Pony Island (PC, Mac, and Linux)

After long days of purging the wicked it’s nice to just take a load off, walk down to the local arcade, and play some Pony Island. Let your worries slip away as you hop over gates and annihilate your enemies with deadly lasers. Some say the game isn’t complete but how can a game so perfect be unfinished? Enough talk of doubt. Now, insert your soul to continue and get lots of tickets from the Pony Island machine.

This new DLC policy is really anti-consumer.

 

History

Pony Island was made by Daniel Mullins for the Ludum Dare 48 game jam with the theme being ‘Entire Game on One Screen’. It earned high praise at the game jam and inspired Mullins to try to get it on Steam through Steam Greenlight. Mullins wanted to make a game that defied player’s expectations, a game that almost didn’t want to be played.

The Greenlight campaign was successful and Pony Island was released on January 4th, 2016. It’s competition was Oxenfree (PC, Mac, and XBox One), Darkest Dungeon (PC and Mac), and That Dragon, Cancer (PC, Mac, and Droid).

Experiences

Play this game blind, people. The less you know, the better. I watched Jesse Cox’s playthrough of it on an idle Saturday before I played it and it kind of ruined the experience for me. It’s a fine playthrough, that’s not the problem, the problem is that it’s a game meant to be experienced firsthand on one’s own. Naturally, this review will have the lightest spoilers possible and intentionally obfuscate anything important. So once you’re done reading this, speak of it to no one, immediately purchase the game, and then finish it in one sitting — the clock is ticking before you get spoiled from somewhere! Well, that’s a little extreme. What I’m really saying is be careful how much you look up about this game.

Gameplay

Pony Island is split between pony platforming sections and puzzle sections. Pony platforming consists of jumping, gliding, and shooting lasers at enemies — don’t fret if you die, it just takes you to the beginning of the stage. It seems simple at first but the mouse controls, left click for jump/glide and right click for lasers, can be a little tricky.

Puzzle sections consist of navigating pseudo-code segments. You can use certain commands blocks to change the course of the cursor through the code. Therefore changing the operations of the block and allowing you to do whatever it is you’re doing. That being said, why are you messing around in the code? Isn’t that, like, cheating or something?

Someone worked hard on this and you’re ruining it, you cruel thing.

The Gush

The developer of Pony Island — um, in the game canon, not Mullins himself — is a pretty tragic character. I was genuinely sympathetic to his desires to be loved and appreciated despite his methods and goals.

This game is weird and silly and fantastical. I almost busted a gut laughing.

Oops… um… may bad.

The game sits firmly in the Goldilocks zone of difficulty, not too hard and not too easy. The puzzles are quite intuitive and the platforming controls tripped me up at first but I eventually got the hang of them. The only thing that I needed outside help on was how to find all the secret hidden tickets.

Speaking of hidden tickets! For all you completionists out there, there are hidden secret tickets. If you’ve got the inclination you can get all 24. I’m certain something good will happen if you find them all.

The bosses in this game were fantastic. There’s a puzzle boss, a platforming boss, and then a boss who’s something different entirely. They present an incredibly fun challenge.

The Kvetch

There’s not a lot of gameplay that’s related to the story. It overall feels less like a game and more like a story with gameplay elements attached. The game is fine, I liked the story, but I’m not exactly certain what they’re doing in the same room with each other.

I’m just not exactly sure what all this has to do with itself.

Is there anything more annoying that being shown up by someone? There’s a counterpart character in this game who’s clearly more powerful than you and knows way more about what’s going on. He exhibits bizarre abilities but refuses to explain anything about his abilities or who he is. I guess that’s his character but I wanted to wring some truth or meaning from him.

The Verdict

I would say that Pony Island is well worth someone’s money and time. It’s only $5 on Steam and even though I was spoiled hard I was still able to have fun with it. I feel like it’s got a lot to say about game development and the act of creation. And if you don’t care about that then hey, at least there are cool puzzles.

Next Week: Defend Your Castle

Party Hard (PC, Mac, Linux, PS4, XBox One)

Sleep is important. We spend a third of our lives wrapped in dream’s sweet embrace. Without it we go mad. It is the year 2000 and your character just wants to sleep… but the party next door is so loud. He’d sworn he’d lain the knife and mask down for good but the sleepless haze clouds his judgement. His goal is simple, kill the party by killing its guests by whatever means at his disposal. And once he’s got the taste for blood back… he wants more.

Three in the morning? I’d be pretty steamed too.

History

Party Hard was developed by Pinokl Games, a small Ukrainian studio, and published by tinyBuild games — you might remember them for making No Time to Explain. Party Hard is their first major non-mobile release. Mobile titles they’ve released include Real Steel and Fruit Story — and they don’t look like games I would want to play.

Party Hard was released on August 25th, 2015. It’s competition was Shadowrun: Hong Kong (PC, Mac, and Linux), Grow home (PS4), and um… Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (PC, PS3, PS4, XBox 360, XBox One) — a bold move to go up against the biggest release of the year.

Experiences

Between the nonsensical story, the bizarre premise, and the simple visuals I figured this game was gonna be silly. One thing that I did not expect was just how difficult the game was going to be. I’m not even going to avoid comparisons with Hotline Miami because these games are similar in a lot of ways. Party Hard puts its own silly spin on the ultra-violence that Hotline awakened into the world. Where Hotline is visceral and personal, Party Hard is slapstick and absurd. But where Hotline was tight, smooth, and clean Party Had throws in a frustrating dose of ‘lol, so random’. Sometimes new guests arrive or leave, the character has a very slow movement speed, and restarting after level failure can take an infuriating amount of time.

Gameplay

Your goal is simple, be the last man standing on the dance floor, but executing it isn’t easy. Quick with a knife, most party goers don’t stand a chance against The Killer. The Killer might have a penchant for murder but he’s not actually too tough so police officers or rowdy guests can take him down pretty easily. He’s also more of the Mike Meyer’s stalker type so he doesn’t move too quickly, but he can use level shortcuts to escape or close the gap. Be careful, if you use an escape route too many times it’ll stop working.

Learning the map and character AI is imperative to your success. You’ll want to know your ins and outs to evade authorities and keep your activities quiet. The Killer can stash bodies in certain areas so use that to keep revelers in the dark about what you’re doing. You can also poison bowls of punch to kill surreptitiously, but once the well is poisoned they’re sure to know. It’s difficult to keep track of everything that’s going on but the more parts you eliminate the simpler the machine gets.

As you can see, it’s all a lot to take in.

Once party goers get keen to what’s going on they’re going to call the cops. Cops will arrest you on sight and if they run into a guest who’s seen you killing they will be able to track you down. Don’t bother fighting the police, I guess The Killer’s too rusty stab a battle ready foe.

You’d expect someone so intimidating to be better at fighting, not the case.

The Gush

The music in this game is positively dancy and 80s as hell. It really carries me through the experience. The sting of playing a level over and over again for 45 minutes is numbed by the knowledge that I will be listening to sick tunes the whole time.

I think I’m a sucker for unlockable characters. This game has got three characters to unlock and I’m instinctively excited. Only problem was that the game was too difficult for me to unlock any of them. The unlock mechanisms aren’t even difficult, just grindy. They all play differently for instance the Ninja is stealthy and the Chainsaw Psycho attracts cops like ugly on an ape.

The game frames the story as a police detective investigating the series of killings. It’s a campy romp through every Lethal Weapon cop story and I found it quite humorous.

Fantastic pixel art punctuates the silly story.

The Kvetch

The hit detection on the stab attack is dicey at best. I had a really hard time determining when I was parallel to a target or when they were near enough to attack. Brandishing the knife will also alert people to your murderous intent leading to police and other nastiness. Every stab needs to count but its hard to count on your stab.

It wasn’t immediately apparent when party goers could see me or what activities would alarm them. Poisoning the punch has no animation and would sometimes alert nearby guests and sometimes wouldn’t. It’s also difficult to determine what angles people can see you through windows.

I get this game is not serious but when I mentioned that escape routes can only be used so many times this is only because Mario, as in the Super Mario of Nintendo fame, breaks them. He comes out of a sewer line, either through a manhole cover or a toilet, bumbles over to the window or whatever and smacks it with his wrench and then it doesn’t work. I think it’s supposed to be funny but it just struck me as ‘LUL SO RANDOM’. It would have been just as easy for there to be an animation or dialogue box to explain the ladder is broken, or the tunnel collapsed.

Every level has a dance floor and I still have no idea how to handle it. It’s a lot of people all crowded together, so many watching eyes. Some characters leave but it seems like some never do. This leads me to rush in and invite failure. Either I luck out and kill them all before any of them can get to a phone or I get caught with a handful of victims left.

The Verdict

Party Hard is… okay. I found it fun, I don’t regret my purchase, I liked giving Pinokl 13 dollars because I can see promise in this game. A little more testing and polish would have turned Party Hard into a genuinely good and consistently enjoyable experience. As it stands though, I can only recommend it to someone who would appreciate the the LUL SO RANDOM humor and semi-puzzle mechanics. It’s also only 13 dollars so nothing ventured nothing lost

Next Week: Pony Island

The Consuming Shadow (PC)

Do you remember that part in the Call of Cthulhu when they said the Old Ones will awaken when the stars are right… Well, bad news, the stars are right and a Great Old One is poised to invade. You are a researcher at a UK university and you’re reasonably certain a cult devoted to this dark god is going to perform a ritual at Stonehenge and envelop the world. What you need is the banishment ritual and to understand which god is attacking, which one is backing them up, and which one is trying to stop them. But don’t dally, you’ve only got 60 hours before it’s too late. Stay sane, stay alive, and stay moving because town after town is already falling to The Consuming Shadow.

History

The Consuming Shadow is a game by renown game critic, Ben ‘Yahtzee’ Croshaw. Croshaw has been making games since 2008, small projects here and there, particularly point and click adventures. His games have often dipped into the eldritch, walking the halls of Lovecraft’s twisted manor. Playing Faster Than Light made him think about going up against a greater threat that’s constantly in pursuit. With the exception of the music and the testing the whole game was made by his hand.

The Consuming Shadow was released in full on July 28th, 2015. It’s competition was Rocket League (PC and PS4), Five Nights at Freddies 4 (PC), and The Binding of Isaac (XBox One, WiiU, and Nintendo 3DS)

Experiences

The Consuming Shadow inspires paranoia like a bad acid trip. Between the strange texts the player gets and the random events, anything can be good or bad. Texts come in patterns I.E. if texts from strangers are threats, the next stranger probably has a new threat. But if your family keeps wiring you money then it’s probably safe to accept the next text from Grandma.

Play it safe or get involved? The investment here could pay dividends… or not.

Gameplay

The game is basically split into three sections that work in tandem to make a spooky adventure. First, there’s the car. The Researcher has got to drive from town to town and that can take a lot of time and proper navigation — sadly it’s not as easy as just hitting the destination and letting the GPS choose the quickest path. On the road he’ll receive texts from various numbers including family members, someone from the Ministry of Occultism, and complete strangers. Some of these can be helpful but they can also damage your sanity. Occasionally the car will be beset by travelers or you’ll spot something on the road. Get involved at your own risk however. Besides that, this is basically the hub where you can heal thyself, check your notebook, and take sanity ‘restoring’ drugs. Should your sanity dip too low options in menus will be replaced with the ‘kill yourself’ option which will put you into the suicide minigame.

The more times you engage the suicide game the harder it is to resist.

From there you’re on to towns. Towns that are untouched by the shadow are hubs of commerce where you can purchase items, bullets, medical supplies, and drugs. When towns are tainted by the Old Ones they present the opportunity to delve into a dungeon. Each different type of dungeon presents different rewards and different challenges. Offices are more likely to contain clues but warehouses are more likely to contain items. There you will encounter monsters hellbent on… well their interest in you is sometimes secondary — some monsters are not malicious, simply deadly. That being said, any monsters you let live will take a toll on your sanity. So long as you succeed you will be rewarded with a piece of the banishment ritual needed to rebuke the Old One — but sometimes it is better to flee.

Ammo is limited and getting close to enemies is a dangerous preposition.

Now that you’ve helped the people and assembled the clues and rituals it’s time to figure out which god is which. There are always only three gods who have an interest in this world. One of them means to destroy it, the other is helping them but cannot enter for ineffable reasons, and the third is a sworn enemy of the invading god. Every god has a name, rune, color, aspect, and role. Certain clues provide certain pieces of information, some of which are reliant on others such as ‘the god in purple is enemies with the god in white.’ If you don’t know what the gods’ color is then that information isn’t useful… yet. You’ll need to determine the invading god to use the banishment ritual properly so happy hunting.

The Gush

As you kill more enemies the bestiary becomes more and more full with actually useful advice as to how to defeat them. The bestiary entries also include background information about the bizarre and insane attributes of the world beyond.

This game is hard… but that’s okay because every character can level up. Getting a star to distribute across the constellation grid to give them passive upgrades. Eventually, no matter how badly you’re doing in this game, you will get enough stars to get enough passive upgrades to succeed.

The dialogue ends up being a little repetitive but it’s well written and a joy to read when it’s fresh. I’ve got eight hours clocked and no longer read the dialogue. Still, at this point I do run into dialogue I haven’t seen before.

There are unlockable characters! Each of them has a different playstyle and I found them fun to experiment with. There’s the warrior who’s a well dressed criminal who shies away from guns but has a mean kick, a slick dodge, and a warrant out for his arrest. Then there’s the librarian who does not take sanity damage from casting spells but can only use runes so many times — oh and she can’t use melee attacks. And then the Ministry Man who only has 24 hours to save the world, but has the full banishment ritual from the get-go.

The later the clock ticks the more powerful the Shadow becomes and the more dangerous things get. You’ll also probably be getting pretty desperate at this point. But the thing is, The Shadow tips its hand — or tentacle — in a series of ways. For instance, the God’s rune will glow at Stonehenge and because the God’s rune is always part of the banishment ritual it offers a vital clue to the desperate investigator who’s at Stonehenge for a last ditch effort.

The Kvetch

One of the most useless clues I’ve found is ‘God 1 is the enemy of God 2’ because this does not clarify which one of them is the invader and which one is not. It simply clarifies which one of the three is the assistant which is one of the more useless pieces of information.

It’s sometimes unclear whether the character will elect to fire his gun or make a melee attack. Normally I’d chalk it up to the characters being unversed in combat with monsters. But the difference between getting hit or not hinges on me not clipping my arms through an enemy and firing past them.

Although the text messages form patterns, the random car events do not. Most of them are pure gambles. As such it’s really easy to get screwed over my RNJesus and end up in terrible situations by no will or volition of your own. My favorite encounters are the ones in which a secondary item would guarantee a positive result. Even if I don’t have the item I feel like I have agency. The pure toss-up ones really irk me.

The item events have clear criteria — have pads? Succeed — but the random ones don’t.

The Verdict

Once you figure out the games quirks, and even before then, The Consuming Shadow has a lot to offer for a fantastic price. For Ten dollars on Steam you get a decent value of eldritch delight. If you’re the sort of person who liked Dark Corners of the Earth and needs your Lovecraftian fix, or enjoyed others of Croshaws’ games then this is a title you should check out.

Next Week: Party Hard (The game, not the activity)

Hearthstone (PC, Mac, Android, and iOS)

Have you ever played Magic the Gathering, The Pokemon Trading Card Game, Duel Masters, Yugioh, Bakugan, The Lord of the Rings Trading Card Game, or the World of Warcraft Trading Card Game? Well now you can play the digital World of Warcraft Trading Card Game. A game complete with Leper Gnomes, Murlocs, Goblins, and legends like Deathwing or Leroy Jenkins himself. Relax, sit down, and just play a round or two of Hearthstone.

History

Hearthstone is an internet collectible card game created by Blizzard Entertainment. It was created by Team 5 within Blizzard, a team formed to create a smaller side project. They decided on a collectible card game because it would take lots of design knowledge, fairly little tech, and it would be something that was fresh and new in the digital space. When the game was nearing release Blizzard had a hard time creating interest for a card game where an up front fee would give the player access to all the cards. So they instead opted for a free-to-play model that enabled the cracking pack experience but further enabled impatient players to get the cards they wanted right now — and make some profit on the side.

For a trading card game it may come as a surprise that there’s no way for player’s to actually trade cards. The design team figured it would be best to avoid balancing a reactive economy, presenting opportunities for duplicating cards by meddling with the trade system, and enabling third party sales.

Hearthstone was released on March 11th 2014. It’s competition was Dark Souls 2 (PS3 and XBox 360), Smite (PC), and Luftrausers (PC, Mac, Linux, PS3, and PS Vita).

Experience

When I play Magic I don’t talk trash. I’ll happily engage in banter with an opponent, especially during the early turns of a draft event. But if that guy starts talking or they need to focus I shut my mouth immediately and try to give nothing about the board state away. I want to influence their play as little as possible. There’s none of that in Hearthstone. I shout, challenge, jeer, and get pretty rowdy about things overall. I can’t count the number of times I’ve played my win condition while bellowing, ‘CAN YOU DIG IT!?’ There’s something about the anonymity of the game over the web and the fact that I’m not face to face with someone that bring out my inner hooligan.

Gameplay

Hearthstone is a class-based collectible card game. You and your opponent each start with 30 health and your goal is to reduce their’s to zero by playing and attacking them with minions and playing spells. Each class has cards unique to them but there’s also a pool of generic cards that any class can use, which makes each class feel uniquely their own. Each class also comes with a hero power that costs 2 mana and does something simple such as the Ranger’s Steady Shot which deals 2 damage to the enemy hero. Each deck is composed of 30 cards with no more than 2 copies of each card in it so once you’ve seen your opponent cast those 2 fireballs, you know they’re fresh out.

Naturally the classes are the World of Warcraft classes.

Unlike Magic there are no land cards to produce mana. Each hero’s max mana supply simply increases by one and refills every turn. Also unlike MTG you cannot play cards on your opponent’s turn — there are no instant speed effects, only sorceries [This guy would like that kind of game]. The closest things are secrets which are cards that trigger under certain circumstances. Such as the Paladin’s Noble sacrifice which will bravely jump in the way of an opponents attacking minion and take the blow instead. Further unlike MTG there are no phases, you can play cards and attack with minions interchangeably during your turn. Minions also have a health total that does not restore in between turns so they’ll eventually wear down over frequent attacks.

Now that the lecture is out of the way you can start playing. Every day you’ll get new quests which earn you gold which you can spend on packs, rounds at the Arena where you build a deck out of randomly generated cards, or Solo Adventures.

The Gush

Hearthstone is a free to play game and I would say that its micro-transactions are quite tame. You can purchase packs of cards or single player adventures with in game money or real world cash. The single player adventures are a little pricey at 700 gold per area — the gold purchase is sadly only available in one semi-hidden menu — or 20 dollars for the whole thing. It’s totally possible to get everything in the game without spending any real world money, and quite attainable at that. I’ve been playing for two years, have not spent a single penny, and I’m able to construct a decent deck.

The packs pseudo-random distribution is really interesting. Every pack is guaranteed to have a rare level card in it, every so many packs is guaranteed to have an epic card, and every so many packs is guaranteed to have a legendary card in it. There’s no guarantee that you won’t get extra copies but then you can break them down into dust which can be crafted into other cards you do want. You can even break down all the cards for a class that you never play in order to create cards for the classes that you do.

The single player adventures are simply fun. They all do very interesting things to warp the game or alter the rules in some sort of way. Such as having you play a unique class or having your opponent steal your deck — make an awful deck and watch him struggle.

Have you ever missed an ‘at the beginning of your upkeep ability’ in MTG? Or forgotten an ability that you can’t opt out of? Never again says Hearthstone. Because those systems are automated, there’s no room for that kind of human error.

This also creates ease in bizarre systems, like replacing your character with a demon lord.

If the solo adventures don’t strike your fancy or are out of your price range then Hearthstone’s still got you covered with the Tavern Brawl. A special way to play the game is presented every week with new rules or stipulations. Sometimes the players team up to defeat a boss minion or maybe you must construct your deck of 15 of two different cards. Also, if you win, you get a free pack! FREE STUFF!

The attention to detail is top notch and keen. Certain cards will have different aesthetic elements when played against or alongside certain other heroes or minions. For example, if you play Illidan Stormrage while Mal’Furion Stormrage is your opponent his dialogue will change. Every play board also has things on it that you can fiddle with when you’re waiting for your opponent to make his move.

The Kvetch

You may have just started playing and you’re looking at your cards and you’re brewing up a brand new deck but it’s probably just going to lose a lot. There’s these little things called the meta-game and dominant strategy. A lot of players — or bots — have figured out what is the, statistically, most powerful deck. And then they’ve spent enough money to get every card they need to support this deck. Worse yet, in ranked play they can lower their rank by conceding repeatedly until they hit rock bottom and start smashing the newbies in a new meteoric rise. I’m just tired of facing top tier decks at low ranks when I just wanna have silly fun with my Druid Murloc deck.

As far as I’m concerned The Arena is black magic and the people who are good at it are literal wizards. Arena is most analogous to MTG’s draft format. You choose one of three random available classes and then build a deck by choosing one from 30 sets of three random cards. Then you go up against opponents until you lose three times. Then you’re awarded prizes for every victory you racked up. Rewards like gold cards, crafting dust, packs, and gold. The implementation is great, I must say.I’m just so consistently bad I had to complain.

Pictured is a literal wizard’s Arena winning.

Occasionally cards will not interact in the way that you expect them to. If you’ve got 2 secrets that trigger at the same action, which one goes off first, do they both go off? Hell if I know. And that not knowing means that I can’t plan or strategize.

The Verdict

One of my major problems with Magic the Gathering is the pedigree. There are so many old cards that don’t fit with modern design sensibilities or are otherwise worth so much money that it acts like an incredibly high barrier to entry to certain formats.Hearthstone dodges all of these things by learning from MTG’s mistakes and being a pretty new game with no 500 dollar cards that you need to be competitive. It’s digital automation makes it much more difficult for someone to cheat on purpose or on accident. It’s also a much simpler game subjected to a different kind of RNG — never get mana screwed again but who knows what you’re Unstable Portal will produce. In short, it’s a damn fine card game that requires no previous knowledge of the World of Warcraft or experience with collectible card games. Oh yeah… and it’s free.

Next Week: The Consuming Shadow

Deus Ex: Human Revolution (Mac, PC, PS3, XBox 360, and WiiU)

It is 2024, the future of humanity is now. Rapid technological breakthroughs have made human cybernetic augmentations commonplace. These grant augmented individuals superior, strength, stamina, and cognitive abilities. Unfortunately, something in the human body causes them to reject their augmentations requiring a synthetic drug to keep the limbs functioning — and preventing massive amounts of pain.

You play as Adam Jensen, security chief for Sarif Industries. Sarif is one of the major providers of augmentations and, the most popular anti-rejection drug, Neuropozyne. Sarif HQ is attacked by paramilitary operatives, major scientists are kidnapped, and Jensen is left broken and battered after a run in with a powerful augmented individual. Not much of him is salvageable and to save his life Sarif has to replace his legs, arms, lungs, eyes, portions of his brain, and portions of his torso — they do throw in some cool sunglasses prosthetics, so that’s a plus.

Six months later, Jensen returns to service but there are still few leads concerning the attack. He must use his augmentations to do whatever it takes to rescue the kidnapped scientists — one of which is his girlfriend because they have to throw in a heavy emotional attachment or he won’t care apparently — and figure out what happened to them. The whole while he must grapple with his, perceived or real, loss of humanity.

History

Deus Ex: Human Revolution was developed by Eidos Montreal and published by Square Enix. The original Deus Ex was developed by Ion Storm and spearheaded by studio founder Warren Spector. It produced a sequel known as Invisible War and Spector left afterward. In his absence the studio floundered for two years, gaining no real headway in creating a series sequels until Eidos Interactive shut the studio down in 2005.

Development on Human Revolution began in 2007 with the formation of Eidos Montreal. The leaders of the team began by reading up on what Cyberpunk actually is. The new team contained no members of Ion Storm so many of them had to play the original Deus Ex to determine what should stay and what should go.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution was released in August 2011. It’s competition was Bastion (PC and XBLA), Limbo (PC), and Duke Nukem Forever (PC, Mac, PS3, Xbox 360).

Experiences

In real life being moral is its own reward. Someone who does good things in the EXPECTATION of being rewarded isn’t really a good person — getting cookies for doing the right thing is nice but if someone gets mad for not being rewarded then they’re just a jerk. The same goes for any game. Being a good person should be difficult, especially in a world as murder-centric as the cyberpunk dystopia of 2024 Detroit. But here’s the thing, I was TOLD that Deus Ex: Human Revolution rewarded the player for a non-lethal playthrough and that just doesn’t happen. It’s not the game’s fault but this failed expectation tainted the entire experience for me severely.

Bonus XP for knocking guards out is nice but I was told there were solid story changes.

I ended up wasting my time trying to knock out bosses — which is impossible by the way, not that I knew at the time. What really irks me though is that this is a game about player choice. You can play this game how you want and the game will, usually, support your playstyle. There is however one section especially that does not. I spent 40 minutes stuck in a closed arena where I had to non-lethally take out 11 guards and a giant robot attacking a downed chopper. There is no opportunity for stealth, and under pacifist restrictions you probably didn’t bring any heavy, robot-blasting, ordinance. The point being, I was fed some bunkum information by the internet. Combined with previous experiences with the pacifism gameplay differences of the original Deus Ex created a cloud of frustration that really tinged the rest of the game.

Gameplay

Deus Ex: Human Revolution is a first person shooter RPG with stealth elements where you can play your way. Longing for the days of the Thief series of games? Be a sneaky bastard. Just wanna shoot things? This title’s got you covered. No matter what path you choose — and sometimes for finding intricate solutions — Jensen will get experience points. Every 5000 XPs Jensen will get a Praxis point which he can spend making his augmentations more powerful. Like giving him the ability to run faster or the ability to breath toxic gasses — Just remember, it’s a good idea to keep Praxis points in reserve so Jensen can adapt quickly to a new and unexpected problem.

Do you need everything? No. Can you get it? Yes!

The game has a relatively rote quest structure within hub world maps. The big boss will give Jensen a job and then en route a series of hard up locals will ask a complete stranger, Jensen, to help them with their problems. Naturally, people you’ve helped out will reward Jensen in some way, at the very least with XP but sometimes with rare items or information.

The Gush

The thing that really kept me going through the game, no matter how frustrated I got, were the social encounters. Every so often Jensen can try to talk his way into what he wants using logic and other debate tactics to run verbal circles around his adversaries. A certain augment will give the player more information about the character, or you can derive it from their actions or e-mail messages. I am a huge fan of arguing, using friendly prattle to reach a mutual conclusion, so I really enjoyed being able to do that in a game. There’s nothing like using verbal sparring to render a foe into humble silence.

Check their profile and then choose your tactic, it’s time for a battle of wits!

The Cyberpunk atmosphere is really on point. Instead of seeing things from the downtrodden rebel’s point of view, like most cyberpunk media, Jensen is in an elevated and corporate position. Although, I admit, it’s still a story of defiance it’s a unique take on the Cyberpunk genre.

Everything gives Jensen experience and I do mean everything — pick your nose, I’m sure there are a few XP up there. Finding secret areas, sneaking around, and hacking all provide enough XP to build a decent Jensen.

Some of my favorite quests in the game were the detective quests. Jensen needs to find enough evidence to figure out what happened or whodunnit. There’s something exhilerating about searching a room for clues and then crafting the correct narrative for the crime.

And there are a lot of sidequests to boot.

The Kvetch

For a game that lets you play the game your way the boss fights are all gunplay. The Director’s Cut introduces advanced tactics but I didn’t play the Director’s Cut and don’t want to shell out ten dollars for a game that should have been released complete or patched. It’s baffling that they would create encounters that render certain skill-sets useless, especially against such a powerful foe.

I think it’s time to retire the Illuminati as a thing in media. When was the last time you heard a story in which the Illuminati being revealed was a cool thing — personally, the last time I saw the Illuminati implemented well was in The Secret World so good on them. Whenever a story writer needs a secret society to be evil, have near infinite wealth, and influence they’re go to is always the Illuminati. There are tons of conspiracies out there, there had to be one that fit this setting more. Maybe they could have just come up with a new one.

The melee take-downs in this game are visually and viscerally satisfying. It’s a pity that they consume a resource that has a really slow recharge cooldown. At least there’s a taser but it can only carry one shot at a time and is also resource dependent. The point being there’s no ammo-less melee weapon. Can I please just throw a rock, or have a punch, or a baton or something? I have metal fists, even if I don’t have a take-down in reserve I could still grind someone down with punches while they shoot me — I can take it, my robo-heart gives me regenerating health. Sadly, the solution instead is to hide behind a table or something like a total jackass until Jensen’s kung-fu energy recharges.

I’m not sure why the lethal take down is an option. Unconscious guards cannot be roused.

The Verdict

I do not have in recent memory a more frustrating game that I finished. The side-quests were much more satisfying than the main story. The gunplay may be grand but being bound to the moral high-road meant I got to use lethal weapons twice. The point is, if this sounded cool to you then get the Director’s Cut, it’s on Steam for 20 dollars. There’s no way to get the normal version anymore so you guys can get the TRUE experience. At this point, I don’t care to.

Next Week: Hearthstone

Inside (PC, Xbox One, and PS4)

This game’s got a deep story and is eminently spoilable. As such this review will contain minimal spoilers and will not mention any big twists that may or may not be in this game.

A faceless child is on the run from a vague yet menacing scientific organization. Through wilderness and ruin they will go, forever toward the East. To what ends? I cannot say. You’ll have to play and discover that on your own.

History

Inside was developed by Playdead, a Danish indie studio known for making Limbo and Inside. Inside was designed and intended to be a spiritual successor to Limbo, taking that game’s systems to a more refined extreme. Limbo had been made with a custom engine but Inside used the Unity engine to great effect. It lightened the workload and increased the ease of development.

Inside was released on June 29th, 2016 (For XBox One). It’s competition was The Technomancer (PC, PS4, and XBox One), Trials of the Blood Dragon (PC, PS4, XBox One), and Pokemon Go (iOS, an Droid).

Experiences

This game got me really immersed. I was totally into running from the agents and their hounds. I didn’t know why I had to go East but I could tell that it was important. This was a kid driven by some impulse or force and I wanted to know why. I went as far as to let the child rest after a daring and close escape. Thinking that somehow, my treatment of the child would impact events in some way. But then there’s an event around the half-way mark that took the wind out of my sales and pissed in my cheerios… but more on that later.

Gameplay

Inside is a puzzle platformer which means the child is gonna end up moving boxes and climbing things. He’ll also probably end up pushing buttons or pulling levers that do weird things to the area. No matter what, your goal is to eliminate or circumvent whatever obstacles come between you and the left side of the screen.

Oh, and some stealth elements thrown in there sometimes, maybe, sort-of.

One of the main puzzle mechanics are the control helmets. You may notice mishappen and listless not-men in the background at various points in the game. If you see these guys there’s probably a control helmet nearby. Shove your skull into that thing and the drones will come to life and start mimicking your movements and actions. Bear in mind, these not-men are much stronger than you — it sucks to be twelve.

The Gush

It’s difficult to avoid comparisons between Inside and Limbo so I’m not even gonna try. Thankfully I’ve got nothing but good things to say. In the same way that Left 4 Dead 2 is just a more fine-tuned Left 4 Dead 1, Inside is a more refined Limbo. More striking visuals, more forgiving checkpoints, and more mechanical elements than it’s predecessor. It doesn’t get stale though simply because so much time has passed between the releases and because the stories are completely different.

Speaking of story, although Inside doesn’t spell out what the plot is it’s clear that there is one. It’s easy to make meaning of who the child is and what they’re looking for especially once they find it.

I found the puzzles to be simple but fascinating. I only got stuck for any length of time twice. One of those instances was simply a platforming challenge that I thought was more complicated than it was.

The bizarre puzzle elements are so memorable that I remember this area’s gimmick from the image alone.

Although if these puzzles are too easy for you then you can search for the 13 secret orbs. Explore the world to its limits to find and disable these hidden and secret machines to unlock a sort of secret ending.

The Kvetch

I do take umbrage with the platforming in some instances. Some jumps require pixel precision which is exacerbated by the child’s walk cycle. It’s difficult to determine exactly where they’re standing, prompting an early jump and subsequent death. I mentioned getting stuck in a platforming situation. I ended up spending 20 minutes trying to find a puzzle solution for a jumping problem.

Time for some minor spoilers and a major gripe. Inside thrives on a minimalist story. Presenting only as much information as it needs for the mind to build a cohesive narrative. There is a point though I cannot reconcile. In the game we are introduced to a mer-person who haunts the waters. It is fast, strong, and deadly. Never hesitating to pursue the child and sparing no brutality in dispatching them. There comes a point where the mer-person suddenly develops a conscience — or something — and elects to rescue and empower the child. After mulling this moment over in my head for nearly two weeks now, I cannot figure out why this creature does this. I cannot fathom an explanation and no other media sources has been able to offer a satisfying explanation — or any explanation at all. It seems so small but in a short concise game it really ripped me out of the story and destroyed my immersion for the rest of the experience.

That siren? Save my life? That’s gonna need an explanation.

The Verdict

Inside is good. It’s damn good. It’s a monument to indie quality, what a game is, and how it can make you feel. But it has that one serious blemish for me. My repeated attempts to cover it up should stand as testament to its quality and how close it is to working. Still, if you’re seeking a wild but succinct experience with a low barrier to entry then Inside will do well by you.

Next Week: Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Fallout 4 (PC, PS4, and XBox One)

Back on over to the east Coast. If you spent enough time in the Capital Wasteland’s Rivet City then you probably heard something about the Commonwealth and something about an escaped Android. A clever bit of foreshadowing as Fallout 4 brings us to the very same Commonwealth. You play as the Sole Survivor of Vault 111, a vault devoted to cryogenic freezing. Your frozen slumber is interrupted by someone kidnapping your infant son and killing your spouse in their pod. When systems fail and you fully come to then it’s time to find your son. But we’re dealing with a nuclear wasteland here, just getting from A to B can be a chore much less finding a kid. Thankfully, as the protagonist of a Bethesda game everyone needs your help and your destined to become the center of attention!

History

Fallout 4 was developed by Bethesda Game Studios and directed by Todd Howard. The big elements were the characters free form creation system. Eschewing the previous series’ physical attribute sliders the player could instead simply click and drag the face to alter its features. The player could also add marks to that face to add flavor. It also touts a fully voiced protagonist very much like those in the Mass Effect series.

Fallout 4 was released on November 10th, 2015. It’s competition was Call of Duty: Black Ops III (PC, PS3, PS4, XBox 360, and Xbox One), Starcraft II: Legacy of the Void (PC), and Mordheim: City of the Damned (PC).

Experience

This game is a tragedy of shifting priorities. When I came out of the Vault I was on a b-line to save my son but almost immediately ran into some settlers who needed rescuing. So, I took care of them and then they needed someone to build their home up. No problem, I built them a little town. Now I can start the search for my son in earnest. Oh? What? A settlement needs my help? Alright, I’ll take care of them and oh? You need me to retake your giant base? Hold on, I’ll take care of that right after I do a special quest for my companion. And so on and so on.

These would all be fine but MY INFANT SON needs my help! By the time I found him 8 in game months had passed. At that point I was an unstoppable killing machine but I felt like a terrible parent. I just wish that the fun parts of the game didn’t have a price tag of that misery attached. Either that or finding the son needs to be the most fun thing the game has to offer before it lets the player screw around.

To the game’s credit it does a good job of getting the player attached to the child.

Gameplay

Fallout 4 is special. Literally, say goodbye to skills Fallout 4 is all about those Special scores. Every special score is rated from 1-10 and they still confer passive bonuses like how Endurance gives the character more health and Intelligence gives the character a bonus to experience point gains. Whenever you level up you can put a point into one of your special attributes or take a point in a perk. For instance if you have 4 points in Luck you can take the perk Mysterious Stranger perk and occasionally the fedora-ed fiend will assist you in VATS — by blowing your opponent away with his 44. Magnum.

And there are a ton of perks.

VATS is back and mostly the same. Now you can spend your Action Points to sprint — just don’t get caught dashing into a firefight. Every time you hit a target in VATS you store critical juice in your crit meter. When you’ve got a gallon of crit juice in the meter then you can invoke an extra damage dealing, automatically hitting critical hit — nothing like storing up a gallon and then hitting that ‘impossible’ shot from across the map.

The two big things that this game wanted you to know it had on launch was settlement building and weapon customization. With the right work table and perks you can take a weapon and tool it up. Putting in new parts to increase damage or accuracy. These upgrades require resources like oil and screws so keep your eyes open for relevant scrap and junk. You can also use these scrapped resources to build settlements…

Settlements require food, water, beds, and people. Certain areas will have access to fresh water and other areas will have access to different resources so creating trade routes can help your settlements shore up the weaknesses of others. Some towns may come under attack if their security score is not high enough. The more resources the town has then the more protection it needs. You can also put your citizens to work manning scrap salvage stations or shops to bring it more resources you can use — or pawn and pocket the profits.

The Gush

One of my favorite Fallout 3 stories highlights its shoddy gunplay. I was ambushed by a feral ghoul and fired my hunting rifle randomly in panic — my gun wasn’t even pointed at the thing. I could see the bullet come out of it at an impossible angle and crit the ghoul in the head. It was at this point that I learned that the game’s gun physics didn’t operate on logic but were simply determined as hits or misses based on accuracy and skills. That’ll never happen in Fallout 4. Bullets, more or less, shoot straight and where you point them. This good shooting feelings also ties back into the weapon customization. You made that awesome gun, and it feels good to shoot it.

This game is a great example of a ‘colorful cast of characters’. You’ll meet the mayor of a drug riddled town who is a ghoul dressed like a founding father, named Hancock no less. Or you might run into the android detective Nick Valentine, a private dick with a literal heart of steel. And these guys are also companions! Not only can you interact with them but you can take them on the go.

He’s just a simple ghoul who likes his hat. Oh yeah, and Jet, he also loves Jet.

I really liked the settlement system. As someone who loves anything with a territory control mechanic being able to customize that territory really popped my toast. I claimed every single settlement that there was to claim and I took care of them all as best as I could. I even went as far as making decisions in the game based on how my citizens might view my actions.

Fallout 4 deals with the radiation statistic like it never has before. No longer does it simply lower stats or apply ineffectual debuffs radiation simply lowers the character’s maximum health. This makes every source of radiation or enemy that deals radiation damage more important than the last. It’s a simple and brilliant innovative implementation of an old Fallout element.

The Rant

Alright everyone, get your helmets on. Do you guys remember when I talked about the different factions in Fallout: New Vegas? If not, then go read that. The basic point is that all of the New Vegas factions form together into an analogous view of the world. All with creeds and agendas made to inspire. My college campus was filled with proud little patriots who devoted themselves to the New California Republic or those who thought the enigmatic Mr. House had a hold on things — not so much support for the Legion though. But, if none of them interested you then it was totally possible to strike out on your own and go your own way. Fallout 4 has none of this.

The four factions you have to choose from in the Commonwealth are the Minutemen, who will clearly fall to pieces and divide into a series of feuding tax lords  someday. I only suggest this because THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED the last time the organization got too big for its britches. It might last until the protagonist dies but I’m trying to save the wasteland not just put a big band-aid on it.

I am not entrusting the Commonwealth to laser musket toting hicks.

Then we have the Institute, the boogey-men of the Commonwealth. Sending out their synthetic androids in the dead of night to kidnap people and do their bidding. They claim to want to heal the wasteland by purging it but there’s just no good way to put a spin on that. The story that cemented my view of the Institute is in a terminal in one of their labs. It’s a report about a plant seed experiment. They found a prospering farm in the wastes and immediately thought of how they could exploit it. So they took the patriach of the family, kidnapped in the night, and tortured him until they learned everything he knew. Learning this they killed him and put his consciousness into an android replica. They also sent this replica new seeds to see how they would grow in this wasteland soil. The report explained that once the Institute got the data they wanted they were going to burn the farm down so no one could learn what they had and they were going to kill everyone there so no one could figure out what happened. I’m not letting these crazy elitists command my wasteland.

The Brotherhood of Steel is back and they’re way more fascist then they used to be. Elder Lyons died of natural causes and Sarah Lyons died soon after in a routine combat exercise allowing Elder Maxson to rise to power — I’m certain that stink of assassination betrayal is coming from someplace else. Maxson is young, cocksure, and just a total dick. I know that’s what the Brotherhood on the West Coast stands for but this was the East Coast faction, this was Lyons’ Brotherhood. Elder Lyons turned them into a different beast, he was a man devoted to rehabilitating the wasteland and its denizens. Instead of jealously guarding technology he educated the people until they could be trusted with it. It was a bold new step for the organization. But Maxson’s return to form is a regression and makes no sense. Do you mean to tell me that the boy who was mentored by Elder Lyons and fell in love with Sarah heard a tale of his father’s glory and turned back on everything they taught him? OH WAIT! They could be doing a thing! What if the Institute replaced him with a synth and I have to save the Brotherhood from itself?! But that’s not what’s happening at all. Come on Bethesda! I’m coming up with gold here!

This Deathclaw can’t even watch as Bethesda bungles everything.

Alright, last faction, better be a good one. We’ve got The Railroad, a group of slave liberating, android rescuing, fascism fighting freedom fighters. I’ll be frank, I really love these guys. By any measurement they’re stand up people who are really trying to help the wasteland but there’s one giant problem with leaving it in their care. There’s not enough of them. They’re the smallest organization by far and their sphere of influence is quite small. Their ideals are admirable but backing them might mean society’s collapse as their unable to control the darker elements of the wastes.

Oh well… looks like I’ve got to take the lead again. OH WAIT! I can’t. That’s right, there’s no way to go into business for yourself. There’s no way to truly put yourself in charge. If the thesis of the game is that there is never a satisfying organization then that’s just not cool. Even if it were true that there’s no organization that will ever satisfy our needs it wouldn’t be wrong for the game to offer the fantasy to build one. New Vegas was able to create three factions that all had their downsides but people were still willing to look past, ignore, or remain unaware of them. There isn’t a single organization in Fallout 4 that anyone I know was behind without being totally unaware of what they truly stand for.

In short, they dun goofed. They created a world where the finale would never be satisfying because the finale always means putting someone lame on the throne. And I still don’t know why I can’t just put my rump down on the throne of the wastes.

The Kvetch

Once we get past that gigantic glaring flaw highlighted in the rant and my other major emotional flaw highlighted in the Experience there’s still more griping to be had. Fallout 4 has a little too much action and a little too little RPG. Despite having the ability to freely mold my character’s face I found it incredibly difficult to create the character as a character. New Vegas offered me traits and incredibly flavorful perks that could make my character an anarchist, or a weirdness magnet, or someone who didn’t like resorting to violence. Fallout 4 has none of that and then further hobbles itself by creating one of the most unsatisfying dialogue systems in history. Mad ups for making the main character fully voiced but when they have so little to say and so little character it doesn’t matter. And I’m not irked at the voice actors, they do a great job, but their scripts are really lacking. In any given dialogue your character can respond like a goodie two-shoes, a jerk, a sarcastic quipper, or an average person. The game doesn’t even explain what you’re going to say. The sarcastic option is literally labled Sarcasm sometimes!

Even the simplest situations in the earlier games gave your character the opportunity to highlight their unique traits, whether positively or negatively.

Every 3D Fallout game has been buggy but this one is on a whole other level. Settlements routinely forget that they have access to resources when I leave but suddenly remember them when I come to visit. I’ve fallen through the ground more times than I can count and other objects keep phasing through things! And to top it all off one of my settlers got into my only suit of power armor and turned into THIS!

Not only do they look like a goddam Deathclaw but now I’m out a suit of power armor an that shit ain’t cheap!

The Verdict

Fallout 4 is fine. Fine but flawed. If you wanted to run around the wasteland and blow up Super Mutants you’re going to have a blast. But if you wanted to leave an impact on that wasteland that wasn’t tied to fiddly settlement management you’re going to be disappointed. Unfortunately Fallout 4 is an action-RPG that’s too heavy on the Action and not enough on the RPG. Is it worth 30 dollars? I dunno, maybe. But it’s certainly not worth that and whatever the DLC is charging.

Next Week: Fallout 2.

Fallout: New Vegas (PC, XBox 360, PS3)

We’re going back to the West Coast with this title, back to the world of New Reno, The New California Republic, and Vault City. It’s been a long time since the Vault Dweller thwarted the mutant tyranny of The Master in Fallout 1 — echoes of his accomplishments still reverberate throughout the wasteland. The NCR has expanded far to the east and the battle for Vegas has arrived. As soon as the NCR reached Vegas their rivals to the East, Caesar’s Legion, did the same. Now these two ideologically opposed factions butt heads over the control of Hoover Dam, the major electricity provider for the Mojave Wasteland.

Meanwhile the enigmatic lord of New Vegas, Mr. Robert House, tries to acquire a long lost piece of technology, a small platinum poker chip. He’s spent a lot of cash getting it back and uses the Mojave Express to hire a Courier to deliver it to him. You are this Courier, ambushed by a man named Benny and his hired Great Khan goons. He caught you just outside of the little town of Goodsprings, shot ya in the head, and left ya for dead. Quick action by the local robot guardian, Victor, saved your life — robot got it in his brain to drag you to the local sawbones.

Back on your feet New Vegas is now your playground. Wanna get revenge? Want to leave the past behind and find a new life? Want to explore the wastes and the realms beyond? Go for it, do whatever, there’s no wrong answer. But all roads lead to Vegas and remember, the House always wins.

Robert House, ever smug.

 

History

So, it’s 2008, Fallout 3 was a critical and commercial success, but Bethesda is busy making The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. How do they capitalize on this Fallout Fever, this Nuclear Malady, this Wasteland Zeal? They call up Obsidian Entertainment, a company founded by Black Isle Studios veterans (Remember those guys? The ones who made Fallout 1 and 2). With a team directed by Josh Sawyer, of Interplay fame, they wanted to return to the West Coast and make a game set between Fallout 2 and 3 but Bethesda put their foot down on Pre-Sequeling. They did like the idea of a Vegas based game however. So Obsidian went to work, recycling ideas that were created in the discontinued Van Buren project, to continue the story they had abandoned 4 years ago — recycling things like Caesar’s Legion for instance.

Fallout New Vegas was released on October 19th, 2010. It’s competition was Super Meat Boy (XBLA), Dragon Age: Origins – Ultimate Edition (PC, XBox 360, PS3), and Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II (PS3, XBox 360, PC, Wii, DS).

Experiences

New Vegas is a masterful combination of mechanical complexity and raw experience. Between the quests, how they effect your interactions with the game’s factions and people, and the bizarre — but compelling — scenarios presented in the game and DLC the whole thing hits so many points it would be overwhelming if executed poorly. I would have to say that Obsidian most masterfully executes this dance between mechanic and meaning in The Lonesome Road DLC. It’s hard to believe it accomplishes so much. It was able to revive a character the writers were having a lot of fun with but had to cut, Ulysses.

What started as a mystery brought along by his appearance in playing cards packaged with the pre-order edition evolved into a full blown manhunt in the face of his attitude and presence in the various DLC campaigns. He’s always one step ahead of the player, he’s this enigma that serves as a sort of shadow for The Courier. Except you’re his shadow forever behind him until you finally meet on The Lonesome Road. A figurative high noon, where a shadow meets its source. The pursuit asks questions about player vs. character identity and the nature of identity as a whole. It went as far as to redefine one of the great riddles of the series — I mean, who would Obsidian be if they did not know their history?

In short, this game has a lot of things going on, running the gamut of experiences. It manages to showcase them all without coming off as exhausting or pulling itself in too many directions like, for instance, Elder Scrolls games tend to do

Gameplay

Didja read the Fallout 3 gameplay section? No? Then read that then read this. New Vegas introduces more in depth factions like cities, towns, the NCR, crime syndicates, and New Vegas neighborhoods. When you do right by them, they’ll do right by you and if you take advantage of, or outright kill them, don’t expect them to lend a helping hand. This system interacts independent of karma so you can still be a cold blooded bastard even though the Great Khans treat you like royalty.

Your faction reputation will also effect how certain companions react to you.

The maximum level with no DLC additions has been boosted up to 30 from 20 but you only get half as many base skill points as you did in Fallout 3 and perks are only awarded every other level, so choose wisely. The DLC raises the level cap up to 50 and unlock new perks and character traits.

DID I JUST SAY CHARACTER TRAITS?! That’s right, traits make a triumphant return. Traits are passive and subtle alterations to your character that help customize your aesthetic, narrative realness, or playstyle. For example Four Eyes which confers a perception bonus if the character is wearing glasses or a penalty if they’re not. And of course, I can’t leave out the inclusion of Wild Wasteland. Were you missing all the crazy stuff that used to happen in the classic Fallout games? Spent too much time in 3 searching for The Tardis or Monty Python’s Bridge of Death? Well, take the Wild Wasteland trait and you can now find the peculiar wonders of the Mojave.

They’re really mild but they can add a lot of character to your experience.

The Gush

New Vegas manages an impressive balancing act between elements of Fallout’s past, the completely new, and a cowboy aesthetic in a way that creates a bizarre world composed of the immediately recognizable. Not since Shadowrun’s 6th world have I seen such a cohesive setting with so many disparate elements.

Cowboys shooting robots? Wut? Shit happens in the Mojave.

This game offers far more player choice than the previous installment while keeping it all relevant. The Dam is an important resource whether you support Caesar’s Legion, The NCR, or Mr. House. They will all appreciate your services whether you’re truly devoted to their cause or a simple mercenary. And best yet, if you don’t like any of their ideologies you can flip them all the bird and set out on your own.

Despite being a game about the downfall of mankind and people just barely able to get by Fallout has had very little to do with survival. So long as the character avoids irradiated hellholes the player character need never eat, drink, or sleep. New Vegas introduces Hardcore Mode which gauges a character physical needs and penalizes them if they’re not met. If the game was too easy and you wanted a solid reason to hoard all those cans of beans then Hardcore mode is for you.

This game has got some solid DLC. Vanilla New Vegas has got more than enough content to satisfy a player but if they’re hungry for more then Obsidian has got some side-dishes all set up. I’ve already spoken about That Lonesome Road but New Vegas also includes Old World Blues where the player finds some brain in jars doing science. It’s also got the obligatory take everything from the player and force them to survive scenario in Dead Money. Oh yeah and then there’s…

The Kvetch

Lonely Hearts. It’s not even vanilla. It’s more like water. It’s bland, barely sustaining, but fine. It’s not toxic. It’s just not worth five dollars for a dose.

Behold! The legendary Joshua Graham… and he cleans guns and talks.

Fallout 3 had invisible walls around the edge of the map. A sad result of a finite world, unavoidable in a packaged product. Fallout New Vegas has invisible walls on mountains the player can climb. You’ll be about to crest over the peak and then an invisible wall gently but firmly tells you ‘best go around me, I know it’ll take 10 minutes to make the trek. I know that you can see your destination just beyond me. But I don’t give a fuck.’

The Verdict

Well we’re almost at the 1500 word mark and if it doesn’t show, I wuv this game — I wuv it to death with nuclear arms. I’ve been from one end of it to the other, there are very few areas and locations that I haven’t explored. The vanilla game is ten dollars on Steam and that’s a steal, the Game of the Year edition is only twenty! So if you want a great big, old, retro-futuristic, robot filled, cowboy having, desert wasteland adventure then this is the game you’ve been looking for all this time.

Next Week: Fallout 4

Fallout 3 (PS3, XBox 360, and PC)

Alright, I wanna talk about Fallout 4 but I should probably establish context for my thoughts and feelings first. Which means I could mention the previous installments and what influenced my expectations for the series… or I could do full reviews of Fallout 3 and New Vegas! If you want to kick it old school and see what Fallout was like in 2D check out my Fallout 1 review. (And don’t worry, sometime I will get to the golden gem that is Fallout 2)

Fallout 3 takes place on the East coast of the US this time around. Time to go to Washington DC itself, the heart of the country and the highest on the Geiger Counter — it’s the nation’s capital, you can bet the Chinese nuked the hell out of it. You play as the child of Vault 101’s Doctor (In case you didn’t know, Vaults are shelters designed to endure the nuclear pummeling the surface took). Trapped beneath the Earth your father longed to go to the Wasteland above, something about a Project Purity. But all interaction with the surface is expressly forbidden by order of the Vault’s Overseer. Your father, not a man who likes to be told what to do, escaped despite this. You, desperate for answers, follow and escape as well.

The wastes are not what you expected or were prepared for. Mutants, bandits, dangerous creatures, technologically advanced agents, and strange goings on await you outside the Vault Door. And as always these loose factions are embroiled in a bitter war for survival and dominance.

Rule 1: Don’t mess with the guy with the shoulder mounted, nuclear capable, catapult.

History

At this point in Fallout’s development history things were in rough shape. The combat heavy but story starved Fallout Tactics sold well but was considered non-canon and not as compelling as the originals. Interplay then developed and published Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, a game very much like Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance — and just as disappointing– which sold just as well its fantasy counterpart.

Black Isle Studio was developing Fallout 3 under the code-name Van Buren but in the face of their parent company, Interplay, filing for bankruptcy were forced to cancel. With the rights to Fallout and no way to keep the franchise going to life Interplay sold the Fallout IP to Bethesda for 1.17 million dollars. Long time members of the Fallout development team were saddened about not being able to continue the story.

Bethesda wasted no time using the Gamebryo engine and employing the same team that created The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion to create Fallout 3. Development started slowly but once all of Oblivion’s DLC and add-ons were completed development started on Fallout 3 in earnest. It would continue the legacy of the original games by sharing its focuses on non-linear gameplay, violence, and dark comedy.

Fallout 3 was released on October 28th, 2008. It’s competition was Fable II (XBox 360), LittleBigPlanet (PS3), and Command and Conquer: Red Alert III (PC).

Experiences

Fallout 3 is exceptional at building a mood and atmosphere. It’s filled with vast empty spaces and where there are people desperate for the necessities of life. It’s totally possible to wander 10 minute stretches without running into anything, dangerous or otherwise. There are picnic areas populated by nothing but skeletons, abandoned caves, and all sorts of locations with a little loot and perhaps the remnants of a sad tale.

Yet where there are people, even in the stable places, they’re generally in trouble or need. Between Underworld’s dwindling supply of scrap metal and Ashur’s daughter’s fascination with teddy bears, everyone needs something. And they generally don’t have the manpower to get it — and most self respecting mercs won’t got hunting for stuffed toys.

I don’t have a problem! YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!

But the point is that you can feel it. In the mutants, raiders, and townsfolk they’re all one bad season away from getting wiped out. The mood strikes the player and entices greed or charity. It forces the question ‘Do I give them what I have or keep it because I deserve it more?’

Gameplay

Fallout 3 is a first person RPG shooter. You walk around chat with the locals and if anyone gives you flack, gets in your way, or refuses to listen to reason — whatever excuse you prefer — you can perforate them or bludgeon them to death with your implement of choice. Alternatively, if you don’t trust your ability to click things — or just want some slick camera angles put on your killing — you can use the Vault Assisted Targeting System or VATS for short. VATS stops time and presents the ability to target specific enemy limbs.

‘Don’t shoot for the legs’ they said. ‘It’s not as spectacular’ they said.

The SPECIAL system returns strong and presents numerical representations of a characters Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck. Which then determine a characters derived skills — which now has a much smaller list than the previous 2D games… goodbye gambling. Every level the character gains bestows skill points and perks! Perks give the character more specialized advantages such as earning more skill points per level or doing more damage to mutated creatures. Sadly, traits no longer exist and were scrapped for this title.

You’ll wander the wastes and find lots of people who need help. These are great opportunities to influence the wasteland for fun or profit, good or ill. Find a town beset by mutants? You can help ’em out for free and get some warm fuzzies, get a fair wage out of it, or gauge them for cash — you deserve it more anyway right? And besides, who else is gonna risk their neck?

Become that jerk merchant from the end of every RPG! ‘I can’t kill these ghouls for anything less than 1000 caps.’

These choices and actions determine how other people treat you by altering your karma. Karma comes in the good and bad varieties and has a subtle effect on how people treat you. It can even determine which companions will join you on your quest — ‘cept Dogmeat, he don’t give a damn who you kill or why you’re doing it.

Who’s a good boy?

 

The Gush

This game has so many goddam locations and almost all of them have something interesting going on. From the Rebublic of Dave’s current election woes to the mysteries of the Dunwich Building if you pick a direction and start walking you’ll eventually find something cool.

Speaking of places, I really like the settlements of the DC Wasteland. From Megaton to Rivet City I find it really interesting how the people of the wasteland try to eke out a living. They’re also all really well designed physically and efficiently.

Behold! Megaton! Pay no attention to the undetonated bomb in the village pond.

Two words, Three Dog. The player’s armbound computer has a radio and one of the stations on the air is Galaxy News Radio. GNR’s DJ brought the world of Fallout 3 to life for me, commenting on my accomplishments and failings. Three Dog also functions as a miniature tutorial, telling the player simple things about the game. And an opportunity to have some tone setting tunes from the 50s. He also gives the player hints about where to find quests. If Three Dog mentions a mysterious grove of trees out there, you can go find it!

The DLC in this game is really solid. The Pitt and Point Lookout present new environments for the player to explore and Broken Steel continues the game beyond its original finale. Mothership Zeta is… well disappointing but I’ll get to that. Overall it’s definitely worth the purchase — but maybe not at five dollars a pop.

The Kvetch

Why did the Mothership Zeta DLC get created? We could have gotten anything else besides aliens. Aliens were in Fallout 2 and those aliens seemed like they had some sort of mysterious agenda. It was really better left unspoken. But now we’ve got that aliens have no goddam agenda. I see what they’re doing but cannot make sense of it. Whatever, kill them and get some sweet laser guns.

I really don’t like how the finale punishes the player for being intelligent. Spoiler free, there’s a thing that’ll kill the player if they do it. Alternatively, the player can ask a companion who’s not susceptible to the danger danger to take care of it instead. The final cutscene then mocks the player for being unwilling to die an unnecessary death at the ripe age of 21. I guess it doesn’t pay to think creatively for this choice in the game.

The Verdict

Uhhhhh, yeah, this game is awesome. My greatest wish for this game is that I could wipe my memory of it and explore it all again. Now that I know what I’m doing, where I’m going, and what to expect there’s nothing left for me. That being said, this was only accomplished after hours of exploration, searching every nook. The game of the year edition is frequently on sale, full price it’s still only $20, and I highly recommend getting it with the DLC. Playing it again, it’s hard to believe that this game is 8 years old because it still looks fine, plays smooth, and is incredibly fun.

Next Week: Fallout: New Vegas

Lisa: The Joyful (PC, Mac, Linux)

This game is the sequel of Lisa: the Painful so all the trigger warnings from the previous game apply which include physical, emotional, and sexual parental abuse, themes of violence, drug addiction, sexual assault, and suicide.

Also, here’s a spoiler warning. Seriously, I’m gonna spoil the shit out of the ending of Lisa the Painful in the next sentence. Here I go. At the end of Lisa: The Painful Brad tracked Buddy down, found her under guard of the Rando Army,  fought his way through all of them, and even beat Rando himself in order to ‘rescue’ her. Unfortunately, his use of the the drug Joy caused him to mutate into one of the deformed beasts that have dotted the wastes. Buzzo captures the Brad mutant and warns Buddy of the dangers of the road ahead. Rando, battered but still alive, convinces Buddy that they can travel to a safe place nearby.

After Rando recovers enough to travel they come to the border between West Olathe and East Olathe. The border is marked by an obelisk which lists the top gang leaders of the wasteland. Rando implores Buddy to join him in rallying his army and bringing peace to the world. Buddy has a different idea to bring about peace. Brad taught her to be strong, to kill anyone who would try to hurt her. If the world is so hostile then she will rule it by killing the other gang leaders and forcing everyone in the wasteland to bow to her.

History

Lisa the Joyful was DLC for the original game. It was created in response to Lisa Kickstarter reaching its stretch goals. And… that’s about it… it’s 5 dollars.

Fun Fact: Buddy is Dingaling’s least favorite character.

Experiences

After the sheer silliness and exhileration of The Painful, The Joyful comes as a bit of a let-down. The gameplay is fine, the story brings Olathe’s tale to a close but the focus is off Lisa. Lisa’s is a tale of abuse and each of the games has been like seeing the ripples in the pond expanding from the nexus of the Marty’s terrible acts. Lisa: the First features Lisa as the protagonist exploring the realm of her mind. The Painful spreads out to her, remaining kin and failed protector, Brad and how her abuse shaped him and his actions. Then Joyful expands out to the third generation, so to speak, Buzzo, Rando, and Buddy who’s live were touched by Brad and therefore Lisa.

The ripples from Lisa are still present but it’s much more a story about Olathe, a world that I never grew much attachment to. It turns out that, as usual, asking the question is more interesting than answering it. Creating the world of Olathe, depicting a world without women, introducing the themes of abuse and suffering, that was all very interesting. As Olathe’s terminus, this game makes all the fade away.

Get all that? Good, get to killing.

Gameplay

Lisa: The Joyful plays almost exactly the same as its predecessor but it’s different in a series of content amputating ways. Buddy never acquires a gang and so there is no longer  a motley crew of drunken fuck-ups — she is accompanied by Rando but he is but one sober broken man. there are also fewer areas and fewer options in combat. Just about the only thing this game adds is the ability to jump — Brad was too old, Buddy is still young and nimble. She can also don or remove masks to hide her identity or provoke fights from any NPC — anyone who sees that she’s a girl will probably respond violently. Buddy’s techniques also introduce a sort of timed hit mechanic to inflict critical hits and additional effects.

The Gush

This game has a few crucial choices in it which will require separate playthroughs to fully explore. This game really wraps up all the loose ends and because it’s so short it’s not a bother to play through it multiple times. Of course, like the others, this game is full of secrets so look around and take advantage of that jumping ability. In short, it’s short and uses that to its advantage.

The Kvetch

Lisa: The Painful had so many hidden and secret characters and items. I feel like The Joyful with its elimination of companions, and limited items and weapons makes a game where the existence of such hidden things would be pointless. But… those were some of my favorite things! I mean, thanks for not bringing me to any pointless treasure troves but I do miss the joy they brought me.

It’s just you and Rando for most of the game so it’s important to think more tactically than ever before. This game is hard and will push you to use your noggin and your items. Think before you run off, get dunked, use all your items, and then get a save in which it’s nearly impossible to move forward. This game can easily put you in a state where you’ve got to start over because you’ve wasted too many supplies.

The Verdict

Although not nearly as entertaining or interesting as the previous installment — I would say it’s almost stale — I was willing to finish simply because it was so short and I wanted to know the end of the story. All the different endings tie up a lot of loose ends and put a nice bow on the story of Olathe, Brad, Lisa, and all those her experiences touched. For five dollars on Steam, I would get it if you wanted just that final drop of the Lisa experience.

Next Week: Fallout 3