Borderlands (PC, Playstation 3, XBox 360)

Introduction

In a galaxy of planet purchasing corporations– that are embroiled in a brutal debate as to which of them is actually bigger than God– four childhood friends join to fulfill their dream to find the greatest treasure in history. This treasure is rumored to be kept in The Vault on the lawless planet of Pandora– I mean look at that guy up there, if he’s the average citizen this might not be a great place. These Vault Hunters will weather through Bandits, the wildlife, and annoying robots to reach the fabled Vault with all its immense riches– that is… if treasure is what lies within.

Picture here is the main cast, from left to right, Roland the Soldier, Lilith the Siren, Mordecai the Hunter, and Brick.

History

Borderlands was designed to run on a modified version of the Unreal Engine 3. At the time of release the engine would be five years old. The developers made up for this simple engine with a cel shaded and cartoonish world design that would be memorable and visually appealing. The old design was meant to be much more realistic. After this realistic design was scrapped the Art Director felt so offended that she walked out on the project.

Rumors abound that the deadline for the game got pushed forward surprisingly in the final stretches of the game. Speculation abounds that this is what caused the ending of the main game to be so lackluster.

Borderlands was released for PC on October 26 2009– what is it with 2009 popping up a lot lately? It’s competition included League of Legends: Clash of Fate (PC), Bayonetta (PS3, XBox 360), and Saw: The Video Game (PS3, Xbox 360)

Nostalgia

When this game came out it was super exploitable. The computer club that I frequented bought one copy and simply removed the disk after they started up the game. This way everyone there was able to play at the same time together and we didn’t have to buy four copies of it on our limited budget. We came into a snag though because although we made character profiles there was no cloud support. Every time we wanted to play we had to use the same computers if we wanted to play our level appropriate characters. It lead us to keep switching computers and starting new characters. We eventually got to the end but we played through the opening section so many times we had strategies specifically for getting through it as quickly as possible. We would position people at quest markers the game hadn’t given us yet, ready to go to other areas as they unlocked.

Gameplay

This game is described as a loot based shooter. The player assists the people of Pandora and they’re given more powerful weapons, shields, and grenades in return– oh yeah, and cash which is kind of useless.

Each of the different characters has an action skills and abilities that they can spend skill points on. It’s really easy and cheap to redistribute a characters skill points. Certain items offer the character passive abilities or bonus points to different skills. These abilities are usually pretty similar but the action skills couldn’t be more different. From siccing large birds on enemies to pummeling them with your fists in a berzerk rage, these skills will heavily influence the way you play.

The game was touted as having a Bazillion Guns and they weren’t kidding around. From machine pistols to rocket launchers this game has weapons large and small for intrepid Vault Hunters and Bandits alike. Each weapon can have different parts on it that change its appearance and stats. One assault rifle might reload really quick or have interesting elemental power which really mixes things up.

Very rare weapons also have special enchantments that appear in red text with no clear explanation to their effect– trust in their awesomeness.

The Gush

I was listening to the soundtrack when I was writing this and I found it to be remarkably good. I hadn’t really been paying attention to it when I was playing– too busy shooting people and trying not to get dead and all that– but now that I focus on it I really like it a lot. It’s got this sort of western movie, mysterious, alien, and Diabloesque nature to it that I really dig. Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked was a perfect choice for the title theme as well. Showing off the mercenary nature of Pandora.

Even though cash is a largely useless resource– there’s not usually a gun available for purchase that’s better than what you have– it’s still fun in it’s own way to imagine this character’s fortune growing to an immense size.

The writing in this game is decently comedic. It seems to cover up for the games lack of compelling narrative and I think it does that pretty well. Some of the jokes fell flat but the later DLC campaigns got more funny as they went on.

The creature design for this game is really cool. The character design is pretty good too. I’ll never forget Helena Pierces wicked scarred face or Ned’s absurd mustache poking out over his surgical mask.

I dunno what that thing is but I think it’s coming this way and I’m not entirely comfortable with that.

The DLC in this game made up for the lame ending in my opinion. The delectable camp of the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, the real closure brought by General Knox’s Armory, and the sheer ridiculous fun of the Robolution were all a great time to be had by all.

The Kvetch

The bandit design is originally reminiscent of Mad Max or some similar post-apocalyptic setting and I thought it was really interesting. As the game went on and it was more of the same masked individuals I became very bored with it.

Killer bird things ripping out the eyes of masked thugs! This should be awesome but it’s sort of worn after the 50th time.

It’s something so small but it was a point of contention among me and my friends for the longest time. An abilities has ranks from 0-5. Class modification items can boost skills in rank. Does that mean they still cap out at 5 or can they be pushed beyond that limit? The answer is that they can be pushed above fifth rank but the game doesn’t inform the player as to the new statistical advantages.

This all being said, the skill menu looks quite nice. It just would have been great if there was an inclusive tooltip or something.

The planet of Pandora has all sorts of strange animals living on it and they’re all pretty cool. The Vault was reportedly built by a race of aliens known as the Eridians. That’s pretty cool, how the aliens left it behind. It would be quite the mystery if it wasn’t for the fact that actual living Eridians show up, especially during the finale. They have no desire to communicate with the player and serve only to create loose ends.

The ending of this game is a real let-down. After hours of mounting tension it’s revealed that The Vault was a hoax, which could have been cool in itself but it’s actually some sort of prison for a monster. Instead it was exacerbated by the existence of the Eridians. It makes sense why they wouldn’t want you to open it but then why would they have made a key to open it in the first place? I just… don’t understand.

The Verdict

This game is most enjoyed with friends but it’s ultimately disappointing. The DLC helps alleviate the shoddy ending but I’ll never forget the time I was promised mystery and subsequent closure and was given a Space Vagina Kraken in return.

“Hey guys! Itsa me!”

Next Week: Braid

Cave Story (PC, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, Wii)

Introduction

Cave Story is one of those games with a title that tells the player everything they need to know. There’s a cave and a story going on in it. By the nature of this story it’s got so many spoilers that it’s difficult to say anything about it. Let’s just say that you’re a “soldier from the surface” and that you’re going to be thrown into some turmoil. I hope you like Megaman because you’re gonna jump, shoot, and find a whole bunch of cool weapons to fight some bad guys.

No weapon, 3 health, and a save point, let’s get started.

History

Save story is a game that was made by one man, Daisuke Amaya. He programmed, wrote, developed, designed, and composed the whole project. It may have taken him five years to do it and when he was done he gave it away. This game is the definition of indie. It’s design is simple in all ways, characters, music, plot, gameplay but from that simple design complexity rises from the sheer number of factors that are thrown at the player. Amaya began working on Cave Story in 1999 when he was in university and continued working on it until 2004 while he was a software programmer.

It’s pretty easy to find a photo of the development team because this guy did it all.

It’s free distribution and eventual translation into English lead to a release Wii virtual console in 2010, on the Steam distribution platform in 2011 as Cave Story +, and as a fully remastered version called Cave Story 3D. Cave Story + is a paltry 9.99 so, although you can download it for free, I urge you to pay for it if you can no matter what platform you prefer. Cave Story + even has some cool stuff in it that’s not in the original like a boss rush, and Hard Mode– A mode that leaves the player at 3 HP through the whole game.

Cave story was released on December 20th 2004. It’s competition was World of Warcraft (PC), Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (Playstation 2), and The Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth (PC)

Nostalgia

If you’ve been playing videogames for a long time you’ll probably run out of fingers and toes counting the number of times that characters get or have amnesia in games. It’s a really popular trope in RPGs to create some dramatic irony or create some sort of prophecy. I can think of Final Fantasy games in which  multiple characters have MULTIPLE BOUTS of amnesia. Do writers know how extremely rare that amnesia is? Our dear hero in this game is also suffering amnesia and I won’t say why for spoilery reasons but lemme just say it makes perfect sense. It’s not about a blow to the head, brainwashing by a vague yet menacing organization, or something that happened when he was too young to remember it.

Gameplay

The game is pretty simple. Our soldier from the surface can jump, shoot, and move and that’s about it. He also has the rare ability among run and gun protagonists to aim up and down. You’ll encounter enemies and obstacles aplenty, almost no two of which are alike.

I hope you’re ready for the sheer quantity of dudes this game is gonna send at you.

A unique aspect of the game is that weapons upgrade system. Weapons have levels from 1 to 3. Enemies drops chips when they die which contribute what basically amount to experience points for weapons. Weapons get substantially better as they level up, get useful abilities (like shooting through walls), and they do more damage– with one exception. The trick is that weapons lose these level up points when you take damage. If you keep getting hit then you’re gonna have to change your weapons or scramble to find more upgrade chips. It’s a really interesting system that encourages exploring the weapon space.

Switching weapons in the middle of combat can be a little tricky but once you get ahold of it you’ll be switching from your busted machine gun to your missile launcher in no time.

Weapons are also the form of currency in the game. Some weapons are discovered through exploration while others can be traded away for different– not strictly better weapons.  The weapons each offer something to someone’s playstyle. Unfortunately each trade is non-refundable so you’ll have to have fun with your saves if you want to experiment.

The game is all about exploration. It’s loosely based on Metroid and it shows. There are secret passages and all sorts of strange places to find and explore. It’s the player’s responsibility to find important, but non-vital items, like the map or the Bubbler gun.

Gush

This game has got a bunch of endings and they’re all about how far you push the story. You can give up and just try to survive. Or you can go all out, save the day, and find out the answer to the mystery of the caverns. It’s up to you.

There’s a weapon in this game called the Nemesis. Unlike the other weapons in the game it gets worse the more you upgrade it. At level 1 it fires giant lightning bolts that deal intense damage. At level 3 it shoots ducks– like rubber ducks. It’s satisfying to get knocked around by a boss for a bit and then take out the Nemesis and get some payback.

The bosses in this game are phenomenal. They start off insanely simple but eventually the screen is being saturated with enemies and attacks and you’ve got to keep on to your wits just to survive. Experimenting with different weapons can also make some boss fights much easier to handle.

Is that a smiling rock ball, surrounded by other rock balls, rolling around the room and trying to crush you? Yes it is!

The music in this game is incredible. Amaya didn’t really know how to compose music so he made a program to compose music for him. He would take the raw output, tune it a little, and find the right area for it. The music fits these places incredibly, I’m taken in by it every time I play– My favorite song is Labyrinth Fight.

The characters are pretty simple in this game but there are so many that stand out to me. Their simple designs express a lot about their character.

One of the characters is a giant walking toaster named Balrog. He bashes through ceilings and shouts “Huzzah!” It’s hilarious.

The plot is simple and delightful. It’s a battle against greed, violence, and a battle for identity.

This title screen is the whole backstory for the game. In this image is what misdeeds have been done. Play the game and figure it out.

Kvetch

The path to the secret true ending is a motherfucker. Some of the things that you’re expected to do are totally illogical based on the circumstances– One of the steps you have to take is to abandon someone so that they can survive. You heard that right, you abandon the guy and he lives, if you help him out then he dies. Some steps require immensely precise actions, if you miss any of them then you’d better hope you didn’t save or you have to start the whole game over.

Verdict

Cave Story brings some of the most pathos evoking moments in any 2-D shooter that I’ve ever played. I laughed, I cried, I kicked some serious butt, saved the day, and solve a cosmic mystery. I can’t say that about most games that I bought for ten dollars.

Next Week: Atom Zombie Smasher (PC)

Gex: Enter the Gecko (Playstation 1, Nintendo 64, PC, and Gameboy Color)

 

Gex is a three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko. Why is there are three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko running  around? “Shut up! Go save the fabric of television!” is the game’s response– it’s bizarre how the mascoting got in the nineties.

Welcome to the media dimension. The place where all television exists– in the waves… I guess.

History

Gex started his existence as one of those weird nineties animal platform game mascots. His original game was a simple 2 dimensional affair complete with Gex posing on the front of the box with sunglasses on– The story of the original game is that Rez, the self-styled lord of the media dimension, kidnaps him to make him a mascot… even the game knows.

 Strangely enough, this game runs off the engine from Tomb Raider 1. Eidos,  are you recycling game engines again?  It was written by Dana Gould, a writer for the Simpsons. He would also design costumes that Gex would wear in different levels and perform 700 one-liners as Gex’s voice actor.

Fun Fact: Gex if voiced by Leslie Phillips in the European release.

Gex: Enter the Gecko was released on January 31st, 1998. It’s competition was Resident Evil 2 (PS1), Skullmonkeys (PS1), Panzer Dragoon Saga (Sega Saturn).

The voice behind Gex ladies and gents.

Nostalgia

Gex: Enter the Gecko was on of the first games that I got for the Playstation 1. I didn’t even know it was a sequel to anything, I just saw a 3D platformer and I was in. In fact, if I had thought it was a sequel I would have found the first in the series to play them in order. Which would have been a disastrous turn of events because I’ve played Gex and I didn’t really like it, which would have probably prompted me to not give this game a chance. It was also one of the first games that I needed a memory card to play. I remember writing down incredibly long passwords or starting the game over whenever I wanted to play. Was it a good investment, well let’s go on to the gameplay section.

I was such a scaredy cat, I would avoid the horror levels because they scared me so much.

Gameplay

The controls and design of Gex are pretty simple. Gex can jump, karate kick which doubles as a long jump, tail whip to take on close attacks, and jump on his tail like a spring to get a lot of height and destroy enemies below. If he takes 4 hits, he’ll go down. Gex can also walk on certain types of walls, they’re pretty easy to spot because of their discoloration. Keep an eye out for them though because they usually mark hidden areas.

The karate kick isn’t a very useful move but you’ve got to admit it looks pretty badass.

Every level has a theme, there’s Toon TV, Scream TV, Kung-Fu Theatre, and just about any other genre you can think of. How do you control the media dimension? With remotes of course. Each level has red and silver remotes. The red remotes are acquired by doing certain task specific to the level or reaching a certain point. Silver remotes are acquired by collecting enough things or finding the hidden silver remote in the level. You get gold remotes by killing bosses. These remotes unlock more channles and more sections of the media dimension.

Different levels have different themed obstacles and different themes within the levels. The Rocket Channel levels usually take place in space so a bad jump will send you hurtling to a bottomless space pit– how is there gravity in space? SHUT UP! And there are air stations, run out of air and Gex is dead. The Pre-History channel has tough enemies in it and so on.

Gex’s costume changes a lot in levels. Unfortunately the lightsaber is just for show.

Gush

Every channel has different enemies so it’s not the same old hat dispatching monsters all the time.

You wanna fight spoopy Pumpkins? Do it.

The music is usually very evocative of the style of each channel. The music matches the channel’s theme perfectly.

I love hunting for secrets and this game has got many secrets aplenty to go hunting for. There’s more hidden in this game than silver remotes, keep your eyes peeled.

The level design, even in the same channel, is unique. No two levels really feel alike. Different levels have different pieces doing different things. Then like any good game, they start putting them together.

The design and music reach a new level if you can find Rezopolis.

Gex’s one-liners are usually really good but sometimes he’ll just keep repeating the same phrase again and again.

Kvetch

The bosses in this game are really underwhelming. I remember that Mushu Pork and Mecharez exist but I don’t remember peril or really what fighting them was like.

Although if I had taken the time to enter over the shoulder mode with the camera I would never have been able to unsee Mushu’s screwed up eyes.

Some levels of this game have a lot of death pits. Most of the space levels are 99% percent pits and, looking back at platformers, pits are sort of a boring obstacle.

Verdict

This game is still pretty solid. It might be a little tough to track down but if you see it in a bargain bin somewhere and feeling like jumping around then I would recommend picking it up. I do warn that my nostalgic feelings for the game are pretty strong.

Next Week: Cave Story

Civilization II (PC and Playstation)

 

Introduction

In Civilization the player does not take the role of a gallant knight, a guy who’s girlfriend was kidnapped by thugs, or a hero. Civilization puts the role of the player into that of a leader, with no skills to fight enemies but a leader doesn’t need to fight, he’s got people for that. Choose your civilization, or make your own– although it’s purely aesthetic– and see how long you can go without inventing the wheel.

History

The irony is not lost on me that I can’t find information on this game’s development. Sorry ya’ll. I can say that it’s abandonware so it’s A-okay to download.

Civilization II was released on February 29th, 1996. It’s competition was Super Mario RPG (Super Nintendo), Duke Nukem 3D (PC), and Zork: Nemesis (PC).

Nostalgia

I know you whippersnappers out there are used to your Waifai and your internet multiplayer lobbies but if I wanted to play a multiplayer game then we had to play hot seat. A hot seat game is a game where each player plays on the same computer and has to switch seats on each other’s turns. So my cousin and I would declare each other as allies for life and take on the world and kick them in the teeth, not watching what each other was doing in the interim. But with this age of rapid internet access the hot seat has grown cold.

Gameplay

Civilization is a game about resource management and diplomacy. Cities produce buildings, units, and settlers and settlers build more cities– build more cities to get more settlers, to get more settlers to get more cities.

The three resources that fuel every city in this game are food, production, and trade. These resources are gained from the terrain around a city by citizens and a city gets more citizens by getting enough food. Settlers can also improve terrain around a city, like improving the production of a mountain by adding a mine or the food yield of some grasslands by irrigating it.. Production helps the city build buildings and units more quickly. Trade contributes to science, money, and luxuries. The effect that trade has on these things is altered by the type of government your civilization is in. Certain governments have additional effects like Fundamentalist Utopias have no unhappy citizens but gain technology half as quickly as others or how the UN or congress can prevent an action in a Democracy. If you want to change your government then you have to send your civilization into anarchy for awhile, nothing useful can be accomplished in anarchy.

You can also view your city. It’s especially ridiculous when there are multiple wonders in one city. Do you remember the time when America built the Colossus, the Pyramids, and Big Ben?

Diplomacy is actually really simplistic. You can exchange technologies, declare war, arrange peace, make alliances, and that’s about it. You can also make these requests at the behest of other civilizations to try and gain their trust.

If the production of your city gets too high then it’ll start producing pollution. Pollution can be cleaned up by settlers or engineers but while its there the improvements of the tile are negated.

And if there’s enough of it on the map it’ll trigger global warming which is bad… m’kay.

There is also a civilization that has no cities and no territory, they’re barbarians. Barbarians will show up randomly and attack your cities, if you can destroy their leader you’ll get a little bonus. Barbarians keep up with you in technology at all times and love to destroy the improvements you’ve made to your land. If barbarians aren’t your style then you can turn them off.

Barbarians always take the color red and can pose a serious threat. And if they capture your cities then they can produce units for themselves!

You win the game after you’ve laid waste to every other civilization or built a spaceship capable of sending your civilization to Alpha Centauri. War has other advantages too, after you capture a city you can learn a technological advance that they’ve learned. Why bother learning anything if you can just clobber them for it?

The Gush

This game runs smooth on whatever computer I’ve played it on. It’s also available for download all over the web because it’s 18 years old. Free sounds like a good price to me.

The music is really good. There are over 20 tracks ranging from atmospheric tracks, to classical organ music.

You can have a throne room! You improve it one piece at a time and can keep improving the same piece have have a president’s desk in a dusty cave if you want.

Or be boring and keep things consistent.

This game has got a great map editor so you can have fun with your friends in all sorts of custom made maps.

The wonders in this game are large structures that present an advantage that lasts for most if not all of the game. But someone else can complete it before you and send all that production to waste. I think it’s a really interesting piece of risk vs. reward design.

The Test of Time expansion to this game makes significant improvements to the automated settler AI. Automated AI, because 20 settlers are just too many to manage manually.

Test of Time also brings improved graphics and interface.

The Kvetch

Games are made of choices and there’s no mechanical and nearly no aesthetic difference between each civilization. Whether it’s Zulus or Vikings, they start off and develop with the same odds as everyone else. Sometimes my civilization starts with additional technologies but it seems random.

There are some scenarios in the Test of Time expansion that seem bugged. I tried the future expansion but eventually I couldn’t develop more technology. I tried the magical world but I couldn’t transfer between worlds and couldn’t figure out how to win.

Wonders are great but if a civilization is close to getting one it warns the other players. These players can then use money to finish their wonder and then the game chooses randomly who constructs it. Even if that doesn’t work that player can shift that production to another wonder. I just wish there was a better system.

The Verdict.

This game is incredible and for the low cost of free I don’t see much reason not to give it a whirl. Whether you’re a fan of the series looking at the earlier versions or new to the genre entirely it’s super fun.

Next week: Gex: Enter the Gecko

Final Fantasy VIII (PS1)

Introduction

Squall is an emotionally stunted teenage mercenary who has finished his final exams. He is now eligible to get sent out to do real wet-work and other dangerous missions (Wait… hold on. There are teenage mercenaries? Most of them are orphaned? Yeah because teenage mercenaries are killing soldiers and leaving their children parentless. And then the cycle propogates itself. Cid… you monster). His first mission gets messy and embroils his academy into a war. This war then gets messy and embroils the world in a conflict over relative time and space. Throw in a couple of romances, some kooky characters, some sweet settings, and a leveling up system that made my head spin and we’ve got a game.

Apparently this is what leveling up looks like… uh… umm…. I’ll get back to this later.

History

Another Final Fantasy game with the same old crew. It’s bizarre to think that most FF games begin with Yoshitaka Amano’s art and then those designs get extrapolated and integrated by writers and graphic designers into a cohesive product but that’s how it happens. Squall’s and Seifer’s trademark scars just started as something interesting Amano added to the designs and they turned into a symbol of bitter rivalry and parallel ability. Or how the card game came into being because they were popular in Japan at the time and so they made one, the simplest things provoke design and expansion (And then how those simple designs can get blown out of proportion).

Somehow that first image becomes the second. (And the Final Fantasy desire for more than the usual number of belts begins. Also, Jesus, Squall have you ever gone outside. He looks damn near translucent.)

Final Fantasy VIII was also the second game to get a release for PC. It had sharper but more jarring visuals, slightly worse background images, and more midi sounding music. It was also more difficult to control with a keyboard instead of a keyboard (X is the gunblade trigger, what were these guys thinking?). Steam’s PC port even includes a magic booster which provides Squall and his friends with a pool of simple spells to start the game with (Which would make sense considering they’re learning in a university that specializes in the application of magical warfare). When I was growing up it was also strangely difficult to find a computer that it ran well on.

Fun Fact: This is the first Final Fantasy with an ongoing internal monologue.

Funner Fact: This is the first Final Fantasy game with realistic models for characters.

Final Fantasy VIII was released on September 9th 1999. It’s competition was Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage (PS1), Heroes of Might and Magic III (PC), and Ape Escape (PS1).

Nostalgia

This is the first Final Fantasy game that I completed. There may have been a Gameshark involved and a lot of swearing but that doesn’t change the fact that I beat it. It was difficult even with a Squall with maxed out stats, one overpowered character does not an effective party make. And there are some fights that can’t be won with brute force alone. I didn’t do as much exploring as I would have otherwise and I didn’t figure out how to make the Junction system work. I’m so glad I revisited it and gave it an honest go though. Delving into it’s systems was one of the major points of playing and even if it meant a few saves that were basically unsalvageable and starting over… there was also a lot of cursing involved.

Also, navigating the debug menu was a giant nightmare.

Gameplay

It’s a Final Fantasy game so get ready for some angsty and over the top characters (Now don’t confuse those groups), turn based combat, a plot that’ll make your head spin a little, some minigames, and a brand new system that isn’t seen before or since.

Our angsty protagonist is Squall, an emotionally damaged young man who finds himself unable to trust anyone or anything but himself. Someone who keeps his feelings bottled up inside because it’s impossible, and therefor foolish, to truly relate to anyone or anything… ugh. Sorry, but playing as this guy can get a little oppressive. I see his point of view and how he got there from being abandoned as a small and impressionable child and that he’s still young, young enough to snap out of it or change in any way. But it’s still difficult to hear him think and talk about it all the time like he doesn’t see the adoration and care that his companions have for him. But, having been this way myself (Oh past me, you’re always worse than present me), I can understand where he comes from. I didn’t want to see the way others cared about me because that would mean having to admit that I could or should do the same for them. And in the end Squall breaks these nasty habits at least a little bit.

I bet he thinks he’s so deep. If he brings an acoustic guitar to my party I’m gonna throw him out.

The over the top characters are basically the rest of the cast. They’re all uproarious and compelling in their own ways. With only six main party characters it’s easier to develop them. Unlike Final Fantasy VI and it’s cast of 14 characters, 5 out of 6 of these characters get development and closure (This is even a bigger fraction!).

Look at these bright faced young people. Time for their spirits to get crushed.

The plot can turn into a jumbled mess a little bit though. When time travel gets involved and The Doctor is around to explain it away things are bound to get messed up.

The Kvush

The Junction system. I want to be angry at it because it’s a byzantine and nearly incomprehensible mess but I can’t stay mad at it. It provides the ability when connected with other systems, like the card game, allows characters to become very powerful very quickly. A system that provides nearly full character customization with the navigation of a few menus and the application of the player’s mind. And I know that everyone hates on the draw system for being a dumb, tedious, waste of time and it is but it’s not meant to be the primary source of magical charges (The only spell I draw is a few scans at the beginning of the game). It’s clear that items and Guardian Force refinement abilities are meant to be the main source of magic and that draw is meant to snag a few precious spells or Guardian Forces from bosses. So I loved figuring it out and loved having mastered it but there was a long time where the Junction system just didn’t make sense and I think the game has a bad way of conveying how it works.

Wait… wait! I see it now. You “equip” the magic to the stats. Why didn’t the game just phrase it that way?

Time Compression, I don’t know if it’s brilliant or supremely fucked up. I’m going to say it’s both, call it a night, and then ask Cthulhu to turn the lights out for me before he comes to bed.

The gunblade. Just… its existence can make fans cream their jeans and haters froth at the mouth. I think it’s an interesting idea for a cutting weapon to pierce thick hide and then inject an explosive shell into the wound but… it’s super impractical. And that was just my head canon on it. I think the game tries to say that it just fires bullets out of it’s invisible sword barrel. I dunno, it looks cool but it sounds so dumb.

The Gush

I love the card game. Screw all the haters, this game can get really strategically satisfying. Between the spread or abolishment of rules, the manipulation of those rules, and how their simple natures can change the game in big ways next next rules region is always full of surprises. There are also web sites that support the Triple Triad game if anyone has a hankering to play online with an expanded card set.

The music in this game is great but it was made by Uematsu and Uematsu doesn’t make bad stuff. At least he doesn’t make bad stuff at this time anyway.

The summons in this game are awesome. Because they’re usable multiple times in fights and have to be equipped to characters it’s a viable strategy to rely on GF attacks to dominate the opposition.

Besides, if you could summon this guy in real life to throw needles at your enemies you would.

The environments and backgrounds of this game look really good. Sometimes I marvel at things for a little while. And sometimes this marvelling leads to the discovery of sweet hidden passages.

These two places are part of the same location! And that location tells an impressive tale.

I also can’t think of a Final Fantasy game before it that was able to produce as much spectacle as the Garden fight from Disc 2. This is just madness, and there are even more scenes of the bloodshed.

I really like the character of Seifer Almasy. He’s got all of Squall’s emotional trauma but none of his reservedness. He’s loud, belligerent, dangerous, and inspiring but in the end that’s what captures him in a cult of personality lead and staffed by himself. He’s young, idealistic, and confused about his life but is unwilling to share that with anyone. And to top this all off he’s extremely capable. It’s like if Tyler Durden had all of the skills but none of the direction. When I was younger I didn’t understand his motivations at all but being all growed up it’s plain for me to see his rampant confusion and unwillingness to bring it to light.

Golden dialogue right there.

The Kvetch

Quistis is a really interesting character, or she could be. She’s the oldest of the bunch and the only female in the party who isn’t romantically involved (Well, except her obvious desire to fuck Squall around the beginning of the game which gets destroyed in the cold emotional black hole Squall has instead of a libido). But we know almost nothing about her. We don’t know where she trained, what her aspirations are, or what she’s all about.

This game is chock full of pointless side quests. There are so many little side activities that are not worth the player’s time. Some of them give Guardian Forces and that’s super cool and rewarding but Mr. Monkey’s quest line offers simple healing items that can be purchased from up scale shops. And don’t get me started on the obfuscated BS they expect of the player when it comes to the PUPU alien quest line.

The monsters scale with the player. Oblivion should’ve learned their lesson from this game. The average level of the party is used to determine the level of monsters and their statistics react accordingly with stronger monsters getting stronger faster and weaker monsters not seeing that big of a boost. This leads to a problem where players who are confused by the Junction System try to grind enemies to make up for it and then get left even further into the dust by enemies that they’re even more ill matched for. It leads to some interesting abuse with party balance and Junction manipulation but it feels like mean trick on an unsuspecting player.

The Verdict

Find your walk through or a friend who can help you cheat the system because I think this game is damn good. It’s certainly not as good as its review scores might suggest (10/10 my ass Playstation Magazine. I’ll go as high as 8/10 and not one point higher. [I would go for 7.5/10 but I have to make dumb number jokes]) but it’s also not as bad as it’s harsh critics would say. I recommend it to those that enjoy the byzantine or complex if only for complexity’s sake. There are too many wonderful moments, characters, places, and secrets to pass this one up.

Next Week: Brave Fencer Musashi (PS1)

Max Payne (PC)

Introduction

Max Payne is a NYPD detective– though not a loose cannon cop who doesn’t play by the rules– who’s wife and daughter are brutally slain at the hands of men strung out on a hitherto unknown substance, codenamed Valkyr. With nothing left to lose Max takes a job at the DEA to take revenge against Valkyr and its distributors, which had been conveniently offered to him only hours earlier– citing the existence of his wife and daughter as reason not to join no less. Framed for a murder he didn’t commit and with his cover blown, he must cut a bloody swath through New York in order to crack the case and regain his innocence. (I like how the developers couldn’t choose just one cop cliche so they went with all of them)

He knows how to make an entrance.

History

Max Payne was developed by Remedy Entertainment, only the second game they had developed, and was published and distributed by Take-Two Interactive. Development started in 1996, almost just after Tomb Raider’s release. The game is born of “how could we do it better and cheaper” the developers wanted to make Tomb Raider with a better camera, use the 3-D but not let it eat the budget. These desires created a better and more responsive control scheme and the use of comic panels to relay the narrative instead of full cut-scenes.

Fun Fact: Remedy developers shadowed some undercover New York agents (with their permission of course) in order to see what it was really like and take hundreds of photos to help them map areas.

Additional Fun Facts: People think that this game was influenced by the Matrix but since this game was in development in 1996 and intended to use slow motion as a mechanic that is untrue. Although the popularity of The Matrix probably made acclimating to the idea of slowing down time smooth.

Even more Funnerer Facts: Max Payne is loosely modeled after script writer, Sam Lake.

I wouldn’t call the resemblance uncanny but I will say they both have similar interests in Hawaiian shirts.

Max Payne was released in July 21, 2001 for PC and later on Playstation 2 and Xbox. It’s competition was Baldur’s Gate II: The Throne of Baal (PC), Final Fantasy X (PS2), and Devil May Cry (PS2)– what a golden year for gaming.

Nostalgia

This is one of the first games that had a level I was almost too scared to complete. Each chapter is separated by a dream sequence and these dream sequences are trippy and straight-up terrifying. Most of them are more puzzle than action but they’re all very thematic and make for great interludes to the, otherwise, non-stop action. The scariest part is really the music and sound. Slowed down and pitch altered clips from the game are audible including an infant’s scream that is nearly speaker breaking.

I’m walking on a trail of blood while it’s raining blood. This is… GREAT!

Gameplay

Max Payne is a third person over the shoulder shooter so it’s all about shooting mobsters, junkies, high grade mercenaries, and shadow government goons and the game does a lot to serve this. The biggest mechanic this game has to offer is Bullet Time. With a simple click of the right mouse button Max can slow down time a bit. This allows him to shoot faster and even dodge bullets. This might sound like it gets old but it doesn’t. The only thing that holds this mechanic back is that the only way to recharge bullet time is to kill enemies and if there aren’t any enemies around then you’ll have to do without until you wax some bad guys.

Bullet time can also be used to make Max perform slow motion dives, it’s a great way to start a fight or get out of the way of a shotgun blast.

Max moves quickly and responsively so it doesn’t have Tomb Raider’s tank controls. The over the shoulder vision also allows Max to look around corners– this might seem weird but I always assumed that even if Max couldn’t see them then he could still hear them.

When it comes to the killing Max’s arsenal is a little limited. He’s got two different pistols (one of which can be dual wielded and the other of which cannot), a shotgun, an automatic shotgun (But you won’t see those until the end of the game, an assault rifle, some uzis, a grenade launcher, and a sniper rifle, a bat, and some grenades. All of which fit conveniently in his trench coat. It might seem like there’s guns aplenty but they’re all similar.

Max’s nightmares serve to point these things out.

 

The Gush

The plot in this game is ridiculously good. Pardon me, I mean that it is both ridiculous and good. What starts with a tale of revenge ends with government conspiracies and mad science. It’s rife with betrayals and back stabbing. It’s built like an overblown John Woo movie. Where simple men take matters into their own hands and kill like… 500 guys before the end of the show.

The soundtrack for this game is really good, if scarce. The atmosphere of the brutal winter storm and decrepit buildings make most of the music.

The character’s are wonderfully fleshed out… except for Alex– he dies a little too early. Especially Max, the comic panels really get into his driven head. We hear his doubts, his fears, as well as his grim determination. All of the side characters ooze personality. From Vinnie’s desperate pleas and furious diatribes, to Vlad’s cool demeanor and brash plans. Every once and awhile some of the common thugs will even spout some humorous dialogue.

Those dream sequences. Now that I’m not scared of them any more they still send a chill down my spine. They’re an interesting look into the psyche of a man on the edge.

Nope, this didn’t get more okay between this one and the last.

The finale is a wonderful test of rudimentary puzzling and gunplay. It’s nice to see a final obstacle that is overcome with the player’s head as well as his weapons.

I love the Ingram weapons. They’re bullet hoses and reload quick. I used to call them the “boss killer” because those things spit out enough lead to keep a boss suspended in his getting hit animation until he’s dead.

 

The Kvetch

This game has a stealth mission. Max gets pummeled and has all of his weapons taken away so he’s got to sneak around until he can find some weapons. I’m all for taking away my arsenal but “sneaking” around when there’s no clear way to do so is confusing. I would get spotted by guys that were back to me because they were turning a corner.

There are a few “plot” holes. Certain characters survive events because the plot says so and that’s sort of weak.

The Verdict

This game is damn good and definitely deserves a purchase on the platform of your choice. It’s 3D shooting at it’s finest and it’s aged remarkably well. I’m not even nostalgia blind for this one, I just see it in my game drawer and think, “alright, let’s give it a go,” and I’m never disappointed.

Next Week: Final Fantasy 8

Mount and Blade (PC)

 

Introduction

The night is wet and cold. You’ve surrounded the city of Veluca with your group  of loyal and trusty warriors. You’re wearing the best armor and weapons money can buy and are the first climbing the ladder to mount the walls. You reach its precipe and get nailed with like, 6 crossbow bolts. What were you thinking? Never be the first over the wall– who do you think you are, Alexander the Great? I bet you thought it was so cool to have a giant axe and charge forward. Seriously, get a shield, it’s useful.

Pictured here are shields being useful. Do you believe me now?

 

History

Mount and Blade was developed by TaleWorlds, located in Turkey, and was published by Paradox Interactive, located in Sweden. You might know Paradox Interactive for Magicka, the Crusader Kings series, and Runemaster– these guys really like their medieval/fantasy roleplaying games. The game takes inspiration from games like Sid Meier’s Pirates! and Daggerfall. It’s meant to feel like the player is a vital character in a historical fiction novel.

Fun Fact:  The review scores for Mount and Blade varied greatly. Ranging from Eurogamer’s 5/10 to Gamepros 5 stars.

Mount and Blade was released on September 16th 2008. It’s competition was, Sid Meier’s Civilization IV (PC), Stalker: Clear Sky (PC), and The Witcher: Enhanced Edition (PC).

Oh man, check out those… 2008 graphics?

Compare that still shot with Stalker Clear, mentioned above and released in 2 weeks before.

 

Nostalgia

Game Mods. I remember seeing the guys at my college computer club playing this game and they all had all sorts of crazy mods for it. I’ve seen Star Wars mods where being wookie is just about wearing special wookie armor and all the swords were replaced with lightsabers. This game is easily modable and I think that’s a huge point for it. I know it’s no excuse for its lacking appearance and its semi-limited gameplay options but it is really cool. I’ll admit that I haven’t installed any mods for it but that’s not for lack of them. The internet is brimming with mods for this title and I urge players to seek out and try them.

Freaking skeletons. You can mod a skeleton army! Sign me up.

 

Gameplay

Mount and Blade is difficult to describe when it comes to its gameplay. It’s certainly a bit of a sandbox, there are any number of things the player can do. They can become a trader, become a bandit, a mercenary, a gallant  knight, a despicable scoundrel, the protector of a village, the lord of a castle, or try to take the world for themselves–key word ‘try’. The character’s skills are the main influence on what the player can do. If they want to make a character who’s good at trading it will behoove them to put extra points in trading or looting if they wanted to be a bandit for example.

Look at all these skills! They’re all also cleverly related to different attributes.

But if you want to do what the game “intends” you to do you’ll end up becoming the vassal to a king and conquering castles and cities… until he doesn’t shower you with the attention that a brave and valiant warlord deserves and has consistently given fiefs and castles to Lord Bulba and then you defect and he flips his shit and then you’ve got to flee to the nearby kingdom and hope they’ll accept you after to took over 2 of their cities… I think this one got away from me. But the point is that you can do a lot of things and you never know what’ll happen.

Maybe if you could extract your lips from King Ragnars butt then you might be able to actually accomplish something instead of having me do all your dirty work you stag bannered, stubble faced prick… I might hold a grudge.

Your path to success is based on the troops that you recruit. Each of the different factions has a recruit that can be upgraded into different units. And each factions troops lends themselves to different roles, certain factions have troops that a better suited to different tasks on the battlefield. In taverns across Calradia there are mercenaries and “heroes” to hire. Mercenaries are generic units that perform their tasks admirably but don’t excel in any real way. Heroes are characters that always get knocked out in battle and never truly die. They also can gain skills like the player can which allows very skilled heroes to contribute to each other’s skills, if applicable. These heroes also have opinions of other heroes and of the player’s actions. Some heroes revel in being bandits, other will leave the party if they raid too many villages.

 

The Gush

Do you see that face? That’s Jeremus and he’s the best hero money can buy, by which I mean he’ll join the party just to save peoples lives. How… Why? Because he’s a surgeon. I know medicine from this era isn’t great but Jeremus has got some good ideas and he just wants to keep people alive. He’s not too keen on bandits and imposing on villagers but he’s the only surgeon that needs no training.

All of the factions have grounding in different cultures of the time. Each one feels uniquely like themselves. It’s easy to identify who you’re fighting just by looking at their troops.

There are lots of different ways to alter the difficulty. From increasing the damage you deal to decreasing the damage you take to decreasing the general AI levels.

Being part of a cavalry charge is awesome and it’s something that not a lot of games offers.

Hold formation! Strike like a rogue wave!

I love the Nords, they assault castles and don’t afraid of anything.

I also love the Khergits, they are based on the mongols and that’s all you need to know.

The map is well decorated and looks like a real geopraphic location

It’s a pretty sweet map.

The interactions and dialogue of the heroes is really great. Hearing a superstitious and uneducated assassin accuse an engineer of black magic because he’s doing math in the sand is just hilarious.

 

The Kvetch

The music in this game isn’t very good. That’s all there is to it. It tries to have sweeping orchestral pieces but it’s plain to see it was made in some sort of program and not put together too well.

There’s only 1 different type of swing for every angle of attack. You’re always right handed and you can swing right, left, overhead, and stab and it’s always the same.

Cattle escorts. The cattle escort missions are the worst type of quests to get. They’re damn hard to control and it’s just tedious and not fun.

All the prisoners are only worth 50 denars because a Swadian Knight is just as valuable as a Swadian recruit.

The food system is really simple and seems merely ornamental.

 

The Verdict

This game is pretty good but after playing the sequel it feels incomplete. Mount and Blade: Warband has so much more polish and it really improves the games feel end experience. So I can’t recommend this, but only because Warband is better. Nostalgia status: Unblinded.

Next Week: Max Payne

Netstorm: Islands at War (PC)

I guess this is a game about… lightning. Great box, team.

In a world above the clouds people live on the scarce islands of land that float among the winds. This world is ruled by a cruel emperor and you are part of the revolution to depose him. You’ve been captured and imprisoned but you’ve freed your priest of the Furies and are ready to fight for freedom here and across the skies. Use your tactical acumen to place buildings, gather resources, and crush your enemies!

Did I say tactical acumen? I meant floating islands and buildings.

History

Netstorm was developed by Titanic Entertainment which, as far as I can tell, is comprised of 8 people and was published by Activision. A demo was released a month before it released proper and a simple exploit allowed users to unlock the full game with it. The game itself had bugs within, particularly in the multiplayer game mode. It was possible for players to force opponents to crash the game, securing easy victory. Both of these exploits significantly hurt sales. Activision kept the servers up until 2002 and now fans maintain enough servers to play online for diehard players.

The game is considered abandonware so downloading it is just a click away (http://www.abandonia.com/en/games/216/NetStorm+-+Islands+at+War.html).

Netstorm was released on October 31st, 1997. It’s competition was Curse of Monkey Island (PC), Colony Wars (PS1), and Age of Empires (PC)

There are also some 3D remake projects rolling around the web.

Nostalgia

Have you ever had to stop playing a game, or at least stop progressing, because there was one level you couldn’t beat? TV tropes refers to something like this as “That one level,” and Netstorm has one helluva “That one level.” It’s called The Noose and it’s a level with a big gimmick. The player’s starting island is surrounded by a special unbreakable bridge. The bridge has a few breakable segments but the rest can’t. The player can’t build bridges to the enemy island or nearby resource clusters so… how do get out? I didn’t figure it out for years. Apparently when a building is destroyed next to a bridge it breaks the bridge segments around it. So what you have to do is build a building next to the breakable parts of the noose and destroy those buildings yourself. But this is something that’s never explained in the game, it’s something that’s not even incidentally noticeable. I had to cheat to level select to skip it when I was a kid. It’s super annoying and it’s the first level of the second chapter.

Look at this nonsense! How is someone supposed to figure this out?

Gameplay

The game is about building buildings, building bridges, and building units to gather resources. Some buildings attack other buildings, other buildings absorb damage, and other buildings have other strange uses (Did building stop being a word?).  You can build bridges off of your island in order to reach resource nodes (Storm Geysers) and buildings.

The buildings and units you can build are limited by your knowledge. Then you need to build a workshop that correlates to the element of knowledge your building for and select it as one of the buildings that workshop is producing. If you don’t have the knowledge to build something then you’ll have to beat the level without it.

It’s less of a tech tree and more of a tech pile.

The four elements are Sun, Rain, Wind, and Thunder. Each element has a unique quality and theme. Sun buildings are simple but competent, Wind are quick and cheap but lack durability, Rain buildings are a little weird but useful, and Thunder buildings are incredibly powerful but are expensive and difficult to use.

Some advanced mechanics: Every building you destroy gives you a portion of its cost to you in storm power and the explosion can damage nearby buildings (Note: Defensive buildings don’t generate damaging explosions.) It’s cheaper to build more workshops of lower levels but that’ll hog your island space.

Space management can get a little crazy.

You claim victory over your opponent by immobilizing their priest, capturing him, bringing him to an altar, and sacrificing him to the Furies. It’s sort of interesting how you can be victorious without destroying your opponent’s stuff. It’s all about this one little vulnerable guy.

The sacrificial ritual has its own music and dialogue that all players can hear so everyone knows it’s going on.

The Gush

The 3D art for the encyclopedia’s models look really good. And each entry has a bit of flavor text that fleshes out the world. The humor in that flavor is dark but still hilarious.

The Nimbians are a people with a fully developed culture. Their art, government, and religion all serve the war they fight and their fighting serves their art, government, and religion.

I’m not sure if the soundtrack is dynamic but it certainly seems it. The beginning of each match has tranquil music that picks up as the buildings start going up, the lightning start arcing, and the whirligigs start their bombing runs.

The first two chapters of this game have a really great difficulty curve. They’re not too hard but not too easy either.

The opening cutscene for this game is surprisingly good.

GRAPHICS!

Every element has the same types of units but it’s incredible to see how little tweaks to their design can make them feel so different and unique.

This game can get incredibly chaotic, and it’s meant to. An enemy can sneak bridges behind your island and unload a pile of hurt on your workshops or other valuable structures. It’ll keep you on your toes to make sure nothing fishy is going on. The AI isn’t that bad but high level multiplayer can get dizzying.

I mean, what part of this seems difficult to follow?

The Kvetch

It’s sort of impossible to play the multiplayer anymore. Maybe I just couldn’t find a good server but there was never anyone else online. The multiplayer was supposed to be the big draw and it’s disappointing that it’s impossible to get a game going.

The Noose. (I’m still mad)

Some units and buildings just aren’t good… well… one is. The Arc Spire. It says it does 50 damage, more than anything else in the game! But it just creates a damaging wall between it and another Arc Spire, so an enemy has to be dumb enough to move into it or maybe it damages things structures between it too… I dunno. It just seems pointless.

The last chapter is ungodly levels of hard. It’s really unfun.

Dust Devils are generated by Dust Devil Generators. The generators can be destroyed, the Devils themselves cannot. I’ve played this game for years and still don’t know how to counter them effectively.

The Verdict

For the low price of FREE it’s simple to see why this game is worth playing. It’s got solid mechanics, fun flavor, challenging gameplay, and’ll entertain for a few hours at the least. I recommend this game without nostalgic interference. But when you get to The Noose, give it hell for me.

Next Week: Mount and Blade

Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi (Playstation 1)

Introduction

After the destruction of the Death Star Emperor Palpatine sends out the call to a hitherto-unknown character, Arden Lyn– Not Darth Vader, call someone we have no connection to and have never heard of. He orders her to go beat up Luke, Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia. Arden also teams up with Boba Fett and some alien guys. Lyn is an expert in the galactic martial art of Teras Kasi, which everyone else has picked up pretty quickly to face her. It’s time for all these characters to rumble across the Galaxy.

This is Arden Lyn. How does she hold up that giant robot arm with her normal body?

 

History

This game was developed by Lucas Arts– A Star Wars game developed by Lucas Arts, what are the odds? The reviews for this game are really mixed, but mostly on the negative side. The most common complaints were that Lightsabers did not remove limbs on hit and that characters were grossly imbalanced– but I’ll get to that later.

It introduced three new characters to the canon, A Tusken Raider named Hoar– yes it’s pronounced how you think it’s pronounced, A Pig Man guard from Jabba’s Palace named Thok, and Arden Lyn herself. Although they didn’t receive much, if any, backstory in the game they were fleshed out in the expanded fiction later on down the line. Arden Lyn and Teras Kasi actually became things that were acknowledged and vital to the canon.

Fun Fact: Teras Kasi is Finnish for Steel Fist.

Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi was released on September 23, 1998. It’s competition was Fallout 2(PC), Caesar III (PC), and Crash Bandicoot Warped (PS1).

Say what you will about choosing these races, I think they’re who the fans were dying to see guys brawl.

 

Nostalgia

Did you ever like a game that turned out to be totally bad? My father and I loved this game. It united our love of Star Wars and his desire to not play a game that took a long time to beat. I tried playing every character and he would only play Luke, he wanted to be the Jedi hero so that’s who he played. I’d try to sneak the difficulty higher when he went through the arcade mode to see him get frustrated or rise up against opposition.

But looking back on the game now I had no idea that the reviews for it were so bad. I thought this game was awesome, there were a lot of frustrating things but as a kid that didn’t play it competitively those problems didn’t come to light– Except for you Hoar, I’ll never forgive you.

I’m looking at you, you sandy bastard.

 

Gameplay

Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi is a fighting game, so it’s all about learning combos and using moves that are effective against your opponent’s moves. This all being said the move lists are only in the manual.

Every time you deal or take damage it fills your character’s power gauge. This power is measured from one to four bars and certain moves use this power gauge. Finishing moves us it all and devastate your opponent with an incredibly impressive attack.

There’s also a stun meter under each character’s health bar and I have no idea how it works.

Some characters have weapons that they can use. Luke’s lightsaber and Hoars gaffi stick are really cool to use but Chewbacca, Han, and Fett only get blasters that aren’t incredibly useful. Their ranged attacks have such a long charge time that it’s easy for other characters to close the gap and deck them in the schnoz.

The Gush

Playing as Luke Skywalker and fighting Darth Vader in a fighting game lightsaber duel is fun no matter how bad the controls are.

For the playstation 1 this game looks pretty good actually. The fields and arenas are good depictions of their settings, except for maybe the Hoth map.

Oh look… whiteness and snow.

The game has some fun and silly cheats like big head mode and tiny fighter mode.

The Kvetch

If you lose the manual you’ll lose the game. And when there are two players and only one manual, it turns the game into a pause-fest where each player is trying to remember or get the manual to figure out what to do. Most games have a move list available from the pause menu, this is not most games.

There are also certain moves that aren’t in the manual but are only in the strategy guide. Because gating moves behind a 20 dollar pay wall is fair, right?

The control input is kind of clunky. There are times where I SWEAR I’m pushing buttons, and the game recognizes it in practice mode, but I still don’t attack properly.

Or maybe the game is just glitching out.

The game only has 8 characters but it does have four unlockable characters. Unfortunately all these unlockable characters are just pallet swaps of other characters, they look different but have the same moves. With the exception of the incredibly hard to unlock, Mara Jade. She’s actually worse than Luke in every way– her healing move heals the opponent too! Bug or feature? You decide!

Oh… Stormtrooper… just what I wanted.

Some finishing moves can miss and other can’t, missing your finisher can be really disappointing especially when your opponent can’t miss theirs.

Animations are repeated a lot, especially with winning and losing taunts.

It’s ungodly hard to unlock Mara Jade in this game. You have to put in a cheat and then beat some enemies on the hardest difficulty level. A CHEAT is necessary to legit unlock a character, because fairness.

Some characters are unfairly good. HOAR RANT ENGAGE! Hoar has one special move, just one. It’s called the whirling dervish and it makes him spin around and hit the opponent 12 times or something. If he hits you with it, it’ll only stop when the move is over. It’s hard to dodge, deals a bunch of damage, and it’s just the same thing over and over again. It’s also his finisher, the only big difference being that the non-finisher version does less damage. Fighting this guy is a nightmare because two Whirling Dervishes will knock you out and using him feels like cheating because you knock out the opponent in two moves. But the only way to beat him is to play as him, you have to get on his level, stoop so low, to defeat the game.

This is what the dark side really is. Winning at any cost, ignoring fun and choosing victory.

 

The Verdict

I know I’ve complained a lot about this one but I can’t bring myself to hate it. Maybe I’ve succumbed to the dark side of Hoar’s spinning assaults but I just love having this fight…

Show me another game where I can face my father, playing as Darth Vader, as I play Luke Skywalker? Didn’t think so.

Next Week: Netstorm for the PC

Chrono Trigger (SNES)

Introduction

Chrono is a fatherless young man (Who doesn’t speak, has spiky hair, and a modestly sized sword)– and you know what that means, he’s the main character of a JRPG– who is going to the Kingdom’s Millenial Fare. He meets a boisterous young girl and goes to meet his best friend, Lucca. This is a JRPG and Lucca is a young woman wearing goggles so she’s got to be a super genius capable of constructing hyper-advanced technology. And this happens to be the case. When Chrono’s new friend tests the teleporter her strange pendant– which couldn’t be of vital importance– has a strange reaction to the machine and she disappears. As it turns out the pendant turns the teleporting machine into a time machine. More time portals open up during an adventure that leads Chrono and his friends through all of time.

“Lucca, is this thing safe?” “Of course, it’s completely untested and might turn your friend inside out but that’s what science is for.”

 

History

Chrono was made by Squaresoft by a team lead by Hironobu Sakaguchi, you might remember him from my Final Fantasy VI entry because he lead that team as well– and all Final Fantasies before it as well. They didn’t always plan for the game to be about time travel but when it was mentioned by an uncredited employee the team jumped on the idea except the head writer, Masato Kato. The sheer taunting weight of causality and the infinite ways that a player’s choices could alter the flow of history turned Kato off to the idea. That is, until Kato thought about multiple endings to the game based on those choices.

The endings of Chrono Trigger are so big there’s a meme for it.

The game was translated by, Final Fantasy IV and VI translator, Ted Woolsey. They only gave him 30 days to translate all the dialogue. He was only able to accomplish this by using strategy guides and other sources to give him a better grasp of what the translation was supposed to be. The English translation also has dialogue that totally changes the nature of the villain. Perhaps it was a mistranslation, perhaps it was Woosley’s own spin.

Fun Fact: The art was design by Akira Toriyama, the guy that made Dragonball.

Fun Fact: This game was planned to be a part of the Secret of Mana series.

Chrono Trigger was released on August 22nd 1995 for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. It’s competition included Comix Zone (Sega Genesis), I Have no Mouth and I Must Scream (PC), and Twisted Metal (Playstation).

Nostalgia

What ever happened to game over screens? The most recent game I can think of that had a real game over screen is Metal Gear Solid 4– which was punctuated by a montage of the game’s events culminating in an image of Snake saluting.

The final fight throws a curveball at you, changing “exit” to “exist”. Selecting exist triggers dialogue from the final boss who shouts, “It’s not over yet.”

I mean, this is the era of game over screens that could crush the soul of a young gamer that just wanted to save the day or defeat Jason Vorhees.

I’m not kidding. This is the game over screen of the Friday the 13th Nintendo game.

But Chrono Trigger goes a step further.  It has a whole game over cinematic. We get to see the final boss begin his march to eradicate all the life on the planet. All of the planet’s denizens work together to fight against the fearsome being. This is all Earth has to offer and it’s not enough. It’d be like if the Last Alliance of Men and Elves went to Mordor and Sauron was reading a magazine and proceeded to beat them all silly and conquered Middle Earth. After all that we’re treated to this.

As the screeching cry echoes throughout the cosmos the planet turns grey as all hope is dashed and all life is extinguished.

 

Gameplay

As a JRPG, combat is not what this game is all about. The design still supports fun combat though by introducing character techniques and the positions of enemies. Techniques aren’t just magic, Chrono has an ability where he spins his sword around dealing damage to an enemy and all nearby enemies. Some techniques hit single enemies, all enemies, or enemies in a line. This gives the player more to do than just select Attack over and over again. Watching the ways your enemies move can also give you a crucial advantage.

The plot leads our dear characters to the far future to the end of time, and the far past to the dawn of man. At the beginning the player has very few portals they can go through and few times they can explore but as the game opens up more portals make themselves apparent and eventually the player can travel through time at will– If that’s not awesome then I don’t know what is. The interactions between the time periods can be as subtle as the way the continents move or how taking a treasure chest from the past makes it empty in the future.

And the plot is really what this game is about. It’s filled with double crosses, misconceptions, and the will to persevere. It’s an absolute joy to play through with more than one moment that filled me with so much pathos that I had to save the game and put it away for the night.

It’s plain to see how the continents drifted between 600 AD and 1000 AD.

The Gush

New Game +. All I’m gonna say– alright not really. After you beat the game you can start again with all of your levels and items. Now you can beat the final boss at different parts of the game and defeating him in each chapter unlocks a different ending.

The music in this game is some of the best I know. It so well represented the characters and emotions of the scenes that I was utterly enthralled.

Time travel can be confusing. But when I got lost I can just go to the End of Time and talk to the old man there and he tells me what I was doing. Leaving an RPG is the kiss of death for it, it leads to a lot of “Where was I going? What was I doing?” But this guy will put you right back on track.

Also, the design of The End of Time is just incredible.

Most games have side-quests as things that are either too difficult to find or finish. The Chrono Trigger map is so compact across the time periods that it’s simple to see all the areas that are available to explore. And the interactions between them isn’t spelled out but it’s simple enough for the player to think “Time to go back in time and save the day!”

This game has 6 characters (And one secret one– shut your gob! No secrets here!) and they all get closure by the end of the game. Final Fantasy 6 was 9/14 but this one is 7/7 on the character closure scale.

There’s something about seeing all of the characters resting on the trail like this.

The multiple ending in this game are an interesting look of how history would have evolved if the player hadn’t altered things. How did Magus originally get defeated? What happens if no one helps the prehistoric people fight the reptites? What do the developers think of the game? A different ending answers these questions.

I’ll admit it, I’ve beaten this game three times and I still don’t know how to beat the final boss. I just fill him full of damage until he dies. But considering the unknowable nature of Lavos I think this is a very befitting way to fight the creature. It’s anatomy is so far beyond our understanding–or mine at least– that all I can do is whale on him until there’s nothing left.

“What? How do I? Fuck it. I’m gonna hit it until it stops moving and then I’m going to light the rest on fire.”

The characters are all dynamic and interesting. They all have interesting traits and motivations. They’ve all got something that holds them back and, at the same time, leads them on this journey to discover a way to overcome well… except…

 

The Kvetch

… Chrono. He’s a silent protagonist with no character except what the player invests in him. I’ll admit, the Millenial Fare and the subsequent trial gives the player a powerful opportunity to figure out who Chrono is and, by extension, who they are. Because Chrono is just a self insert for the player. We’re supposed to be Chrono but there aren’t a lot of decisions like the ones in the fare that allow us to flesh out who Chrono or we are– and what if I don’t want to be a red haired messiah analogue?

Also some techniques are hard to aim.

The Verdict

I had to dig, and I mean really dig, to find one complaint with this game. It’s great, it’s simply great. I can’t recommend it enough. If it seems like something you’ll like then you’ll love it. I’m not even Nostalgia blind for it. I didn’t play this game until I was 19, and maybe 5 years is enough for me to get into my rocking chair and declare it “the best game ever” but I don’t think that’s the case.

Nice work every sprite in the game.

Next Week: Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi