Hotline Miami (Windows and Playstation)

Just so ya’ll know, this is probably the most graphically violent game I’ve covered ever so if oodles and oodles of gore and suggestions of sexual abuse aren’t your bag then you might want to check out one of my other posts and a different game.

Introduction

The year is 1989. The player adopts the role of a character wearing a letterman’s jacket in a dingy apartment, he is never given a name — the community calls him Jacket. His answering machine has a cryptic message leading him to an address. When Jacket gets there, via his sweet Delorian– did I mention this was the eighties–, he dons a rooster mask and kills everyone there (And everyone there is a Russian mobsters) using whatever weapons he can find. Another mask is delivered to his abode and he gets another message a few days later. He knows what he has to do.

If you think is too trippy then turn back now.

History

Hotline Miami was developed by Dennaton Games which is a collaboration between Jonatan Soderstrom and Dennis Wedin. Soderstrom made the game in Game Maker and Dennis drew up the art for it. Soderstrom is an ever-busy developer who’s released more than 40 games such as Mondo Medicals (A game full of illogic puzzles) and Hot Throttle (A racing games with people who think they’re cars).

Let this dialogue encapsulate the game.

Hotline was based on one of the oodles of games Soderstrom made but didn’t release called Super Carnage. Soderstrom was able to get the game to near release state but he couldn’t get the enemy AI to work correctly– something I’ll come back to later.

Fun Fact: This game was pirated pretty heavily because it’s got such a small file size. In spite of this, Soderstrom helped patch buggy copies of the game whether they were legitimately acquired or not. He’s cited as saying “I want anyone who plays the game to be able to enjoy it without stupid bugs that detract from the experience. Feel free to buy it if you like the game. It would help allowing me and Dennis to make more ‘big’ projects like this in the future.”

Hotline Miami was released on October 23rd, 2012. It’s competition was The Fool and His Money (PC and Mac), Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask (3DS), and Killzone HD (Playstation Network).

Experiences

No two play Hotline Miami the same way — and I don’t just mean their approaches to mass murdering a bunch of mobsters. My Hotline wasn’t about power fantasy. It was about solving a mystery. The game goes as far as to ask the player directly, “Who has been leaving messages on your phone?” and I was totally drawn in by this. But more importantly, I wanted to know why Jacket was so complicit in accepting his commands.

I tried to glean as much information as I could to figure it all out. What did it mean that his apartment was a wreck? Why did he choose the flashy Delorian if he intends on killing hundreds? How strong is this guy? I mean killing people with his bare hands is probably physically demanding.

In the end, I had this strange instinct that Jacket was a character who would do whatever he was told. He was just the sort of person to blindly perform tasks like the input the player gives him. He’s just following orders.

What’s that, voice in my head? Kill them all? Good idea.

Gameplay

The game is a 2-D isometric fuck ’em up — the difference between a beat ’em up and a fuck ’em up is that in beat ’em ups you punch dudes until they fall down, in fuck ’em ups you punch a dude and then slam his head against the floor until his skull fractures. Your goal in each level is to kill everyone you see — with a few scarce exceptions. The good news is that enemies die in one hit. The bad news is that you do too. You can press R to restart the level and that’ll get ingrained in your muscle memory so hard that you’ll do it before you hit the ground.

Jacket’s a pretty flexible fighter as far as serial killers go. He can pick up and throw any weapon he gets his hands on — with some weapons being more dangerous than others– or he can resort to his good ol’ fists. The game scores you on how well and creatively that Jacket dispatches his enemies. The more you mix it up and the more fluid you are the more points you get.

His array of masks also offer bonuses, large and small, to keep the carnage going — with effects like “Lethal Doors,” “Silent Gunshots,” and “French Translation.” Speaking of guns, be careful where you fire them. Your opponents are stupid but not deaf. They’ll come running as soon as they hear it and be none too pleased about their murdered friends. It certainly doesn’t help that guns give you fewer points.

All dem masks. It’s a good idea to get a feel for which ones you like best.

The Gush

The music in this game is incredible. It’s a perfect match to the sleazy 80s atmosphere. The whole while I was playing this game my head was bobbing. I listen to it a lot even when I’m not playing the game and this is 2 years later.

The game has this weird way of rewarding the player’s frantic, wild, and unpredictable actions. It almost seems like the AI is struggling to keep up with something they didn’t expect the player to do. It all sort of turns into a blur. Run in, hit guy with the door, pick up his weapon, throw it at other goon, pick up his gun, fire to attract other guys, finish of first guy, throw gun at remaining thugs, punch them all, and then beat them to death one at a time.

I really liked how the optional objective gave some sort of clarity and meaning to the chaotic experience. If you’re itching to figure out what’s going on them keep an eye out for misplaced purple pixels. They’re actually puzzle pieces but what could they mean?

The Kvetch

This game is pretty difficult. I know some of you blazed through it easy and but just imagine how discouraging it’s got to be to die as soon as you open the front door. The game’s difficulty is exacerbated by it’s extremely fast pace.

Bonus Story: My old computer was practically a toaster — I named it Rust Bucket. It ran Hotline extremely slowly and slower yet if I ran something in the background. I may have used this to A+ every stage — if it’s any consolation it glitched out quite a few times.

The Verdict

I can’t recommend this game enough if it sounds at all appealing to you. It’s only ten dollars on Steam and that’s a bargain for the barrel full of gore and fun this happened to be — but mostly fun… and yet mostly gore. If you liked this title then it will please you to hear that Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number is nearing its release so keep an eye out for it as well.

Next Week: The Binding Of Isaac.

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Transistor (PC, PS4, and Macs.)

Introduction

 In a far distant future a rabble-rousing singer, Red, stands on a cold balcony. Her friend lies dead nearby, his chest pierced by a blade from another world known as the Transistor. The only way to get answers is to take this blade and fight the people who used it to kill him. Between you and them are a horde of beings from this other world that are trying to Process the city and everyone in it. I mean, you fought against it’s totalitarian policies but that doesn’t mean it’s citizens deserve to die.

History

Information about this game’s development is scarce. I could only find cursory information about its music — he says “only” as if the music wasn’t incredible. The music was once again composed by Darren Korb. The female vocals were performed by Ashley Lynn Barrett who also lent her talents to Bastion.

Supergiant’s Greg Kasavin said that they, “Have no plans for what comes next.” A bold and risky strategy. They originally created their small team so that they’d be able to be quick, so that they wouldn’t get bogged down. I think if they’re as quick as they want to be then they won’t need a plan, just a goal.

Fun Fact: Transistor won IGN’s award for Best Graphics in the Art category.

And I think it’s well deserved.

Transistor was released on May 20th, 2014. It’s competition was Thomas Was Alone (iOS), Wolfenstein: The New Order (PC, PS4, PS3, XBox 360, and Xbox One.), and Battlebock Theater (Win, Linux).

Experiences

There’s an adage I’ve heard of in the games hobby, “there are some games I stop playing because I’m bored and some games I stop playing because I should have eaten dinner two hours ago.” This game definitely falls into the latter category. I stayed up until 4 in the morning finishing it on a Friday night. I spent the whole time thinking, “This couldn’t get better, it’s gotta end soon,” but it didn’t. It kept going, ushering me along. I expected to get mad like it was yanking my chain but I was just so excited that I didn’t want to sleep before I’d finished it.

Gameplay

Red spends her adventure on the move — there’s no Bastion to run to this time. While you take in the sights from the city of Cloudbank you’ll be spending most of your time trying not to get utterly destroyed by these creatures known as The Process. The Process comes in many forms the dog-like Fetch, the large lumbering Jerk, and the artilleryesqu Clucker to name a few.

I just love the concept of a large bothersome enemy literally being called a Jerk.

Those large white walls are cover and it’s your best friend — besides The Transistor itself. Different enemies interact with cover in different ways. Fetches will walk around it whereas Jerks will smash it out of existence, leading other enemies right do you.

Cover is super important because of the Turn() mechanic. When Red uses Turn() she enters a turn based tactical combat mode. Each of her abilities and moving itself takes up time from the Turn(). When you’re done planning then you can execute your Turn() and Red will move very quickly running circles around the Process. After Red executes a Turn() however she’s unable to use any of her abilities until Turn() comes back online after 10 seconds. Most combat is a series of Turn() and then hiding until Turn() comes back.

Behold, the Turn(). I really like how it puts a reverb on the music and how Red starts humming along with it.

The Transistor has the power to reconstitute processed individuals into programs. These programs are used to fight The Process, augment Red, or augment other programs. The game even rewards you for trying out new strategies by giving you more information about Processed individuals for using them in each category.

Behold all these programs. Each program can be augmented by two other programs and Red herself can be augmented by four. There’s room for four attack programs so that’s 16 slots to put programs in. There are thousands of programming options.

 

The Gush

The music in this game is so good. Korb really outdid himself this time. The music is this sort of Electric Noir that masterfully meshes the neo-archaic atmosphere of the game. I mean, you’re fighting with a techno sword.

One thing that I actually liked about the game that got a lot of flak was the dying mechanics. When Red gets dropped to critical health she automatically Turn()s if it’s available and if it isn’t then she’ll go down. The game will then take away the program that takes up the most memory and then continues the fight. It can make the fight really tough if you go down but not impossible. You can reequip that program at the next Access Point but it can still be a slog if you lose your heavy hitting program.

Spoilers

I really loved the final boss of this game. I got so pumped when he started talking about using my power against me. I was really surprised by how good the AI was in this fight. Watching it perform Turn() and then back out and try to do more damage with a different set of moves almost made me feel like I was fighting an actual human.

End Spoilers

After you beat Bastion you could play through the game again with all the stuff you’d already unlocked but not much changed in the game. When you Recursion through Transistor you keep picking the programs where you unlocked them in the first playthrough, while already possessing the programs from the original run. That’s right, you can augment your programs with themselves — programception

There’s a lot of information and lore in the game. Unlike most games I read it all. It’s not like Elder Scroll’s long and drawn out books. Lore is conveyed through concisely written paragraphs when it comes to processed people. Every so often Red will run into Cloudbank’s plentiful terminals, each of which presenting her a survey or some other insight into how Cloudbank runs. I mean, it doesn’t really answer any of the big questions about the game but I’m not mad.

The Kvetch

I lied. I’m mad. The mystery of the game feels more obfuscated than interesting. The politics of Caelondia are never explained because they don’t matter. The purpose of the Process and what their world is is of critical importance and I didn’t get it. It feels like there are some bread crumbs missing.

CLOUDBANK! How will I unravel your mysteries?

The Verdict

This game is absolutely worth the 20$ price tag and even if you don’t buy the game I can’t recommend the Soundtrack enough. I had just as much fun exploring the world of Bastion as I did the World of Cloudbank. I wish Cloudbank had had more closure than it did but it was a helluva ride.

Next Week: Hotline Miami

Zoe’s MMO Corner: WildStar

WildStar is a pay-to-play (with some in game options) space western RPG with a charming cartoonish flair, some living vegetables, and space zombies – because everyone needs more space zombies – about the settlement of a lost planet and it’s kind of a good time.

History and Development

WildStar was created by Carbine Studios, which was basically just a bunch of guys from Blizzard who got pissed off about Blizzard being Blizzard – you know, in doing game research for this blog, I’ve realized that happens a lot more than it probably should, Blizzard, maybe stop creating your own competition, mkay? – and took off to make their own game.  Which they were quoted as saying they wanted to be “anything but World of Warcraft”.  Guess those dudes are not getting references from their former employers.  But it is pretty funny.

Apparently in the creation of WildStar they couldn’t find a game engine they liked enough to base their whole game on so they made their own.  And the mechanics for WildStar are pretty entertaining.  Basic, nothing hugely fancy, but like, that’s not important.  They work, they’re smooth, great.  In 2011, the game was announced, and went live in June of 2014.

After I finished playing through what was then the available content for the Secret World, sometime in early 2013, my gamer pal and I went looking for our next big MMO.  And we found WildStar, then still in development.  It looked fucking awesome.  Like, the cartoonish graphics, the bright colors, the plot which basically read as a ripoff of the television show Firefly but with aliens (this was not at all a bad thing), and, at least for me, the space zombies which I was immediately obsessed with and would answer any question for the next six months about “cool new games” by yelling “SPACE ZOMBIES” and frothing at the mouth a little.  It’s really a wonder I have friends.

But for real SPACE ZOMBIES

Now a quick heads up, when this DID release I was just starting this crazy job I had for a while where I worked 13 hour days so I haven’t played as much of WildStar as I should.  I also had some issue with my account and with subscriptions but that’s not really something I want to get into right now.  Just suffice to say that I haven’t played all the way through WildStar the way I have with other games.  Not because I didn’t want to, but because it’s hard to play a game when you spend most of your day hanging from the ceiling and playing with electricity and tape.

But I really wanna get back into it, if that makes it any better.

Character Creation

Here’s a story.  I have a baby sister.  Okay, she’s not a baby – like, she’d be really mad if she knew I called her that – but she’s six.  Which is pretty much a baby when you’re over twenty.  Anyway, the point is, I may or may not have taught her to use the character creator for WildStar (she can also use the one for Guild Wars 2 which she refers to as “make a girl” and keeps making crazy pink Sylvari).  So like, there wasn’t much of a point to that except it’s adorable because oh yeah, the WildStar characters ARE FUCKING CRAZY LOOKING.

She likes the space zombies too.

Here’s the boring part where I list a bunch of stuff, hang with me for a second.  So your choice starts with whether you wanna be in Dominion or Exiles (and by that I mean the Empire and the Rebels because this is kind of Star Wars and by that I mean totally Star Wars).  Each side has three different races to chose from but the classes and paths (I’ll explain) are all the same, mostly.  Dominion snotty humans, robots, demons, and killer mice while the Exiles have normal humans, animal people, space zombies and golems.

Classes are your abilities; chose from Warrior, Esper (psychics), Spellslinger, Engineer, Stalker (rogue), and Medic.  Each class has a couple of roles and the WildStar website does a much better job of explaining them than I was, so check that shit out if you want more info.  Your path is what kinds of quests you get, your interests basically: Solider, Explorer, Settler, Scientist (I tired really hard to make a Tinker Tailor Solider Spy joke there but it wouldn’t work and honestly how many of you are old enough to get that?  I shouldn’t be old enough to get that.)

As for cosmetic character creation stuff, it’s actually a lot of fun.  The graphics are very bright and cartoonish so it’s in no way trying to be serious.  Your character can be neon pink from top to toe if that’s what pops your toast.

The critique that’s been leveled against the character design is that woman look kind of unrealistic.  I mean, yes, it’s true, everyone, male or female, has like a three inch waist, but I’m not going to defend this one because of that.  I’m actually not going to defend this one at all.  Yes, the cartoonishness could have been done better for women and allow them to be less sexy cartoony.  It can get kind of boobular and I’m not about that.  I mean, mostly you can avoid it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I mean really guys, do we need that much boob happening there?

Story

Like I said, it’s not like I’ve played a huge amount of this game, but it’s not massively story heavy, at least so far.  The basic plot is that the Exiles and Dominion both find this planet called Nexus where once lived an ancient race of elves beautiful ancient technologically advance being called the Eldan and basically you’re there to steal their shit.

Since it’s an MMO, it makes it feel like everyone else is doing that to which honestly works.  Basically think of it like an intergalactic gold rush going on.  Plus Dominion and the Exiles are fighting each other all the time so that’s sort of throwing a wrench in everyone trying to steal everyone else’s shit.

Also you’re trying to figure out ancient tech.

But really the story is kind of weak.  Like, other things are great, like the atmosphere and the combat (getting to that) but the story is just kind of there.  It’s fun and mindless, which is sometimes pretty okay, but it’s certainly not the best out there.  It’s just a means to deliver that game and I like my games as a means to deliver a story.

Gameplay

But on the other hand, combat is pretty boss.  Like, it’s smooth and easy to master and fun and dynamic.  Enemies telegraph abilities in these big red circles on the ground – this isn’t the only game to do this, so don’t think I’m saying that, but WildStar does do it particularly well/often – so combat isn’t something you can take as casual.  It’s a lot of attempts to dodge and weave and run away and run back and it can be kind of frustrating but it’s kind of fun too.  Also the attacks all have fun little animations so it really does feel like you’re bouncing around enough rather than just hitting someone with a sword over and over again.

Also it’s shiny.  Really most everything in this game is shiny.

The quests are interesting enough.  Well, I mean, most of them are like “Kill 12 giant bees” or whatever, but depending on your path, you get certain types of quests that feed into that and give you a different experience.  Settlers claim resources and stuff, soldiers murder, you know, pretty standard stuff but it’s a decent idea that really does make the game feel like you get more freedom to chose what sort of character you want to play.

Level and class is pretty standard.  You find better equipment.  There’s a crafting system I think but I honestly haven’t gotten around to that because I’m terrible at most crafting systems in most games (Guild Wars 2 and Dragon Age: Inquisition aside).  Also you get a house which is kind of fun to play with.  I mean, I’m not totally huge on that, but it’s kind of a good time to play with and keep all your shit.

But honestly the draw of this game is the open world combined with the graphics.  You get to wander around and it’s just so cool looking.  There’s a whole quest about riding geysers into the sky and it’s just really pretty in sort of this fun, almost childish way.  Things are brightly colored and even in the 3D graphics, it really hangs on to that cartoon look.  I like that.  I like that it has a style to it and isn’t trying to look normal (by that I mean that most games really seem to want to look realistic and WildStar is like one of the few games out there that’s really trying NOT to look realistic).  It’s bright and shiny and goofy and happy.  The writing isn’t like stellar or anything but it fits the style of the game and it’s enough to make me laugh.  I think that does a lot for it.  In this age of “dark and gritty games”, it’s just so god damn happy.

The Good

Style, style, style.  WildStar has fucking style coming out of its goddamn ears.  Like, it’s just so much fun and so swish and shiny and exciting and pretty in a really different way.  I can look at most new games and say “Oh, it’s pretty” but this game is pretty the way a little six year old girl would think of pretty and by that I mean bright and colorful and you can have aqua hair (clearly “aqua” as a color is a big thing for my sister and she was really happy about her pink and aqua cat girl).

Style though.

Combat is solid.  Writing isn’t terrible.  The concept of the story is actually really solid and works with the space western thing really well.  I think it really captures that idea of the spaghetti western in tone and writing, but with aliens and giant bees and shit.  It’s a good time and a good look and I’ll forgive some of the story issues because of that.  I guess that goes back to the idea of style, though this is tone rather than visual.  They just have this really solid thing going on.

The Bad

Story.  It’s not great.  I mean, tone aside, it’s just not really there when you dig for it.  It’s actually pretty frustrating because like, I want it to really be as good as I feel it could be, but I worry that it’s lacking there to a certain extent and that’s frustrating.  It can grindy because of that and like, yeah, you do need to just kill things for XP which is really not my thing.  I think that WildStar would be great with a friend, but as of yet I haven’t had time to really play with pals – I have a friend who will play this with me but time, you understand – so maybe I’ll change my opinion when I get to do that.

The Ugly

Usually in this section I’m pretty solid at pinpointing “a thing” that is terrible.  Or not.  But this one is more of a feeling and that feeling is that fifteen levels into this game, I’m still not sure how I feel about it.  I want a game to try to take over my life.  I really want that.  I know it sounds weird, but that’s what I’m going for.  And this just doesn’t do that, at least not yet.  I was so excited about it coming out but that waned really quickly.  I’m actually patching the game as we speak – on my incredibly slow internet, it will be HOURS – so I’m going to try it again, but I just don’t think it has a great hook.

From here…?

I don’t know.  I can’t say go buy it.  I can’t be that enthusiastic.  But I do think people shouldn’t write this game off quite yet.  I think it has a lot of potential and I’m hoping it’ll grow into it.  I’m also hoping the subscription will go away because fuck those.  It’s still pretty new so it’s still a little pricy so maybe wait on it for that, but I am happy to say that the price is dropping.  Like, I don’t think it would kill anyone to wait for this game.  But I do want it to be really good so keep that in mind.  Even if it’s not, I really want it to be.  So I’ll be giving it another chance.

Next Month: Due to my own internet related issues, Zoe’s MMO Corner will now become Zoe’s RPG corner (covering any RPG with character customization beyond class and gender) which means that next month we’ll be doing Neverwinter Nights! Kickin’ it old school with my first love of gaming with lots of discussion of DnD and some of the origins of the famed Bioware murder spree.

Bastion (PC, XBox, PS4)

Introduction

 The city of Caelondia has just been rocked by a catastrophe of calamitous proportions — a Calamity, one might say. The Kid has apparently slept through it all and wakes on the other side — End of the world NBD, just napping. The city of Caelondia has an, apparently, paranoid enough culture to justify the construction of some sort of indestructible bunker known as the Bastion. The Kid’s got to get to the Bastion and fix it up to get it to do whatever mojo it does. The whole while he’s guided by this smooth talking, raspy voiced, narrator.

Behold the Bastion. From left to right we have the armory, forge, distillery, monument, shrine, and the Lost-And-Found. At the center of it all we have the Monument. It’s a nice hub, I’ve got to say.

History

Bastion was developed by Supergiant games. The team was composed of seven people if you include the voice actor of the narrator. They had previously worked for Electronic Arts but wanted to work on a smaller independent project in which they could do what they wanted. They privately funded the game and things were done on the cheap but didn’t seem it — the narration and music was recorded in the music director’s closet after all.

Fun Fact: Supergiant wanted the character to have a map but they figured the way platforms rose into the air would serve as direction enough.

Other Fun Fact: The Narrator, voiced by Logan Cunningham, voiced three thousand lines of narration — whatever you do, there’s probably a line for it.

Bastion was released on July 20th, 2011. It’s competition was Call of Juarez: The Cartel (PS3, XBox 360), Limbo (PC), and Captain America: Super Soldier (On goddam everything. PS3, Wii, XBox 360, DS, and 3DS.)

Experiences

I can’t think of any other game that makes me feel more like I’m in a desperate battle. Between the occasional horde of enemies and how they surround The Kid I feel like the battle is bitter and hard fought. Most enemies don’t go down in one hit and much of the time The Kid is actually fighting retreat to get away from something. One fight with an Ankle Gator lasts for an entire stage as The Kid evades it until it begins to rain — the narrator muses, “An ankle gator can only be killed if it’s raining. And it ain’t raining.”

Gameplay

The Kid’s adventures take him scavenging in all parts of the world for pieces of the Bastion’s power core. He might walk a little slowly but he’s got a mean dodge roll that can actually damage enemies — just be careful, living in a world floating in the air is pretty dangerous. He can carry two weapons at a time and they’re generally split between melee and ranged. The game typically gives The Kid one weapon of each type but there’s no reason you can’t use two of the same if you like the playstyle enough. In addition to The Kids arsenal he’s also got access to some Secret Skills passed on by the Caelondians who have passed.

He’s not just an offensive powerhouse, he’s got a shield. If he brings up the shield as he’s being attacked he’ll shield bash dealing damage based on how much damage he would have taken. The shield also serves as The Kids lock on ability, he’ll automatically face the nearest opponent when he brings it up. Attacking brings the shield down so you can snap from blocking to attacking.

A typical combat situation. The turrets on the ship have been charmed, you can tell by the dancing hearts above them  — functional and cute.

The Kid levels up by defeated enemies and completing challenges. Completing challenges also earns The Kid items and Secret Skills. Every level earns The Kid another Spirit –as in the alcohol– he can consume to give him cool powers. In addition, there are mementos and fragments scattered across the area. Mementos unlock dialogue and other useful things like pets at the Bastion. The Kid can spend fragments to purchase weapon upgrades and other things from the Lost and Found.

You can tell a challenge area by the cages with items underneath. The goal of this challenge is to break all the stuff. Be quick!

The Gush

I really like the upgrade system in this game. Every weapon has five levels of upgrades. Each level has two mutually exclusive upgrade. Each column generally serves other upgrades in that column but it’s sometimes encourage to mix and match. You can also switch between each of those upgrades so if you don’t like them it’s just a matter of getting to an Armory.

This game looks gorgeous — but you’ve been able to see that from all the pics I’ve posted. The game is colorful and wondrous. Some things are even incredibly detailed in ways that the player wouldn’t necessarily notice.

I mean, just… look at this. This is awesome.

I tip my hat to Logan Cunningham’s wonderful narration. His vocal stylings constantly make me feel awesome and emotionally involved. The Kid’s a silent protagonist but he’s really got the narrator to speak for him.

There are a few objects in the Bastion that will take The Kid to “Who Knows Where,” where he’ll fight waves of phantom enemies. Each wave of phantoms the kid defeats unlocks more narration about one of the survivors in the Bastion. Even thought the fights are tough I want to keep going to hear what happens next.

Spoilers: There are other survivors.

If you’re looking for a little extra challenge then you can go to the Shrine and invoke an idol. Each Idol gives the enemies a new ability which makes them more powerful. The Kid gets more fragments and experience points for his time but it’s really just a little reward for wanting the game to be a little harder — even though I think some of the idols make the game absurdly harder (Seriously, who thought making the enemies incorporeal at random intervals was a good idea. [Then again, I just don’t invoke that idol]).

The Kvetch

This game has a new game plus option, to play through the game again. I appreciate it and I love this game but I don’t really see the reason to play through it twice. There’s no new weapons, no new skills, and no new story events. The narration’s a little different as the narrator experiences Deja Vu but it’s mostly similar.

The Verdict

Goodness gracious this game is on so many platforms because it’s so good. The gameplay and combat is simple but the different weapons and skills add that spice that keeps it all mechanically interesting until the end. I was also drawn in by the plot, the politics between Caelondia and the Native Ura, what the Calamity actually is, and who the Kid is. In short, it’s totally worth the $15 price tag.

Next Week: Transistor

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War — Soulstorm (PC)

Introduction

“In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war,” is the motto of Warhammer 40k and it’s a little misleading– I mean, there are plenty of hiveworlds filled with paper pushing Imperials who’s only real civil risk is the occasional food riot. That being said, you are not on this rather boring world. You’re in the Kaurava system and shit’s gone whack every since a Warp Storm showed up and started wreaking havoc across the system. The nine factions on the four planets of the system are embroiled in an all out brawl to take it once and for a little while. Choose whichever faction you like most and kick some Xenos and or Heretic ass in this fast paced Real Time Strategy game.

This is the campaign map. That pink thing would be the Warp Storm and it’s causing a mess of trouble for everyone involved.

History

Warhammer 40k is a table top tactical miniature game in which each player has a series of painted miniature figurines and use a series of rules to destroy each others. Warhammer 40k is based on the Warhammer series which are both produced by Games Workshop and both basically work the same way.

Pictured: Space Marines (in blue) deploying via drop pod to get rid of some troublesome Space orks (In the greenest of greens.)

It should be no surprise that this game isn’t the first in the Dawn of War series– considering all those subtitles. Each game in the series unlocks playable race and some additional units and buildings. Unfortunately this meant that back in the day if you wanted to play Dawn of War — Soulstorm with your friends and play Tau, for example, then you’d have to have Dawn of War — Dark Crusade as well as Soulstorm. This disgruntled many because it made the previous games nearly mandatory to play who they wanted.

This was also the fourth game in a series and it’s largely unchanged from the previous installments. The only thing that Soulstorm added were flying units, which were hardly game impacting from my casual point of view.

Dawn of War — Soulstorm was realeased on March 4th, 2008. It’s competition was Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii), Silent Hill: Origins (PS2), and Condemned 2: Bloodshot (PS3, XBox 360).

Experiences

Despite being released in 2008 this game’s graphics are surprisingly adaptable to a crappy computer. Particularly the crappy computer I was using in 2008– it’s great when a plan comes together. Even though I was graphically challenged I was still able to play with my friends.

I remember one match that ended in a figurative draw. His base was across a narrow bridge and was so well defended that I couldn’t get enough men into it. I controlled the rest of the map and it still wasn’t enough to force my way inside. I was playing my favorite faction, the Orks — I mean they’re the only beings in this grimdark future who are having any fun. They were numberless, they were deadly, they were too dumb figure out how a choke point works. We like to think that they’re still fighting to this very day.

Gameplay

The game is real time strategy with an emphasis on base building– there are no gold mines or trees to chop this time though. In a Company of Heroes style the map is covered in strategic points, critical locations, relic points, and slag dumps. Strategic points, critical locations, and relics provide the player with requisition which they can use to build mostly infantry units whereas slag dumps and power generators create well… power. Power is used to make vehicles.

It’s less of a “base building game” and more of a “get into your opponents head and build a better set of units” game. It’s really hard to turtle because you can only build a limited number of base defense turret and they’ve typically got low health. This promotes focusing on making units and more aggressive tactics.

Behold, the chaos of war. BTW, Sisters of Battle love fire.

The defining difference between a single match and the campaign is that the player starts with a rather powerful commander unit. These commanders can be decked out with sweet battlegear by taking territory and performing other impressive tasks like defeating 3 times as many enemies as you lost. This battlegear can turn your commander into a one soldier army and it gives the campaign a real sense of progression.

The Gush

The battlegear is a really cool system for upgrading the commander. Besides their mechanical benefit they also usually look badass.

Behold the Tau Commander in all of his decked out glory.

The campaign also offers the player honor guard units for capturing territory. These units seem really small and not useful but they’re actually really powerful despite being single units sometimes. They’re deceptively valuable.

Each of the factions has a pinnacle unit that’s unleashed when if you claim a relic. These units are extremely powerful and just cool to look at. It’s always satisfying to finally create one and then crush your enemies — even if they get totally destroyed in 20 seconds by a huge wandering army.

Fun fact, this Living Saint is nearly the size of a tank. I see the Imperium has some new steroids.

The Kvetch

The story element of the campaign is really barebone and shoehorned in to ensure that everyone is fighting everyone at the same time. I know it’s really hard to put nine different giant factions in the same sandbox and make them all have a good reason to fight but it would have helped this a lot.

The only way to see how to get awarded wargear is to catch the awarding messages and bring up their tooltip. It would be nice to know what I was aiming for to turn my Big Ork Warboss into an unstoppable behemoth.

This is your only opportunity to see the criteria for getting awarded wargear.

The game can be really rushed based. My friends used to call this game “Hell-Hound Rush Extravaganza” it was so popular. I like a short game as much as the next guy but 5 minutes is a little too short for me.

The Verdict

I really like this one but it’s age a little poorly for me. I like playing it but I don’t really get anything out of it. Each campaign’s missions are the same so it feels really repetitive to play through each of them to see the minute changes in story. I’ll give it a play every once and awhile but it’s just for nostalgia’s sake. If you love 40K and want to stomp your friends with you Space Marines then give it a shot. If you’re looking for a great RTS then maybe you should look elsewhere.

Next Week: Bastion

One Piece Mansion (PS1)

Introduction

Polpo– the guy in red up there– owns an apartment building. He’s doing pretty well for himself. His rival, Chocola, has kidnapped his sister– because this is a videogame and women exist to be kidnapped and push the male hero forward. If Polpo does not complete Chocola’s challenges then he’ll never see his sister again! These challenges revolve around, strangely enough, making Polpo’s mansion better suited for his tenants– These are the worst kidnapping demands that I’ve ever heard of.

This is basically how much plot we get but I want to know more about this world. What are those buildings?

History

It’s hard to believe that Capcom made something so weird. It’s stranger yet that this game got released to the American market because it is incredibly bizarre. Hideaki Itsuno was the director on the project and he also directed Power Stone (an arena fighting game) and some of the Devil May Cry games– which do not follow the strangeness of this game. It wasn’t his first rodeo and it was released around the middle of the Playstation’s life-span.

One Piece Mansion was released on September 30th, 2001. It’s competition was Silent Hill 2 (PS2), Ico (PS2), and Devil May Cry (PS2). I see a lot of PS2 titles and I’m seeing that backwards compatability was working out really well for Sony.

Nostalgia

I saw this game in Playstation Magazine, a great publication to have by the way– I can’t tell you how many things I wouldn’t have found if not for it– and I imagined something totally different than what the advertisement for it presented. I don’t know what I expected exactly but I imagine it had something to do with helping tenants and exploring this mansion. Not the case. Thanks 00s games industry.

Gameplay

Just look at that. Look at that up there. Does that make any sense? It’s a little overwhelming but let me assure you, that all make sense. Each of those characters in a yellow bordered room is a tenant. They pay you rent every month. Each of them inflicts or relieves stress in different adjacent rooms. That sumo wrestler– trust me, he’s a sumo wrestler– on the left center slams the walls, floors, and ceilings to practice. You can imagine that that racket pisses off his neighbors, hence their stress increase.

Those bastards in the upper left with the black bordered rooms are part of the Syndicate 5. They’re here to rob your tenants, light the place on fire, piss them off, or blow up their homes– which is your property. For some ungodly reason there’s no police force to get these guys off your property so you’ll have to scare them when they’re robbing people. Positiion those letters well, they’ll help you or get in your way when it comes to stopping criminals. The only way to get them to leave for good is to use that stress your tenants are inflicting and put them right near these chumps. After about 1600 sumo slams they’ll bugger off.

This game is all about managing the stress of your tenants so you’ll have to position, evict, and bring in tenants that fit your tenant’s stress needs. Elevators, rooms, swapping, all cost you money so it’s all a matter of managing resources. By the way, when a tenant gets too stressed out THEIR ROOM EXPLODES so don’t let that happen.

The Gush

I love the designs of these characters. They have really unique and interesting animations that I love to watch. If you zoom in then you can even hear what they’re saying and thinking. It’s really interesting and fun.

From right to left, Ai-Chan (The happy MPDG), The Lovers, Heebee (The bamboo artist), and some unknown creature that looks like it’s gonna eat my tenants.

Each level in the game has a unique character that appears at a random time. They can either be really beneficial or really destructive. The only one I ever saw was a spoon-bending psychic with a long scarf who would rain lightning down on the mansion. Even though it was destructive I thought it was so cool.

I don’t know how but Polpo himself is immune to the stress caused by his tenants. Putting him in the middle of a stress nexus is totally fine. He’ll never flip– I wonder what his secret is.

The Kvetch

So you’re mansion is going well, everyone’s got a nominal level of stress, sometimes you have to swap a few tenants around to keep everything good. THEN, out of nowhere a member of Syndicate 5 can show up– blowing up one of the previous tenant’s rooms (at no cost to you but still)– and start causing a ruckus. At that point you’ve got to move all the tenants around to get that prick to leave. I know they’re goal is to make the game difficult but it’s really punitive when they blow up the stress lynch pin. I think it would be much better if they took up empty rooms or dropped in from above.

There are only 2 tracks of music for the game. One when everything is relaxed, and another when you’re on the verge of bankruptcy that’s really repetitive and frantic. It gets really boring really fast listening to these same tracks over and over again.

The Verdict

Nostalgia can’t save this game for me. I just don’t see what the purpose or payoff for the game is besides a high score. I’d say that it’s worth a look at but buy a copy of it and share it with your friends. Actually, the most fun I’ve had with the game is inflicting it on my friends so let that frame the game.

Next Week: Dawn of War: Soulstorm

Braid (PC, XBox, PS3)

Introduction

Tim is an innocuous young man with the bizarre power to rewind time. He’s having some sort of problem with a Princess. It’s uncertain what their relationship was but Tim is pretty torn up about it. We join Tim on his journey to make amends for what he did as he traverses a series of worlds that allow us to use Tim’s powers in different ways.

Time and Forgiveness, that’s certainly what this game is all about— or is it!?

History

Braid was developed by Jonathan Blow. This was his first game and it was one of the first Indie Games. His intention was to create a puzzle game that was “bringing together the abstract parts of a complex puzzle, revealing deep moral and philosophical questions.” To that end Braid played with the knowledge of the subject and the nature of time. He wanted the time travelling mechanic to have an effect on the world as opposed to just altering the player.

Blow pushed a two dimensional plane and the very idea of simplicity to its limits trying to design puzzles for the game that were intuitive and would click in the mind of the player. Blow didn’t want anyone to look up a walkthrough playing through the game. He tried to link the ideas of certain puzzles into puzzles encountered later. This was meant to create a sort of “Ah Ha” moment for the player who would run back to the earlier level.

Fun Fact: Edmund McMillen of Team Meat fame worked on the art before Blow hired David Hellman to do it instead.

Braid was released on August 6th 2008. It’s competition was Too Human (XBox 360), Mercenaries 2: World in Flames (PS2, PS3, XBox 360, PC), and Stalker: Clear Sky (PC).

Experiences

I really liked Indie Game the Movie. Johnathan Blow makes an appearance talking about Braid as the indie game that has already been released. I really liked hearing about his game but there’s a scene where a  bunch of young guys laugh and having a grand old time just using the time power to go forward and back. It cuts back to Blow and he talks about how that’s not how he wanted his game to be played (I don’t remember the exact quote, correct me if I’m wrong). I don’t think it’s relevant how the developer wants their game to be played. A book or a film or any other form of media experiences something called the death of the author where the author’s desires shouldn’t impact the work once it’s past their hands. I wonder why he said that and I wonder a little about how he wants his games to be played.

Gameplay

The gameplay is deceptively simple. Tim can walk, jump, and rewind time. Unlike in most platformers Tim can’t actually die. Whenever Tim dies the player is prompted to rewind until he’s alive again. The world is typically made in such a way that enemies and obstacles create continuous patterns eternally so Tim can rewind to the beginning of the level or the beginning of the problem area and everything will unveil as it did before.

The enemies in the game act strangely like tools instead of actual obstacles most of the time. Jumping on an enemy springboards Tim into the air, increasing how high he can jump, allowing him to reach new places– and as previously stated there is no consequence for death.

Sometimes this bouncing mechanic is of critical importance.

There are six worlds, each world has 12 puzzle pieces that form an image in the hub world. Each world has a different thing in it that effects Tim’s powers. It really mixes up the gameplay and keeps things interesting. Each world has a couple of stages that act as a sort of checkpoint for Tim’s time travel powers– although time travelling back through the whole game could have been fun. And by fun I mean game ruining.

The Gush

The gimmicks for all of these worlds are really interesting and easy to understand but difficult to master. My personal favorite is the one in which going to the right makes time move forward and moving to the left makes time go back as well. It creates unique puzzles that require intense thinking about how much the character moves.

Although I find the bosses lacking I really enjoyed the silly, “But your princess is in another castle,” joke. Everyone who ever played Super Mario Brothers got a quick chuckle out of that one.

Which is apparently being delivered by some sort of plush dinosaur.

I really liked the finale of the game. It’s a little confusing but when it clicks it’s so compelling and I found it really interesting. I can only encourage players not to stop and play all the way to the end.

The art and music are contemplative and gorgeous. Music is really important in a puzzle game because it can distract the player or help us percolate an interesting idea. It’s also what we have when we fail to come up with an idea. And while we’re not coming up with any ideas we can just take a look at this beautiful art and wonderful backgrounds.

Why is a gorilla holding that cannon? Who can rightly say?

The Kvetch

The boss fights are really similar and I’m not exactly sure what they’re supposed to accomplish. Each one employs the mechanic of the world but most of the puzzles are more challenging than the frantic movement that the boss fight brings. It also loses impact because the boss can’t kill you, you just rewind to before you got and avoid the attack.

The plot is conveyed by books that project text in each of the worlds’ minihubs. I think there could have been a more interesting way to convey this but it probably would have been more complex and might have muddled some things. I think it’s meant to add to the ambiguity of the plot. Instead of seeing what happens we only have Tim’s account but it feels a little weak.

The Verdict

I found Braid to be a thoroughly enjoyable experience that didn’t pad out its play time. It knew what it wanted to do and executed it very well. If you’ve got the hankering for some puzzles with time based shenanigans then I definitely suggest giving Braid a try.

Next Week: One Piece Mansion

Farcry 3’s Vaas Montenegro is Actually Guiding the Protagonist

Now hear me out on this one. I know that he’s the henchman of the big bad and he kidnaps your friends and kills a shit ton of innocent people but he’s the reason that Jason saves the day.

I mean, he seems like a trustworthy advisor to me.

Lets start with the facts. He was born and raised on the Rook Islands as a part of the Rakyat Warrior tribe. His only relative that we know of his sister, their current leader. At some point he leaves the Rakyat to join Hoyt Volker, a criminal who had been harvesting the islands people in order to sell them as part of his human trafficking ring, enticed by the promise of money and drugs. He assembles his group of pirates from the disparate people of the islands and fashions them into a brutal fighting force that rapes, loots, and plunders across the villages of the islands.

Jason Brody and his friends go for a vacation on these islands, being rich and not having anything else to do. Vaas kidnaps them and ransoms them to their parents –and I quote, “You guys smell like money to me”–. Jason and his older brother Grant break out of their cage and Grant dies helping Jason escape. Jason rises to power by indulging the dark side of humanity– and doing a lot of drugs– and kills Vaas and liberates the Islands. But did Vaas want Jason to kill him? If Vaas wanted to take revenge on Hoyt and liberate the islands he might need Jason because he can’t, because he’s not sane enough to do it, or because he doesn’t think he can get close enough to Hoyt and isn’t strong enough to beat his personal army.

Is it just me or is that a lot of eye shadow?

Vaas has ample opportunity to kill Jason in their encounters together and the ways that Jason escapes these scenarios defy logic and stretch suspension of disbelief so hard that I came up with this theory. The only thing that makes sense to me is that Vaas doesn’t want to kill Jason, he wants him riled up.

The first interaction between Vaas and Jason Vaas has considerable advantage. Vaas has looked through every bit of information he could scour from Jason and his friends’ phones. He knows their relations and he might know deep personal things about them. One of the first thing he says is that Jason and Grant are his bitch. As anyone who’s seen too much media about prisons we all know that the all know that the only way to stop being someone’s bitch is to commit acts of violence against the master and his friends. Vaas knows that Grant is ex-military and leaves them alone with one guard. Grant is able to break Jason free with his military skills.

We next meet Vaas while he’s executing prisoners by shooting them in the head, I only mention this because it will come into play later. Before Grant and Jason can escape Vaas shoots Grant. Now, Jason is the middle brother between Grant and Riley. This killing gives Jason the perfect opportunity to rise to violence. The oldest brother is responsible for protecting and keeping his younger siblings safe if they can’t help themselves, we see Grant do this with Jason. And so Jason will want to do it as the oldest brother. His previous status as the middle brother means that he’s not the baby, and doesn’t have everything given to him. As the middle brother he lacks direction. He is an empty vessel waiting to be filled. Vaas talks a lot about his sister so he might know a thing or two about familiar dynamics and even if he didn’t then killing Grant gives Jason more than enough reason to have vendetta against him.

After this Vaas tells Jason he’ll give him a ten second head start and then waits for him to start running before he counts. And I quote, “Run Forrest run. Run you chicken fuck.” Jason runs through the jungle and escapes the countless pirates and a fucking helicopter. I don’t know what sort of world this is but the only reason Jason gets away is because Vaas probably told his men that “The jungle will kill him,” or other such nonsense. Vaas knows this to be untrue. The river that Jason has fallen into is upstream from a Rakyat supporter named Dennis. Dennis, who is on the lookout for something or someone to turn the tide against the pirates. Dennis who is kind to a fault. It might be a little chancy, but he loses nothing by Jason’s death and has everything to gain by Jason’s life.

One small strange thing is that one of Jason’s friend’s Daisy “escapes” to a man who will protect her. A man who’s dead daughter looks suspiciously like Daisy. I doubt that Daisy would be able to escape a convoy of pirates, especially considering that she gets incredibly sick by brushing up against poisonous plants. The sheer fortune of her escape near a doctor’s house who looks very much alike to his dead daughter seems like too many coincidences to me. It seems more like a bread trail, a small success to goad Jason on.

Jason goes off looking for his friends and gets knocked out by the pirates. This would be an opportune moment to kill him, as we know that Vaas executes his enemies, but Vaas doesn’t. Jason wakes up in a room, he, his girlfriend, and one of this other friends are tied to chairs and Vaas is pirouetting around pouring gasoline around. Vaas monologues about the nature of family while he tries to get a lighter to light. It won’t. Vaas talks about his sister, the leader of the resistance. The last person he should want Jason to meet. He puts it into Jason’s chest pocket, takes the friend out, and produces a book of matches. He lights the matches and the building goes up. When Jason and Liza escape there is one guard taking a piss by a jeep. Why would Vaas leave one guy to defend the biggest pain in his ass?

There’s even a dude with a gun in the room. As if to say that he doesn’t want that to happen.

 

Jason meets Vaas’ sister and they start working together to liberate the islands. She eventually tasks him with hunting down some captured soldiers. They’re not being escorted by pirates, they’re actually being escorted by Hoyt’s personal guard. When Jason reaches the APC Vaas jumps out and punches him in the face, knocking him out. Vaas has impressed on Hoyt how he, “Doesn’t give a fuck about Jason Brody,” but if Hoyt wanted him to lay a trap then it would benefit Vaas that Jason learn about this military organization.

When Jason wakes he’s bound and tied to a concrete block. Vaas monologues about the definition of insanity in one of the most compelling speeches I’ve heard in a game. When he’s done he kicks the block into an underground lake. Jason falls and escapes his bonds because he’s the protagonist– or because Vaas tied them poorly. Jason escapes the lake to a waterfall right next to Vaas’ camp. What are the odds?

Welcome to the pit.

Jason tries to escape by holding up a helicopter but it crashes. Who walks out of the jungle but Vaas himself. Vaas walks up to a delirous Jason and draws his pistol. He pushes it into Jason’s chest, breaking with his tradition of execution style killings, and fires. Jason doesn’t die though, the lighter VAAS PUT THERE stops the bullet. I know Vaas is a crazy meth addict but this is absurd. Jason awakes in a mass grave– someplace he’ll be unnoticed– and climbs out. He’s conveniently right next to the camp where his equipment is kept.

The lighter is the last straw. The last thing that stretched the established plots’ sensibility before it snapped. No one is that lucky. No one is that incompetent. Vaas has whipped Jason into a frenzied warrior who will kill anyone who gets in his way. Vaas has led him to the Rakyat and against Hoyt, the man responsible for his madness. If Vaas wanted to be a pirate he failed in Jason Brody. If he wanted to kill Hoyt then Jason is his magnum opus.

Either that or Ubisoft has some of the worst, most cliched writers in history.

Borderlands (PC, Playstation 3, XBox 360)

Introduction

In a galaxy of planet purchasing corporations– that are embroiled in a brutal debate as to which of them is actually bigger than God– four childhood friends join to fulfill their dream to find the greatest treasure in history. This treasure is rumored to be kept in The Vault on the lawless planet of Pandora– I mean look at that guy up there, if he’s the average citizen this might not be a great place. These Vault Hunters will weather through Bandits, the wildlife, and annoying robots to reach the fabled Vault with all its immense riches– that is… if treasure is what lies within.

Picture here is the main cast, from left to right, Roland the Soldier, Lilith the Siren, Mordecai the Hunter, and Brick.

History

Borderlands was designed to run on a modified version of the Unreal Engine 3. At the time of release the engine would be five years old. The developers made up for this simple engine with a cel shaded and cartoonish world design that would be memorable and visually appealing. The old design was meant to be much more realistic. After this realistic design was scrapped the Art Director felt so offended that she walked out on the project.

Rumors abound that the deadline for the game got pushed forward surprisingly in the final stretches of the game. Speculation abounds that this is what caused the ending of the main game to be so lackluster.

Borderlands was released for PC on October 26 2009– what is it with 2009 popping up a lot lately? It’s competition included League of Legends: Clash of Fate (PC), Bayonetta (PS3, XBox 360), and Saw: The Video Game (PS3, Xbox 360)

Nostalgia

When this game came out it was super exploitable. The computer club that I frequented bought one copy and simply removed the disk after they started up the game. This way everyone there was able to play at the same time together and we didn’t have to buy four copies of it on our limited budget. We came into a snag though because although we made character profiles there was no cloud support. Every time we wanted to play we had to use the same computers if we wanted to play our level appropriate characters. It lead us to keep switching computers and starting new characters. We eventually got to the end but we played through the opening section so many times we had strategies specifically for getting through it as quickly as possible. We would position people at quest markers the game hadn’t given us yet, ready to go to other areas as they unlocked.

Gameplay

This game is described as a loot based shooter. The player assists the people of Pandora and they’re given more powerful weapons, shields, and grenades in return– oh yeah, and cash which is kind of useless.

Each of the different characters has an action skills and abilities that they can spend skill points on. It’s really easy and cheap to redistribute a characters skill points. Certain items offer the character passive abilities or bonus points to different skills. These abilities are usually pretty similar but the action skills couldn’t be more different. From siccing large birds on enemies to pummeling them with your fists in a berzerk rage, these skills will heavily influence the way you play.

The game was touted as having a Bazillion Guns and they weren’t kidding around. From machine pistols to rocket launchers this game has weapons large and small for intrepid Vault Hunters and Bandits alike. Each weapon can have different parts on it that change its appearance and stats. One assault rifle might reload really quick or have interesting elemental power which really mixes things up.

Very rare weapons also have special enchantments that appear in red text with no clear explanation to their effect– trust in their awesomeness.

The Gush

I was listening to the soundtrack when I was writing this and I found it to be remarkably good. I hadn’t really been paying attention to it when I was playing– too busy shooting people and trying not to get dead and all that– but now that I focus on it I really like it a lot. It’s got this sort of western movie, mysterious, alien, and Diabloesque nature to it that I really dig. Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked was a perfect choice for the title theme as well. Showing off the mercenary nature of Pandora.

Even though cash is a largely useless resource– there’s not usually a gun available for purchase that’s better than what you have– it’s still fun in it’s own way to imagine this character’s fortune growing to an immense size.

The writing in this game is decently comedic. It seems to cover up for the games lack of compelling narrative and I think it does that pretty well. Some of the jokes fell flat but the later DLC campaigns got more funny as they went on.

The creature design for this game is really cool. The character design is pretty good too. I’ll never forget Helena Pierces wicked scarred face or Ned’s absurd mustache poking out over his surgical mask.

I dunno what that thing is but I think it’s coming this way and I’m not entirely comfortable with that.

The DLC in this game made up for the lame ending in my opinion. The delectable camp of the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, the real closure brought by General Knox’s Armory, and the sheer ridiculous fun of the Robolution were all a great time to be had by all.

The Kvetch

The bandit design is originally reminiscent of Mad Max or some similar post-apocalyptic setting and I thought it was really interesting. As the game went on and it was more of the same masked individuals I became very bored with it.

Killer bird things ripping out the eyes of masked thugs! This should be awesome but it’s sort of worn after the 50th time.

It’s something so small but it was a point of contention among me and my friends for the longest time. An abilities has ranks from 0-5. Class modification items can boost skills in rank. Does that mean they still cap out at 5 or can they be pushed beyond that limit? The answer is that they can be pushed above fifth rank but the game doesn’t inform the player as to the new statistical advantages.

This all being said, the skill menu looks quite nice. It just would have been great if there was an inclusive tooltip or something.

The planet of Pandora has all sorts of strange animals living on it and they’re all pretty cool. The Vault was reportedly built by a race of aliens known as the Eridians. That’s pretty cool, how the aliens left it behind. It would be quite the mystery if it wasn’t for the fact that actual living Eridians show up, especially during the finale. They have no desire to communicate with the player and serve only to create loose ends.

The ending of this game is a real let-down. After hours of mounting tension it’s revealed that The Vault was a hoax, which could have been cool in itself but it’s actually some sort of prison for a monster. Instead it was exacerbated by the existence of the Eridians. It makes sense why they wouldn’t want you to open it but then why would they have made a key to open it in the first place? I just… don’t understand.

The Verdict

This game is most enjoyed with friends but it’s ultimately disappointing. The DLC helps alleviate the shoddy ending but I’ll never forget the time I was promised mystery and subsequent closure and was given a Space Vagina Kraken in return.

“Hey guys! Itsa me!”

Next Week: Braid

Zoe’s MMO Corner: The Secret World

The Secret World is a one-time payment plus payment for additional content (with subscription option) modern fantasy/horror/supernatural/mythology-and-urban-legend based RPG–clearly there’s a lot going on here but it all makes sense mostly–where you do NOT play the chosen one.

History and Development

Funcom, also responsible for Age of Conan which is apparently hugely popular, developed The Secret World.  The idea came about sometime in 2002 and went through a million changes; apparently it was originally set in the 1920’s which actually would have been super cool and I’m sort of upset it’s not now that I know that, but I’ll get over it.  The goal was to make a game without classes or levels, with massive amounts of freedom for character and play style, and a great smorgasbord of mythologies, ideologies, monsters, locations both real and imaginary, and cute mission notes from NPCs.

The Secret World was “announced” to the public in 2007 when they released a poem–a goddamn poem, wait, though, it gets better–in like five languages that when solved led to an internet treasure hunt ending eventually in the official forum, because in The Secret World, nothing can be simple, or in English.  From there they liked to leak all this weird shit over the next few years that made you look at things and go “What the fuck are they playing at in there?”

I first saw a trailer for The Secret World in 2009 in my friend’s dorm room and we watched it six times in a row.  It was incredible and for those of you unfamiliar with it, I really recommend seeing it because it was mind-blowingly cool looking.  It had no fighting, really, no story, no chiseled white dudes with guns blasting away at aliens.  All it had was one tattooed skinny Chinese girl making a milkshake, but it was probably the most atmospheric thing I’d seen or have seen in years.

And then shit got real

I was immediately in love.

I had to wait three years or so, of course.  The Secret World was released in June of 2012.  At first it was pay-to-play but within a year it had ditched the subscription fee and ran instead on a system where you could get the free game for an A experience and pay for any expansions that came out, or you could subscribe for an A+ experience and get points every month to pay for the expansions, plus some other cool stuff including the super important experience boost milkshake.  I’ve played TSW with and without subscription and they’re both fine.  There’s no difference in game play or anything and which I do like to support them when I can, when I’m in my periods of unemployed writer-dom and I can’t afford the $15 a month, it’s just fine to go without.  You can go on and off whenever you’d like and the points stay with you after you unsubscribe.  It’s all very fair.

Character Creation

There has been one major complaint that the masses have put in about character creation in this world; people aren’t pretty enough.  Sorry, boys and girls and non-binary individuals, but this complaint is a bullshit complaint.  Sure, like, I’m not going to deny that people can look kind of odd, but it’s human odd, not like, the graphics are fucked up odd.  They have options for multiple races and ethnicities–like, programmed in, not “lets futz with character sliders until they look not-white,” a lot of fun hair, and NON-SEXUALIZED CLOTHING.  Player Characters in TSW look like normal people and dress (mostly) like them, so there’s no “oh no, this armor has better stats but makes me look like a fifteen-year-old’s wet dream.”  You just put on a fucking turtle neck and go to Romania.

There are, of course, some…other opinions on clothing…

(I was going to include my friend’s character here, who wears a purple Hawaiian shirt, a kilt, and flip flops, but it didn’t work out and also it’s nearly too painful to live)

Because there are no classes, the only thing you chose about your character other than physical appearance is your faction, what secret society you belong to.  You choices: Templars, not as douchey or holier-than-thou as they’re cracked up to be, but pretty douchey; Illuminati, the original frat but with more guns and murder and spike heels; and Dragon, hanging out in the corner flapping butterflies at each other in an attempt to creature storms on the other side of the world.  All three are super cool in their own ways.  Some people have preferences.  I do not.  They are all great.

Story

The Secret World comes with three areas, each with a major story.  Additional content, which comes in “issues” introduces new missions, new areas, new parts of the story, and new crazy fucking shit.  There are currently ten issues in addition to the original game.

I have no idea what this game is about.

Look, this is my favorite MMO of ever (whoops, spoilers) and I honestly have no idea what’s going on the vast majority of the time.  The Secret World does not like to give you information.  It likes to string you along with riddles and confusion and absolute pants-wetting terror until you just give up trying to understand the master plan and just let yourself be swept away in the atmosphere of it.  Trying to comprehend the story or apply normal black-and-white good-vs.-evil game logic to this is impossible.  Even Bioware’s games, famous for making you make moral decisions, still have SOME big evil that has to be dealt with.  The Secret World does not.

Here’s an example: The first area is an island in Maine being slowly overrun by zombies from the ocean due to Lovecraftian influence and something called “the fog”.  The lore of the island include Elder Gods, Vikings, a Native American tribe, Illuminati secrets and puzzles under the town, a haunted amusement park, the power of the earth, and the fucking sword Excalibur.  So yeah, you tell me what’s going on there.  Because I don’t even know.

Gameplay

Okay, see, I promised once that I wouldn’t make these things all really positive even if it’s a game like The Secret World that I love, and here’s where that’s going to come in. There are some gameplay problems.  I’ll get into that in a bit, but first here’s the basics:

Since there are no classes, TSW works entirely on skills.  You get to chose two main weapons from nine choices, three each of melee (hammers, swords, and fists), ranged (pistols, rifle, and shotgun) and magic (blood, elemental, and chaos).  Then you get eight active skills and eight passive skills based on those two weapons.  At any point, you can change around what weapons and skills and items–which give you health, DPS damage, magic damage, basically any stat you can think of, that’s from items–you have equip and become a totally new person.  A healer can decide to be a glass cannon or a tank or a ranged DPS on a whim if they’ve bought the skills to do it.

The ability wheel: know it, love it, be confused by it.

In order to facilitate this and make it less complicated to get the hang of, you also have decks, which are groups of skills that do certain things–an unofficial class, if you will–that the developers put in.  You don’t have to stick to a deck either but it’s a nice starting point.  Also a lot of them give you cool hats and shit as a reward for completing them.  The Secret World: Do Stuff and We’ll Give You Hats.

Then later you can get a third weapon, an auxiliary, which you get one active and one passive skill for which can be fun for an extra boost.  And then there’s some new stuff about augments on your skills to further tailor them, plus this new thing in combat about breaking barriers on enemies…it’s kind of crazy and a lot to manage and that’s one of my complaints, that the level of skill customization can get really, really overwhelming at times.  It’s easy to get bogged down in all the different skill stuff and lose sight of the game itself.

Also, the game itself is actually really, really difficult sometimes so frustration levels can skyrocket if you’re not careful.  Just a word of advice, take it easy and slow, don’t expect too much from yourself early on, and do not, and I repeat DO NOT do the mission “The Eye of Horus” more than once because it’s the most painful thing ever and I hated doing it the first time.

Speaking of missions (did you like that segue?) quests are repeatable!  This is super cool because you don’t need to level grind. Instead, you quest grind.  They reset every so many hours (usually 24) but they really dole out the experience later on which can be quite nice to just see your XP rocketing upwards in bursts rather than slowly dragging itself towards the next Skill Point.

The Good

The atmosphere.  The best part of this game is how hard they work to make everything seem both real and terrifying, funny and sarcastic and yet so completely fucked up that you’re not sure if you’re supposed to be laughing or screaming. Both.  The answer is both.

I don’t scare easy because I usually see the literary tricks behind suspense stories (sorry, guys, this is what a degree in English can do for you) but this shit is terrifying.  There’s an issue called “The Vanishing of Tyler Freeborn” which I played with my friend and it was basically two people screaming at their computers for two hours as we went through it.  There’s one mission with creepy singing children and a number that involves charismatic but definitely evil voices offering you great power.  There’s a sixteen-year-old girl who explodes every once in a while, a family trapped in the statues of Egyptian gods, and a horrifying parasite that eventually starts talking to you.

Oh yeah, AND VAGINA WITCHES.

Would you like to see one of those coming towards you tentacles first on a dark night?  It’s awful. 

Oh, and there’s no fall damage so that’s super fucking awesome, not gonna lie.

The Bad

The customization is a pro and a con.  It’s cool in theory, decent in execution, but really hard to totally comprehend in reality.  There are just so many different abilities and it’s tricky to figure out how they’re going to interact together.  Some people do a ton of research in order to figure out what they should build but I am not a research person so I work on trial and error, mostly.  It’s not a bad way to go, but it can leave you feeling like you missed something important.

The Ugly

THE INVENORY.  I know it’s a weird thing to freak out about, but god is it tragically terrible.  There’s no rhyme or reason to it, it works on icons and the crafting system is also sort of shit so you get all this material and it’s hard to figure out what to do with it.  I mostly sell it and buy pre-made shit because I refuse to deal with the crafting, but regardless, the inventory can be real pain in the ass.

From here…?

Get it.  It’s often cheap, often on sale, always on Steam if that’s your poison. If you hate it, you hate it, and I’m sorry – I’m aware this isn’t a game for everyone, I know a lot of people who can’t stand it because, I don’t know, they don’t tell you anything which I guess could be frustrating if you’re looking for a simpler, non-think-y gaming experience – but you should give it a try.  If you’re interested in history, languages, puzzles, mythology, urban legend, sarcastic writing, great graphics, cool monster design or being constantly afraid for your life, buy this game.  You don’t even need to subscribe.

Next Month: Wildstar!  A game I want to love but am still unsure about!  The pain of expectation and the confusion of it not actually being Firefly!