Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War — Soulstorm (PC)

Introduction

“In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war,” is the motto of Warhammer 40k and it’s a little misleading– I mean, there are plenty of hiveworlds filled with paper pushing Imperials who’s only real civil risk is the occasional food riot. That being said, you are not on this rather boring world. You’re in the Kaurava system and shit’s gone whack every since a Warp Storm showed up and started wreaking havoc across the system. The nine factions on the four planets of the system are embroiled in an all out brawl to take it once and for a little while. Choose whichever faction you like most and kick some Xenos and or Heretic ass in this fast paced Real Time Strategy game.

This is the campaign map. That pink thing would be the Warp Storm and it’s causing a mess of trouble for everyone involved.

History

Warhammer 40k is a table top tactical miniature game in which each player has a series of painted miniature figurines and use a series of rules to destroy each others. Warhammer 40k is based on the Warhammer series which are both produced by Games Workshop and both basically work the same way.

Pictured: Space Marines (in blue) deploying via drop pod to get rid of some troublesome Space orks (In the greenest of greens.)

It should be no surprise that this game isn’t the first in the Dawn of War series– considering all those subtitles. Each game in the series unlocks playable race and some additional units and buildings. Unfortunately this meant that back in the day if you wanted to play Dawn of War — Soulstorm with your friends and play Tau, for example, then you’d have to have Dawn of War — Dark Crusade as well as Soulstorm. This disgruntled many because it made the previous games nearly mandatory to play who they wanted.

This was also the fourth game in a series and it’s largely unchanged from the previous installments. The only thing that Soulstorm added were flying units, which were hardly game impacting from my casual point of view.

Dawn of War — Soulstorm was realeased on March 4th, 2008. It’s competition was Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii), Silent Hill: Origins (PS2), and Condemned 2: Bloodshot (PS3, XBox 360).

Experiences

Despite being released in 2008 this game’s graphics are surprisingly adaptable to a crappy computer. Particularly the crappy computer I was using in 2008– it’s great when a plan comes together. Even though I was graphically challenged I was still able to play with my friends.

I remember one match that ended in a figurative draw. His base was across a narrow bridge and was so well defended that I couldn’t get enough men into it. I controlled the rest of the map and it still wasn’t enough to force my way inside. I was playing my favorite faction, the Orks — I mean they’re the only beings in this grimdark future who are having any fun. They were numberless, they were deadly, they were too dumb figure out how a choke point works. We like to think that they’re still fighting to this very day.

Gameplay

The game is real time strategy with an emphasis on base building– there are no gold mines or trees to chop this time though. In a Company of Heroes style the map is covered in strategic points, critical locations, relic points, and slag dumps. Strategic points, critical locations, and relics provide the player with requisition which they can use to build mostly infantry units whereas slag dumps and power generators create well… power. Power is used to make vehicles.

It’s less of a “base building game” and more of a “get into your opponents head and build a better set of units” game. It’s really hard to turtle because you can only build a limited number of base defense turret and they’ve typically got low health. This promotes focusing on making units and more aggressive tactics.

Behold, the chaos of war. BTW, Sisters of Battle love fire.

The defining difference between a single match and the campaign is that the player starts with a rather powerful commander unit. These commanders can be decked out with sweet battlegear by taking territory and performing other impressive tasks like defeating 3 times as many enemies as you lost. This battlegear can turn your commander into a one soldier army and it gives the campaign a real sense of progression.

The Gush

The battlegear is a really cool system for upgrading the commander. Besides their mechanical benefit they also usually look badass.

Behold the Tau Commander in all of his decked out glory.

The campaign also offers the player honor guard units for capturing territory. These units seem really small and not useful but they’re actually really powerful despite being single units sometimes. They’re deceptively valuable.

Each of the factions has a pinnacle unit that’s unleashed when if you claim a relic. These units are extremely powerful and just cool to look at. It’s always satisfying to finally create one and then crush your enemies — even if they get totally destroyed in 20 seconds by a huge wandering army.

Fun fact, this Living Saint is nearly the size of a tank. I see the Imperium has some new steroids.

The Kvetch

The story element of the campaign is really barebone and shoehorned in to ensure that everyone is fighting everyone at the same time. I know it’s really hard to put nine different giant factions in the same sandbox and make them all have a good reason to fight but it would have helped this a lot.

The only way to see how to get awarded wargear is to catch the awarding messages and bring up their tooltip. It would be nice to know what I was aiming for to turn my Big Ork Warboss into an unstoppable behemoth.

This is your only opportunity to see the criteria for getting awarded wargear.

The game can be really rushed based. My friends used to call this game “Hell-Hound Rush Extravaganza” it was so popular. I like a short game as much as the next guy but 5 minutes is a little too short for me.

The Verdict

I really like this one but it’s age a little poorly for me. I like playing it but I don’t really get anything out of it. Each campaign’s missions are the same so it feels really repetitive to play through each of them to see the minute changes in story. I’ll give it a play every once and awhile but it’s just for nostalgia’s sake. If you love 40K and want to stomp your friends with you Space Marines then give it a shot. If you’re looking for a great RTS then maybe you should look elsewhere.

Next Week: Bastion

One Piece Mansion (PS1)

Introduction

Polpo– the guy in red up there– owns an apartment building. He’s doing pretty well for himself. His rival, Chocola, has kidnapped his sister– because this is a videogame and women exist to be kidnapped and push the male hero forward. If Polpo does not complete Chocola’s challenges then he’ll never see his sister again! These challenges revolve around, strangely enough, making Polpo’s mansion better suited for his tenants– These are the worst kidnapping demands that I’ve ever heard of.

This is basically how much plot we get but I want to know more about this world. What are those buildings?

History

It’s hard to believe that Capcom made something so weird. It’s stranger yet that this game got released to the American market because it is incredibly bizarre. Hideaki Itsuno was the director on the project and he also directed Power Stone (an arena fighting game) and some of the Devil May Cry games– which do not follow the strangeness of this game. It wasn’t his first rodeo and it was released around the middle of the Playstation’s life-span.

One Piece Mansion was released on September 30th, 2001. It’s competition was Silent Hill 2 (PS2), Ico (PS2), and Devil May Cry (PS2). I see a lot of PS2 titles and I’m seeing that backwards compatability was working out really well for Sony.

Nostalgia

I saw this game in Playstation Magazine, a great publication to have by the way– I can’t tell you how many things I wouldn’t have found if not for it– and I imagined something totally different than what the advertisement for it presented. I don’t know what I expected exactly but I imagine it had something to do with helping tenants and exploring this mansion. Not the case. Thanks 00s games industry.

Gameplay

Just look at that. Look at that up there. Does that make any sense? It’s a little overwhelming but let me assure you, that all make sense. Each of those characters in a yellow bordered room is a tenant. They pay you rent every month. Each of them inflicts or relieves stress in different adjacent rooms. That sumo wrestler– trust me, he’s a sumo wrestler– on the left center slams the walls, floors, and ceilings to practice. You can imagine that that racket pisses off his neighbors, hence their stress increase.

Those bastards in the upper left with the black bordered rooms are part of the Syndicate 5. They’re here to rob your tenants, light the place on fire, piss them off, or blow up their homes– which is your property. For some ungodly reason there’s no police force to get these guys off your property so you’ll have to scare them when they’re robbing people. Positiion those letters well, they’ll help you or get in your way when it comes to stopping criminals. The only way to get them to leave for good is to use that stress your tenants are inflicting and put them right near these chumps. After about 1600 sumo slams they’ll bugger off.

This game is all about managing the stress of your tenants so you’ll have to position, evict, and bring in tenants that fit your tenant’s stress needs. Elevators, rooms, swapping, all cost you money so it’s all a matter of managing resources. By the way, when a tenant gets too stressed out THEIR ROOM EXPLODES so don’t let that happen.

The Gush

I love the designs of these characters. They have really unique and interesting animations that I love to watch. If you zoom in then you can even hear what they’re saying and thinking. It’s really interesting and fun.

From right to left, Ai-Chan (The happy MPDG), The Lovers, Heebee (The bamboo artist), and some unknown creature that looks like it’s gonna eat my tenants.

Each level in the game has a unique character that appears at a random time. They can either be really beneficial or really destructive. The only one I ever saw was a spoon-bending psychic with a long scarf who would rain lightning down on the mansion. Even though it was destructive I thought it was so cool.

I don’t know how but Polpo himself is immune to the stress caused by his tenants. Putting him in the middle of a stress nexus is totally fine. He’ll never flip– I wonder what his secret is.

The Kvetch

So you’re mansion is going well, everyone’s got a nominal level of stress, sometimes you have to swap a few tenants around to keep everything good. THEN, out of nowhere a member of Syndicate 5 can show up– blowing up one of the previous tenant’s rooms (at no cost to you but still)– and start causing a ruckus. At that point you’ve got to move all the tenants around to get that prick to leave. I know they’re goal is to make the game difficult but it’s really punitive when they blow up the stress lynch pin. I think it would be much better if they took up empty rooms or dropped in from above.

There are only 2 tracks of music for the game. One when everything is relaxed, and another when you’re on the verge of bankruptcy that’s really repetitive and frantic. It gets really boring really fast listening to these same tracks over and over again.

The Verdict

Nostalgia can’t save this game for me. I just don’t see what the purpose or payoff for the game is besides a high score. I’d say that it’s worth a look at but buy a copy of it and share it with your friends. Actually, the most fun I’ve had with the game is inflicting it on my friends so let that frame the game.

Next Week: Dawn of War: Soulstorm

Braid (PC, XBox, PS3)

Introduction

Tim is an innocuous young man with the bizarre power to rewind time. He’s having some sort of problem with a Princess. It’s uncertain what their relationship was but Tim is pretty torn up about it. We join Tim on his journey to make amends for what he did as he traverses a series of worlds that allow us to use Tim’s powers in different ways.

Time and Forgiveness, that’s certainly what this game is all about— or is it!?

History

Braid was developed by Jonathan Blow. This was his first game and it was one of the first Indie Games. His intention was to create a puzzle game that was “bringing together the abstract parts of a complex puzzle, revealing deep moral and philosophical questions.” To that end Braid played with the knowledge of the subject and the nature of time. He wanted the time travelling mechanic to have an effect on the world as opposed to just altering the player.

Blow pushed a two dimensional plane and the very idea of simplicity to its limits trying to design puzzles for the game that were intuitive and would click in the mind of the player. Blow didn’t want anyone to look up a walkthrough playing through the game. He tried to link the ideas of certain puzzles into puzzles encountered later. This was meant to create a sort of “Ah Ha” moment for the player who would run back to the earlier level.

Fun Fact: Edmund McMillen of Team Meat fame worked on the art before Blow hired David Hellman to do it instead.

Braid was released on August 6th 2008. It’s competition was Too Human (XBox 360), Mercenaries 2: World in Flames (PS2, PS3, XBox 360, PC), and Stalker: Clear Sky (PC).

Experiences

I really liked Indie Game the Movie. Johnathan Blow makes an appearance talking about Braid as the indie game that has already been released. I really liked hearing about his game but there’s a scene where a  bunch of young guys laugh and having a grand old time just using the time power to go forward and back. It cuts back to Blow and he talks about how that’s not how he wanted his game to be played (I don’t remember the exact quote, correct me if I’m wrong). I don’t think it’s relevant how the developer wants their game to be played. A book or a film or any other form of media experiences something called the death of the author where the author’s desires shouldn’t impact the work once it’s past their hands. I wonder why he said that and I wonder a little about how he wants his games to be played.

Gameplay

The gameplay is deceptively simple. Tim can walk, jump, and rewind time. Unlike in most platformers Tim can’t actually die. Whenever Tim dies the player is prompted to rewind until he’s alive again. The world is typically made in such a way that enemies and obstacles create continuous patterns eternally so Tim can rewind to the beginning of the level or the beginning of the problem area and everything will unveil as it did before.

The enemies in the game act strangely like tools instead of actual obstacles most of the time. Jumping on an enemy springboards Tim into the air, increasing how high he can jump, allowing him to reach new places– and as previously stated there is no consequence for death.

Sometimes this bouncing mechanic is of critical importance.

There are six worlds, each world has 12 puzzle pieces that form an image in the hub world. Each world has a different thing in it that effects Tim’s powers. It really mixes up the gameplay and keeps things interesting. Each world has a couple of stages that act as a sort of checkpoint for Tim’s time travel powers– although time travelling back through the whole game could have been fun. And by fun I mean game ruining.

The Gush

The gimmicks for all of these worlds are really interesting and easy to understand but difficult to master. My personal favorite is the one in which going to the right makes time move forward and moving to the left makes time go back as well. It creates unique puzzles that require intense thinking about how much the character moves.

Although I find the bosses lacking I really enjoyed the silly, “But your princess is in another castle,” joke. Everyone who ever played Super Mario Brothers got a quick chuckle out of that one.

Which is apparently being delivered by some sort of plush dinosaur.

I really liked the finale of the game. It’s a little confusing but when it clicks it’s so compelling and I found it really interesting. I can only encourage players not to stop and play all the way to the end.

The art and music are contemplative and gorgeous. Music is really important in a puzzle game because it can distract the player or help us percolate an interesting idea. It’s also what we have when we fail to come up with an idea. And while we’re not coming up with any ideas we can just take a look at this beautiful art and wonderful backgrounds.

Why is a gorilla holding that cannon? Who can rightly say?

The Kvetch

The boss fights are really similar and I’m not exactly sure what they’re supposed to accomplish. Each one employs the mechanic of the world but most of the puzzles are more challenging than the frantic movement that the boss fight brings. It also loses impact because the boss can’t kill you, you just rewind to before you got and avoid the attack.

The plot is conveyed by books that project text in each of the worlds’ minihubs. I think there could have been a more interesting way to convey this but it probably would have been more complex and might have muddled some things. I think it’s meant to add to the ambiguity of the plot. Instead of seeing what happens we only have Tim’s account but it feels a little weak.

The Verdict

I found Braid to be a thoroughly enjoyable experience that didn’t pad out its play time. It knew what it wanted to do and executed it very well. If you’ve got the hankering for some puzzles with time based shenanigans then I definitely suggest giving Braid a try.

Next Week: One Piece Mansion

Borderlands (PC, Playstation 3, XBox 360)

Introduction

In a galaxy of planet purchasing corporations– that are embroiled in a brutal debate as to which of them is actually bigger than God– four childhood friends join to fulfill their dream to find the greatest treasure in history. This treasure is rumored to be kept in The Vault on the lawless planet of Pandora– I mean look at that guy up there, if he’s the average citizen this might not be a great place. These Vault Hunters will weather through Bandits, the wildlife, and annoying robots to reach the fabled Vault with all its immense riches– that is… if treasure is what lies within.

Picture here is the main cast, from left to right, Roland the Soldier, Lilith the Siren, Mordecai the Hunter, and Brick.

History

Borderlands was designed to run on a modified version of the Unreal Engine 3. At the time of release the engine would be five years old. The developers made up for this simple engine with a cel shaded and cartoonish world design that would be memorable and visually appealing. The old design was meant to be much more realistic. After this realistic design was scrapped the Art Director felt so offended that she walked out on the project.

Rumors abound that the deadline for the game got pushed forward surprisingly in the final stretches of the game. Speculation abounds that this is what caused the ending of the main game to be so lackluster.

Borderlands was released for PC on October 26 2009– what is it with 2009 popping up a lot lately? It’s competition included League of Legends: Clash of Fate (PC), Bayonetta (PS3, XBox 360), and Saw: The Video Game (PS3, Xbox 360)

Nostalgia

When this game came out it was super exploitable. The computer club that I frequented bought one copy and simply removed the disk after they started up the game. This way everyone there was able to play at the same time together and we didn’t have to buy four copies of it on our limited budget. We came into a snag though because although we made character profiles there was no cloud support. Every time we wanted to play we had to use the same computers if we wanted to play our level appropriate characters. It lead us to keep switching computers and starting new characters. We eventually got to the end but we played through the opening section so many times we had strategies specifically for getting through it as quickly as possible. We would position people at quest markers the game hadn’t given us yet, ready to go to other areas as they unlocked.

Gameplay

This game is described as a loot based shooter. The player assists the people of Pandora and they’re given more powerful weapons, shields, and grenades in return– oh yeah, and cash which is kind of useless.

Each of the different characters has an action skills and abilities that they can spend skill points on. It’s really easy and cheap to redistribute a characters skill points. Certain items offer the character passive abilities or bonus points to different skills. These abilities are usually pretty similar but the action skills couldn’t be more different. From siccing large birds on enemies to pummeling them with your fists in a berzerk rage, these skills will heavily influence the way you play.

The game was touted as having a Bazillion Guns and they weren’t kidding around. From machine pistols to rocket launchers this game has weapons large and small for intrepid Vault Hunters and Bandits alike. Each weapon can have different parts on it that change its appearance and stats. One assault rifle might reload really quick or have interesting elemental power which really mixes things up.

Very rare weapons also have special enchantments that appear in red text with no clear explanation to their effect– trust in their awesomeness.

The Gush

I was listening to the soundtrack when I was writing this and I found it to be remarkably good. I hadn’t really been paying attention to it when I was playing– too busy shooting people and trying not to get dead and all that– but now that I focus on it I really like it a lot. It’s got this sort of western movie, mysterious, alien, and Diabloesque nature to it that I really dig. Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked was a perfect choice for the title theme as well. Showing off the mercenary nature of Pandora.

Even though cash is a largely useless resource– there’s not usually a gun available for purchase that’s better than what you have– it’s still fun in it’s own way to imagine this character’s fortune growing to an immense size.

The writing in this game is decently comedic. It seems to cover up for the games lack of compelling narrative and I think it does that pretty well. Some of the jokes fell flat but the later DLC campaigns got more funny as they went on.

The creature design for this game is really cool. The character design is pretty good too. I’ll never forget Helena Pierces wicked scarred face or Ned’s absurd mustache poking out over his surgical mask.

I dunno what that thing is but I think it’s coming this way and I’m not entirely comfortable with that.

The DLC in this game made up for the lame ending in my opinion. The delectable camp of the Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, the real closure brought by General Knox’s Armory, and the sheer ridiculous fun of the Robolution were all a great time to be had by all.

The Kvetch

The bandit design is originally reminiscent of Mad Max or some similar post-apocalyptic setting and I thought it was really interesting. As the game went on and it was more of the same masked individuals I became very bored with it.

Killer bird things ripping out the eyes of masked thugs! This should be awesome but it’s sort of worn after the 50th time.

It’s something so small but it was a point of contention among me and my friends for the longest time. An abilities has ranks from 0-5. Class modification items can boost skills in rank. Does that mean they still cap out at 5 or can they be pushed beyond that limit? The answer is that they can be pushed above fifth rank but the game doesn’t inform the player as to the new statistical advantages.

This all being said, the skill menu looks quite nice. It just would have been great if there was an inclusive tooltip or something.

The planet of Pandora has all sorts of strange animals living on it and they’re all pretty cool. The Vault was reportedly built by a race of aliens known as the Eridians. That’s pretty cool, how the aliens left it behind. It would be quite the mystery if it wasn’t for the fact that actual living Eridians show up, especially during the finale. They have no desire to communicate with the player and serve only to create loose ends.

The ending of this game is a real let-down. After hours of mounting tension it’s revealed that The Vault was a hoax, which could have been cool in itself but it’s actually some sort of prison for a monster. Instead it was exacerbated by the existence of the Eridians. It makes sense why they wouldn’t want you to open it but then why would they have made a key to open it in the first place? I just… don’t understand.

The Verdict

This game is most enjoyed with friends but it’s ultimately disappointing. The DLC helps alleviate the shoddy ending but I’ll never forget the time I was promised mystery and subsequent closure and was given a Space Vagina Kraken in return.

“Hey guys! Itsa me!”

Next Week: Braid

Machinarium (PC, Playstation Vita, PS3, IPad, and Android)

Introduction

The game opens with a city in the background that looks like the Emerald Palace was made of junk. A flying machine drops its payload of refuse into a pile unceremoniously. One of these “scrap” pieces is our eager hero. He’s a little worse for wear but he’s got a mission to do and that means getting back into the city — which won’t be easy, I guess he left his ID in his other pants’ pocket. Walk, adjust your height, and solve puzzles to find out why our little robot friend got dumped from his home and why he needs to get back in.

History

Machinarium was created by Amanita Design which is a group of seven Czechs who like to make point and click adventures. The game was originally released on PC but Amanita wanted to expand to other platforms. Machinarium was set to be released on Microsoft’s XBox Live arcade but after some sort of debacle Amanita decided to ditch Microsoft and turn to Sony instead.

Machinarium is one of the most pirated games in history. Amanita sent out a survey asking how many people had purchased the game. The data they got back suggested that only 15% of people who had played it actually purchased the game. At this point Amanita kindly asked pirates to pay for the game and incentivized it by lowering the price to $5 but it wasn’t very successful. What really bothers me is that Amanita design has three free similar games on their website but some people weren’t willing to dish out pocket change for one.

Machinarium was released on October 16th 2009. It’s competition was Borderlands (PS3, XBox 360), Brutal Legend (PS3, XBox 360), and Eufloria (PC).

Nostalgia

The first time I saw this game was as a Demo that a friend was playing. I saw it’s Oddworldesque design and was enchanted. I wanted to know what this world of machines was, how it worked, and how it came to be. I also wanted to know the story of the little robot he was controlling. Whether he was actually remotely controlling it or was just a player to its character ie. was there a human controlling the robot in the context of the game? I wouldn’t end up playing it until 2011 but it was always there in the back of my head. I would ask people what they remembered about that point and click adventure game with the robot but no one could remember what I was talking about.

And then I got to see the scrap city for what it was… kinda run down but brimming with character.

Gameplay

The game is a point and click adventure that focuses on puzzle solving. So you’ll be picking things up and rubbing them on other things to try to get something to work to open a door or something. Our little robot friend here has a hollow torso so he’s always got room to put things in himself– although I’m now confused to how he’s supposed to function.

BTW, there are dolls of this guy available for purchase and they’re also hollow.

If you get a little lost you can ask the robot for a vague idea of what he’s trying to do. These hints, as well as the rest of the “dialogue” in the game, are expressed through animated thought bubbles– or thought bubbles of animation. If the puzzle is a really stumping you then you can look up a walkthrough or use the walkthrough that’s in the game. There’s a notebook in the upper right hand corner that has drawings of solutions to every puzzle in the game. If that sounds cheap then I should mention the Galaga-esqu lock that holds the notebook shut.

Our little robot does have one useful ability, he can alter his height. He can stretch his torso of holding to grow short or tall. That being said, he can’t walk as fast as his normal height when he’s tall or short. Sometimes speed is an important factor and if that’s the case then you’re gonna want this guy to be in the best running shape by returning his torso shape to normal.

It’s a really useful ability… it’s also fucking adorable.

The Gush

The art design of this game is fucking beautiful. The city feels alive with colorful robots living out their robot existences. It’s cute and interesting to try and figure out how this robot city differs and is similar to our own.

I don’t know what’s in that tower but I wanna live in it.

The music is marvelously atmospheric. Each area has its own music that creates an ambiance that fades into the background when you’re solving a puzzle and then comes forward again when it’s time to travel. Well, the music for the most intense puzzle is much more in-your-face but I thought it was appropriate for the situation.

Even the most fiendish puzzle in this game can be brute forced. If you don’t know the answer and are too proud to look it up then you can just try to do everything possible until it works. That being said the puzzles are pretty easy to get the idea of, they’re sometimes just difficult to execute.

All the dialogue is communicated through the pencil animations in voice bubbles. There isn’t a single word of spoken dialogue and I think that’s super cool. It conveys the plot so well, I never felt like I was lost.

The Kvetch

Sometimes it’s unclear what the robot is capable of. Sometimes he can jump higher or farther than I thought he would be able to. Sometimes he could pick something up or move something that I didn’t think he was strong enough to move. Those are just sort of pitfalls that go along with a game about robots, I guess.

Every puzzle game has “That Fucking Puzzle” and Machinarium is no exception. I guarantee that one of the puzzles in this game will be “That Fucking Puzzle” for you. Mine looks something like this.

the goal is to shut off water to the first, third, fourth, and last valves as marked at the top. You accomplish this by fastening three wrenches to the pipes at the plus looking parts. It’s harder than it looks.

The Verdict

I think this game is awesome. I’ve had nothing but a good time with it. You can get it at Amanita Design’s website, http://amanita-design.net/ or by checking it out on Steam. I found it to be super fun and really interesting. It’s got solid art, music, puzzles, and story. It’s all good here.

Next Week: Borderlands

All of Our Friends Are Dead (PC)

 

Introduction

I’m not even gonna pretend like I know what’s going on in this game. You play as some sort of soldier in a post-apocalyptic world. I don’t even know if the character is human or not– I do know that by the head banging he does he must be listening to some bitchin’ tunes. Run, Jump, Shoot, Explore and try to figure out what the hell is going on in this shooter platformer.

What’s that? A group of nuns bleeding form their faces while looking down? That’s just what I needed.

History

All of Our Friends Are Dead was developed by Benjamin Braden under the pseudonym Amon 26. Braden suffers from chronic nightmares and uses the things that he sees to create the frightening imagery in the game. The game is just that, an opportunity for him to shoot and kill these nightmarish creatures.

Fun Fact: He’s been doing the music for Anna Anthropy after she “took him under her wing”.

All of Our Friends Are Dead was released on March 24, 2009. It was super Indie, released for pay what you want, and was comparatively unknown BUT it’s competition was Freaky Creatures (PC), The Last Remnant (PC), and Wallace and Gromit’s Grand Adventures (PC).

Nostalgia

Whenever I get into a spooky mood and have someone around who’s also down for the spook who likes spectating games I pull out this one. It’s short, bitter, and is filled with all sorts of bizarre images and sounds. It’s a compact package. A bullet of insanity that strikes at my heart. I remember playing it at my cousin’s and keeping us both rapt until the wee hours of the morning marveling at the strange sights.

A giant betentacled fetus isn’t normal, but in your nightmares it is.

Gameplay

The gameplay is really simple in this game. You can run and shoot. Anything that moves and looks like Cthulhu would call it kin is probably an enemy.

The platforming is pretty solid and comfortably smooth. There are jump pads that allow the player to jump and reach areas that would normally be inaccessible.

You die in one hit but the game has a quick save and quick load function using the F5 and F6 keys. They’re a little out of the way but I think that prevents players from spamming them.

It’s not game that’s about its controls, mechanics, or story. It’s a little mysterious but it’s really about taking in the spectacle. It also might come as a bit of a challenge, the enemies don’t make this one easy on you.

Gush

The player death sprite is satisfyingly gory. Also, that… thing is terrifying.

The backgrounds for this game are minimalist but very satisfying. White dots falling turn to a rain of ash and red static becomes bizarre chaos through the lens of imagination.

Sometimes there are signs or just floating text.

The sound design for this game is shockingly impressive. There isn’t really any music but there is atmospheric noise that fills my heart with dread and confusion.

This… just… all of this. The sheer strangeness of the sentence structure here is wonderful.

I love the poem that ends this game. It’s nearly nihilistic nonsense but it’s rhyme and cadence are wonderful nevertheless.

The Kvetch

If I had one complaint its that the game isn’t very long. I beat it in an hour and I explored all the nooks and died a lot. But for the low cost of a dollar or free it’s impossible to complain.

The Verdict

In the dead of night, in the right mindset this game can deliver some serious scares in a short amount of time. But as it stands, the game is very simple and serves as a stepping stone toward Au-Sable (It’s spiritual sequel) and the talent of its creator.

Next Thursday: Machinarium

Audiosurf (PC)

Introduction

A jet bike flying through three lanes of traffic, hitting colored blocks and dodging the boring grey blocks. I don’t know why this jet bike needs to get to a space portal at the end, how the blocks help it, or why the world has all these trippy shapes in the background– who cares? It’s fun.

Look at the colors maaaan.

History

The game was basically made by one guy, Dylan Fitterer. He was a big fan of the game REZ (A game I should review sometime) and a music visualizer. He wondered what else could be done with music in three dimensional space.

Audiosurf was released on August 15th, 2008. It’s competition was Stalker: Clear Sky (PC), Too Human (XBox 360), and Ratchet and Clank: Quest for Booty (PS3).

Nostalgia

I found a weird glitch when I was playing this with a friend. When a Steam friend is playing the same song that you’re playing it’ll show where they are in the song. We saw the display for the song and that someone was already playing it, it was us. We were apparently already playing the song which didn’t make sense. We tried to make our selections quickly to try and “catch up” with ourselves but we never did.

Medals give you a general indication of how well you’ve been doing, but it’s all about he fun.

Gameplay

There are a bunch of different game modes but they all boil down to the same thing. Your bike will go down the road and you need to pick up colored blocks and avoid the grey blocks. After a little bit the colored blocks that are connected will disperse and you’ll get points, the more blocks you connect the more points you get. The colors shift with the intensity of the music. There are general increases in difficulty but it doesn’t really matter, just have fun.

Songs have very active leader boards. It seems like people get dropped of the leader boards for a little while but it’s good to be king for a day. On the flip side, that guy who’s been at #1 forever might not be forever. It feels really rewarding to get in the top 10.

There are also a series of bonuses that will increase your score if you perform certain tasks.

The game can be controlled with either the keys or the mouse. The mouse control but the keys are more precise. I’ve been in a lane when I thought I wasn’t because I was half way into it. Using the keys moves you to the center of the chosen lane so there’s no ambiguity but it’s hard to hit the keys as fast as you can flick the mouse.

The Gush

I really like how the complexity of the map isn’t based on the intensity of the music but the complexity of the music. A guitar solo doesn’t make the field intense but a 12 piece orchestra or static makes the game go berzerk.

The rings represent moments of intensity.

I love the capacity for this game to help people have fun sharing music. Sharing music is already cool but it feels so passive, this game eliminates this passivity and turns it into a crazy time.

It’s really interesting to see that other people have been listening to the crazy stuff you have. I’ve found active rankings for crazy songs that I thought no one else had heard of.

I don’t know what causes it but sometimes the track does loopety-loops and it’s the most awesome thing.

The game works on a variety of older machines. My compaq from 1999 was able to play it at the lowest settings.

Sharing music has never been more fun than playing Double-Vision mode.

The Kvetch

Some of the game modes are a level of crazy that I can’t even begin to comprehend. Apparently Pointman and Pusher allow huge scores but I have NO idea how they work. Maybe you’ll like them.

The Verdict

I highly recommend this game as one that utilizes your music. The only other game that comes as close to the coolness of Audiosurf’s use of music would be Vib Ribbon. It’s silly fun and a great way to do something else while you listen to your music.

Because I missed posting last week there will be another post on Monday. This Monday I review All of Our Friends are Dead.

Cave Story (PC, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS, Wii)

Introduction

Cave Story is one of those games with a title that tells the player everything they need to know. There’s a cave and a story going on in it. By the nature of this story it’s got so many spoilers that it’s difficult to say anything about it. Let’s just say that you’re a “soldier from the surface” and that you’re going to be thrown into some turmoil. I hope you like Megaman because you’re gonna jump, shoot, and find a whole bunch of cool weapons to fight some bad guys.

No weapon, 3 health, and a save point, let’s get started.

History

Save story is a game that was made by one man, Daisuke Amaya. He programmed, wrote, developed, designed, and composed the whole project. It may have taken him five years to do it and when he was done he gave it away. This game is the definition of indie. It’s design is simple in all ways, characters, music, plot, gameplay but from that simple design complexity rises from the sheer number of factors that are thrown at the player. Amaya began working on Cave Story in 1999 when he was in university and continued working on it until 2004 while he was a software programmer.

It’s pretty easy to find a photo of the development team because this guy did it all.

It’s free distribution and eventual translation into English lead to a release Wii virtual console in 2010, on the Steam distribution platform in 2011 as Cave Story +, and as a fully remastered version called Cave Story 3D. Cave Story + is a paltry 9.99 so, although you can download it for free, I urge you to pay for it if you can no matter what platform you prefer. Cave Story + even has some cool stuff in it that’s not in the original like a boss rush, and Hard Mode– A mode that leaves the player at 3 HP through the whole game.

Cave story was released on December 20th 2004. It’s competition was World of Warcraft (PC), Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (Playstation 2), and The Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth (PC)

Nostalgia

If you’ve been playing videogames for a long time you’ll probably run out of fingers and toes counting the number of times that characters get or have amnesia in games. It’s a really popular trope in RPGs to create some dramatic irony or create some sort of prophecy. I can think of Final Fantasy games in which  multiple characters have MULTIPLE BOUTS of amnesia. Do writers know how extremely rare that amnesia is? Our dear hero in this game is also suffering amnesia and I won’t say why for spoilery reasons but lemme just say it makes perfect sense. It’s not about a blow to the head, brainwashing by a vague yet menacing organization, or something that happened when he was too young to remember it.

Gameplay

The game is pretty simple. Our soldier from the surface can jump, shoot, and move and that’s about it. He also has the rare ability among run and gun protagonists to aim up and down. You’ll encounter enemies and obstacles aplenty, almost no two of which are alike.

I hope you’re ready for the sheer quantity of dudes this game is gonna send at you.

A unique aspect of the game is that weapons upgrade system. Weapons have levels from 1 to 3. Enemies drops chips when they die which contribute what basically amount to experience points for weapons. Weapons get substantially better as they level up, get useful abilities (like shooting through walls), and they do more damage– with one exception. The trick is that weapons lose these level up points when you take damage. If you keep getting hit then you’re gonna have to change your weapons or scramble to find more upgrade chips. It’s a really interesting system that encourages exploring the weapon space.

Switching weapons in the middle of combat can be a little tricky but once you get ahold of it you’ll be switching from your busted machine gun to your missile launcher in no time.

Weapons are also the form of currency in the game. Some weapons are discovered through exploration while others can be traded away for different– not strictly better weapons.  The weapons each offer something to someone’s playstyle. Unfortunately each trade is non-refundable so you’ll have to have fun with your saves if you want to experiment.

The game is all about exploration. It’s loosely based on Metroid and it shows. There are secret passages and all sorts of strange places to find and explore. It’s the player’s responsibility to find important, but non-vital items, like the map or the Bubbler gun.

Gush

This game has got a bunch of endings and they’re all about how far you push the story. You can give up and just try to survive. Or you can go all out, save the day, and find out the answer to the mystery of the caverns. It’s up to you.

There’s a weapon in this game called the Nemesis. Unlike the other weapons in the game it gets worse the more you upgrade it. At level 1 it fires giant lightning bolts that deal intense damage. At level 3 it shoots ducks– like rubber ducks. It’s satisfying to get knocked around by a boss for a bit and then take out the Nemesis and get some payback.

The bosses in this game are phenomenal. They start off insanely simple but eventually the screen is being saturated with enemies and attacks and you’ve got to keep on to your wits just to survive. Experimenting with different weapons can also make some boss fights much easier to handle.

Is that a smiling rock ball, surrounded by other rock balls, rolling around the room and trying to crush you? Yes it is!

The music in this game is incredible. Amaya didn’t really know how to compose music so he made a program to compose music for him. He would take the raw output, tune it a little, and find the right area for it. The music fits these places incredibly, I’m taken in by it every time I play– My favorite song is Labyrinth Fight.

The characters are pretty simple in this game but there are so many that stand out to me. Their simple designs express a lot about their character.

One of the characters is a giant walking toaster named Balrog. He bashes through ceilings and shouts “Huzzah!” It’s hilarious.

The plot is simple and delightful. It’s a battle against greed, violence, and a battle for identity.

This title screen is the whole backstory for the game. In this image is what misdeeds have been done. Play the game and figure it out.

Kvetch

The path to the secret true ending is a motherfucker. Some of the things that you’re expected to do are totally illogical based on the circumstances– One of the steps you have to take is to abandon someone so that they can survive. You heard that right, you abandon the guy and he lives, if you help him out then he dies. Some steps require immensely precise actions, if you miss any of them then you’d better hope you didn’t save or you have to start the whole game over.

Verdict

Cave Story brings some of the most pathos evoking moments in any 2-D shooter that I’ve ever played. I laughed, I cried, I kicked some serious butt, saved the day, and solve a cosmic mystery. I can’t say that about most games that I bought for ten dollars.

Next Week: Atom Zombie Smasher (PC)

Gex: Enter the Gecko (Playstation 1, Nintendo 64, PC, and Gameboy Color)

 

Gex is a three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko. Why is there are three foot tall, bipedal, talking, gecko running  around? “Shut up! Go save the fabric of television!” is the game’s response– it’s bizarre how the mascoting got in the nineties.

Welcome to the media dimension. The place where all television exists– in the waves… I guess.

History

Gex started his existence as one of those weird nineties animal platform game mascots. His original game was a simple 2 dimensional affair complete with Gex posing on the front of the box with sunglasses on– The story of the original game is that Rez, the self-styled lord of the media dimension, kidnaps him to make him a mascot… even the game knows.

 Strangely enough, this game runs off the engine from Tomb Raider 1. Eidos,  are you recycling game engines again?  It was written by Dana Gould, a writer for the Simpsons. He would also design costumes that Gex would wear in different levels and perform 700 one-liners as Gex’s voice actor.

Fun Fact: Gex if voiced by Leslie Phillips in the European release.

Gex: Enter the Gecko was released on January 31st, 1998. It’s competition was Resident Evil 2 (PS1), Skullmonkeys (PS1), Panzer Dragoon Saga (Sega Saturn).

The voice behind Gex ladies and gents.

Nostalgia

Gex: Enter the Gecko was on of the first games that I got for the Playstation 1. I didn’t even know it was a sequel to anything, I just saw a 3D platformer and I was in. In fact, if I had thought it was a sequel I would have found the first in the series to play them in order. Which would have been a disastrous turn of events because I’ve played Gex and I didn’t really like it, which would have probably prompted me to not give this game a chance. It was also one of the first games that I needed a memory card to play. I remember writing down incredibly long passwords or starting the game over whenever I wanted to play. Was it a good investment, well let’s go on to the gameplay section.

I was such a scaredy cat, I would avoid the horror levels because they scared me so much.

Gameplay

The controls and design of Gex are pretty simple. Gex can jump, karate kick which doubles as a long jump, tail whip to take on close attacks, and jump on his tail like a spring to get a lot of height and destroy enemies below. If he takes 4 hits, he’ll go down. Gex can also walk on certain types of walls, they’re pretty easy to spot because of their discoloration. Keep an eye out for them though because they usually mark hidden areas.

The karate kick isn’t a very useful move but you’ve got to admit it looks pretty badass.

Every level has a theme, there’s Toon TV, Scream TV, Kung-Fu Theatre, and just about any other genre you can think of. How do you control the media dimension? With remotes of course. Each level has red and silver remotes. The red remotes are acquired by doing certain task specific to the level or reaching a certain point. Silver remotes are acquired by collecting enough things or finding the hidden silver remote in the level. You get gold remotes by killing bosses. These remotes unlock more channles and more sections of the media dimension.

Different levels have different themed obstacles and different themes within the levels. The Rocket Channel levels usually take place in space so a bad jump will send you hurtling to a bottomless space pit– how is there gravity in space? SHUT UP! And there are air stations, run out of air and Gex is dead. The Pre-History channel has tough enemies in it and so on.

Gex’s costume changes a lot in levels. Unfortunately the lightsaber is just for show.

Gush

Every channel has different enemies so it’s not the same old hat dispatching monsters all the time.

You wanna fight spoopy Pumpkins? Do it.

The music is usually very evocative of the style of each channel. The music matches the channel’s theme perfectly.

I love hunting for secrets and this game has got many secrets aplenty to go hunting for. There’s more hidden in this game than silver remotes, keep your eyes peeled.

The level design, even in the same channel, is unique. No two levels really feel alike. Different levels have different pieces doing different things. Then like any good game, they start putting them together.

The design and music reach a new level if you can find Rezopolis.

Gex’s one-liners are usually really good but sometimes he’ll just keep repeating the same phrase again and again.

Kvetch

The bosses in this game are really underwhelming. I remember that Mushu Pork and Mecharez exist but I don’t remember peril or really what fighting them was like.

Although if I had taken the time to enter over the shoulder mode with the camera I would never have been able to unsee Mushu’s screwed up eyes.

Some levels of this game have a lot of death pits. Most of the space levels are 99% percent pits and, looking back at platformers, pits are sort of a boring obstacle.

Verdict

This game is still pretty solid. It might be a little tough to track down but if you see it in a bargain bin somewhere and feeling like jumping around then I would recommend picking it up. I do warn that my nostalgic feelings for the game are pretty strong.

Next Week: Cave Story

Civilization II (PC and Playstation)

 

Introduction

In Civilization the player does not take the role of a gallant knight, a guy who’s girlfriend was kidnapped by thugs, or a hero. Civilization puts the role of the player into that of a leader, with no skills to fight enemies but a leader doesn’t need to fight, he’s got people for that. Choose your civilization, or make your own– although it’s purely aesthetic– and see how long you can go without inventing the wheel.

History

The irony is not lost on me that I can’t find information on this game’s development. Sorry ya’ll. I can say that it’s abandonware so it’s A-okay to download.

Civilization II was released on February 29th, 1996. It’s competition was Super Mario RPG (Super Nintendo), Duke Nukem 3D (PC), and Zork: Nemesis (PC).

Nostalgia

I know you whippersnappers out there are used to your Waifai and your internet multiplayer lobbies but if I wanted to play a multiplayer game then we had to play hot seat. A hot seat game is a game where each player plays on the same computer and has to switch seats on each other’s turns. So my cousin and I would declare each other as allies for life and take on the world and kick them in the teeth, not watching what each other was doing in the interim. But with this age of rapid internet access the hot seat has grown cold.

Gameplay

Civilization is a game about resource management and diplomacy. Cities produce buildings, units, and settlers and settlers build more cities– build more cities to get more settlers, to get more settlers to get more cities.

The three resources that fuel every city in this game are food, production, and trade. These resources are gained from the terrain around a city by citizens and a city gets more citizens by getting enough food. Settlers can also improve terrain around a city, like improving the production of a mountain by adding a mine or the food yield of some grasslands by irrigating it.. Production helps the city build buildings and units more quickly. Trade contributes to science, money, and luxuries. The effect that trade has on these things is altered by the type of government your civilization is in. Certain governments have additional effects like Fundamentalist Utopias have no unhappy citizens but gain technology half as quickly as others or how the UN or congress can prevent an action in a Democracy. If you want to change your government then you have to send your civilization into anarchy for awhile, nothing useful can be accomplished in anarchy.

You can also view your city. It’s especially ridiculous when there are multiple wonders in one city. Do you remember the time when America built the Colossus, the Pyramids, and Big Ben?

Diplomacy is actually really simplistic. You can exchange technologies, declare war, arrange peace, make alliances, and that’s about it. You can also make these requests at the behest of other civilizations to try and gain their trust.

If the production of your city gets too high then it’ll start producing pollution. Pollution can be cleaned up by settlers or engineers but while its there the improvements of the tile are negated.

And if there’s enough of it on the map it’ll trigger global warming which is bad… m’kay.

There is also a civilization that has no cities and no territory, they’re barbarians. Barbarians will show up randomly and attack your cities, if you can destroy their leader you’ll get a little bonus. Barbarians keep up with you in technology at all times and love to destroy the improvements you’ve made to your land. If barbarians aren’t your style then you can turn them off.

Barbarians always take the color red and can pose a serious threat. And if they capture your cities then they can produce units for themselves!

You win the game after you’ve laid waste to every other civilization or built a spaceship capable of sending your civilization to Alpha Centauri. War has other advantages too, after you capture a city you can learn a technological advance that they’ve learned. Why bother learning anything if you can just clobber them for it?

The Gush

This game runs smooth on whatever computer I’ve played it on. It’s also available for download all over the web because it’s 18 years old. Free sounds like a good price to me.

The music is really good. There are over 20 tracks ranging from atmospheric tracks, to classical organ music.

You can have a throne room! You improve it one piece at a time and can keep improving the same piece have have a president’s desk in a dusty cave if you want.

Or be boring and keep things consistent.

This game has got a great map editor so you can have fun with your friends in all sorts of custom made maps.

The wonders in this game are large structures that present an advantage that lasts for most if not all of the game. But someone else can complete it before you and send all that production to waste. I think it’s a really interesting piece of risk vs. reward design.

The Test of Time expansion to this game makes significant improvements to the automated settler AI. Automated AI, because 20 settlers are just too many to manage manually.

Test of Time also brings improved graphics and interface.

The Kvetch

Games are made of choices and there’s no mechanical and nearly no aesthetic difference between each civilization. Whether it’s Zulus or Vikings, they start off and develop with the same odds as everyone else. Sometimes my civilization starts with additional technologies but it seems random.

There are some scenarios in the Test of Time expansion that seem bugged. I tried the future expansion but eventually I couldn’t develop more technology. I tried the magical world but I couldn’t transfer between worlds and couldn’t figure out how to win.

Wonders are great but if a civilization is close to getting one it warns the other players. These players can then use money to finish their wonder and then the game chooses randomly who constructs it. Even if that doesn’t work that player can shift that production to another wonder. I just wish there was a better system.

The Verdict.

This game is incredible and for the low cost of free I don’t see much reason not to give it a whirl. Whether you’re a fan of the series looking at the earlier versions or new to the genre entirely it’s super fun.

Next week: Gex: Enter the Gecko