Bioshock Infinite (PC, Mac, Linux, PS3, XBox 360)

The year is 1912, one year after Andrew Ryan was born. You play as Booker DeWitt a particularly hard-boiled former Pinkerton agent and current private investigator with a past that weighs on his conscience and his wallet. He’s got a job that’s taking him all the way to Columbia, a city above the clouds. His task is simple, find a particular girl and bring her unharmed back to New York City, but if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. Welcome to Columbia! A city of wonders, industrial and scientific, built on the backs of poor unfortunate souls. Bring them the girl and wipe away the debt.

History

Bioshock Infinite was created by 2K games and directed by Ken Levine.  It runs on a heavily modified Unreal Engine 3 with everything built from scratch, nothing was recycled from previous Bioshock Titles. The player-character, DeWitt, was given a voice and is the only Bioshock protagonist to have one. This was implemented so that DeWitt and Elizabeth — the girl what will wipe away his debt — could have a more emotional bond (Drawing inspiration from the awkwardness in Half Life 2’s player character silence when dealing with his companion characters).

Not all was well in the land of the 2K however. Before release several members of Levine’s studio, Irrational Games,  were relieved and their positions were filled by others. In addition many vigors, enemies, weapons, and other assets had to be cut to meet the deadline. On a brighter note however Infinite did not use DRM systems that interfered with the game experience.

Bioshock Infinite was released on March 26, 2013. It’s competition was Starcraft II: Heart of the Swarm (PC), Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon (3DS), and Tomb Raider (PC, PS3, XBox 360).

Experiences

Elizabeth is a marvelously well rounded character. She becomes the focal point of the entire game. I persevered and kept going to see what would become of her and what she was thinking, DeWitt only seemed accessory in comparison. The guy who had to tote the gun, because we needed someone’s innocence to be lost and it wasn’t gonna be DeWitt’s. DeWitt’s also not very witty, he constantly needs Elizabeth to pick locks, find supplies, help him out, and explain science to him. Elizabeth is an escort character who pulls her weight and keeps me constantly interested in her plights, emotional situation, and combat aptitude.

Holy hell! A non-combat AI companion who’s helpful and interesting?! Lightning has struck twice.

Gameplay

Despite being in a different setting the gameplay is shockingly similar to the adventures through Rapture. Bioshock Infinite is a first person shooter where Booker shoots the people and goes to the places where the plot continues. There are some minor differences however. DeWitt has a health, EVE — I mean salts, and a shield meter. When his shield gets broken he’ll begin taking actual health damage but has an incredibly large health pool — those Pinkertons are tough, I suppose… tougher than a Big Daddy even.  Booker also hijacks a Skyhook pretty quickly which allows him to ride Columbia’s rail-car system and traverse great distances very quickly. Things grow more complex when Elizabeth gets introduced into the equation. The mysterious girl has the ability to reveal and open tears into alternate realities. This allows her to provide cover, allies, weapons, money, and all sorts of resources to keep Booker in the fight.

The Gush

Elizabeth has a jailer and a guardian known only as Songbird. The tenacious machine-man hybrid will do whatever it takes to keep Elizabeth safe… mostly from you and mostly by destroying things. But there is a scene where DeWitt gets to fight alongside Songbird and it’s the first time the player ends up in the Little Sister position in the Big Daddy/ Little Sister relationship.

Just some size comparison there. Songbird is huge, dangerous, frightening, and astonishingly sweet.

I absolutely adore the Lutece twins. These guys bring DeWitt to Columbia and guide him throughout the story, teleporting wherever they’re needed. Their antics always serve as an entertaining and informative experience, one that explains aspects of the game, complex scientific subjects, and the world of the story.

I’m curious what bet he lost to have to wear that sign.

The Kvetch

Vigors are dumb. They’re in the game simply because plasmids were in the other two. The plasmids were an integral part of Rapture’s setting that represented corruption, greed, and addiction in a sleek gene altering package. They show off how Ryan’s lack of fetters may have doomed the city he built. Vigors do… cool attacks on the bad men. There’s no allusion to Vigor abuse or even an explanation for their invention besides Columbia found a tear to Rapture and took that shit. They serve as a vestigial limb that takes me out of the immersion. Speaking of immersion…

Why is Booker limited to carrying only two weapons and two vigors at once? I understand why he can’t carry the mini-gatling gun all willy-nilly but Jack and Delta were able to carry around a small arsenal. That might not be realistic but when we have shields, alternate realities, the power to endure death, and a flying city I’m willing to suspend some disbelief for DeWitt having a backpack or something. Speaking of that flying city…

It looks so beautiful… but where’s all the ice, pain, and death?

Rapture was beautiful in large part to its visual design and small part to its plausibility. Someone as rich or crazy as Andrew Ryan or Bruce Wayne would be able to construct it. Columbia on the other hand would be able to fly thanks to the Lutece particle technology but the air would be too thin and cold to support a population. It just doesn’t work. And speaking of that population…

Columbia is a flying city, why does it have a gigantic standing army? Who’s going to invade them, aliens? I know there’s a resistance movement made up of pissed off members of the underprivileged black and irish population –among others– but it never seemed like there was ever open warfare between them. And to bring things full circle where are the Vigor wielding guards? There are the fire guys and the crow guys but the first vigor DeWitt gets mind controls people and then makes them kill themselves. Why isn’t anyone using that on me? This thing was available to the public as a sort of DATE RAPE SUBSTANCE but certainly has no military application, I guess. Certainly not the way that I used it to make soldiers kill their friends and then themselves.

The Verdict

Bioshock Infinite is a marvelous game that occurs before, during, and after every Bioshock game there is, was, or will be. This means you can play it at any point in the series. It goes on Steam with a $30 price tag almost three years after its release with another $20 stacked on top of that if you want to get all the DLC which I have heard good things about but have not played. I would definitely pick it up on sale or at least pick up the main title at full price if this really got your attention although I feel the original Bioshock is the most powerful title in the series.

Next Week: Don’t Starve

Bioshock 2 (PC, Mac, PS3, XBox 360)

This review assumes that you’ve read my previous review for Bioshock. So check it out unless you’re comfortable with your knowledge on the subject.

In the end of Bioshock the hero of that tale left Rapture, alone, with a some Little Sisters, or a legion of splicers — the stories differ. But Rapture was still down there, still biding its time, still going crazier and crazier. Before Rapture’s fall Andrew Ryan hired a psychologist, Sofia Lamb, to stem Rapture’s growing instability. In the absence of Ryan, Atlas, and Fontaine she sidled into power as no one but her could read and control the minds of the splicers. What are her plans? No one is quite sure but it requires the accumulation of large sums of ADAM, something made complicated with the disappearance — or rescue– and age of the first batch of Little Sisters. Older Little Sister’s can’t scavenge the powerful stuff from corpses any more and there are no more little girls in Rapture. So off the Big Sisters go to Iceland and Europe to steal children to become new Little Sisters to continue her experiments.

You play as Subject Delta, a ghost from Lamb’s past, sworn to protect her daughter Eleanor as her Big Daddy. Grown up as Eleanor may be, Delta must find her or he’ll die as part of his Daddy conditioning. Brought back from the dead by Eleanor and with drill at the ready Rapture’s fate will fall to you as you decide what is just and right by Sofia’s sympathizers and the new batch of Little Sisters. The splicers would do well to steer clear of the only Big Daddy who can think, feel… and wield plasmids.

History

Hot on the heels of Bioshock 1 2K started working on Bioshock 2. Originally subtitled Sea of Dreams, this moniker was dropped. Plot and gameplay details were revealed in a 2009 issue of Game Informer. Alongside this 2K launched a website called ‘There’s Something in the Sea’ explaining the tale of Mark Meltzer who was investigating the disappearance of girls who lived on the shore.

Fun Fact: Original designs only contained one Big Sister who would harass Delta for interacting with Little Sisters and would flee when dropped to low enough health. Lead Designer Zak McClendon said they cut it becase it would be unsatisfying to have a foe that the player couldn’t finish off.

Bioshock 2 was released on February 9th 2010. It’s competition was Stalker: Call of Pripyat (PC), Deadly Premonition (XBox 360 and PS3), and Heavy Rain (PS3)

Experiences

One of my favorite parts of Bioshock was the section in which Jack has to disguise himself as a Big Daddy. He gets a special uniform that reduces the damage he takes and gets to guide Little Sisters around to get them to an escape Bathysphere. It was an incredibly frustrating part of the game as the little ones are very fragile, thankfully it was also very short. But like Road Warrior’s Tanker Chase to Fury Road, this game took that short section that people remember prominently and turned it into a full experience. The focus and design expands the idea into everything I wanted it to be. It made me feel powerful and even a little reckless at times, everything I witnessed in Bioshock’s iconic Bouncer Big Daddy archetype.

I can’t count the number of times I charged a splicer and shouted, “get away from her!”

Gameplay

The gameplay itself has not evolved much since Bioshock 1. The story is one that’s completely original but it all leads to the same end, a wild romp through Rapture filled with a few puzzles, moral decisions, gun-play, and hacking. It’s really difficult to talk about it because there’s not much that’s actually different. It’s got the same plasmids and functional reprints of weapons from the first game.

The big new innovative gameplay elements would be walking on the sea floor — which is pretty cool and fun — and adopting Little Sisters. Delta can either harvest Little Sisters on the spot or adopt them to score more ADAM from nearby corpses. Then, Delta can either rescue the poor girl or harvest them anyway. Either way, after Delta has handled the Little Sisters a Big Sister will arrive to attack him. And get ready for a big damn fight. Big Sisters are lithe, small, fast, and have a variety of attacks and methods designed to wreck Delta’s slow lumbering ass. — Oh yeah and Delta’s Eve is fed intravenously so for those who were totally grossed out by all the needles before there are slightly fewer.

That armor might look ramshackle but ADAM has a lot of long term effects.

The Gush

I hope you’re ready for more moral decisions because Bioshock 2 wants to add another layer to things. Delta will be judged for harvesting or rescuing Little Sisters as well as taking the lives of certain defenseless characters — note that I say defenseless, not innocent. Kill too many and well… let’s just say that it might set a bad example.

The character designs are stellar once again. Lamb, Delta, Big Sisters, Little Sisters, and the Splicers are all visually distinct and interesting. Everytime I look at them I see more and more. A lot of work was put into them, I can shoot the bowler hat off of the big muscly guys and that’s just fun.

The new weapons are fitting replacements for Jack’s arsenal. They’re like Jack’s stuff… but for a Big Daddy. A shotgun, machine gun, utility launcher, and spear gun — as opposed to the crossbow — but bigger and badder. And of course, the incredibly powerful wrench has been replaced by the iconic drill. A weapon that will render your opponents into a meaty pulp so long as the fuel lasts.

Yes, this double barreled shotgun does in fact have three chambers for each barrel.

The character models in this game are much improved from the original. They’re smoother, slicker, and generally better looking. I didn’t even realize it, however, until I saw them side by side.

Brigid Tenenbaum goes from this

to…

Very Different. I much prefer the latter.

The Kvetch

The game still tries to play like a horror game sometimes and it just doesn’t fly. In Bioshock 1 I was Jack, a dude with a wrench in a shirt running around getting blown up, clawed at, or shot at by anything I looked at the wrong way. Jack may have been capable enough to defeat those enemies but he was also vulnerable in such a way that I didn’t feel indestructible in his shoes. When I’m in that Big Daddy suit though nothing else matters. When I’m Delta I don’t care what it is, it had better step off me and/or my Little Sister or I’m gonna take it for a spin on the end of my drill and use its flailing torso to bludgeon more splicers to death.

Most of the plot left me a little baffled. It’s totally possible to miss some journal entries and then not know what the Big Sisters are, where the new Little Sisters came from, and how/why Sofia Lamb is trying to take over Rapture. I guess none of that plot is really necessary for the story of ‘you are Big Daddy, save Little Sister’ but it was the secondary draw for the first game and it’s odd for it to be so buried or borderline incomprehensible here.

The hacking minigame is a thing of the past. No longer will we be able to silently play pipe dreams to hack a turret in the middle of combat. Now we must have a slider bar stop on certain sections in real time during a fight. Those elbow joints will be sorely missed.

I guess this is… mer… really normal and not unique at all.

Yes this game has multiplayer… no I don’t know why. I’ve never played it and I’m entirely uninterested in giving it a shot. I came here for Big Daddy action not capture the flag with douchebags on the internet.

Vending machines no longer obnoxiously bellow ‘Welcome to a Circus of Value!’ or ‘Ammo Bandito!’ and I miss that.

The Verdict

If nothing would please you more than the experience of being a Big Daddy, or a shield bearer, or a bodyguard with a license to kill then I can’t recommend Bioshock 2 enough. That being said I didn’t find it as narratively, philosophically, or politically compelling as the original. Not to say that it’s a bad game, I don’t think that it’s objectively bad but compared to the original it comes up short. It retails for $20 on Steam but I think, six years after the fact, it’s worth more like $15 so I’d recommend getting it on sale.

Next Week: Bioshock Infinite

Bioshock (PC, Mac, iOS, PS3, and XBox 360)

A plane crashes into the Atlantic Ocean and there is one miraculous survivor. Stranded in the sea he makes his way to the burning light of a nearby lighthouse. Emblazoned in a marquis above the arch reads ‘Welcome to Rapture’. Inexplicably drawn to a bathysphere deeper within our hero hears words of desperation coming from a nearby radio. The static laden voice asks the survivor to come to Rapture and help him save his wife and child, for Rapture has lost its mind. The survivor cannot speak, he cannot disagree. He would kindly love to.

To the sea floor he goes bound for a city in which the great are not restrained by the weak. Where the human genome has been mapped, a map which they have changed into a canvas. And where a man is entitle to the sweat of his brow.

History

Published by 2K games, and developed by 2K Boston and 2K Australia with help from other 2K teams. Bioshock was planned as the spiritual successor to System Shock 2 after 2K got bored of making games in the future/space. The original idea did take place in space with a drone, defender, harvester relationship being the primary focus of the game with the player being a sort of brain-washing enthusiast. These themes were too dark and were considered un-publishable but the themes would endure to Bioshock as we know it.

Fun Fact: The underwater 1940s-punk aesthetic of Rapture was created because the team thought cyber-punk was getting a little boring.

Bioshock was released on August 21st, 2007. It’s competition was Wild Arms 5 (PS2), Medieval 2: Total War: Kingdoms (PC), and Lair (PS3).

Experiences

Last week on this very blog I discussed Dishonored, a game that lies to the player too much for all the wrong reasons. This is a game that employs its deception masterfully. I fear I may have gone too far bringing it up but the game is 9 years old and I just have to point out when people do it right. And in this post-Undertale world the line between mechanic and in-game entity are becoming more and more blurry every day… and it makes me giddy.

Gameplay

Bioshock is a first person Action RPG which features a host of weapons, pseudo-magical powers — called plasmids –, tons of upgrades, and hordes of different kinds of enemies who’ll want to mess up your day. The game leads you on a guided tour of Rapture’s most prominent — and deadly — locations as you find more weapons to keep you up to snuff in combat and plasmids to widen the design space — seriously, just think of all the things you can do with the power of telekinesis or the ability to shoot lightning… in an underwater city.

Which will become incredibly useful when you’re fighting a woman like this.

No matter what you’ll be fighting your way through Rapture. How you do that is up to you. You can spend ADAM to upgrade or purchase additional plasmids, use dollars to buy ammo from hackable vending machines, or use other machines to upgrade your favorite shooter. All of these being totally viable options.

What’s this ADAM that’s in all caps up there? Why it’s the genetic sensation that’s sweeping the city! ADAM is a miracle material that allows quick and easy manipulation of someone’s genetic code, giving them the power to create fire or summon a cloud of angry bees — warning. Sellers of plasmids are not responsible for unintended genetic rewriting or any damage to the psyche caused by use of such products. How do you get ADAM, well you’ll (harvester) have to get it from the Little Sisters (Drones) but be careful of their Big Daddy bodyguards (defender). What you do with the poor girl is up to you at that point but, just remember, you get more ADAM by performing invasive surgery to get the ADAM out.

Ah, the Little Sister. As iconic as she is creepy.

The Gush

Between weapon, plasmid, and personal upgrades the only wrong way to play the game is not to explore and discover these things — then again, that’d make a helluva challenge. Even if you want to go through the whole game with the wrench as a melee warrior that’s totally possible and even capable of doing more damage than any other weapon in the game.

Holy philosophy Batfellows! Are you ready to see Capitalism, Libertarianism, and even more isms duke it out for control of Rapture? If you’re not then you’d best get ready because that’s what this game is all about.

I’ve got to say, I really like the hacking minigame. I never though pipe dreams could be so much fun!

Or should I say ‘plumbing minigame’?

Rapture might seem too far out to be real but I find it incredibly fascinating that it’s not impossible to build the fabled city. It would be incredibly impractical — and even more expensive — but Andrew Ryan was not a practical man.  The sheer technical possibility of its creation — even in the era of the game the 1940s — shows how much the designers cared about the world they made.

The music in this game is very impressive. I still can’t listen to ‘Welcome to Rapture’  without shedding a tear. It perfectly compliments the visuals musically with ideas of what could have been. Something irrevocably lost, a doomed experiment that could have produced wonders.

The Kvush

I really like the persistent moral choice presented by Bioshock but I feel the good side of the bargain might be too powerful. The big choice is rescuing the Little Sisters and getting a small ADAM supply or killing them — well… they might survive the incredibly invasive surgery — and getting a huge ADAM supply. But if you keep saving the children then you’ll be rewarded with little care packages filled with med kits, unique plasmids, ADAM, money, and even special ammo types. In the end harvesting all of them only offers the player 10% more  ADAM than they would have gotten otherwise. Oh… well, I guess the player doesn’t know that. The player has to trust that their good deeds will be rewarded in what presents itself as a Libertarian utopia. That all of Ayn Rand’s ideas go out the window when someone’s kindness is rewarded. When someone does something just because they feel that butterfly roiling of a good deed. That people feel indebted to those who do right by them. Did I just talk myself out of thinking this was bad design?

I don’t know, did you?

The Kvetch

The final boss SUCKS. After all this buildup and all of these complex psychological themes and intrigue the final boss is a big red jerk you shoot until he dies — three times, just in case one was too easy. The game even has a killer finale leading up to him that had my pulse pounding and my hands sweaty with stress and excitement. But the let down of his defeat could only be saved by the game’s stellar ending. Still, the fight is really boring and plain.

The Verdict

Wet damn this game is good. For twenty dollars on Steam it’s a steal. And that’s not even including buying a used copy for your console machine or how cheap it gets when it’s frequently on sale online. I cannot recommend playing this game enough. I find it incredibly shocking how well it holds up today.

Next Week: Bioshock 2

Dishonored (PC, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, Xbox One)

Welcome to the city of Dunwall! Where fascism lurks around every corner, the plague is in season, and conspiracy is omnipresent. You play as local badass and Protector the the Empress Corvo Attano. But none of that really matters as in the first 20 minutes of play you get punked by an assassin who kills the Empress right in front of you. To top it all off the Empress’ daughter, Emily, is kidnapped. In short, you’ve been Dishonored if you will. You must take revenge against the people who performed these vile deeds. By blade, shade, or spell you will eliminate those responsible — and maybe put Emily back on the throne… or whatever, I dunno.

History

Dishonored was developed by Arkane Studios lead by Raphael Colantonio and Harvey Smith and published by Bethesda. It seems like development began with the setting and world as a whole, followed by Corvo’s abilities, and then the levels were designed with Corvo’s capabilities in mind. Colantonio was quoted as saying, “we wanted to give [the player] very strong powers, to make [the player] really a badass, but at the same time we didn’t want the game to be too easy,”.

Fun Fact: The implementation of a morality system’s cause and effect was included after John Houston witnessed a tester infiltrate a masquerade ball. Instead of acquiring clues by listening to the other guests, the tester elected to kill them all and sort it all out later. Needless to say, Houston found this disconcerting and added consequences to actions like this.

Dishonored was released on October 9th, 2012. It’s competition was XCOM: Enemy Unknown (PC, PS3, XBox 360), Hotline Miami (PC), and Assassin’s Creed 3 (PS3, XBox 360).

Experiences

Dishonored is the first game that I completed out of spite. My friends and review publications gave it stellar recomendations so I figured I’d give it a shot. I’ll get to my disappointment later but the point is that I couldn’t review the game in good conscience until I finished it, so I did. Every mission I wanted to put it down but I thought, “It’d be a shitty review if I put the game down… maybe it’ll get better.” It never did. It just got harder and more frustrating. The quick-save key will be your best friend… until you save yourself into a shitty situation.

Gameplay

Dishonored is a first person action game with a heavy emphasis on stealth. You’ll have to sneak your way through the diseased and rotten city to reach the target of the day — or night. Whatever blocks you path you can sneak by, disable, kill, ignore, or outrun in any combination or measure. These guards aren’t dumb though, they’ll recognize when things are amiss. From seeing you to spotting bodies, the more alert they become the more aggressive and thorough their searching techniques become.

I mean, they’re not always completely brilliant.

Corvo has a repertoire of magical activated and passive abilities. From the power to teleport, see through objects, and double jump Corvo’s magical powers will improve his chances of survival and eventually lead him to dominate his enemies — both figuratively and literally. Corvo can improve these abilities by finding Whale Bone Runes and Charms so keep an eye out for them.

One of the main aspects of the city is the Chaos level. Actions that Corvo take can increase or decrease the Chaos level. The greater the chaos grows the more plague rat swarms that will appear to feast on the living and the dead as well as an increase of Weepers — basically plague zombies. If you want to really get your murder on then it might have dire consequences down the line for Corvo and his allies.

The Gush

The setting is gloriously atmospheric. The Whale-Punk aesthetic is something I might actually run a roleplaying game in sometime. It creates a world in which knowledge is great in certain areas and yet totally limited in others. I adore something about the absurdity inherent in a world with single shot pistols and giant lightning walls both being relatively recent discoveries.

Samuel, just Samuel. The only character I could bear to listen to for more than a few minutes. The only character I can think of who sounded like he gave a shit on a consistent basis. Samuel the sailor is Corvo’s main transportation and primary source of information. Samuel gives Corvo a short briefing of every area before they arrive and he’s got a sweet scruffy voice. I was always glad to hear him and have him by my side.

Look at that architecture! And while you’re at it check out Samuel’s grizzled mug.

Actually assassinating people is incredibly fun. There are different ways to approach every target and elements of the stage you can use against them. Unfortunately, if you elect to dispatch of them non-lethally, most of these avenues are locked off to you. So… I guess it pays to be good.

In addition to different ways to dispatch your targets there are a myriad of ways to actually reach them. From sewer tunnels to kicking down the front door, there’s no wrong way to reach your victim. Unless you’re trying to be non-lethal. Then the right way is the incredibly sneaky way where no one sees you and you knock out every guard along the way.

The Rant

Before I get to the Kvetch I’ve got to get mad. I’m mad because Dishonored is a game that lies to me three times in the first 30 minutes. Lying to the player is a dicey proposition that should always be approached with caution but is not necessarily a bad thing. I feel though that Dishonored does it wrong.

The first lie I was told was that Corvo Attano is a badass. He might be a badass when I’m in control but as soon as the cutscene starts I’m surprised he doesn’t choke on his own tongue. In the first scene of the game he manages to fail to protect The Empress of Dunwall, which I must remind you is his JOB as Royal Protector. Not only does he fail but he doesn’t even lay a finger on the person responsible. I know that it sets up the Assassin as a bad motherfucker but I’m certain Corvo’s Badassery and the Assassin’s bad motherfucker status could both have been maintained. What if instead of getting force choked and punked Corvo and that Assassin fight for a bit — maybe plug in a combat tutorial or something, I dunno — then when Corvo’s got this guy on the ropes he pulls out the force choke. Now I know I’m good at this whole Royal Protector thing, but I failed because my opponent straight up cheated. It also makes getting magical powers feel more important.

Lie the second is that leaving corpses makes the plague get worse. Rushing through the tunnels of the prison, a tutorial mentions that leaving corpses does just that and this rampant killing will lead to a darker conclusion. Aight, sounds good, leave no trace and all’s well. One of Corvo’s abilities he can put rune points into is called Shadow Kill and makes it so at the first level enemies who die via stealthy means are turned to ash. And at the second level enemies turn to ash no matter how they’re killed. Sounds great, no bodies, no problems. I had to spend eight points on it but it’s worth it to be able to play the game without as guilty a conscience. Wrong. It’s not leaving the bodies, it’s simply the act of killing the guards. Anyone you kill, whether they turn to ash or not, contribute to the plague’s worsening effects. So that’s a save down the tubes unless I feel like being a prick and continuing the murder cycle.

I was too busy letting the rats eat innocents to consider the ramifications of my actions!

The third is much more intangible and definitely doesn’t constitute deception on the part of the game but I’m getting ahead of myself. When I saw the trailers and heard what people had to say about the game I imagined Corvo as a tragic hero. A prisoner taken from his lofty position to become experimental plaything for magic research and what have you. That the iconic mask was a byproduct of the scarring caused by the experiments, the knife being unkind to our dear Corvo. That’s not the case. Corvo is offered magic for… reasons… well no reason at all really. The Outsider bestows magical powers upon him cause they’re cool, yo. And Corvo’s tinkerer buddy Piero makes Corvo the mask for no real reason. Piero says It’s a sort of sentimental thing that will strike fear into Corvo’s enemies. Alright, I’m down, sounds good, maybe there will be like a Batman thing where I can spook guards to sow dissent in their ranks. I can dig it. I make landing in the first mission, choke out a guard, equip my still beating heart in my left hand, blade in my right. I’ve got my spooky mask on and I teleport up to a passerby in the street and she says…

…

That is the wrong fucking answer. That is a completely illogical and immersion shattering travesty of atmosphere and writing. The mask serves no purpose other than to be something cool to put on the front of the game box or to make the cosplay recognizable. Without the mask Corvo would be a cloaked guy with long black hair or something — I can’t even remember what he looks like. I know I can’t hold Arkane Studios to the standards of a game I created in my head but these narrative elements could have some heft instead of none at all.

I mean, they make good binoculars… what a croc.

The Kvetch

Way at the end of the game Corvo encounters assassins that share in his magical powers. The thing being, they don’t take into account Corvo’s abilities in a scene where they imprison him. Well, I mean, it’s not as if you could tell the guy was magical just by looking at him except OH WAIT! The Outsider’s mark is blatantly on Corvo’s hand as a sign of his magical power. So… these assassins put him in a hole and expect everything to be fine — which leads me to believe they are incredibly stupid… or the designers plum forgot all this shit.

What is the Outsider’s deal? He gives Corvo magical powers to make things, “more interesting,” but has excessive boredom and simultaneously near infinite power. He gives Corvo ‘Great Things are Expected of You’ speech #385 and sends him back into the world with a nifty teleport. Seriously, this is a cool character, give him something to do.

Yeah… but why?

I don’t know what to think about the moral decisions the game has you make. Oh wait, yes I do, I find them very unsatisfying.  Assassination targets offer a lethal or nonlethal approach — kill them or soothe your conscience by knowing that they’re merely out of the way. The issue is that the non-lethal solutions often present a fate worse than death and penalize the player with a killer’s reputation otherwise. For instance, one of the nonlethal solutions was to send the targets shaved, mutilated, and mute into mines they owned to die slowly in the horrible conditions. Ironic but certainly not merciful — can’t I just shove them into a cell until we put Emily back on the throne? And I know we have a cell because it’s where we shove the man who’s killed hundreds in his ethically bankrupt experiments to cure the plague. There’s even a situation where instead of murdering a woman there’s an option to send her off in a boat with an admirer who will, “Make her love him.” And that’s considered the moral high ground, or something. I’m willing to choose the lesser of two evils but why not offer me a third legitimately good option? How about not framing non-lethal tactics as being inherently superior to simple and merciful murder? How about that?

The Verdict

If the aesthetic remotely interested you and you’re a fan of stealth games then you could do worse that picking up this game for $20 on Steam. I bashed it pretty hard but if I were better at stealth heavy games then I might have had more fun with it. That being said, the moral decisions are kind of crap and there are parts of the narrative that seem incredibly forced. If you’re able to ignore all that and just want to teleport around ghosting guards then I know you’ll have a good time but I’ll always see this game as something that’s too flawed for me to truly enjoy.

Next Week: Bioshock

Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows (For Everything Shovel Knight is for. Seriously, that’s a long list.)

Heads up, this review assumes that you’ve read my previous review about Shovel Knight so click here to check that out.

The Order of No Quarter isn’t exactly as united as we were lead to believe in the events of Shovel Knight. The eccentric alchemist, Plague Knight, has hatched a scheme to create the Ultimate Potion. With it, anything could be his — and I do mean anything. Unfortunately he’s missing nine vital ingredients, which happen to be nothing less than a portion of each of the essences of the other knights in the Order, the Enchantress, and Shovel Knight himself — that’s right, this game takes place during his adventure. With the Ultimate Potion nearly within his grasp you take control of the masked maniac himself, Plague Knight, as he journeys across the land to defeat his so called ‘comrades’. The real question though, is what he means to do with the mighty concoction once it’s made.

History

If you want a fuller story of Yacht Club Games and the creation of Shovel Knight then check out the Shovel Knight Review. That being said, Yacht Club expected to make DLC campaigns but they didn’t know which characters to use… so they asked the fans. There was a giant poll for which members of the Order they wanted to play as and Plague Knight, Spectre Knight, and King Knight were the top three. As such, Plague Knight’s expansion was the first to be released. It and all other additional chunks of content are FREE so if you purchase Shovel Knight expect a ghostly present and a crowned present arriving in your future.

Plague of Shadows was released on September 17th, 2015. It’s competition was Undertale (Mac and PC), Armikrog (PC, Mac, and Linux), and Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (PC, PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, and Xbox One.)

Experiences

Do you remember when I said Shovel Knight was the platformer I was most emotionally invested in? I may have fibbed a bit because it’s Plague of Shadows that really had me following characters and reading really deep into minute pieces of dialogue.  Every little interaction reveals more about what sort of person Plague Knight is, why he joined the Order, and what he means to do with the Ultimate Potion. He’s not just a stock villain. In an Undertale-Esque fashion it’s plain to see how he got caught up in all this and what sort of person he is. And — it makes no sense saying it here but trust me — it’s a delight to watch him dance.

Shovel Knight’s a heroic guy with a lot of regret but Plague Knight is my favorite of the two.

Gameplay

This game plays unshockingly just like Shovel Knight. It’s the same levels and enemies but Plague Knight’s new abilities and play-style make it a unique experience. Unlike Shovel Knight, Plague’s jump is much shorter but he makes up for this with a little double jump and his ability to blast-jump. Plague Knight also differs from his spade wielding foe because he has a ranged attack. This small change makes combat completely different, it turns into a game of keep away where you cascade explosives on your enemies.

Our dear alchemy obsessed friend also has unique secret areas and collectibles. If you see any shining green coins floating around then try to collect them. This bizarre currency is used to unlock more upgrades that Plague can purchase with treasure — alchemy ain’t cheap, y’know. This includes blast effects, bomb fuses, and bomb explosion types — mix and match to destroy your enemies. Speaking of all this, Plague Knight doesn’t actually make all this stuff. His assistant, Mona — she’s the dour woman who lives in the basement by the juice bar — will be doing all this crafting from within Plague Knight’s secret under-village lab.

Ah… the Secret Lab, Plague’s home away from the Explodatorium.

The Gush

I loved all the upgrades. There wasn’t one that I never used. For each component there is a situation for which it is the tool for the job.

Did you ever wonder where Chester got all those relics? Well let’s just say Plague can acquire an arsenal of his own and that he’s got no problem with the barter system. In short, Plague has got a series of very special items at his disposal that have a variety of uses such as mega bombs or a potion that makes HIM deal contact damage to enemies. I recommend finding them all.

Throughout the course of Plague Knight’s adventures he can go anywhere Shovel Knight could go. It’s really interesting to return to these locations and approach them differently. I can tell the designers had a field day thinking of all the ways to get Plague Knight through a Shovel Knight shaped hole…

… both figuratively and literally.

Jumping jackrabbits, Plague Knight is incredibly mobile. Instead of taking attacks to the face like Shovel could you can dodge with all the grace and acrobatics of an explosion. There’s something great about jumping way high up and raining chaos and pain from above. I love how the guy has so much utility and yet lacks a basic melee attack — it really suits his style.

Look at this dapper dude. He’s got style oozing out of his beak.

The Secret Lab is anything but solitary. It’s filled with goons to chat with and blast away — Plague Knight is not a kind boss– Magicist returns from the town above, there’s a goat-man performing mathematical feats, Mona, and a giant oboe creature. It’s really fun to see how they all bounce off each other.

The Final Boss is a real treat in this one. It’s mechanically and thematically satisfying as well as presenting a marvelous challenge.

The Kvetch

I described Plague as being incredibly mobile and sometimes this works against him. It’s incredibly easy to blast-jump into obstacles or into a pit. Between jumping, double jumping, blast jumping, and the Surging Staff’s uppercut it can be a little bewildering to coordinate. It took me a lot of practice to get all this stuff straight and it’s almost required for you to master all this junk to get Plague Knight where he needs to go.

The Verdict

This is a must-have piece of DLC for Shovel Knight and the best part is that IT COMES FREE WITH SHOVEL KNIGHT! That’s 15 dollars for basically two games. To top it all off the game’s got co-op on the WiiU so now you can play with your friends. I cannot recommend it enough and loved it so much I thought I would spontaneously combust.

Next Week: Dishonored

Shovel Knight (PC, 3DS, Wii U, Mac, Linux, PS Vita, PS3, PS4, Xbox One, Amazon Fire TV, and select digging implements everywhere)

 

In a world of knights, kings, ancient magicks, hordes of treasure, and 16 bits there was an inseparable and unbeatable duo of knights, Shovel Knight and Shield Knight. Their adventures took them far and wide to the prestigious and dangerous Tower of Fate. A mysterious amulet wrought a dark spell around Shield Knight. As Shovel Knight came to Shield Knight was gone and the Tower was sealed. With a burden of shame too great for him — and the tower locked in any event — Shovel Knight went into exile. Some time later news reached him that the kingdom was dominated by the brutal Order of No Quarter lead by a bewitching Enchantress. The Tower of Fate has been unsealed and Shovel Knight vowed to figure what happened to his dear friend, no matter how many adversaries crossed his spade.

History

Shovel Knight is the inaugural title of Yacht Club Games, a collection of Way Forward Technologies employees who split from the company to go all in on this game. They started a Kickstarter Campaign to fund the project and it was backed three times over again. It was delayed for almost a year before its final release and it still has unimplimented features. There are three additional campaigns planned, with one released and two more on the way, and a battle mode in the works. All of these additional features will be free when they’re finished, I should note.

Shovel Knight draws a lot of inspiration on games from the past, Megaman especially.

Shovel Knight was planned for release in September 2013 but was actually released on June 26th, 2014. It’s competition was 1001 Spikes ( PC, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PS3, PS4, 3DS, WiiU, Goddam everything), Valiant Hearts: The Great War( PC, Xbox One, XBLA, PSN, PS4), and Oddworld New N’ Tasty (PS4).

Experiences

Shovel Knight is like a lost and hidden gem of an experience. I bought it, beat it,  beat it again, and then bought the soundtrack. This was one of those deep binges. I completed the whole thing in three days, I just couldn’t get enough. I cannot think of another 2-D platformer in which I was more emotionally invested in the story. I wanted so dearly to see what had become of Shield Knight, what united the Order, and what happened in the Tower of Fate.

Gameplay

The Kingdom serves as the overworld map for the game and it’s a akin to Super Mario Bros 3 in many ways. Shovel Knight travels across it to different towns filled with helpful NPCs and upgrades, treasure troves filled with sweet loot, and enemy strongholds filled with baddies and a Knight of the Order –oh yeah, they all contain fun as well.

Complete with ominous clouds to prevent you from seeing further than you’ve unlocked.

Shovel Knight’s control scheme is shockingly simple. He can jump, strike with his shovel, and bounce on enemies — different enemies offer varying levels of bounce. For such a little guy he can dish out and take shocking amounts of punishment — and he’s agile to boot. Don’t be too afraid of dying though. The only thing you lose is treasure and there’s always more of that to be had.

The shovel is both a weapon and a tool in the hands of a capable Shovel Knight. As such he can dig through earth and enemy alike. Secret treasures, relics, and music sheets lay hidden everywhere so keep your eyes peeled and give your shovel a swing at any suspicious piles of dirt of background.

The Gush

SHOVEL KNIGHT IS SHORT! I mean literally, he’s a short character, as in not tall. I can’t rightly say why but I really like that. The last character I remember playing who had difficult time reaching the highest kitchen shelf was Lil’ Mac from Punch Out. That’s some serious under-representation of shorter characters.

The music in this game takes the limitations of 16 bit sound and makes them shine. Jake Kaufman truly outdid himself with this memorable and bouncy soundtrack. It perfectly builds mood and atmosphere along with the beautiful art direction

The difficulty curve here is incredibly smooth and well calibrated. This game will challenge you, it will be tough but there’s never a situation or enemy that is unfair. Everything has a tactic or ability you can use to counter them, you’ve just gotta figure out what they are.

Except for these Green Fan jerks. They’re LITERALLY impossible to figure out.

The story is scarce but it provides a skeleton of sorts. The player-base can brew their theories but there isn’t a lot of definite proof/ are not a lot of outright answers. I mean this all in a good way though. We’ll imagine a story that suits

Each of the relics you can find provide a powerful and interesting new ability for our digging implement related hero. They acentuate his strengths or cover up his weaknesses and in any event they provide a playground of design.

Every so often random minibosses will appear on the overworld. Should you cross their paths then there will be a rumble. Each of these opponents provides a quick but challenging boss fight — and a little treasure to sweeten the deal. Many of these were also created by Kickstarter backers who fronted a lot of money for the project.

The Kvetch

When Shovel Knight gets hit he gets knocked back just a bit. This will lead to many deaths due to pits or spikes. But the thing that frustrates me about it is that Shovel Knight gets knocked back relative to what direction he is looking instead of which direction he was struck from. It’s unexpected to bump right when Shovel Knight gets hit with a projectile that was coming from the same direction simply because he’s walking away from it.

Take damage in a section like this is a near death sentence! Also, sweet flame rod.

Trying not to spoil things but Shield Knight is dangerously close to being a damsel in distress when that’s definitely not in her character. A few small tweaks and I think this game would be a little more woman friendly.

This one is really small but I wish there was a quicker way to access Shovel Knight’s relics. I can scroll through them with A and S but enemies are still moving during that time and it’s extremely stressful. The alternative is pausing and opening the relic menu and selecting what you need. It’s just a little too slow for my tastes.

The Verdict

Shovel Knight retails on Steam for $15 and I would say that pricing is perfect. If you were itching for an old-school platformer or you wanted to understand what your dad’s been railing on about all this time then Shovel Knight is a great place to start. Oh yeah, I did mention something about an expansion pack right? Well…

Next Week: Shovel Knight: Plague of Shadows

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (PC, PS3, XBox 360)

Five years after the crisis in Morrowind spears have been outlawed and a new and powerful Daedra — which is the game’s word for demons — cult is part of a conspiracy to kill the Emperor of Cyrodiil, an act that hasn’t occurred in a long ass time. You play as a prisoner who is in the path of Emperor Uriel Septim’s flight from The Imperial City. Septim declares your presence as fate and tells his bodyguard to bring you along. Despite their best efforts to talk sense into Septim and keep him safe they fail in both regards. He is killed before your eyes and he bestows the Amulet of Kings on you — conveniently forgiving your crimes in this act, apparently. It is your duty to find the last heir to the throne and give him the powerful artifact — or you could go fight mud crabs instead, no rush.

When the legends say that a Septim must sit on the throne the legends ain’t foolin’. The walls between Cyrodil and Oblivion — Basically this game’s version of hell — and this strange cult are opening gates to usher in their Daedric host. Thwart their plans and take back Cyrodiil, brave prisoner-adventurer-guy or gal.

I love this guy, he’s like a magical Grandpa — voiced by Patrick Stewart no less. 

History

Immediately after the release of The Elder Scrolls: Morrowind in 2002, Bethesda began working on the next installment in the series, Oblivion. The Havok Physics Engine allowed them to create a world in which objects could actually move in a semi-realistic fashion. Improvements in graphics technology and hard work by the developers allowed them to create a world approximately 14 square miles large. Sadly the enormous throngs of imperial citizens had to be curtailed to 20 or 30 to a town due to major slow down issues.

The big draw was the new Radiant AI system, home-brewed by Bethesda itself. It allowed them to alter and create semi-random behaviors in the citizens based on certain traits they had. Hungry characters who tended toward crime would steal food. Thieves will spawn outside of towns and try to sneak around to steal valuables. Some civilians will run away instead of fight — and others will, unreasonable, fight to the death because I stole a loaf of bread.

YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, COPPER!

The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion was released on March 20th, 2006. It’s competition was Kingdom Hearts II (PS2), Metal Gear Acid 2 (PSP), and Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence (PS2)

Experiences

When I think Oblivion I think glitches.  The game was notoriously glitchy on release. Bethesda would eventually do their best to patch things up but there were still problems. The craziest thing I’ve ever heard of follows as such.

My friend, we’ll call him Sparko, turned in a quest and in a scripted event he is attacked by the quest giver — nothing unnatural yet. Sparko retaliated, town guards arrived and joined in the brawl, killing the quest giver. The guards initiated dialogue and expressed sorrow that the dead man lost his mind. At which point the guards began shouting, ‘someone’s been murdered!’ about the man they just helped kill. Strangest of all, the body spontaneously rose as if nothing happened. He began to stare at where is dead body had formerly lain and joined in the chant of, ‘someone’s been murdered!’ Sparko then began to back away incredibly slowly.

In short, it’s a well coded game.

Gameplay

Oblivion is a Sandbox Fantasy RPG. You’ll be swinging swords, firing your bow, or casting spells to get from A to B across Cyrodiil, to complete quests, or explore exotic locales and lost ruins. Um… that’s all there is to it really. There’s an overlying plot about putting an emperor on the throne but there’s absolutely no urgency to complete it and a million other things to do. There’s really no wrong way to play the game

Except whatever this is. This is the wrong way to play the game.

Wanna kill an old lady, whatever, the guards’ll probably get pissed. Wanna steal stuff, aight. Like the plot and wanna pursue it, go ahead. Oblivion don’t judge and when it does it entails a slap on the wrist and some skill penalties — or death, those guards will not hesitate to kill you.

The Gush

Ragdoll physics might be the greatest innovation in video game history. Shooting a minotaur with a lightning bold and watching him flop through the air like a drunken ballerina is one of the most viscerally pleasing things on the planet.

The quests in this game are generally really fun and interesting. Some are even downright challenging and fascinating. I still remember the truth behind the Grey Prince’s lineage and I can’t think of a Daedric Prince quest that was boring.

Speaking of Daedric princes, the Shivering Isles is one of the greatest pieces of DLC I’ve ever purchased. I cannot think of a world in which I felt more like a guest in my own home than the dominion of Sheogorath, The Daedric Prince of Madness. Most of the time I find insanity to be a cheap character trait but the thing that makes Sheogorath great are his moments of clarity — so inconsistent is his inconsistency that he has powerful moments of immense sanity. The characters, architecture, creatures, and larger than life depiction of the Mad God himself blew me out of the water.

I mean, just look at this dapper bastard.

The Kvetch

The leveling up system in this game is a mess. I think it’s pretty cool that your skills level up as you use them, even if it is slower than dirt for some skills — I’m looking at you athletics. But then raising your skills related to your class makes you level up. I follow so far but in order to level up you have to sleep, why? I understand that it’s indicative of epiphany but… it’s annoying… really annoying — and the trite inspirational quote that accompanies each level up screen is similarly unwelcome. When you level up you select stats to increase by 1-5 points. I thought that the degree of increase was random but it’s actually related to the skills that were raised for that instance of leveling up and there are only a certain number of skill raises per level up. Each skill correlates to a certain statistic so if you want to make a statistically powerful character then you need to make sure you only raise certain skills that correlate to the stats that you want to raise and the game doesn’t tell you which skills correlate to which stats. How do you figure it out? You gotta look it up, I guess. TLDR: I JUST WANNA GET STRONKER! HOW DO?

I JUST WANT TO BE AN ORC! LET ME HIT THINGS!

I only complain so much about the levelling up thing because the higher your level the stronger the monsters get. So if you don’t put points in the right places, get good spells, and/or get good equipment then you’re gonna end up in the dust. My level 21 Orc Barbarian, Gronald, was stun-locked and viciously murdered by an unarmed goblin. That’s just wrong. This guy killed a giant demon spider and he got totally owned by goblin.

The persuasion minigame isn’t exactly intuitive and it’s certainly not fun. It’s not even particularly useful but some quests are impossible to complete without raising a subjects personal opinion of you.

Just looking at this, try to figure it out.

I gotta complain more about the level scaling because it doesn’t just effect the gameplay, it can even shatter the immersion. Enemy equipment is also scaled up so sometimes the struggling bandits are wearing ebony armor. How did he get that? He just complained about his rumbling stomach. Did he blow all of his money on his suit of armor? Why doesn’t he pawn it for enough gold to eat for a year? I’m so confused.

Wouldn’t it be weird if the Arena, Thieve’s Guild, Mage’s Guild, Fighter’s Guild, and Assassin’s Guild all had the same leader? If you so choose, your character can be this individual. I’m not sure what the design alternative would be but it seems odd that it’s even possible considering that these guilds sometimes have conflicting tenets. Maybe quest chains could just end without the player becoming the all high, supreme, mega, leader and the actual Leader’s closest agent. Or maybe they could only choose to be leader of one faction.

The Verdict

I know I complain about it a lot but a few ticks down on the difficulty meter and the enemy scaling becomes much more manageable. For those few proud souls who refuse to lower the difficulty on principle I say, ‘Godspeed. May you be beaten to death by unarmed goblins for your hubris.’ That being said, the game is worth it alone for the Shivering Isle’s Expansion. The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion is available on Steam for $20 with all the DLC included. For the complaints I’ve cited I’d wait for it to go down to $15. It’s fun but it can be a real pain in the genitals. Especially when you could play next week’s game for the same cost as it’s theoretical sale price.

Next Week: Shovel Knight

Armello (PC, Mac, Linux, iOS, Android, and PS4)

Armello is a kingdom composed of four major clans; Rabbit, Wolf, Bear, and Rat. Long ago they fought a grand, unending, war among one another but were united by the great and powerful Lion King. As of late however The King, a beacon of wisdom and justice, has lost his mind and begun to turn to dark magicks. You choose a hero from one of the clans and must dethrone the king by whatever means necessary –putting yourself on the throne wouldn’t hurt either–, Purge the land of this evil, become the heir apparent, kill the king with your own hands, or prove that you are truly the greater evil — why choose a lesser one?

History

Armello started off  in 2012 being developed by Team of Geeks, a 15 person team. It was originally going to be an iPad exclusive but Team of Geeks got a little stalled out. Development staggered forward for 2 years until they began a Kickstarter Campaign. Asking for $200,000 and getting $300,000 they made the game available for PS4 and computers.

The game’s influences include The Dark Crystal, Red Wall, Magic: The Gathering, and Spirited Away.

Armello was released on September 1st, 2015. It’s competition was Grow Home (PS4), Super Mario Maker (WiiU), and Undertale (PC and Mac)

Experiences

Big shout out to Youtuber Kikoskia, without whom I would have no knowledge of this game. Check him out, he makes good stuff. Before I go on I must announce that I have not actually played any PVP multiplayer. I can only speak to the vaguely competent AI. In my estimation games against other players would be totally different from a single play experience. I foresee the King dying and the players waking from their pvp smashing stupor to realize they were supposed to be playing the game instead of creating an endless cycle of revenge. My heart is filled with equal measure dread and zeal to play against another human.

“Are you guys even trying to kill me?”

Gameplay

The first thing you do when you begin a game of Armello is pick a character. Each character has unique statistics and a special ability, their clan also gives them an affinity for night or day — offering them bonuses during that time. Fight is how many dice you’ll role in a fight, body is your health, wits limits the number of cards you can carry and is used to avoid certain perils, and spirit is the amount of magic you get each night and is used in certain perils as well.

My favorite character is Barnaby because there’s something about a bunny in full plate that gives me the giggles.

What’s a peril? It’s a thing on the map that’ll mess you up if you fail to overcome it. What’s a card? Well it’s an item, spell, or trickery card that you can use, equip, cast, inflict on someone, or plop on a space and turn it into a peril. Cards also have a symbol on them corresponding to one of the faces on the armello dice — which are sword, sun, moon, shield, Wyld, and Rot. You can discard a card in combat or when faced with a peril to force one of the dice to roll that symbol. Barring that you can roll the dice and hope they fall favorably.

You also get to see who played the peril so if you know who’s at fault.

The resources in Armello are gold, magic, prestige, and rot. You gain gold from delving in dungeons and protecting settlements. Your magic equalizes at nightfall or can be boosted with certain items. Prestige is gained by defeating enemy heroes, saving towns, or killing monsters. It’s lost when you fall in combat, spend it on certain cards, kill a guard, or other special circumstances. Rot is acquired by playing certain cards, being killed by corrupted creatures, or failing certain perils — and rot is bad voodoo, just one point changes the way your character works and five points changes the game entirely.

The goal of Armello is to become the next monarch of Armello. You can do this by having the most prestige when the King dies, killing the king and surviving the encounter, gathering four spirit stones and bringing them to the king, or getting 5 rot and challenging the king to corruption mortal combat.

The Gush

When you have the most prestige you are prestige leader. Being prestige leader gives you the privilege of advising the king at the dawn of each day. He will present two options about how the kingdom should change and they’re almost always a choice of damnation. It’s a matter of choosing the lesser evil and some of the lesser evils are still very great. It’s a strategically satisfying mechanic.

Naturally, as prestige leader you cannot have the least prestige so… uuuuuh, guess we’re not fighting each other!

You can unlock certain items that can increase your stats for the duration of the game. Increasing weaker stats to balance out your character or making their powerful stats even more impressive. Even possibly granting new and interesting abilities altogether like regaining health at night or starting with 2 Prestige.

There’s something very satisfying about discovering effective strategies with each character. The first time I played Barnaby, The Screwloose Tinkerer, I stumbled upon a Blacksmith in my quests which made Barnaby’s weapons and armor even more effective. Now, whenever I’m presented with the opportunity to acquire the Blacksmith as Barnaby I do so.

The latest patch just put in a speed up function. Now during other players turns you can speed things up and skip their combat scenes. It makes everything run lightning fast when you’ve seen all the animations a hundred times — although watching the other turns was entertaining when I started playing.

The Kvetch

Achieving the rot victory is frustratingly difficult. I have yet to figure out how to get enough rot quickly enough to challenge the king before he keels over naturally. It might just take a lucky hand of opening cards and abilities but that would also be very unsatisfying. Maybe it’s just something that happens on accident?

At the end of the game each character is given some superlatives about how they played but… the game never explains what each superlative correlates to so I just gotta guess.

What the hell does being a warlock mean? Cause I didn’t cast a single spell. Or does that make me a purist?

I understand the flavor for each of the clans and it’s thematic and enjoyable. Wolf is all about fighting, rats are sneaky, bears are spiritual, but I have no idea what Rabbit’s deal is. Are they like the Hufflepuff of the clans? Doing that loyal and true thing? The closest thing I’ve got is that they’ve got a lot of ingenuity… I think… I dunno.

Sometimes I feel like the game’s go big or go home mentality makes the game too much about luck and too little about skill. Between card draws, dice rolls, Wonky AI, Guard placement and movement, monster movement and spawning, peril placement, and percentage chances of completing quests I sometimes feel victory goes to the luckiest.

It’s a 20% chance or nothing and there’s no way to improve my odds. If I win everyone will groan. If I lose I will be sad.

The Verdict

Armello is serious fun. It presents all the best parts of a board game without the worst parts of a board game. There’s no set up time, no putting away time, and no way to screw up how the rules work. The systems are very simple but also incredibly deep. Playing each character feels like a new experience. You might go for a certain path to victory but it’s much easier to win if you have an adaptive strategy adding even more to the replayability to the game. I’m not entirely sure if it’s worth the $20 price tag but it’s definitely worth $15 if you can catch it on Steam sale. Alone or buying it with a group of friends it’s incredibly fun.

Next Week: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Battle Realms (PC)

Long ago the demonic beings known as The Horde were bearing down on the remnants of the Dragon Clan. Their leader, Tarrant the elder, used the ancient artifact known as the Serpent’s Orb to drive back The Horde and, in doing so, broke the world. The remnants of his people renounced their old clan and renamed themselves The Serpent after the orb and to foster a new way of thinking for their new world. A path of ambition, industry, and brutal feudalism.

Three generations have passed since the establishment of the Serpent Clan and the clan has smashed and shattered by their Lotus Clan advisers and Wolf Clan slaves. The last remaining heir of Tarrant’s line, Kenji, must retake the continent from the two remaining clans. Will you reestablish the well oiled machine and strict caste system of the Serpent clan or will you embrace the old traditions of the Dragon Clan and try to restore the broken planet?

History

Battle Realms was the first game released by Liquid Entertainment. It was held in very high regard at the time for being a real-time strategy game in full 3D. It was also praised for its East-Asian aesthetic and innovative unit development system — instead of spontaneously generating units at buildings units train at those buildings. Despite its critical acclaim it wasn’t well marketed and sales suffered. A stand-alone expansion pack was released known as Winter of the Wolf to middling reviews.

I guess the fan base was not interested in barbarians of the ginger variety.

Battle Realms was released on November 7th, 2001. It’s competition was Stronghold (PC), Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (PS2), and Return to Castle Wolfenstein (PC)

Experiences

Patching can make or break a game. And this game, before the patch, was nearly a broken mess. When I played it as a kid I didn’t realize what was wrong with it — I mean, I thought Bubsy was a good game when I was a kid so… It’s plain to see in the pre-patch version that the characters either do too much damage or don’t have enough health and would generally die before I even had a chance to use their abilities. The low health also made the story campaign more difficult as the death of a plot relevant character forces you to lose the mission. Checking over the notes some of the abilities didn’t even work in the game before the update. Liquid entertainment released a series of patches known as the Battlepacks and these did a great job at fixing the broken parts of the game. Right on, Liquid.

Gameplay

Battle Realms is a real-time strategy game with internet multiplayer, skirmishes vs the AI, and two story campaigns. There are four different clans you can play as who all have different strengths, weakness, abilities, and themes. The story campaign limits your clan selection and training abilities at first but unlocks to the full tech tree by the end. The basic goal of a skirmish or campaign map is to create an army that balances its strength and weaknesses and counters the composition of your opponents army.

Unlike other RTS games you have peasants who can build peasant huts which produce more peasants who can train at military buildings. Those units can train at other buildings to become generally better or more specialized. These unit can acquire battle gear at select clan building to further specialize their abilities — although not all battle gear is created equal. Fighting enemies generates the clans moral element, yin or yang, which can be spent on clan-wide upgrades at training buildings.

You can also tame and employ horses which move faster than most units and can trample foes.

The Gush

It’s something very small but I love how gold is not a resource in this game. Units are loyal to the clan, by choice or by fear, and are trained in rice and water instead of gold or something else.

The soundtrack is steeped in recurring musical themes between the different clans. I began to associate metallic chimes with the Serpent clan and whereas I began to associate the Wolf clan with chanting and exuberant shouts. To top it all off each song has a peace-time mix and a battle mix, switching between them as the battle rages or dies down.

Almost every unit has a secret passive ability linked to their character. Bandits, for instance, can scavenge rice and water off of enemy corpses and the powder keg sumo can spread salt across his comrades and reduce the amount of magical damage they take. The abilities vary in power and impact but I feel like they all give each unit flavor such as Shinja’s Ye of little Faith ability which lowers magic damage he takes — and suits his pragmatic and cynical disposition. Unfortunately these abilities were only hinted at in the manuals and some do not make themselves readily apparent in the game.

And if you’re facing the dark magicks of the Lotus Clan then you’d best have magical protection

The animation in this game is quality stuff. When units are unselected they generally idle around and check their equipment and some even goof off. When you click them however they assume a battle-ready stance and are totally ready for your orders. This sort of attention to detail gives them all character.

The battles in this game are patently absurd. You’ll see a ginger Schwarzenegger wanna-be swing a giant wooden mallet against the armor of a professional samurai. It’s absolutely insane and I love it.

The Kvetch

I really dig the art style and graphic styles, don’t get me wrong, but some of the models were made poorly. Ballistamen for instance don’t have heads. They just sort of have faces sticking off their necks. And the proportions of some models are cartoonish at best.

Some of the campaign maps are broken and there are a few that present a brick wall of difficulty. Enemy bases are generally built as actual towns and thus sprawl across the entire map and as such you need to scour the whole area to ensure that no structures are standing — if a single peasant escapes they may be able to rebuild. And anyone who has played the game remembers the siege of Serpentholm as a totally unfair 2 on 1 battle.

First things first, this army looks awesome. Second thing second the whole north half is filled with enemy buildings.

The Verdict

Battle Realms is a slim $10 on Good Old Games and I’d say that’s more than enough for the sheer experience of the story campaign and the pure gameplay. That being said GOG is working on providing servers to get multiplayer back online. Play with your friends! Get totally smashed by strangers on the internet — It’s great! If lightning shooting Warlocks or comically large swords played straight interest you in an RTS then this game might be up your alley.

Next Week: Armello

Seven Kingdoms II (PC)

Have you ever heard hard-core history nerds start debating which civilizations could have kicked which civilization’s butt? It starts with military technology and tactics but inevitably spills into what someone saw on Deadliest Warrior that one time. This game is the end all be all of which civilizations could have kicked with civilizations’ butt. Complete with war machines certain civs never discovered and playable monstrous races. I’m certain this game will put all those arguments to rest!

History

Seven Kingdoms II was developed by Enlight Software, designed by Trevor Chan, and published by Ubisoft. Trevor Chan was a programming consultant for an airline sales system when he started his game development career with Capitalism and Seven Kingdoms. Chan and Enlight are still making games today, with a new Seven Kingdoms being planned and a new Capitalism game in development right now.

Seven Kingdoms II: The Fryhtan Wars was released on July 31st, 1999. It’s competition was Dungeon Keeper 2 (PC), System Shock 2 (PC), and Croc 2 (PS1).

Experiences

It’s difficult to imagine a world before commercialized sequels. Where sequels were meant to represent the success of a good product instead of an inevitability of the industry. I adored the first Seven Kingdoms when it came out and the idea that there would be another game that was bigger and better blew my mind. The only sequel series I had experienced was through Super Mario All-Stars pack, I didn’t even know that Super Mario World and Super Mario Bros looked that different. In short, I was completely unprepared and surprised by the graphical update between Seven Kingdoms games and the idea that games could be refined and improved for generations to come… yaaaay…

What is this sequel wizardry!?

Gameplay

Seven Kingdoms II is a real time strategy game in the vein of Ages and Empires. Your goal is to vanquish your enemies via conquest, diplomacy, and/or cloak and dagger spying. To this end you manage resources such as food, gold, people, and reputation — and hoo boy, is reputation important. If you run out of any of those then you’re gonna have your bad time. Human civilizations can also discover new technologies to improve soldier stats, create war machines that take less time to train than soldiers, espionage abilities, and industrial capabilities. Your goal is to be the last kingdom standing, in most circumstances.

The big innovation for this game over the previous installment is that the monstrous Fryhtans are no longer simply marauding creatures, they’re now playable kingdoms or Kwyzans. If all that diplomacy and spying junk didn’t interest you then you can Conan this shit and crush everyone. In ways including but not limited to, sapping natural resources, killing civilians, and enslaving towns — I did mention they were literal monsters right.

With giant spooky lairs, and bizarre structures the Fryhtans offer a completely different way to play.

Shockingly, the latest editions being offered by Steam and Good Old Games still have functioning multiplayer so it’s totally possible to comp stomp with your friends or go toe to toe with them.

The Gush

The learning curve in this game is pretty steep — it’s not Dwarf Fortress or anything — but the tutorials, hints, and scenario editor give the player enough room to experiment and learn. It takes some time but you’ll get the hang of it.

You can actually deploy your spies now! In the original Seven Kingdoms if you tried to infiltrate an enemy kingdom with spies they’d typically get apprehended and executed before they even took their first step… somehow. Now they’ll get as far as the gates of the enemy fort before there’s even a chance of them being discovered. So have fun bribing and backstabbing your way to victory.

The bizarre Fryhtan tech might seem unwieldy at first but once you learn how it works you can unleash your inner monster. Fryhtans don’t engage in diplomacy they only extort and destroy. Playing them is a total rush.

The Kvetch

The campaign for this game is overall unenjoyable. Every campaign is randomly generated with randomly generated scenarios. You have to face down a bunch of Fryhtan Kwyzans and a rival human empire. The effect of randomness can change things immensely and it makes the campaign feel arbitrary. I just wish my actions could snowball my empire and give me mounting power. It certainly doesn’t help that it’s super freaking hard.

Some Fryhtan missions can begin and end with getting completely overpowered and crushed.

I don’t know what’s wrong with the Fryhtan pathing but it’s a huge problem. Your monstrous armies will generally meet defeat because half of them were back at the lair picking their nose or just bumping harmlessly into each other.

These pathing problems are alleviated by ranged attacks but not all Fryhtan species can attack from a distance.

A minor quibble but why do my counterspies dying count against my reputation? It makes sense to be disreputable for infiltrating an enemy kingdom but having some secret police-men keeping an eye out for enemy spies dying in an earthquake should not mar my good name — I mean, I do have 11 assassins ready to kill the enemy’s king but no one needs to know that.

The Verdict

It’s an older game but it was state of the art for 1999 and it’s cheap now. You can get it on Steam or from Good old Games for $10 — GOG even offers a bundle for both Seven Kingdoms games. I started playing this game around 2004 and I’m still playing it today so I would say that it’s worth a look-see if you’re into this sort of thing.

Next Week: The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth/Afterbirth.