freaking airship called the Halberd — you can bet I looked that word up.

Oh… it’s a sandy canyon called… Sand Canyon… greeeaaat.

I really like the optional goal mechanic, don’t get me wrong, but some of the objectives are just impossible to figure out. The guy with the umbrella coming out of his head was tricky but the shy dude was impossible. So impossible that I’ma bout to spoil it all up. He’s really shy so he wants a hug. Chuchu’s “inhale” is her reaching out to grab the enemy. The game considers a vicious blobby grab to be equivalent to a hug when the game requires it to be. So bring Chuchu to this guy and show him some love.

Tiny quibble over here but I really dislike how there’s no way to fight a boss after you’ve defeated it. If you want to fight the boss again then you’ve got to start the whole game over.

The Verdict

Nostalgia is having a really hard time saving this one. I feel like such a kid playing this game and I think that’s a good thing. I may have just played it to death though. I can’t recommend this one to an adult when there are so many other portable Kirby games on the market that do this one’s job better. But if there’s a kid in your life with the Wii virtual console then I’d say grabbing this game for them would be a good investment.

Next Week: Kirby Superstar

The Binding of Isaac (PC)

Introduction

Like the world of the mad, a child’s perceptions are distorted. The world seems smaller with a house, the yard, or the town being the extent of the world’s reaches.

Isaac’s mother has heard the voice of God after listening to an awful lot of Christian broadcasting. God orders her to purge her son, Isaac, of sin. She does this by taking all of his things and locking him in his room. God then asks her to prove her devotion to him by killing her son which she is prepared to do with glee. With precious little time Isaac must find a way to escape. He finds a trap door under his rug and chooses to face the basement — and it’s untold horrors– rather than try to face his mother.

Spoilers: They fight. (By Deviantart’s MickeyMonster)

History

It’s hard to believe that the Binding of Isaac was only developed by two guys, Edmund McMillen and Florian Himsl — It’s equally difficult to believe that a game of such scope was made in Flash. What started as a week long gamejam with between the two turned into a much larger project, something they felt like they had to complete. After McMillen’s success with Super Meat Boy he was financially secure enough to make a big risk and make something he wanted to. He figured The Binding of Isaac would have met mediocre reviews and have its fans but he couldn’t predict the explosion of interest the little game would get.

Though not all was well in the world of Isaac. McMillen would go on to fix a few bugs and then release an expansion pack for the game called Wrath of The Lamb. It introduced more items, a new ending, a new equipment slot, and character challenges. He wanted to keep releasing more content for it but the size of the file and Flash’s limitations got in his way. He’d have to program it again, better, faster, stronger. But that’s a story for another day — or at least another game for another review.

Fun Fact: McMillen wanted to release The Binding of Isaac for the Nintendo 3DS but Nintendo rejected it for “Questionable Religious Content.”

The Binding of Isaac was released on September 28th, 2011. It’s competition was Dark Souls (PS3, XBox 360), Rage (PC, PS3, XBox 360), and X-Men: Destiny (PS3, XBox 360, Wii, DS).

Experiences

Time for a little trip to the rumor mill. With the exception of the Games intro and outro there’s no dialogue in this game at all. What plot there may be lurking is expressed through cinematics and cryptic hints. A few of these show Isaac drawing the events of the game and tacking the pictures to the walls. I view his adventures then as his personal journey to conquer his fears. Monstro, the misshapen face, is Isaac’s fear of being ugly for instance. Or Peep, the giant fat monster who urinates everywhere, would be Isaac’s fear of wetting himself or the bed. The only way that Isaac can fight these monsters is by crying on them, by bearing his emotions to them.

And Isaac is afraid of a lot of stuff. All of this stuff to be precise.

His journey takes him deeper than material fears and issues, he goes to the womb, Sheol, the Cathedral. These places could represent his fears concerning the natures of life, death, and faith. Isaac’s journey finally takes him to The Chest which represents Isaac’s fear of the unknown, things he doesn’t even know whether to be afraid of.

Drop a comment and tell me what you think is going on.

Gameplay

The Binding of Isaac is a rogue-like game that mimics the structure of The Legend of Zelda’s Dungeons. For those not in the know a Rogue-Like is a game that has random game layout and permadeath — When Isaac dies you’ve got to start the whole game over. The game is not without its progression however. There are tons of items and characters to unlock and each of these unlocks carries over through playthroughs.

The Legend of Zelda influence is quite obvious. Between the existence of bombs and keys as major items to the map layout — I mean, Isaac’s health is a series of hearts. There are other game references littered around like a ladder that can help you cross gaps and a pickaxe that looks very much like it came out of Minecraft.

Your goal on each floor is the fight the boss and continue to the next floor — the boss also gives you a free item, ain’t he great? Items can do all sorts of things from increasing Isaac’s damage to making his tears phase through objects. Isaac can also hold one usable item, like a remote that makes him teleport to a random room on the floor, this item recharges after Isaac clears a few rooms. If you’re playing Wrath of the Lamb than Isaac can also find Trinkets that offer smaller and less reliable bonuses.

Also, any items that are permanent bonuses change Isaac’s appearance. That little widow’s peak and fang show that Isaac is a vampire and regains health from defeating enemies.

The game is about resource managament. How many keys, bombs, and coins do you have vs what will most likely give you the best reward. Is it worth it to use this bomb to try to find a secret room or should you save it to deal with a really tough group of enemies? Should you use that key on that locked chest or do you want to spend your money on the locked shop? You’ve got to make the calls and you might die for it– and who would want poor little Isaac to die?

The Gush

The score in this game is wonderfully varied. It mixes in adventurous tunes for the earlier floors and becomes more moody and atmospheric the deeper Isaac goes. Boss fights feel outright triumphant in that moment when you have to take the upper hand or dodge a wall of bullets. Danny Barronowski really outdid himself with this one.

There’s so much to unlock in this game. There’s so much criteria for unlocking new stuff from blowing up rocks to beating bosses. You unlock items and even new characters. Each new character starts with different stats and most of them start with a signature item.

I also like how each character is just Isaac in a costume with the exception of the Blue Baby.

Speaking of unlockable characters, I love Cain. Cain is the thief like character who starts off the game with a key and the Lucky Foot. The Lucky Foot makes Cain… well… lucky. He’s more likely to get items from enemies and he’s luckier in gambling games. It’s a quick and easy way to get more items and be able to get more items throughout the game.

I really like the biblical themes in this game. There are holy and unholy objects all over the basement and it feels really cool to theme Isaac if it’s possible. I also like how all the characters are named after different biblical characters.

The Rogue-Like elements turned me off at first. I was dissatisfied with the idea of losing all my cool stuff. But that was soon replaced with the opportunity to get even cooler stuff and crush my enemies. The further I got the more I figured about Isaac as well.

The Kvetch

If you buy this game then don’t get the Wrath of the Lamb expansion along with it unless you’re confident in your abilities to deal with it. The Wrath of the Lamb makes the game a lot harder. The bosses and enemies that it introduces are stronger than the previous ones. I know too many people who stopped playing because they got the Wrath of the Lamb before they unlocked enough cool stuff to give them the edge they’d need.

Little complaint here. Isaac’s movement is a little slippery. His walk has got momentum and the higher his speed the more he’ll slide. This sliding has a nasty habit of making him run into spikes and all sorts of nasty stuff.

This game is also a lot about luck. If you get good items that synergize really well then you’re going to have a good time. If you find Lemon Mishap — an item that makes Isaac piss himself– then you’re going to have a bad time.

The game is a little immature. The basements are filled with piles of poop that might have treasure inside them. The game is filled with scatelogical humor and sometimes it gets on my nerves.

At least this explains the flies.

The Verdict

If you’ve liked anything that I’ve talked about this far then I suggest you get this game. It’s only five dollars and it’s on Steam. I’ve got 50 hours clocked for this game and I’ve also purchased it’s sweet re-release The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth. If you don’t want to make the jump between the original and Rebirth then you can just get Rebirth with its 15 dollar price tag. Rebirth takes the issues from the Wrath of the Lamb Expansion and spreads that difficulty across the experience. So, take your pick.

Next Week: Kirby’s Dream Land III